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Searching for the non-existant gift

I’m swiftly approaching something that I come across every 2 or 3 months - buying the man a gift. As our 6 month anniversary falls about two weeks before Valentines day, each year he takes one day and I take the other. This year it’s my turn to do Valentines day and I’m completely confused and at a total loss. He is the most difficult person to find something for or an activity to do because he doesn’t like much, especially if it costs. I spent $6 for a friend’s theater ticked today and he was angry because, as students, we don’t have extra to spend (this was the first movie we’ve gone to in about 3 months). He doesn’t like flowers, balloons, mushy movies, sweets, photo albums, poems, clothes, or shoes. He doesn’t like the beach, going out to dinner, going to parties, drinking, sports, or cuddling. We have a roommate so any alone time we could want would be in our room with really just has a bed, no TV or floor space. We were going to get a kitten but our roommate is an exchange student (not someone we can or want to get rid of) and he’s allergic to pet fur/dander.
If anyone has any ideas I would be eternally grateful!
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Re: Searching for the non-existant gift

  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:6d54409f-de45-4e33-9714-a9006573fb3c">Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]I’m swiftly approaching something that I come across every 2 or 3 months - buying the man a gift. As our 6 month anniversary falls about two weeks before Valentines day, each year he takes one day and I take the other. This year it’s my turn to do Valentines day and I’m completely confused and at a total loss. He is the most difficult person to find something for or an activity to do because he doesn’t like much, especially if it costs. I spent $6 for a friend’s theater ticked today and he was angry because, as students, we don’t have extra to spend (this was the first movie we’ve gone to in about 3 months). He doesn’t like flowers, balloons, mushy movies, sweets, photo albums, poems, clothes, or shoes. He doesn’t like the beach, going out to dinner, going to parties, drinking, sports, or cuddling. We have a roommate so any alone time we could want would be in our room with really just has a bed, no TV or floor space. We were going to get a kitten but our roommate is an exchange student (not someone we can or want to get rid of) and he’s allergic to pet fur/dander. If anyone has any ideas I would be eternally grateful!
    Posted by MPayne14[/QUOTE]

    Okay--you've mentioned everything he doesn't like. What *does* he like? If you can tell us some of that, maybe we can help. I'm a little at a loss without that information.

    FWIW, I don't think anyone has the right to get upset with you for spending $6, and I've been a broke college student.

    Also FWIW, I'm a little concerned about this list of things he doesn't like. I have never met anyone who didn't like such an extensive list of fun/harmless/useful things/activities who wasn't severely depressed. I mean, who dislikes balloons?!

    ETA: I'd be really, really sad if my BF didn't like cuddling. Are you okay with this?

    I don't mean to stick my nose in your business; after all, you didn't ask for advice beyond gift ideas. But I thought I'd throw those things out there, partly because I get a sense from the tone of your post that you might not actually be okay with the fact that he doesn't like any of that stuff, and that you *do* like that stuff! If I'm wrong, I apologize in advance. Again, none of my business. Just trying to help.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Could you ask your roommate if you could have the apartment for the night? I did that with my roommate all the time. If she wanted the apartment I would find something to do for the night that wasn't there and she would do the same for me. What do you guys do for fun? Don't think about what he doesn't like think about what he does like. For example my BF LOVES The Simpsons but since we were living in the dorms at school and neither of us had a T.V. he never really got to watch it so for Valentines Day one year I went to the library and check-out a bunch of the seasons of The Simpsons and we had a little marathon. It was fun just to spend time together. Last year we made dinner together (we had a picnic in his apartment) and watched a movie.

    Unless you tell us some things that he likes it will be hard to give you suggestions. I can't do much just knowing what he doesn't like.

    ETA: I agree with Marley's post too. Why doesn't he like anything?


  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I ditto what Marley said and was my thinking as well..as someone who has fought and does still deal with depression it could be a sign of things on his end and of your relationship in general..it dosent sound like you two are on the same page at all..opposites attract and all..but theres a line. I have to echo...what DOES he like ?
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Besides what PP have said (because I think they made some really, really good points), could you cook him dinner? BF loves it whenever I do that for him. It's probably one of his favourite things to do, and it's really cheap since I just cook something up with whatever I have in the house.

  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    He sounds like a party pooper.  Who doesn't like balloons?!?! 

    I'm confused as to why you're getting him a gift, but anyhoar, what does he like?

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:6d54409f-de45-4e33-9714-a9006573fb3c">Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]I’m swiftly approaching something that I come across every 2 or 3 months - buying the man a gift. As our 6 month anniversary falls about two weeks before Valentines day, each year he takes one day and I take the other. This year it’s my turn to do Valentines day and I’m completely confused and at a total loss. He is the most difficult person to find something for or an activity to do because he doesn’t like much, especially if it costs. I spent $6 for a friend’s theater ticked today and he was angry because, as students, we don’t have extra to spend (this was the first movie we’ve gone to in about 3 months).<strong> He doesn’t like flowers, balloons, mushy movies, sweets, photo albums, poems, clothes, or shoes. He doesn’t like the beach, going out to dinner, going to parties, drinking, sports, or cuddling. </strong>We have a roommate so any alone time we could want would be in our room with really just has a bed, no TV or floor space. We were going to get a kitten but our roommate is an exchange student (not someone we can or want to get rid of) and he’s allergic to pet fur/dander. If anyone has any ideas I would be eternally grateful!
    Posted by MPayne14[/QUOTE]

    What do you SEE in him?! Honestly, he sounds like the most boring person ever! If he doesn't like clothes or shoes, what does he wear?

    You say he doesn't like mushy movies, but does he like any sort of movie at all? Maybe get him a DVD from amazon.com ... you can get them for as low as $1. Are either of you guys working? I don't get why he'd be so pissy with money if you're out there earning it.

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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    A bah-humbug shirt.


    Seriously, I like the idea of renting movies from the library.  And maybe a makeshift fondue night?

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:9b2bdded-666f-4e6f-b982-713b92b57151">Re: Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]One time I dressed up in an geisha halloween costume, borrowed a rice cooker from an asian student neighbor, and made a homemade stir fry, and we watched Kung Pao, one of the worst "guy" movies of all time.  But it was sweet and romantic, and definitely a lovin' filled night!
    Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

    Hawt

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    image 43 need to respond!

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  • edited December 2011
    Does having breakfast for dinner in a fort you guys made in the living room sound fun? Does he like bathing? You don't need to cuddle in a bath for it to be romantic.
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    iTunes gift card.
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I like food :)  dinner :)  or video games, who knows
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  • edited December 2011

    Man, it is hard for me to even come up with an answer because he doesn't like cuddling.... Does he like kisses?

    Hmm... I don't know where you live, but if there's snow, maybe sledding? Or ice skating? (Both of which are free or really cheap to rent skates at the rink)

    I also like the others idea of a in-home special dinner. You CAN do a romantic dinner in a dorm room.  When FI and I lived in the dorms (five hours away from each other), and we'd go visit each other, we'd sometimes order pizza or chinese food and have a little picnic, or make something in the kitchen downstairs and eat it upstairs.

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  • edited December 2011
    That is a bizzare list of dislikes. Go with cash... or a movie?

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  • MPayne14MPayne14 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I’m really glad you guys were so patient with responding and, despite his bah-humbug manner and my inability to spell “existent”, offered up some pretty cool ideas.
    Marley - Don’t worry about the business thing, I did kind of post it on the internet for all to see. And he really doesn’t like fun/useless/comfort stuff because he’s never lived like that and he finds most of it to be a real waste. I don’t know the best way to explain it. He’s more of a “plan for the future” than “live in the present” sort… Whereas I come from a rather wealthy background but refuse financial support for my family so that he and I can get used to life without it.And the cuddling thing is something we work through. I don’t know the best way to explain it, but cuddling is just… not a regular thing. At night we pretty much lay down, say goodnight, and turn away so that it’s comfortable to sleep. We sit together if we’re watchin’ TV, but that’s like an hour once a week… Anyway, enough on that.
    To most everyone else - Especially the balloons, they are just, not useful? Idk, he’s practical. And I’ll agree with the boring, he is like that. LolAnd I’m sort of employed through Work study which is 10 hours a week, he’s looking for a job. And at the end of this year he’ll have about $40,000 in loans. Thankfully we don’t have to start paying em back till we graduate in two years (This is his 4th year but that’s because he could only afford part time at community college when he lived at home)
    We have netflix, which we watch Dr. Who and he watches Roughnecks and other boyish movies that have to do with fighting and zombies - which creep me out!
    Amsybot - I’ve done breakfast for dinner for two years now since that’s his favourite meal - biscuits and gravy. And the bath thing would be awkward cuz our roommate is Muslim and hardly understands how we can date before we’re married… Don’t think he wants to think about us showerin’ together XD
    List of things he does like:ZombiesDnD - something we play with our friends EVERY weekend. Video games involving shooting, zombies, or spaceMCRCheese burgersBacon XPSchwarchwelderkirshtorte - kinda the right spelling. It’s German black forest cherry cake. Every year I try to make it and it turns out awful. If anyone has a grandma from old country or something with a real recipe, please let me know. Google has let me down too many times on that subject.
    One of the things we disagree on is food. I’m trying to get slim/live a healthier lifestyle and he’s in denial over the fact that cheeseburgers and French fries aren’t good for you. And the list of foods he doesn’t like is even longer, but I could probably go with the geisha idea & Chinese… maybe. If I really mess it up (very likely, I’m a pretty bad cook) I’ll just order some in and he’ll never know!
    You guys rock, thanks so much!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:26c1666d-58d0-4768-b7f2-9f96b56abbbe">Re: Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]He sounds like a party pooper.  Who doesn't like balloons?!?!  I'm confused as to why you're getting him a gift, but anyhoar, what does he like?
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    I'm going to go out on a whim and say if I gave my FI balloons he'd probably look at me like "WTF".  He's a dude, most guys aren't going to want a lame ass balloon unless you are standing there naked with that balloon.

    I tunes was a good idea also Amazon is great too.  He can get a book or find something that he enjoys and order it.  There is actually a deal on livingsocial.com where if you spend 10 dollars you get a 20 amazon gift card.  Otherwise if hes that simple just get a card for him and say a bunch of cute mushy things and I am sure he will love it.  My Fi would prefer that over gifts anyways.
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  • MPayne14MPayne14 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Nope, I'm the mushy card/balloon lover. But I am going to attempt to make a nasty zombie card, he'd think it's funny.
    I really wanted to do the geisha thing, but I technically need a plus size - I'm a size 14/16 which equates to an XL or XXL and since it isn't Halloween I can't find any cute ones that big =(
    Besides that he figured it out in about three seconds so I feel pretty lame. *Fail on me* We both admitted that it probably wouldn't look as good as I'd like and the day of I'd put the costume on and get ticked cuz it makes me look large.
    Maybe I can figure out another theme...
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  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:26c1666d-58d0-4768-b7f2-9f96b56abbbe">Re: Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]He sounds like a party pooper.  <strong>Who doesn't like balloons?!?!</strong>  I'm confused as to why you're getting him a gift, but anyhoar, what does he like?
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    My boss says that balloons are for 2nd graders. We know what we WON'T be having at his retirement party!
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What's with all the balloon hate?!  I know people don't like getting JUST a balloon but if someone hands me a cool gift and a nifty helium balloon Ima be excited!!  

    Party poopers.

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  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI sent  Hello Kitty balloons to work once for my bday. I was so geeked!
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_searching-non-existant-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:29fc445a-2474-4dac-96b8-c2b06305847cPost:e702ed91-4d5c-4519-a422-54e6a64f2a5f">Re: Searching for the non-existant gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI sent  Hello Kitty balloons to work once for my bday. I was so geeked!
    Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]
    I KNEW you'd understand, EKath!

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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd totally be excited about balloons! 

    One year, my Mom got a new job (I was around 13-14 years old, I think) and I rode my bike the 45 minutes into town and bought her a huge bunch of balloons, and then rode home with them trailing behind my bike.  I tied them to the lamp post so when she got home from her last day at her old job, she saw them as she drove into the driveway.  I honestly think it's the best gift I ever got her - she LOVED it!

    MPayne - I'm not sure what to say, but it sounds like your BF has a lot of issues.  I don't think I could be in a relationship that didn't include cuddling.  And when you're trying to describe your boyfriend and all you can say is "he doesn't like this, he hates that"... that just doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.  And I can totally understand why you'd feel a little self conscious about putting on a costume, but it's a fun idea and he should be encouraging and supportive, rather than building on your own insecurities.  He should be telling you that you'd be a sexy geisha and so on.  I just worry that you might be settling for someone who doesn't enrich your life as much as you deserve.

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