Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Options

Need Help with Ideas and Opinions!

Ok so I am not a fan of the unity candles, or the sand. I understand the message that it is portraying, and I am interested in including this in my ceremony. I just can' figure out what to do. My fiance and I are just not sure what we would do with a vase of sand- and the last time I was at a wedding with a unity candle the candle fell over and started a little fire in the church (puts a little fear in me!) Does anyone have any ideas?

Also has anyone been to a wedding, or did it themselves at theirs, that incorporated their dog? My family is pressuring me to include my dog, and don't get me wrong I would love to, but I just don't see it being a good idea lol. Would you vote no dog?

Also my Fiance's Uncle is marrying us. We are paying for his and his wife's flight up here, would you say that is a good enough gift to him? I know some people pay their officiant too, but their flight is seeming to be more than what most are paying/gifting.

So ideas and opinions please!!!
Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!

Re: Need Help with Ideas and Opinions!

  • Options
    edited July 2010
    We would actually like to include our dog. He is a big part of our life. However, I don't want to make him a ringbearer. The idea seems cute, but I don't think it would work for us. He loves people and just roaming around and visiting. That would probably be the extent of it.

    We plan on having a very casual outdoor cermony/reception. Our family and friends know how much our dog means to us, and they all have met him, so there wouldn't be an issue.

    Would all of your guests be ok with your dog there? Are any of your guests not "dog-people" or allergic? And would your venue allow it?

    Good luck in your planning!
  • Options
    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    I don't think that a "unity" thing is really necessary:  after all, the whole ceremony IS a unity ceremony.  But it you feel compelled:  google unity ceremonies.  There are plenty of suggestions out there.

    As for the dog:  I love dogs.  I had a dog.  Between them, two of my kids have 4 dogs.  I dog-sat a friend's dog this week.  I tell you that you that you'll know that it's not that I'm anti-dog.  I'm not.

    I'm just anti-dogs-in-wedding-ceremonies.  There are so many reasons why it's a bad idea:

    Weddings are for people, to begin with.

    Dogs are unpredictable.  I think that it would seriously detract from the solemnity of your ceremony to suddenly have the dog life his leg or squat and poop, or start barking.

    Who will take care of the dog if it does need to be taken from the ceremony? So you want a friend/family member to have to miss your ceremony to take care of a dog?

     Who will take care of the dog before the ceremony starts?  Who will take care of the dog after the ceremony when photos are being taken?  Who will take of the dog during the reception?  You're going to be pulled in so many directions that day that you really won't have time to adequately care for the dog?

    Is the dog comfortable around large groups of people?  Do you have guests who are uncomfortable around, or afraid of dogs?  Do you have guests who are allergic to dogs?

    Those are just some of the questions~there are more implications of having an animal in a wedding.  I get that you love your dog.  But it's a dog.

    ETA:  As for the flight: if your family member was coming to the wedding as a guest, then they'd pay for their own flight anyway.  If he weren't coming, then you'd need to pay for his flight for him, IMO.  In any case, I do think that you should get a small something, and most certainly write a lovely, heartfelt note thanking him for doing this for you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    I would say skip the unity deal altogether.  I'm not sure anyone would notice that you skipped it.  Our candle blew out two seconds after we lit it haha, my pastor made a joke about how it was just a "symbol" :)

    I would say skip the dog.  Someone has to be in charge of taking care of him, and that would limit someone's enjoyment of the festivities.  If you still want to include him, take him along with you for epics.

    I think the flight is payment enough.  They would probably have planned to come anyways, so they are probably thankful that you covered that expense.
    Photobucket
  • Options
    This is very different, but I was at a wedding once where they had a "unity box".  They each took turns hammering a nail into the box.  T hey agreed only to open the box in an emergency, where they were considering divorce.  Inside of the box was a picture of them and notes they had written to one another that they would read if they were considering divorce (in hopes to make them remember why they love each other and are spending their lives together, etc).  I think they might have also included a bottle of their favorite alcohol.  It was very different, but they pulled it off and everyone loved it.   Just thought I would throw that out there!

    My only problem with you including your dogs is that you mentioned your mom is pressuring you?  Do what you want!  I personally love dogs and am trying to include my two great danes in my own wedding, but I'm not sure how to do it yet.  I still have a full year to go though!    I would say include your dog ONLY if you really want to!   Or, as someone suggested before, make a compromise with your mom and just include them in the pics.

    Good luck! :)
  • Options
    Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Unity candles or sand ceremonies are not necessary. 

    If you aunt and uncle would have attended anyway, and he offered to perform the ceremony without ever mentioning his fee, then I would probably assume he meant this as a gift.  But it would still be nice if you offered to pay for at least some of their travel expenses, such as a plane ticket.  Most "officiants for hire" charge anywhere from $100-300 (or more if they have to travel). 

    Gussie, if you have a new question, you should start a new thread to ask it.  Otherwise it's "high-jacking" someone else's question. Plus your question will get lost if buried in someone else's thread/question, and you won't get any answers.

     But to answer your question:  For a casual or non-traditional wedding, if you want a dog in your wedding then that's your call.  Personally I think it's a terrible idea.  If you are having a church wedding, or a formal wedding, then NO don't put a dog in your wedding. I could go on all day with reasons not to.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_need-ideas-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c30c2864-6489-4b12-8c41-14d57b36ffeaPost:bf29f150-a7cb-4697-9f9e-204ad00d366b">Re: Need Help with Ideas and Opinions!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is very different, but I was at a wedding once where they had a "unity box".  They each took turns hammering a nail into the box.  T hey agreed only to open the box in an emergency, where they were considering divorce.  Inside of the box was a picture of them and notes they had written to one another <em><strong>that they would read if they were considering divorce </strong></em>(in hopes to make them remember why they love each other and are spending their lives together, etc).  I think they might have also included a bottle of their favorite alcohol.  It was very different, but they pulled it off and everyone loved it.   Just thought I would throw that out there! My only problem with you including your dogs is that you mentioned your mom is pressuring you?  Do what you want!  I personally love dogs and am trying to include my two great danes in my own wedding, but I'm not sure how to do it yet.  I still have a full year to go though!    I would say include your dog ONLY if you really want to!   Or, as someone suggested before, make a compromise with your mom and just include them in the pics. Good luck! :)
    Posted by jahowe24[/QUOTE]

    I can't tell you how uncomfortable I'd be at a wedding where they were making a big deal out of creating a "contingency plan" in case the couple decides to divorce.  It just would seem so inappropriate to me be talking about the possibility of divorce during a wedding ceremony.

    Obviously, divorce happens.  And it's sad and hugely impacts the lives of many.  But really?  An "in case you're contemplating divorce" box?  That's uplifting.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    edited July 2010
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_need-ideas-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:c30c2864-6489-4b12-8c41-14d57b36ffeaPost:8a7e244b-35df-4423-944f-c74e1a78bb11">Re: Need Help with Ideas and Opinions!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Gussie, if you have a new question, you should start a new thread to ask it.  Otherwise it's "high-jacking" someone else's question. Plus your question will get lost if buried in someone else's thread/question, and you won't get any answers.  But to answer your question:  For a casual or non-traditional wedding, if you want a dog in your wedding then that's your call.  Personally I think it's a terrible idea.  If you are having a church wedding, or a formal wedding, then NO don't put a dog in your wedding. I could go on all day with reasons not to.
    Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

    I didn't feel I was high-jacking, just giving her an example of our idea. I wasn't asking about my ceremony/reception, just telling the poster that ours would be casual....thus putting the questions at the end about "Are her guests 'dog people'" and "Would her venue allow it," etc. If her ceremony is in a church and the reception is in a hall, then it may not be wise to have a pet there.

    I didn't have any ideas/suggestions about her unity candle or uncle, so that is why I didn't address it in my post. I have gotten so many wonderful ideas by reading what other people are doing. I thought it may help her in this case.</div>
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_need-ideas-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c30c2864-6489-4b12-8c41-14d57b36ffeaPost:8695f67e-2903-4445-a0d7-5c2081122973">Re: Need Help with Ideas and Opinions!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need Help with Ideas and Opinions! : I didn't feel I was high-jacking, just giving her an example of our idea. I wasn't asking about my ceremony/reception, just telling the poster that ours would be casual....thus putting the questions at the end about "Are her guests 'dog people'" and "Would her venue allow it," etc. If her ceremony is in a church and the reception is in a hall, then it may not be wise to have a pet there. I didn't have any ideas/suggestions about her unity candle or uncle, so that is why I didn't address it in my post. I have gotten so many wonderful ideas by reading what other people are doing. I thought it may help her in this case.
    Posted by GussieZ[/QUOTE]


    I didn't think you were hijacking. We're thinking of doing the same thing with our dog- having her there for ceremony, then she gets picked up by dogsitter to go home for reception.

    I'm also not a fan of either the sand or unity candle, for me the joining of our lives and families is the most important thing, and the wedding signifies that.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards