Friend's Wedding

Ember01

One of my good friends has been engaged for nearly a year and keeps going back and forth about if the wedding would be here or a destination wedding. So today, she tells me that they are for sure doing a destination wedding out of the country. I told her I was happy for her and that I was really sad that I wouldn't be able to attend. We can't afford to go on a vacation with trying to pay for a wedding and neither of us have the vacation time available at work (we'll be using it for our own wedding). She tells me that she'll be disappointed if we can't go and then stops talking to me. Am I a bad friend for not going? I feel like if your having a destination wedding, you can't expect people to be there and be able to afford the thousands of dollars.

BTW, this is a post and run. I'll check back in an hour or so...

motoLyn

You are not a bad friend.  She's just taking it harder than she should.  A DW is fine and dandy for those who want to have one, but people shouldn't get upset if other can't attend for what ever reason.  She will hopefully come to understand this soon I hope to mend your friendship. 

Elle1036

When you decide on a destination wedding, one of the trade-offs is the risk that some of your close friends and family won't be able to make it.  Your friend needs to realize this.

calindi

That's 101 of planning a destination wedding - and part of the reason people choose it, so they'll have people say no and they'll end up with a smaller guest list.  Problem is that people they DO want there will also probably decline.  It goes with the territory.

She's got to develop some thicker skin if that's her plan - it sounds like you handled it very well.  Keep reaching out to her, and hopefully she'll get past it and realize you're still her friend. 

leia1979

Your friend needs to understand this is exactly what she signed up for by choosing a DW. When my friend had one, I was annoyed that it cost me $700 to go, but I had the vacation time and was able to afford it, so I went.

If you haven't already said so, explain that you want to go but simply don't have the time or money. If she's still being unreasonable, let it go for now.

loves2shop4shoes

Tell her to grow up.

Sorry, I'm in a biitchy mood today.

PaigeMcC

Not a bad friend.  They needs to understand that if they choses a DW then not everyone will come.  That's their choice, not yours.  Don't feel guilty.

CASK85

You're not a bad friend. . . I'm kind of a bad friend for not going to L.A. for one of my friend's weddings in February, but I honestly can't afford it (for many of the same reasons you cited). I'm hoping my friend will understand . . . in fact I need to call him today. Hopefully your friend will get over it soon - give her a little time to realize she's being a little unreasonable. 

MissOwl

people over-estimate the importance of their own weddings. sometimes, when hit with the reality of their choices, they react badly. she'll come around.

Blue & White

You're definitely not a bad friend.  I've had weddings I couldn't attend that were IN the  country just because I was a grad student and had close to zero vacation.  It was horrendous.  That being said, it's definitely something you have to just deal with if you're planning a destination wedding.

Ember01

Thanks. I didn't think I was in the wrong for this. I hope she'll come around, sooner rather than later.

[Deleted User]

If she is such a good friend that she would want you at her wedding that badly, I am sure she will come to her senses.

She probably got caught up in the moment and was really counting on you being there, overlooking the fact that she was holding her wedding in a different country!

You should try to talk to her about it before drama has a chance to brew.

Beads921

Nope, you're not a bad friend (just like everyone else has said). DWs are expensive for the guests, and therefore many people won't be able to attend, and the bride and groom should have realized that before they planned it.

Hazel_B

You are not a bad friend at all, so don't beat yourself up about it.

She may have understood theoretically that people would be unable to attend a DW. If they just made the DW decision and you were one of the first ones that she told, and conseqently one of the first ones to say that you are unable to come due to budget constraints, she may still not be prepared to accept or be used to people saying no. You may just be one of the first ones that make her feel like the people she really want to be there may not be. She'll need to get over that.  

joiner521

your friend needs to get over herself. you have a life too.

hlock06

Not a bad friend at all. Im having a destination wedding and know that many that would normally attend would not be able to.. thats just how it goes. Hopefully your friend will come around and understand. Good Luck