How important is the ring?

beachchic5

Ok, I have been thinking lately as you hear my story unfold and would like opinions  
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half.  We have been doing long distance (5 hours) for a year of that.  I made the decision to move back home in order to save money and pay off some debt (best decision I have made for just myself in a long time).   Another reason I moved back home is because I could not find a job to par with being able to just cover living expenses for myself.   My boyfriend was going to move here and had a job possibility last fall which thankfully fell through before he  moved here as it was a shady job situation and he also owned a home in his town.  Since last fall, no jobs have come through in my town or even near here.  I loved his town and would love to go back there and  if I found a decent job there I would (since I have now reached my financial goals for myself). 
We have talked about engagement, marriage, kids, etc.  Obviously we would like to be in the same town.   He has recently sold his home but took a financial hit on it.  Along with other bills, school loans. (he does not have horrible credit)... he says he is not in a position to buy me the ring he feels I deserve.  But for me, it's not all about the ring.   I just want to be with him... and engaged to him, married to him!  So I have been thinking (because I can only imagine the reaction I would get from some people), how important is an expensive ring?  I know many people who wear a band only  (that did not have had a lot of money at the time) who are completely, happy and married!
Thoughts??

sgervais88

Personally, I feel you don't have to have a ring at all, much less an expensive one. I think the point of the ring is to be a symbol of the commitment the two of you have made to each other. While it is obviously romantic and something a lot of women want, it is unnecessary. That being said, I am engaged and I have a ring, and I love it. I love looking down and seeing it and knowing what it stands for and thinking about the love we have for each other.

Basically, it's not so important that I would refuse to get engaged if I didn't have a ring. But, I wanted one and since FI is financially stable enough to afford one, he got me one. If your boyfriend can't afford one financially and you both want to get engaged anyway, I wouldn't let a ring hold you back. I also wouldn't want him to go into debt over it either; that's no way to start a marriage. Good luck!

Button5807

I don't think a ring is important at all. It's possible to get engaged without one.

bethsmiles

You don't have to have a ring to get engaged. A lot of people don't. You also don't have to have an expensive ring...hell i'd be THRILLED if my bf proposed to me with a plastic ring out of the cracker jack box. The exciting thing isn't the ring its knowing that you are going to be married to the love of your life. And what other people think doesn't matter one damn bit. Its none of their business.

desertsun

I don't think the ring matters at all, UNLESS you'd be unhappy without one. 

I personally, being a shallow, greedy little whore, was willing to wait a year to get engaged so my FI could save for a ring.

But it doesn't sound like this is the case for you.

However, your BF does get a say. If the ring IS important to him, you guys need to find a middle ground. Consider a center stone that isn't a diamond, maybe.

Narwhal

It might not be very important to you.  Personally, I would get engaged without a ring in a heartbeat.  But it is very important to my BF.  He wouldn't feel right if he couldn't give me a ring and have the formal proposal.  You have to do what is right for the two of you, in your relationship.  Anyone else's say doesn't matter.

If it isn't important to the both of you, then it isn't important.  You just should have a good conversation about your options.

tesskerr

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, "engaged" for a couple, but no ring yet because it is so important for me to get the right one, plus we are still very young, and don't want to spend all our savings on one. I don't talk too much about getting married yet, just because people do expect you to have a ring when you are engaged. We wasted a lot of money on things like 4 flat screen tvs etc in our teens, so I want to spend a good amount on a ring I am going to wear forever!

If you really want a ring, wait. If you don't care, no one else will.

PS I'm from New Zealand and here its not a big deal for the couple to both pay for the rings.

CourtneyBC

Lots of people doubt the validity of your engagement and don't think it will happen when there's no ring involved. As long as you don't mind dealing with stupid people who feel that way, the ring is not important.
Also, be sure that you're engaged and keep him involved with setting the date. I know a couple people who thought their BF's proposed. They shopped for a wedding dress, selected a venue, etc. Then their BF's asked why they were doing that. The serious "we should get married" talk didn't mean to them that they were engaged, just that they were talking about that possibility. I know that sounds stupid and unbelievable, but it's true.
A ring doesn't matter, but you may want to make sure you see him get down on one knee, just so there's no confusion. If he really thinks you deserve something more special than the ring he can afford, ask for something else like an engagement necklace  that has a small price tag he can afford. Get just a band for the wedding and if one day he wants to buy you a bigger ring, go for it. If you really want a ring, get a cubic zyrconium "place holder" ring until he can afford the real deal.

ekathleen684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_important-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d4c5b6f-8f06-45c1-bd9f-559ee5b6d80cPost:aa218858-6dd5-4542-bd99-740233c7d8c9">How important is the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I have been thinking lately as you hear my story unfold and would like opinions :)  My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half.  We have been doing long distance (5 hours) for a year of that.  I made the decision to move back home in order to save money and pay off some debt (best decision I have made for just myself in a long time).   Another reason I moved back home is because I could not find a job to par with being able to just cover living expenses for myself.   My boyfriend was going to move here and had a job possibility last fall which thankfully fell through before he  moved here as it was a shady job situation and he also owned a home in his town.  Since last fall, no jobs have come through in my town or even near here.  I loved his town and would love to go back there and  if I found a decent job there I would (since I have now reached my financial goals for myself).  We have talked about engagement, marriage, kids, etc.  Obviously we would like to be in the same town.   He has recently sold his home but took a financial hit on it.  Along with other bills, school loans. (he does not have horrible credit)... he says he is not in a position to buy me the ring he feels I deserve. <strong> But for me, it's not all about the ring.   I just want to be with him... and engaged to him, married to him!</strong>  So I have been thinking (because I can only imagine the reaction I would get from some people), how important is an expensive ring?  I know many people who wear a band only  (that did not have had a lot of money at the time) who are completely, happy and married! Thoughts??
Posted by beachchic5[/QUOTE]

I think you answered your own question. Some girls love the big flashy diamonds and others don't. Honestly, I think if your concerns are about a big diamond than your heart isn't truly in the right place. Kudos for you knowing it's not about the ring but what is symbolizes. Tell BF that you don't care about the ring but the fact that you'll spend the rest of your lives together.

paintgirl

The ring isn't important to me, but it's up to you guys. Like the girls said, his vote counts too. If he is dead-set on a ring for you, maybe you can do a smaller ring or, like pp said, a center stone that isn't a diamond, then at your 5 or 10 year anniversary, he can get you the ring he feels you deserve. It's sweet that he wants you to have a wonderful ring, so maybe just compromise for a few years. And make sure you tell him how you feel about all of this and that you're SERIOUS. Otherwise, he might think you're humoring him.

Simply Fated

I don't think it's important at all. An engagement ring is just... it's the icing on a cake. Granted, the icing is pretty and tasty and all that... but it's not the point of a cake. You can still have the yummy spongey part and the tasty filling. Plus, you can always add the icing on later.

paintgirl

Simply - this board loves cake. Good analogy. But now I'd like some cake...

zaneopal

Paint, you can have the last piece of cake that's sitting in our kitchen. It's marble with pink and white buttercream frosting. It might be stale though...it's from my roommate's sister's birthday, which was April 29.

OP -- As ekathleen said, you pretty much answered your own question. You don't find the ring important; but as PPs have said, how your BF feels about the matter is also important. If he feels he needs a ring, try and compromise. Get a non-diamond stone, look for a CZ if he feels it needs to be a "diamond", use a ring that comes as a cereal box prize, whatever you two can agree on.

You both need to do what's right for you, and I think that with open dialogue about the situation, you and your BF can figure out what that is.

paintgirl

Zane - I'll be right over! Stale cake + 5-10 seconds in micro = not-stale cake.

aperitisa

two words....

zip.

tie.

paintgirl

LOL Ap - you are a LEGEND.

sapphirebaby926

For me the ring wasn't all that important - I told DH on several occasions that he didn't need to get a ring because I just wanted to be with him and be his wife. But it was important to him to have a ring before he proposed so we picked one out together and as far as e-rings go it was pretty cheap and it's beautiful - I love looking at it because it's all I ever wanted as a ring.

If having a ring is important to him maybe you can suggest an alternative until he can buy that ring he feels you deserve - maybe a CZ or a gemstone as the center stone and then upgrade later.

hetshup

it's not that important, but I did find these for you:



Plain band that you can upgrade with a diamond later= $275



Created Sapphires for a more "engagementy" look= $195



This one is lolite= 350

dwest2201

My opinion is this...

Engagement ring = not important at all.  If you want one and he wants for buy one/can afford it great.  My BF and I have talked a lot about marriage and he knows that I do not care at all about an engagement ring, he has made it very clear that he will not propose until he has a ring (which I respect) so we wait.  I've told him that I would be fine with a non-diamond and that he shouldn't stress too much about it.  I'm not going to not marry him no matter what he picks out!

Wedding band = the real thing... that is important, that's the one that is fashioned in the shape of a circle never ending like your love for one another, etc.  You both wear one and that is what represents your commitment to marriage. 

In the end its really up to you and your SO and what works for you.  No one elses opinion on the validity of your engagement due to ring/no ring or size of dimaond etc. should matter at all.  ALL that should matter is that you love each other and want to get married and spend your lives together!

Narwhal

I love that band, Hetshup.

I think I want it for myself.

hetshup

ice.com baby. Dumb name, pretty jewelry.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_important-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d4c5b6f-8f06-45c1-bd9f-559ee5b6d80cPost:64850a38-b12f-4c8c-88ee-f099466e7059">Re: How important is the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]ice.com baby. Dumb name, pretty jewelry.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

you just wrote their next comerical, right there.

catemeg

A ring is something most people can afford - THE ring is something most people cannot afford.

Simply put, there are rings out there for every budget.  A cubic zirconia is no less important simply because it's not a diamond - and could cost well under $100. 

If a ring is important to you both, buy a simple band with a rock you can afford (diamond, sapphire, CZ, whatever) and you can always upgrade later when you're more financially stable.

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_important-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d4c5b6f-8f06-45c1-bd9f-559ee5b6d80cPost:d80651c2-5d9b-4933-b968-bded990bcd4e">Re: How important is the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is the ring? : you just wrote their next comerical, right there.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]


Alright, I'm switch career fields to marketing.

aperitisa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_important-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d4c5b6f-8f06-45c1-bd9f-559ee5b6d80cPost:9a47391b-0983-42c2-b697-066a44f618d3">Re: How important is the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL Ap - you are a LEGEND. :)
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

haha!  I always wanted to be a legend.....who knew it would be because of a zip tie?! :-)

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_important-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d4c5b6f-8f06-45c1-bd9f-559ee5b6d80cPost:8eec2a86-bcc5-4867-bfd1-3b62092e221d">Re: How important is the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is the ring? : Alright, I'm switch career fields to marketing.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

Yes! Come to the darkside!!

arunyan

What about getting a very small diamond ring that is lovely and inexpensive but still functions as a visual symbol of your commitment to one another? I understand it could become frustrating to get engaged without a ring and have people constantly asking to see the ring then saying "there is not ring." Also, as other people have said, you can get a different ring later for an anniversary or birthday when you are able to afford something more substantial. In the meantime, what about this lovely little elegant diamond ring from etsy?

http://www.etsy.com/listing/44036900/tiny-diamond-ring?ref=sr_gallery_24&ga_search_query=diamond+ring&ga_search_type=category&category=jewelry.ring.jewel&ga_page=3&order=price_asc&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

**Mutley**

We got engaged without a ring, so that pretty much sums up my feelings on the necessity/importance of the ring. 

After he proposed, we went to look at rings.  We picked out 3 different settings.  He chose the final one and the center stone.  Then, he proposed again with the ring. 

It was important to him for me to have a ring.  I was just excited to be marrying him. 

jeanacorina

The ring isn't that important. He could get you a small, inexpensive ring if you really want to wear SOMETHING.

Many women stop wearing their engagement ring at some point anyway.

I have a tiny diamond ring that cost FI about $100. Everyone thought it was an engagement ring.

But really, getting engaged without a ring is becoming more and more common. You could get a CZ for $10 if you really want SOMETHING on your finger. But I don't think it matters at all.

That said, I know it was important to my FI to give me a ring. Not a little ring, either. It didn't matter as much to me as it did to him. I don't really know what to advise if that's how your BF feels. Mine calls me stubborn, but in reality he can be just as stubborn as I can.

beachchic5

Thank you, thank you for all the replies!!   I do feel better that I am not the only one that feels the ring is not super important!  I am surrounded by very self centered people where I live! haha
Those are all great options!  It would be good for me and my BF to discuss options like this.