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I could use some cheering up...

After 18 years with us, the family cat died yesterday. I can't stop crying.

Tell me your favorite bad joke.

Re: I could use some cheering up...

  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    BAD, but funny e-mail.  Please forgive me.


    Today's word is.................. Fluctuations
    I will never hear or see this word  again without thinking of this.

    I was at my bank  today; there was a short line.
    There was just one lady  in front of me, an Asian lady who was
    trying to exchange  yen for dollars.
    It was obvious she was a little irritated  . . . She asked the
    teller, "Why it change? Yestiday, I  get two hunta dolla fo yen.
    Today I only get hunta eighty?  Why it change?"
    The teller shrugged his shoulders and  said, "Fluctuations.."
    The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Aw hunny, I can totally empathize. lots and lots of *hugs*

    And for your enjoyment, the twenty top Harry Potter pickup lines....

    1. If you were a Dementor, I’d become a criminal just to get your kiss.
    2. My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!
    3. I know we’re not in Professor Flitwick’s class, but you still are charming.
    4. My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.
    5. Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse.
    6. Hagrid’s not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.
    7. Your name must be Severus Severus, because you’re making my prince full blood.
    8. Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
    9. I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.
    10. Without you I feel like I’m in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.
    11. If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I’d see the two of us together.
    12. You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You’re growing me a bone.
    13. You must be magical, because I’ve fallen under your spell.
    14. I’m not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?
    15. I’d like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.
    16. You don’t even have to say “Luminos Maxima” to turn me on!
    17. Have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you’ve made me stiff.
    18. Do you want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.
    19. Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?
    20. Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

  • CASK85CASK85 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Cupcake, those pick up lines are full of win!  If FI was a HP fan I'd use one on him, but I think saying those might actually deter him from wanting to get down. 

    My bad joke:

    What do you call a dinosaur who goes to prom alone?



    A STAGasaurus!  


    love you sweetie!
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry.  Hugs


    Bad joke:

    What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
















    He wiped.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry hunny :(

    If you're American in the livingroom, what are you in the bathroom?
    Us-a-peein.

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    You can roast beef but you can't pee soup

    How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
    Poke-er Face!
  • edited December 2011
    I don't have jokes. Just hugs. *hugs*
    Anniversary
  • sparkles88sparkles88 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I couldn't stop crying when the dog I grew up with died :(


    The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

    Thou Shalt Not Steal,
    Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
    and Thou Shall Not Lie

    in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile
    work environment.

  • edited December 2011
    I have hugs and a couple bad jokes...

    Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? 
    A: The tampon is behind the ear and who knows where the pencil is.

    Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?
    A: BINGO
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    *hugggggggggg*

    No jokes.  I iz serius bizness.

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • edited December 2011
    Spring is just around the corner...

    Hahaha... Okay, corny, I know...
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You guys are so wonderful. Thanks to all of you.
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I used to get a kick out of the pickup line "Wanna go halfies on a baby?" One crazy guy on Nantucket Island said that to me once, and I nearly died laughing. But that's just me.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Aw, *hugs*

    And...I have some geeky pick up lines for you:

    Hey, wanna put your alpha helix in my beta barrel?
    You're like telophase, I admire your cleavage.
    Are you an alpha carbon?  Because you look susceptible to backside attack!
    Can I be your enzyme?  Because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction!
    I also prefer my ribosomes bound...tight.  Spin me around with your basal body and make sure it's turgid.

    And, I have a ridiculous youtube video.  We watched this in Ecology class last year.  It's a little long, but so worth it.  What it taught me?  The things grad students/scientists will do for money.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tvQF3buZN8&feature=player_embedded

    I also recommend you look up "Bad Project" on Youtube.  It's a Lady Gaga parody that will never get old. :)
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry Elle.

    Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. They are before the judge and the judge asks Mickey "So Mr. Mouse you are divorcing Mrs. Mouse because she is crazy?" "No," says Mickey "I'm divorcing her because she is f**king Goofy."
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_could-use-cheering-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:39516145-bc3e-4aa2-87e8-7b24f43bbdfePost:ee3d75aa-ab76-42c3-a5d4-64fd54775b6b">Re: I could use some cheering up...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so sorry hunny :( If you're American in the livingroom, what are you in the bathroom? Us-a-peein. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef but you can't pee soup How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke-er Face!
    Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]

    <p class="MsoNormal">Hearing that joke come out of my 10-year-old god brother’s mouth last week made me just about hyperventilate. </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Thanks Chiano, my BF gets turned on by dorkiness in all of it’s varieties, otherwise he’d never want me.</p>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_could-use-cheering-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:39516145-bc3e-4aa2-87e8-7b24f43bbdfePost:c9b4f10e-5004-4d64-9863-45bc2ba8a5d3">Re: I could use some cheering up...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aw, *hugs* And...I have some geeky pick up lines for you: Hey, wanna put your alpha helix in my beta barrel? You're like telophase, I admire your cleavage. Are you an alpha carbon?  Because you look susceptible to backside attack! Can I be your enzyme?  Because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction! I also prefer my ribosomes bound...tight.  Spin me around with your basal body and make sure it's turgid. And, I have a ridiculous youtube video.  We watched this in Ecology class last year.  It's a little long, but so worth it.  What it taught me?  The things grad students/scientists will do for money. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tvQF3buZN8&feature=player_embedded" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tvQF3buZN8&feature=player_embedded</a> I also recommend you look up "Bad Project" on Youtube.  It's a Lady Gaga parody that will never get old. :)
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]


    <p class="MsoNormal">Oh. My. god.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Amazing.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I am currently wearing a T-shirt with a girl stick figure saying to a boy stick figure, “I wish I were a DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes”.</p>
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_could-use-cheering-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:39516145-bc3e-4aa2-87e8-7b24f43bbdfePost:0e2c28e0-e3cd-416a-9cd3-a7ced315ab51">Re: I could use some cheering up...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I could use some cheering up... : Oh. My. god. Amazing.   I am currently wearing a T-shirt with a girl stick figure saying to a boy stick figure, “I wish I were a DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes”.
    Posted by SenoritaCupcake[/QUOTE]

    I'm kind of in nerd mode.  My organic professor last semester had a biochem shirt that said something like "UGA in the name of love" or something ridiculous like that.  It was amazing.  
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry about your kitty, Elle. *hugs*

    I haz no jokes, but I did find this:




    ETA: I thought you'd enjoy the HP puns. I don't mean to imply anything else. :)


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • edited December 2011

    What do you call a video of pedestrians?

    Footage

    Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

    If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

    What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

    I didn't do it on porpoise.

    What do outlaws eat with their milk?

    Crookies

    What did the potato ask the cow?

    Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes

    image
  • edited December 2011
    awwww. :(  I'm sorry, sweetie.

    What do you call a cat in the desert on Christmas??






    SANDY CLAWS!!
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Awww, Elle! I'm so sorry! ::hugs::


    What do you get when you cross a parrot with a tiger?












    I dunno, but when he talks, you'd better listen...
  • edited December 2011
    Ok...here's a joke.

    So there were 5 men on a plane:  the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the President of the US, a priest, and a boyscout.  The pilot has a heart attack and dies.  The plane is now crashing.  There are 3 parachutes on the plane, but 4 men left.  They have to decide who will stay on the plane.

    So the Smartest Man in the World says, "Well, I'm the smartest man in the world.  The world needs me to answer their questions."  They all agree.  He takes a parachute and jumps off.

    Then the President says, "Well, I'm the President of the US.  The country needs me."  They agree.  He takes a parachute and jumps off.

    Then the priest turns to the boyscout and says, "Son, you're young.  You haven't lived life yet.  Take the last parachute."

    The boyscout says, "No father, we can both jump.  There are two parachutes left."

    The priest says, "What are you talking about?!  Two men already jumped.  Hurry up and save yourself!"

    Then the boyscout turns to the priest and says, "Father, you are mistaken.  The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
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