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I'm just a confused Canadian

Okay so this Jack and Jill thing...NEVER heard of it.  But I went researching....

So it's a party...that people pay to go to or buy stuff (raffle tickets, or drinks or whatever)at...and then the money goes to the couple?

This does not compute!!!  Isn't that like, exceedingly rude?  I really don't see a difference between this and charging people for drinks, or telling people it's a "pot luck" wedding.  It seems like a cash grab (from what I can tell) and it also seems really rude. 

I don't mean to offend anyone, and correct me if I'm wrong, but is this seriously proper etiquette?

And yes,I know I could ask at E.  But I don't like to get jumped on:)

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Re: I'm just a confused Canadian

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:840ed2c7-d461-4974-a01e-a9bb8911c13e">I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so this Jack and Jill thing...NEVER heard of it.  But I went researching.... So it's a party...that people pay to go to or buy stuff (raffle tickets, or drinks or whatever)at...and then the money goes to the couple?[/QUOTE]

     I've never heard of this before coming on here, but other people say they've heard of them<strong>

    </strong>[QUOTE]This does not compute!!!  Isn't that like, exceedingly rude? [/QUOTE]

    Why yes, yes it is

    [QUOTE] I really don't see a difference between this and charging people for drinks, or telling people it's a "pot luck" wedding.  It seems like a cash grab (from what I can tell) and it also seems really rude. [/QUOTE]
    That's because there isn't much difference, and yes, it is a cash grab. Ick.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
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    edited December 2011
    Excellent.  I'm not crazy.  Thanks Noelle.  lol

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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have never been to one or heard of one before the Knot.

    And yes, I think it sounds rude too.
  • rickylee244rickylee244 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My parents actually had this.  No bridal showers, thier families threw them a Jack and Jill shower. 

    EDIT: To clarify, they DID NOT charge people to attend.  It was like another party that occured about a month before the wedding.  
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'd never heard of this either before coming on TK. It seems rude to me and I would never do one or attend one.


  • edited December 2011
    One of my closest friends had one and I found it to be the rudest thing I have ever experienced.  It was tacky as well.  She said it was something that lots of people in her area did.  We had to buy tickets to get in, and then there were door prizes, gambling, and lotteries.  She ended up getting about $1500.

     IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD A WEDDING, DON'T HAVE ONE! 

    Ugh, rant over. 

    This was almost three years ago and it still irks me!
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just never heard of this until just now.

    I've heard of a jack and jill bathroom in a house, but not a jack and jill party.

    Sounds like quite the interesting concept. My aunt is throwing my FI and I a co-ed shower, but guests don't have to pay to attend.
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  • edited December 2011
    I never heard of one until yesterday. My mom never has either and yes, ?I do think it sounds a bit rude.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's different if you go and there's no money exchanged.  But this is just weirdd

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  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011
    We're also having a co-ed shower thrown for us. But no money to get in and no prizes or raffle or anything. Just a barbecue to come spend time together. The hosts put an evite out, and it makes me a little uncomfortable that our registries are listed. I don't want people to feel obligated to get us a shower gift and a wedding gift. I just want people to celebrate with us! But I find it a little rude to tell the person throwing your shower how they should do it.

    Sometimes all the etiquette stuff makes my head hurt...
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:6640ca7f-b109-4779-a7be-49a3c83c5b2d">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE] Sometimes all the etiquette stuff makes my head hurt...
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    Me too.
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  • edited December 2011
    The jack and jills (or stag/stagette parties, as they are called around here) are totally different from co-ed showers.  I'm all for the co-ed showers.  But it was basically like "give us money because we can't afford the wedding we want."  It may not be like that everywhere, but the one I went to, that was the tone.  And all night the bride was like, "we've made this much money so far." And then on top of that I still had to buy them a shower gift, lingerie for the bachelorette party AND a wedding gift.  And at the time I was fresh out of college, just like the bride and groom and wasn't rolling in the dough.  IDK....I just don't like the idea of it.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    etiquette always makes my head hurt.

    There are common sense things like don't put gift info on invitations, STDs get invites...yadda yadda.  But some of them are just like "Wtf? I didn't know about that."

    That's why I'm a rebel without etiquette!!

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  • edited December 2011
    Around here they call coed showers jack and jill.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:98cda676-0f39-49cb-b3b2-de91bd8fedd9">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]The jack and jills (or stag/stagette parties, as they are called around here) are totally different from co-ed showers.  I'm all for the co-ed showers.  But it was basically like "give us money because we can't afford the wedding we want."  It may not be like that everywhere, but the one I went to, that was the tone.  And all night the bride was like, "we've made this much money so far." And then on top of that I still had to buy them a shower gift, lingerie for the bachelorette party AND a wedding gift.  And at the time I was fresh out of college, just like the bride and groom and wasn't rolling in the dough.  IDK....I just don't like the idea of it.
    Posted by aperitisa[/QUOTE]

    I agree that the attitude of "give us money b/c we can't afford the wedding we want" is incredibly tacky, as is talking about how much money you "make" at a shower.

    But I'd like to point out that you did not HAVE to buy gifts.

    When FI and I first started dating, he was a groomsman in a friend's wedding. I didn't bring a present b/c I didn't know them that well and was FI's "plus one." FI didn't give them a gift, either.

    At another friend's wedding about 2 years ago, we were having money issues and did not get a present then either. I was a reader in their ceremony.

    We're still friends with all these people, and I could care less if they give us shower or wedding presents. Just having them there for such an important moment in our lives is all we need.

    Course, that might be the no-gift guilt speaking... ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    Everytime I've heard "jack and jill", it's always been in reference to a co-ed shower, where you had the option (as with any shower) to bring a gift. You weren't charged for admission or made to give money to the B&G. That just seems friggin rude to me.

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  • edited December 2011
    I have a feeling that I don't have many friends that like me enough to pay to see me.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:1bd935af-dbb4-4994-a28d-5d64c5d3f6b5">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a feeling that I don't have many friends that like me enough to pay to see me.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

    There is now ice tea EVERYWHERE.

    Thank you.

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  • edited December 2011
    I do what I can.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well I learned something else new today, ladies.

    Now don't judge me, I know I've been here a while...but...I didn't know what GBCK meant...til today.  I'm so proud of myself for learning all these new things! lol

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    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • edited December 2011
    I learned that a few days ago, Paige.

    I always thought it said "Get back"

    I was a very confused American.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:b2825395-53e8-4c39-8cb7-9bc0450c852e">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]Around here they call coed showers jack and jill.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Thats what I was thinking...Im from CT too and I have been to tons of Jack and Jills
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    That's what I thought they were, Button and Chipy!  And I didn't understand why people on SB were so annoyed by them.  So I googled.  I think if it's a joint party and no gifts that's cool...but the actual definiation of them and what most people were talking about...that's effin tacky!


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    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:1519434e-ae5a-4a89-9cb2-2ed82691bfac">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]I learned that a few days ago, Paige. I always thought it said "Get back" I was a very confused American.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

    It took me forever to figure out AW and PW.  :)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:b2825395-53e8-4c39-8cb7-9bc0450c852e">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]Around here they call coed showers jack and jill.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Same here. In fact, I'd never heard of a shower type party where you pay admission and do raffles and such. That sounds like the most tacky thing ever.
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  • AlbireoAlbireo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Funny, I thought it was a Canadian tradition. Wikipedia says so too. I also thought it was an old tradition from a time when kids were marrying at 16 before they'd even had jobs, so it wasn't as inappropriate as it would be for most people today.
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-just-confused-canadian?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:32fff1d3-6a86-4e0b-a36e-bfb28e64ff1aPost:e109f3c4-12d1-487f-84bd-5817a673bac7">Re: I'm just a confused Canadian</a>:
    [QUOTE]Funny, I thought it was a Canadian tradition. Wikipedia says so too. I also thought it was an old tradition from a time when kids were marrying at 16 before they'd even had jobs, so it wasn't as inappropriate as it would be for most people today.
    Posted by Albireo[/QUOTE]

    Don't trust everything wikipedia says;)

    I have really never heard of this.  Neither has anyone I've asked about it.  Strange and I think kind of rude to ask your friends to pay for your wedding.  Have what you can afford, and move on from there.

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  • edited December 2011
    Hmm. When I lived in Canada (Winnipeg). Jack  and Jills were a mixed shower/bachlor party thrown by the friends and family.

    We do have wedding socials. A wedding social is where the bride and groom rent a hall, sell tickets, provide food, sell drinks and do a raffel for prizes. This is done usually 3-4 months prior to the wedding. Most people who have these are in the mid 20's and this is a big dance party.  The bridal party and family (this includes the bride and groom)  man the door, take shifts bartending and selling raffle tickets.
    Since the drinks at socials were much cheaper then at a bar and the food is free it works out to be a great deal for a good time out.  They are a lot of fun and yes the bride and groom do get money.
    If you talk to anyone from the Winnipeg area they will tell you that Socials are fun and a good time.

    I do not know what they do in other areas. I do think if you can't afford to have a big wedding then you should do something simple.
  • CaitlinH86CaitlinH86 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So, I am Canadian and yes we do have Stag & Doe's and Jack & Jills but we do not consider it a cash grab for the Bride and Groom. It is a big party thrown by the WP for the Bride and Groom, kind of like a joint bach/bachelorette party. And yes there is raffles,games,50/50 and door prizes, and all the proceeds go to the bride and groom. We consider it raising money for them as gift to start their new life together. It is a tradition in my area.
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it probably has something to do with where you're at.  It's obviously something that happens in some places and not others, I've just never heard of it.  And I do think it's rude to ask people for money...for anything really. 

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