Random & Totally NWR!

KhaosBabiie

For all us younger girls (maybe I'm not young? I'm 20.) on here, who work hard for everything we have. Does it ever feel like you're being judged or labelled because you have nicer things?

My story: I'm a full-time college student who works an average of 30 hours a week. Sure, it's not minimum wage and I don't flip burgers & it's definitely not my career (although it's a step!) I feel like when I go out alone or with my boyfriend- I am instantly labelled "spoiled" because I carry a Juicy bag and drive a 2007 car. When in actuality I work my @ss of to make car payments and pay my bills, and the bag is something I carry EVERYDAY, besides my backpack. It's the only one I have and it's only my second one since my sophomore year of high school.

Any comments, concerns, questions, and rants/raves are welcome!

Fell free to let me have it (: 

bethsmiles

I feel judged because I'm graduating a semester early. Most of the people in my classes are take 5 or 6 years to get through school or have come back to school. Sometimes I feel like they think I'm just getting my degree handed to me. I don't let it bother me though. I know how hard I work and that's really all that matters.

On a side note: I am watching the original episodes of E.R. all the way back to season one and I'm loving it! I stopped watching after Carter left the show, I've missed it! It's about a million times better than Grey's (even though I still watch that)

KhaosBabiie

I will be one of those 5 year college kids, not jealous- don't worry. It may possibly take longer than 5 years (fingers crossed it won't). I had family, personal, self-discovery (immature, lazy stage) situations last year. I can't believe college students would judge someone for working hard and being ambitious. 

I try my hardest to hold my head high and know I work hard for everything I have. But I live in Orange County, and the handing out of cars & nice things is normal around here. And it's hard to be classified in a group with them...the non-ambitious, I've never worked a day in my life, all I do is party, group.

calindi

I can totally understand being frustrated getting judged for what you work hard for and buy for yourself.  I guess there's not much to say except try not to let it get to you - those people don't know you or anything about your work ethic and financial management.  We each find ways to splurge on things that are important to us - for me, I buy expensive makeup and go on trips whenever possible.  I'll also splurge on delicious food (restaurants and nice ingredients for cooking, too).  Other people have a soft spot for expensive cars, the newest electronic gadgets, or jewelry and bags.  As long as someone isn't using drug money or stolen money, and is a good person otherwise, I don't care how they spend their money, no matter what age they are.  Let she who has no vices cast the first stone.

The first time I was judged for money was when I was 13 and in a dance group in a major city near the suburb where I grew up.  We had all been friends for months during practice, but on the last day they were all talking about what schools they went to and I mentioned my town's public school.  My town had a reputation apparently (that I was previously unaware of) for being very wealthy, and the girls immediately called me a rich biitch and stopped talking to me.  I was so confused and hurt.

KhaosBabiie

I'm glad to have found people that can relate! 

I know how hard I work, and that everything I do is for me & makes me and the people I love, happy. I drive the car I have because I was rushed into buying it (note to self; even if you're car-less, take your time!) I prefer to spend my money on expensive make-up (as well!), Juicy Couture is my name brand soul-mate! Other than that, I am me. I'm 20, a hard working nanny for three awesome kiddos, a farm girl who is too busy to be able to be back on the farm, a large dog lover, and one that sleeps, reads, or travels to see family in my free time. (:

calindi

Speaking of splurges... I want these shoes for my wedding shoes sooooo badly!  Since we're getting married on the grass, I can't really wear heels since it'll dig into the dirt.  I was thinking a wedge, but they aren't usually cute and feminine.  But I lurve these SO much!

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/badgley-mischka-lyndee-sandal/3140950?origin=category

KhaosBabiie

They're ADORABLE! 

I don't have a ring yet, but I know I want midnight blue shoes! (: Steve Maddens has some cute ones. 

DanieKA

I used to feel judged about things I had or things that were "given" to me (primarily my undergraduate education from my parents. Most if not all of my friends had or have college debt of some kind), but I stopped thinking about it as I got "older."

We all have our issues, we all have our burdens and blessings. I used to judge a friend of mine whose mother got her a pretty sweet job after graduation, and also used to call and b!tch to get her into popular/wait listed classes (things needed for graduation, but not the last semester or only semester it was offered. i.e. she could have waited to take these classes when she had more seniority and could register earlier, but didn't want to). Meanwhile, I was e-mailing, talking to my advisor, calling professors and getting into those classes by my own sheer grit and not mommy. 

My perception is that she had mommy do the hard part. I'm sure her perception of me is of a spoiled brat who didn't have to look for scholarships or grants or financial aid. Meh, it is what it is. Human nature.

But eventually, I just got over it. There will always be people who think you don't deserve things. There will always be people who sneer if you buy something they deem overindulgent or unnecessary. People who talk if you spend "too much" on your wedding, or handbag, or shoes. You really can't control how people are gonna react. For me it was best to just accept that, and stop worrying about it. 

I've stopped noticing things now. If I'm wearing an expensive pair of shoes, I don't worry if someone is looking at me like I don't deserve it. I could be wearing mismatched shoes from goodwill and someone would judge that, too. It's a no win situation, so I just choose to enjoy whatever it is I have without thought to who might be looking and what they think. 

 

Hazel_B

I think it all comes down to priorities. Everyone chooses to spend their money differently. I know I was certainly judged when I took 4 months off of work and travelled around the world a couple of years ago and people question me when they know in the past year I bought a house, a car and travelled to Spain for almost 3 weeks and to California for 2 weeks . Little do they know most of my trip around the world was in really cheap countries and we stayed in hostels, I've been saving for ages for my downpayment and bought a house in a cheaper area, my car is used and my trip to Spain was planned for over 2 years and we stayed in hostels the entire time and my FI's family lives in California.
 
However, I do feel a tidbit envious of my friends that have great cellphones and other new electronic gadgets, live in trendy neighbourhoods, have newer houses and cars. These are the things that I sacrafice in order to get the things I really want.

The one thing I've learned is that the grass is always greener. People never seem to be truly satisfied with what they currently have. 

Ember01

And this is the difference between a "younger" person and someone "older". Someone older just doesn't care what other people think and stops being self-conscious about others opinions.

And, as an "older" person, I would advise you to squirrel away the money that you are using on frivilous items to put towards something like a down payment to a house or a wedding or something that will be a long-term investment. I drove a new car all through college and never really had to worry about money, but I was saving money everywhere I could and working 3 jobs and going to school full-time.

After I graduated college (I did 5 years and earned a bachelors and a masters) and 1 month after I had a full-time job, I bought my first home. As a 24 year old, buying a home solely in my name, it was an amazing feeling. A lot of my 30 year old friends don't own homes still OR they purchased a home with their spouse. I can't think of any of my friends who bought their own home at 24 (except my FI... Perhaps this is why we are getting married... LOL)

Personally, when my college students come in with their new purse or gadget or whatever, I always think that they are wasting money that could be saved for something that is a lifetime investment instead of a 6 month or year investment.

Hazel_B

Ember, I think you and I see things the same way since I'm also "older".

Ember01

I agree Hazel.

heyimbren

While I do get what you're saying Ember, I think that's the kind of reaction the OP is talking about. Saving money away is excellent advice, but you don't know that the OP isn't already doing that or that she buys a "frivolous" thing once in a while. Because while I'm sure I have some things that could be deemed "frivolous" I also have a savings and investments already.

I also just don't see a wedding as a long-term investment. A marriage, sure, but not a wedding day. While some people might prefer to have a more expensive wedding, others may not. Like Hazel said, it's all about priorities.

Hazel_B

Bren - I completely understand what you are saying, you never know who has savings, who is living their life on credit and who is living their life on an allowance from their parents. To be honest, I think that perception versus reality is a big problem in society because the older I get the more I realize that financial responsibility is not necessarily the norm. 

heyimbren

I wish financial responsibility was a class in highschool.

Hazel_B

Bren - Based on my sister and I, I think there is a gene for financial responsibility. She is by no means awful with money, but it is interesting to see how we were raised the exact same way and have completely different views about money.

Ember01

Oh, I didn't mean a wedding was a long-term investment. I guess I didn't word that sentence so that it made sense. I meant save for a house, or a wedding, or put the money in stocks or some other type of long-term investment.

I agree that you never know how financially responsible a person is. But, after experiencing college and seeing what my friends are going through now, it seems like a lot of the people who were buying designer brands and living the expensive, glamorous lives, are now living with their parents, trying to pay off the credit card bills from their college days, and trying to fix their broken credit scores. I was jealous of those people when we were in college, but looking back, I was making wiser financial decisions.

Now, is that a blanket statement that every college student who has an ipad, a Kate Spade purse, and is walking around in Christian Louboutin's is making poor financial decisions? No, of course not. I'm sure there are plenty of younger people who can afford these things and are putting money away for a rainy day.

It is the idiots who are living their extravagant life on credit cards that make a bad name for people who can afford to buy these things with cash.

loves2shop4shoes

I have felt this way.  For the most part, I wear nice things...that I ususally got on sale.  My obvious splurge items are surprisingly not shoes...they're handbags.

I LOVE handbags.  And I don't mind spending outrageous prices for them if they'll last me over a decade.  I have a Louis Vuitton, some Coaches, and a gorgeous Dolce and Gabbana python bag.  And guess what?  I paid for each and every one of them myself.  Mommy and daddy didn't give me a DIME for them.

I think at first FI's family judged me for the bags.  They are VERY simple people, and I think the when FMIL saw the Louis the first time I met her, she thought I was high maintenance.  She quickly learned that it's just a bag, which I paid for myself, which I like, which will last me YEARS.

I also got comments from some people about my engagement ring.  I don't personally think it's anything too too crazy.  It's a 1ct Cushion cut, with another 0.7 cts. in the setting.  FI saved that money and spent an amount he felt comfortable with.  But I've heard from some people "HOW could you let him buy a ring like that?  You could've used the money for other things.  You're so materialistic."

I say, let the haters hate.  I don't have to justify myself to anyone.

Ember01

The children's organization that I work for has a whole program that teaches children about financial literacy. The older kids have to pick out a job, and they are told what their salary is and then they have to make all kinds of lifestyle decisions. It is a really neat program, and even the girls who were in college enjoyed it. My FI taught financial literacy to the kids at my camp, and they really took a lot away from it.

heyimbren

Ember, that program actually sounds like fun! What a neat idea. There are always going to be those people that make poor financial decisions. But they're the ones who end up with the problems from it later on.

Shoes, I was going to ask if you ever shop at Winners... until I remembered that I don't think the US has Winners. I've found some really good designer stuff there for a fraction of the cost, just because it was last season (so silly).

hetshup

I had a juicy bag once. It was full of BBQ and leftover pasta.



It was also a trash bag.


Different thing?

oceana919

My parents do well financially, and they've made sure that their children shouldn't want for the things they need (and on occasion, for things that are not needs, but rather luxuries). However, they also taught us in the process to be grateful for what we are given and to earn what we want. I'm incredibly thankful for everything I've ever been given by my parents or my husband. And you better believe I'll be a) giving my kids everything my parents gave me, and b) instilling in them the same lessons my parents instilled in me.

Living where I do, I've seen both ends of the spectrum. I've run out to the grocery store in capri leggings and an OSU t-shirt and been judged that I'm poor white trash. I've gotten attitude about being a spoiled brat/rich bitch because I carry a Coach purse (which my mom gave me as a birthday gift, thank you very much).

I've learned, as an adult woman, you can't let what other people think about materialistic bullsh*t like that get to you. I'm more worried about someone judging my character for something I do/say over something I wear.

LizzyTish88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_random-totally-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:28000bcf-ed22-4809-82df-ea1ae230b42aPost:c284fc7e-138c-4a87-8852-c1672676401d">Re: Random & Totally NWR!</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents do well financially, and they've made sure that their children shouldn't want for the things they need (and on occasion, for things that are not needs, but rather luxuries). However, they also taught us in the process to be grateful for what we are given and to earn what we want. I'm incredibly thankful for everything I've ever been given by my parents or my husband. And you better believe I'll be a) giving my kids everything my parents gave me, and b) instilling in them the same lessons my parents instilled in me. Living where I do, <strong>I've seen both ends of the spectrum. I've run out to the grocery store in capri leggings and an OSU t-shirt and been judged that I'm poor white trash. I've gotten attitude about being a spoiled brat/rich bitch because I carry a Coach purse (which my mom gave me as a birthday gift, thank you very much). I've learned, as an adult woman, you can't let what other people think about materialistic bullsh*t like that get to you. I'm more worried about someone judging my character for something I do/say over something I wear.
</strong>Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

Ditto all this. It's like your damned if you do, damned if you don't, so why let what others think affect you?

KhaosBabiie

The car and the Juicy bag are the only "frivolous" items I purchased for myself. I have other things that were gifts, and there are other things that I will be asking for, for my birthday in a few months. If I had been more educated on what I was doing when I bought my car, I have to say I probably wouldn't have purchased the one I did. I do think my bag is an investment, I carry it everyday and it's the only one I have. My last bag lasted me 4 years of every day wear & tear.

I do have savings set aside and I don't have a credit card. 

I think financial literacy should be required in high school!! I am still teaching my self about the best choices for my money, and a big part of my financial literacy comes from my boyfriend and his family. They are business owners, and very financially secure. My mom has never been good with her money, and still lives paycheck-to-paycheck, and doesn't own a house or a car. As much as I love her, I remind myself every time to consider purchasing something "unnessessary" that I don't want my kids to have to pay for college, that I want to own a house by the time I'm 25,  and if theres something better I could be spending my money on. I worked every weekend of my senior year of high school and have nothing to show for it because I wasn't ever taught the saving my money was important, so that $100 paycheck was usually gone before Monday came around.

Love2shop-I agree with allowing your significant other to spend what he feels comfortable with! My boyfriend knows what I would like, when the time comes, but if he can't afford it then it's not something I would have a hissy fit over. A ring is a ring, its only a symbol of my relationship- which is the most important thing. 

Bren-We have TJ Maxx, & Marshalls, as well as chain stores that carry department stores' last season items. 

Ember01

There is a Winners in PA. I have friends who drive the couple of hours just to go there! I don't know if it is the same store or not

[Deleted User]

I learned to ignore these judgements.  I lived the first 18 years of my life in small town NM, white people are the minority there and being white is automatic grounds for being judged for being rich.  My mom was raising my sis and I without child support, we were anything BUT rich.  I eventually got sick of.  In college, I have grants, benefits AND a job.  I save my money, I work hard, but I also put "fun" money away so that I can buy myself nice things.  My fun money went to an iPhone and I get judged because I'm a white girl with an iPhone and must be rich and not work for anything.  Just ignore it.  Be proud of yourself and enjoy your life without the negativity of others juding you. 

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_random-totally-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:28000bcf-ed22-4809-82df-ea1ae230b42aPost:b7b3d19b-4c53-419a-83bc-4b6eb1d6a3ac">Re: Random & Totally NWR!</a>:
[QUOTE]I You're so materialistic." <strong>I say, let the haters hate</strong>.  I don't have to justify myself to anyone.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Hatters be hattin'. 

I live in an area with a lot of VERY wealthy people (Tiger Woods and Celine Dion own houses less than 10 minutes from where I live).  But BF and I do not fit in that lifestyle at all and it drives us nuts the sense of entitlement these people have.  I don't feel judged for not driving a Mercedes or carrying a Louis Vitton while in my gym clothes because I just don't care what these people think.

That said, I do enjoy splurging on nice items now and then and BF usually buys me very nice gifts for birthdays and especially Christmas.  I don't buy them to fit in, I buy them because they're things I like.  We have a house and I am able to pay all my bills on time.  When I have extra money, why not spend it on something pretty? 

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_random-totally-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:28000bcf-ed22-4809-82df-ea1ae230b42aPost:95bae9e7-2cf6-48be-9f69-8e3cebf45e73">Re: Random & Totally NWR!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random & Totally NWR! : Hatters be hattin'.  I live in an area with a lot of VERY wealthy people (<strong>Tiger Woods and Celine Dion own houses less than 10 minutes from where I live).</strong>  But BF and I do not fit in that lifestyle at all and it drives us nuts the sense of entitlement these people have.  I don't feel judged for not driving a Mercedes or carrying a Louis Vitton while in my gym clothes because I just don't care what these people think. That said, I do enjoy splurging on nice items now and then and BF usually buys me very nice gifts for birthdays and especially Christmas.  I don't buy them to fit in, I buy them because they're things I like.  We have a house and I am able to pay all my bills on time.  When I have extra money, why not spend it on something pretty? 
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

Are you in SoFL by any chance? If so, I know the area you live in and I totally can see where you're coming from.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_random-totally-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:28000bcf-ed22-4809-82df-ea1ae230b42aPost:713ea5db-f334-4e2c-b169-bdf1e9393a16">Re: Random & Totally NWR!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random & Totally NWR! : Are you in SoFL by any chance? If so, I know the area you live in and I totally can see where you're coming from.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

Yes, I am in S FL Oceana.  I'm not on the island, but close.  I'm glad season is almost over!  The restaurants aren't as packed as they were, but traffic is still bad.