not yet

tiffNdavid

Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together just shy of 5 years and i really feel like it's about time to be getting engaged. We've looked at rings, we talk about it all the time, and I make no stops about hinting around about it. So now what? We're comitted and ready but why is he taking forever?

audrewuh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-yet-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1b540e12-b02b-4b55-aea1-d15d74f7b4c3Post:ae2978b7-4b01-4b66-a2fa-741f9266afae">not yet</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together just shy of 5 years and i really feel like it's about time to be getting engaged. We've looked at rings, <strong>we talk about it all the time, and I make no stops about hinting around about it.</strong> So now what? We're comitted and ready but why is he taking forever?
Posted by tiffNdavid[/QUOTE]

<div>Slow your roll. Let him catch his breath and make his own decisions. Sometimes people process things differently, so give him some time. Enjoy where you're at now because you'll never be at this place again. </div>

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-yet-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1b540e12-b02b-4b55-aea1-d15d74f7b4c3Post:ae2978b7-4b01-4b66-a2fa-741f9266afae">not yet</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together just shy of 5 years and i really feel like it's about time to be getting engaged. We've looked at rings, we talk about it all the time, and I make no stops about hinting around about it. So now what? <strong>We're comitted and ready but why is he taking forever?</strong>
Posted by tiffNdavid[/QUOTE]

<div>He's probably taking forever because he isn't ready. This isn't something he should decide to do because you're "dropping hints", it's something you should do because you've had mature, adult conversations about it and you both want to get married.</div>

peekaboo2011

PPs hit the nail on the head OP.

Gettimg married is a huge life step.  You don't want to pressure him into taking it before he's ready - this isn't like jumping off the high dive.  It's a major, expensive, life commitment.  Give him some time, find yourself a hobby, and drop the subject for a while.  Hang out here.

Introduce yourself - what do you do?  What does he do? Do you have fur babies?  Hobbies?  Do you like cheese? Wine? Potatoes? Sushi?

LilTexasGal

I agree with PP. Take a step back and breathe. Giving hints non-stop can make a guy feel pressured or cornered, especially if he hasn't fully processed the idea. There is a difference between wanting to get married and being ready, so just let him come around on his own.

Just enjoy your relationship where it is at now - you will miss these days.

thelamarrs

As PP have said, the talk is over with so now is the waiting game!

Some girls didn't wait long for the ring, some waited years. At this point it's up to your guy as to when he's ready. If you rush him, he may just ask you to shut you up or start to resent you.

Just pick up some new hobbies while you wait! Or read a book... start a blog. Anything to keep you distracted from the e-ring! Also, you shouldn't preplan (read: DON'T preplan!). That's what teh engagement is for... and a lot of the engaged and married ladies will tell you that planning gets old fast.

So just enjoy your life as it is now! You won't get it back once he pops the question!

Peaseblossom55

I agree with what everyone else has said too.  Have you guys at least talked about a timeline for the future of your relationship?

Meanwhile stick around tell us more about yourself.

kaitlynmichelle

Don't push him into an engagement if he isn't ready.  I know that my BF wants to eventually marry me, but he isn't ready to ask yet/we can't afford a wedding right now.  Try not to discuss it all of the time.  

As everyone else said, tell us about yourself!

travelerkris

I totally know what that feels like!  I was in a four year relationship (living together) and a five year relationship, both during my twenties, neither of which ended in marriage.  I wanted to be engaged at the time very badly, but they never asked.  They weren't ready.

I'm so glad now that they weren't, as I have met the most wonderful man in the world.  He proposed ten months in, and we'll be married in Dec. (together a year and four months then).  It isn't about how long you're with the person, it is about how you feel, how he feels, and whether you both feel the same way at the same time.

Good luck waiting!  It's not fun, but you really don't want to push him into making a decision he wasn't ready for, and then have him resent you for it or break off the engagement.

My fingers are crossed for you!

psubride09

I agree with the majority of the previous posters.  My bf dropped a bombshell on me one night at dinner that he was thinking about marrying me.  We even went and looked at rings.  It took him about 6 months after that to actually propose.  Although it is easier said than done, don't dwell on it.  Enjoy being in a wonderful relationship and save the planning for the engaement.  Believe me it will get old fast, especially if you are doing all of it yourself.  

beanbot2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-yet-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1b540e12-b02b-4b55-aea1-d15d74f7b4c3Post:277a66a6-a6a7-4d52-9c11-14387c5d53b4">Re: not yet</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to not yet : <strong>He's probably taking forever because he isn't ready.</strong> This isn't something he should decide to do because you're "dropping hints", it's something you should do because you've had mature, adult conversations about it and you both want to get married.
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

I was going to say exactly this, but Beads beat me to it.

stargazer102706

You haven't mentioned your age, and I think that could be a big part of why he hasn't popped the question yet. Are you still in your teens or early 20s? Most guys aren't thinking about marriage at that age yet (MOST). I am 34, have been dating over 5 yrs & I'm still waiting for the ring as well. But my SO and I have had many conversations about it, and at least we're on the same page about it. You should definitely talk to your bf instead of waiting around and wondering what's taking him so long

tiffNdavid

Thanks girls for all the support and comments. You all sound like my friends saying the same thing. I guess i'm just anxious because I am 27 years old and he is just 24 years old.  We love each other so much but sometimes I just feel like I want more. I've always dreamed that I would be married and having another child by 30 31 years old but I guess I'm just gonna take y'alls advice and just chill out and let it come naturally. I'm from St. Michaels, MD and still live on the eastern shore currently with my honey dave and two beautiful children we raise together. We share a 3 year old daughter and I also have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship. We bought a house last year so we've just got a handle on homeownership. I am a CNA/GNA and he works in S&R/retail for Nike Inc. I'm really thinking about going back to school to finish next year and dave likes his job but wants to succeed and move up the coorperate ladder. Any way Dave and I love each other and are committed and he has actually been talking about weddings and marriage lately and even wants to go "ring" window shopping to get a feel at what I like. Should I just drop the wedding talk and "ring" Window shopping all together or just talk back when he brings it up only?

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-yet-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1b540e12-b02b-4b55-aea1-d15d74f7b4c3Post:fd7f45fa-e924-4abd-8410-50925731590a">Re: not yet continued</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks girls for all the support and comments. You all sound like my friends saying the same thing.<strong> I guess i'm just anxious because I am 27 years old and he is just 24 years old</strong>.  <strong><u>We love each other so much but sometimes I just feel like I want more.</u></strong> I've always dreamed that I would be married and having another child by 30 31 years old but I guess I'm just gonna take y'alls advice and just chill out and let it come naturally. I'm from St. Michaels, MD and still live on the eastern shore currently with my honey dave and two beautiful children we raise together. We share a 3 year old daughter and I also have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship. We bought a house last year so we've just got a handle on homeownership. I am a CNA/GNA and he works in S&R/retail for Nike Inc. I'm really thinking about going back to school to finish next year and dave likes his job but wants to succeed and move up the coorperate ladder. Any way Dave and I love each other and are committed and he has actually been talking about weddings and marriage lately and even wants to go "ring" window shopping to get a feel at what I like. Should I just drop the wedding talk and "ring" Window shopping all together or just talk back when he brings it up only?
Posted by tiffNdavid[/QUOTE]

<div>You two are in totally different places in your life.  He's 24 - my BF is 24.  As happy as we are to talk about *someday* buying a house and getting married and having babies, it's exactly that - *someday*.  Both of us have things we need to accomplish first - he wants a job he loves, and I want a few promotions under my belt before we get engaged.  We both agree that we want to be financially secure enough to pay for a wedding in DC.</div><div>
</div><div>You feel like you want more because you're in a place in life to be ready for more.  Calm down, drop the subject completely, and let it happen naturally.  You've been together since he was 19.  I'm only 22, but I am not the same person I was when I was 19.  And I'd be willing to bet that you're much different at 27 than you were at 24.</div>

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-yet-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1b540e12-b02b-4b55-aea1-d15d74f7b4c3Post:fd7f45fa-e924-4abd-8410-50925731590a">Re: not yet continued</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess i'm just anxious because I am 27 years old and he is just 24 years old. 
Posted by tiffNdavid[/QUOTE]
Those are the ages in my relationship too. 24 is still pretty young. They don't feel the 30s pressure yet.

tiffNdavid

Ok that's cool. Thanx girls. I think I needed that reassurance to just forget it and just move to another subject. I really need to just throw myself into something constructive i guess. oh well. . .  tell me about yourselves. I love making new buddies!

LaSak87

Are you a Bmore ravens fan??

tiffNdavid

yeah! love ray lewis and ray rice! you?