I want to elope

mymissingpuzzlepiece

I don't want to get into all of the details behind why I want this but I can just imagine it.. 

Sergio and I in a beautiful wildflower garden or the most perfect beach at sunset.. professing our love for each other and promising forever.

For some reason, that just feels so much better to me than all of this craziness. I mean don't get me wrong, I love figuring out all of the details and playing around with them but it just seems like a lot of something we don't need. Isn't the reason to get married really just about spending forever together? 

Please tell me I'm crazy so that I can stop thinking about this. Has anyone else felt this way before?

bethsmiles

You have a year and a half to go. If the planning is getting to be to crazy you definitely have time to step back and take a break from it all. But there isn't anything wrong eloping if it's something that really appeals to you maybe you should talk to your FI about it and see how he feels.

I think there is a sort of romanticism to eloping , just don't change your mind later.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

It isn't the planning thats the craziness.. it is a bunch of nonsense that is going on with my family right now. In short, everyone has different views on life and it is starting to get to me. I don't agree with a lot of their beliefs and it makes me uncomfortable...sometimes I wish that my FI and I could just get away and start to live our own lives. 

And, this thing about eloping is really just a dream. It's too late anyway to do this because we already signed the contract for our venue.

zomgbacon

I don't think it's crazy at all. BF talks about eloping all the time.** He hates being the center of attention, and he thinks our day should be just us and a couple of our best friends as witnesses. I agree, but it would hurt my parents so much if they weren't there.

**We are not engaged yet. He just brings up the eloping thing out of the blue sometimes.

ravenray

I feel you on the craziness with family however it's not something you can run away from.  While eloping might seem great now will you regret later?  If yes or even maybe don't do it!  If no then consider it.  However, I don't think getting married just to get family off your back will solve any problems.  You have to spend the rest of your life with these people so as much as you hate their opinions/whatever you are kind of stuck... Unless you devoice them.    GL I know how stressful it is and sometimes I wish we could too but I know I would regret it later and that always brings me back to sanity. 

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_want-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:221df579-17f9-4558-9c61-18541e8a18bfPost:cc9b01a6-d6d5-44a3-9572-365a1f2684e2">Re: I want to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's crazy. BF talks about eloping all the time. He hates being the center of attention, and he thinks our day should be just us and a couple of our best friends as witnesses. I'd be all for it, but it would hurt my parents so much if they weren't there.
Posted by zomgbacon[/QUOTE]

<div>I feel the same way as your FI. I just wish that it could be us two and that's it. Our families would be crushed though if we did that..even though at times it seems like they wouldn't even care. </div>

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_want-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:221df579-17f9-4558-9c61-18541e8a18bfPost:c5055586-d11b-4cdb-ad6b-853fdfa63d68">Re: I want to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel you on the craziness with family however it's not something you can run away from.   While eloping might seem great now will you regret later?   If yes or even maybe don't do it!   If no then consider it.   However, I don't think getting married just to get family off your back will solve any problems.   You have to spend the rest of your life with these people so as much as you hate their opinions/whatever you are kind of stuck... Unless you devoice them.   :)   <strong>GL I know how stressful it is and sometimes I wish we could too but I know I would regret it later and that always brings me back to sanity.  </strong>
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>This is what I'm trying to force myself to believe. I keep asking myself.. would I regret it? I'm not sure. That's how I know I can't really do it. Unless him and I both really believed it was something that we felt was right. </div><div>
</div><div>And about family... I know :( I'm sure I'm just feeling this way because of what happened tonight but Idk.</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the advice :) It really helped.</div>

ravenray

Glad it was helpful.  I find it helpful if I talk about what the said family member has done to blow off steam (preferably not to Fi if it is his family) and then try to forget about it.    Not easy to do at all!  However, do what you can to keep yourself sane! 

TheMutleys

I did from the very beginning.  I would have loved to run off to an island.  However, my DH really wanted a wedding.  It was very important to him.  He has a much larger and closer family than I do.  He would have been very upset to not have them there.  Our compromise was on the size of the guest list.  Plus I wanted a more laid back wedding at a non-traditonal reception venue.  Enter a guest list around 180, instead of 300+, and having our reception on a farm with lawn games.

In the end, I loved our wedding day.  I loved doing lots of DIY.  I loved the memories created that day.  That said, I know that I would have also loved a destination wedding/elopment. 

I would sit down with your FI and have an honest talk about why you are feeilng this way.  If neither of you want the big wedding, then I would take a step back and see why you are forcing yourselves to do it.  You have over 18 months to go and shouldn't be feeling this stressed about it. 

Honestly, if you realize that you truly do want to elope, I would look into what the hit would be for cancelling.  I am certain that it would cost a heck of a lot less than having a wedding you don't want.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_want-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:221df579-17f9-4558-9c61-18541e8a18bfPost:9378bf84-409a-41ea-b568-05a76e44db38">Re: I want to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]I did from the very beginning.  I would have loved to run off to an island.  However, my DH really wanted a wedding.  It was very important to him.  He has a much larger and closer family than I do.  He would have been very upset to not have them there.  Our compromise was on the size of the guest list.  Plus I wanted a more laid back wedding at a non-traditonal reception venue.  Enter a guest list around 180, instead of 300+, and having our reception on a farm with lawn games. In the end, I loved our wedding day.  I loved doing lots of DIY.  I loved the memories created that day.  That said, I know that I would have also loved a destination wedding/elopment.  I would sit down with your FI and have an honest talk about why you are feeilng this way.  If neither of you want the big wedding, then I would take a step back and see why you are forcing yourselves to do it.  You have over 18 months to go and shouldn't be feeling this stressed about it.  Honestly, if you realize that you truly do want to elope, I would look into what the hit would be for cancelling.  I am certain that it would cost a heck of a lot less than having a wedding you don't want.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the advice. I really want it but my FI wants this wedding to happen so badly. I couldn't ruin that dream for him.

Grits8812

i would love to just go get married and stay out of town for a week, but at the same time i cant imagine getting married and not having my mom dad and brother there with me. i would feel guilty forever.

desertsun

Hmm, I'm just guessing, but I am betting this boils down to boundaries.

YOU (and FI)  are responsible for setting the boundaries with your family and FI's family.

If you refuse to man up and tell people (politely and calmly) when to mind their own business...well...sorry, but that's on you.

There IS a way to be polite, but firm, when you ask people to respect the decisions you and your FI make that are best for you as a couple.

When you are unwilling to face the potential conflict, then you need to realize that is a consequence of a choice YOU are making. Other people are not doing this to you. You are doing it to yourself.

So, first and foremost, you and your FI need to have an open, honest talk, and decide where to set your boundaries when it comes to your wedding and your relationship and your choices in general.

Seriously, start practicing now, b/c it's not like this is something that will just disappear. You will continue to have to deal with this kind of thing after the wedding, too.

And, if your issues have nothing to do with boundaries, I will be surprised, but I will also say sorry for dishing out unapplicable tough love.

GL.

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_want-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:221df579-17f9-4558-9c61-18541e8a18bfPost:370b99fa-5823-47a6-8f91-5fd92ee50f5a">Re: I want to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]It isn't the planning thats the craziness.. it is a bunch of nonsense that is going on with my family right now. In short, everyone has different views on life and it is starting to get to me. I don't agree with a lot of their beliefs and it makes me uncomfortable...sometimes I wish that my FI and I could just get away and start to live our own lives.  And, this thing about eloping is really just a dream. It's too late anyway to do this because we already signed the contract for our venue.
Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

We thought about eloping.... almost did. I'm glad we aren't, even if (on a weekly basis) my mother or sister drives me up a wall.

Do what I did... shut out "the offenders" for 2 weeks. Take a wedding break. Get off the knot. Go live your life without wedding anything. You will feel SO good after.