Not a happy lady

polkadot111 · June 2011

I got new glasses today. My eyes are having sooo many issues with contacts, I decided to just forget it and wear glasses for a loonnnnng while. Pretty soon I'm going to go get a hair cut. I'm gonna feel like a whole new lady in a bit!

Maybe I'll even go get a mani/pedi and watch a movie. I ate cake for breakfast.

Yes, FI and I had a giant relationship discussion last night and I feel like this relationship is barely holding on now. This is how I get when I'm upset and hurt and sad- do things like this.

I need some big giant hugs and some funny youtube videos please...

marleylikeair · June 2011

Oh, honey! I'm so sorry you're not in a great place. ::HUG::

::runs off to find funny things::

Peaseblossom55 · June 2011

I would have loved cake for breakfast! I'm so sorry to hear about you and the BF. :-(

Lots of hugs and good vibes are being sent your way. Hopefully you can work things out and oi!

marleylikeair · June 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ8ViYIeH04

More on the way...

becunning2 · June 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IytNBm8WA1c

Compilation of funny cat videos specially delivered for you!

If a hair cut, new glasses, and mani/pedi, cake, and movies make you feel better, then go for it. I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Anything you want to share?

marleylikeair · June 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0

marleylikeair · June 2011

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail127.html

heyimbren · June 2011

You and FI are in my thoughts and prayers, Hope.

If you want to talk, give me a shout (aka a PM)

*lots and lots of big, comfy hugs*

desertsun · June 2011

What's going on, Hope? Do you need to talk about it more? Or do you just want some ::BEARHUGS:: for now? We're here for you!

marleylikeair · June 2011

lavenderfields13 · June 2011

**hugs** I don't have anything funny but definitely watch Marley's 2nd video- hilarious!

ravenray · June 2011

OH no Hope!! *HUGS* I am at work so I can't find you anything funny but I am here for you, feel free to PM if you want to talk

jorja86 · June 2011

I'm so sorry you're in a tough spot...::hugs::

IrishDreamer · June 2011

*superbearhugs* I'm sorry you aren't in a fun spot

I am making raspberry biscuits - wish i could share with you

MidniteRae · June 2011

*hugs* I'm hear if you need to talk or vent.

peekaboo2011 · June 2011

I preferred to embarrass myself on your facebook.

*bearhugs*

Elle1036 · June 2011

I'm sorry you're having a hard time, Hope. *Hugs* and vibes to you. Hopefully this is just a rough patch that will sort itself out.

polkadot111 · June 2011

Thank you everyone. I just came home from FI's crying and saw all of your responses and hugs and videos and you all made me feel a little better. Thanks!

I will share more about what's going on. Maybe you guys can point out something I'm not seeing or at least be there for support.

So, go back to last night. FI and I met to talk. We've been just not feeling much of a connection. I believe it's for a few reasons: 1) We are so used to being LD that it is an adjustment to being together. 2) I've been EXTREMELY busy with camp stuff, so I haven't had much time for us the last few weeks. 3) FI has been very crabby recently. 4) Not much affection (I will explain below).

I was gone all afternoon at FI's. I just showed up there because I realized how confused I was and how much I needed to just sit down and talk to him. We talked a lot. We talked about things we need in this relationship that we used to get, but that have gone away. He said he needs more affection. He said we used to kiss each other all of the time, but since I've been home that affection has been less than sizzling. I can see that I haven't been giving him much lovin', and he does need more of that- as do I. So we decided that we'll make a point to spend time together put aside for that so we can have that time. We then had some hot sexy time. He asked what I need in the relationship that I used to get, but am not getting right now. I told him I needed more date nights. We don't have time just the two of us, and with both of us so busy, if we don't plan it out, it doesn't happen.

So that's all good, right? Wrong...

I thought that after that conversation, it seemed like we could make it work- I sure am not ready to give up. So I asked him, "Are you ready to make this relationship rock again?" And his response: Silence. Then he said, "I need a while to think. I'll tell you tomorrow."

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is unsure about it. I deserve better. But I also know that the past few days have been EXTREMELY confusing (for us both), and he may just need a day to sort through it. But either way, I'm pretty upset. And I'm really scared. Tomorrow he very well could be done with 'us'. Or else he could call me tomorrow and have me come over and he could tell me that he thinks with effort, it can work. Either way, I don't want to be done with our relationship. I'm pretty much heartbroken at the moment. And hurt.

ravenray · June 2011

Oh dear!! *Hugs* *Hugs* *Giant hug* That sucks! He might just need time to think, give him that. Sometimes people just need to cool down and figure out what is going on. Maybe he was just a bit overwhelmed to find that he could do things wrong. Give him the day. But if he keeps putting you off...maybe it is time to move on. Remember one thing though, he loves you. He asked you to marry him. He made a public commitment saying that he wants you to be his wife. Maybe he just needs sometimes to get his head on straight. Don't think that he is going to give up the relationship. I know my BF has done this to me before and he always comes back to me and tells me that he loves me and will stick with me.
This seems to be just a really hard time for everyone. My BF decided he doesn't want to let me drive because I won't respect him and slow down when he feels unsafe (wrong. I will slow down for him but we were late because of him. I refuse to be late because of him) Something is keeping everyone from connecting.
You did nothing wrong. You told him what you need; he told you what he needs. There really shouldn't be a problem... *hugs* Hang in there girl. PM/facebook me if you want to talk.

polkadot111 · June 2011

You're right raven, he maybe does just need time to think. It's just sooo stressful! Thanks for the kind words.

tafft1 · June 2011

Oh hon that is a tough situation to be in ! *HUGE HUGS*

I will share my experience from going LD to live in during a short time frame and what we did/and do to make things work , so maybe you won't feel so alone.

Hubby and I met online in March 2009 - I visited him in person for the first time on May 20th 2009 - we were living together by September 2009. You would think that because we did so well on my trips to visit and talked all the time moving in together would be easy. Wrong. We struggled ALOT those first 6 months in particular. Hubby went from living with family the last several years to living with someone else he had not know all that long and was not used to sharing his space. I on the other hand have been living with people including past boyfriends for nearly 10 years on and off. Adapting always came easy to me but hubby was and is different.

I had to understand that he and I adapt differently to sitations. I also lacked the understanding of the stress surrounding his job because he was still on probation the first 6 months and we could potentially lose everything with one mistake. I was only working part time at the time we moved into an expensive apartment that he was nearly soley supllying us with , and trying to ensure he was still providing me with affection and love and building our relationship. It was HARD. We fought several times that nearly felt like the line was drawn. We both bit off alot at once , and life changes can take a toll even when we dont realize it.

I will say obviously we worked through it , and we continue to everyday - and it dosen't mean our relationship isn't worth it - we just both believe relatiopnships take work , but shouldn't feel like an uphill battle either. We all deserve actual happiness , and deserve someone who will want to put the work in and feel as passionate about us and the life we build together. It is a scary feeling when you realize the other person might be giving up. I hope he isn't. I hope he is willing to at least give you both a chance you deserve. I always hated the whole " Let me think about it" phase , but I also learned sometimes that's how some people approach things. Either way don't doubt that you deserve what makes you happy and with that I wish you both the best.

polkadot111 · June 2011

Thanks Taft! Very encouraging to see that someone else too struggled with the whole adjusting to not being LD thing too (and that it worked out in the end).

He obviously wants to work on this relationship, because look at what he just sent me:

It's hard to read, but it says, "I love you and want you, so let's do this!!" Ignore the awkard picture of me fake pregnant and the one of a little young me (taken like 4 years ago... lol) and FI failing at a sexy pose...

tafft1 · June 2011

Awww thats so sweet what he sent ! It does take time to adjust but just remember that it's an adjustment for both of you , and I can't stress that enough..sometimes we forget that and just have an idea in our mind how it should just "work out". *hugs* And glad I could help in some way

GreenPepperBurger · June 2011

Edited: I deleted what I wrote after I saw what your FI sent you.

I'm glad he wants to try and work it out. You deserve happiness!

lavenderfields13 · June 2011

You must be really happy he sent that to you- he must be thinking and realizing he doesn't want to give up the great thing that you guys have. It's good that you and FI were able to sit down and talk about the things you were each needing-that definitely shows you guys care enough to communicate.
The affection issue was causing a strain in my relationship for a little bit too. BF wasn't really connecting with me because he was irritated that we were never having sexy time anymore..I didn't feel like having it because I felt like I wasn't getting affection in other ways and connecting...it was like the vicious circle of well I don't give you affection because we're not gonna have sex anymore anyways and I was like well we're not having sex because I'm not getting any affection! But right now we're doing great...really good sexytime and I'm missing him so much when we're not together.
Everyone goes through these ruts and I'm glad to see it looks like you guys are going to get through this one