Would you ever be an egg donor?

Narwhal

I've been hearing a lot about getting paid for egg donation (is it still a donation? isn't it more like a sale?) and it might be something to think about.  It helps people who can't have children otherwise (although I kind of think they should adopt) and if I have double the amount of an average woman, so it wouldn't really hinder anything with my own future children.

But I don't know if I would be okay thinking that there are little people with my DNA running around that I don't even know about.

PhilliesPhan23

I have never seriously thought of it, but I do believe you get paid well. It is a lengthy process though that involves a couple of doctors visits. A few months ago my local news did a segment on it and I was surprised at how much money you make - a couple thousand if I remember right.

To me though, it is creepy - basically having offspring running around the world and not knowing. And I really agree with your point that couples who cannot conceive on their own should adopt, rather than go to an egg/sperm donor because there are so many children shuffled through foster systems.

zaneopal

I feel like the compensation they give you isn't worth the amount of doctor's visits and invasive surgery that is involved. But maybe it's changed since the last time I read about it, which was a few years back.

So much easier for a guy.

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:49a609be-e93e-4ded-a8a6-522045d98867">Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I I don't know if I would be okay thinking that there are little people with my DNA running around that I don't even know about.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]


This.

hetshup

I would do it for someone I know. If I was broke, I might even sell em. I'm blue eyed, blond, have a college degree with no history of any major medical in my family, ie diabetes, cancer etc etc. I personally have no issue with my genetics running around, but I always was open to adoption if there was an unplanned pregnancy.


That being said, I think it's horrible that people pay so much to get a child. If I can't do it on my own, then I'm adopting. There are all these kids that need homes. Oh and don't get me started about how much is it to adopt. It's freakin highway robbery.

Narwhal

Seriously, Hetshup.  It's ridiculous with how much it costs.  My sister is in the process of adopting and its really putting a strain on their finances.  She's a CPA and he's... some illustrator of something.

Anyway, I keep joking with her that by her kid's third birthday she will be able to look him in the eye and say "We've almost got you paid off, little one! "

bajediva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:442a60e6-6a88-4de3-af60-d61b07620d74">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like the compensation they give you isn't worth the amount of doctor's visits and invasive surgery that is involved. But maybe it's changed since the last time I read about it, which was a few years back. So much easier for a guy.
Posted by zaneopal[/QUOTE]
THIS. It is sooo much trouble. Just last week, I asked BF if he would mind jacking a couple times a day so we could sell his sperm. He didn't go for it - he thought it was unfair because I'd never sell my eggs, but it's soooo not the same! ha...

tafft1

Yeah..FI and I will probably have to adopt within the next 4-5 years as of right now it's about 98% chance we cannot concieve our own. We are fully aware what the adoption process consists of and costs and it's intimidating and scary. I fully support any program that allows people to have the family they want within responsible planning - whether it is adoption , egg/sperm donation , IVF , etc. Sometimes I feel jeakous of those that can seem to get pregnant just by snapping their fingers ( both my sisters ironically enough) - but it is what it is , and having these options is a saving grace for so many people. It is definitely a very personal choice , both on those who choose to donate as well as those who choose to go through any process.\such as adoption or otherwise.

loopy82

This makes me get to thinking - between egg donation/ sperm donation/ adoption how likely do you think it is that siblings/half siblings would end up getting together with out realizing it?

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:2c8de88f-2070-4337-bcdd-5e66657cedb8">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]This makes me get to thinking - between egg donation/ sperm donation/ adaption how likely do you think it is that siblings/half siblings would end up getting together with out realizing it?
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

I don't know but the thought scares the heck out of me.

A friend of mine ended up being the same sorority as the girl her mother gave up for adoption 3 years before she was born.

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:70149e09-b242-42f5-9b54-6a15f7893cb7">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you ever be an egg donor? : I don't know but the thought scares the heck out of me. A friend of mine ended up being the same sorority as the girl her mother gave up for adoption 3 years before she was born.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

That is bizarre. But it happens - which is why I think people could end up dating/ married. Yes that is a scary thought.

katanne9

Nope.

1. I refuse to bring children to life that I can't take care of.

2. People who can't conceive should be encouraged to adopt existing children that need a family.

**Mutley**

I contemplated it for awhile.  At one of my school's, the $ was really good.  (Apparently, they will pay more for eggs that come from women attending private schools than they will for public.  To the tune of almost triple!) 

If I were to ever do it, I would want to have some sort of relationship with the child.  I could not do it anonymously. 

I am for responsible people having a child in whatever way they see fit (adoption, surrogacy, donor eggs, IVF, etc.)  I can understand a woman's want to experience pregnancy and all that goes along with it.  I can also understand someone's want to have their own genetic children. 

If for some reason, we are only able to have this one pregnancy, we will pursue other options for growing our family. 

KD+BC

Personally, I don't think I could do it unless it was for a family member. Even then it might be weird.

I understand why some people feel the need to do the IVF or fertility treatment thing but the thought of possibly having high order multiples scares the crap out of me. FI and I have talked about what we would do if we find out that we are unable to conceive naturally. I have said that I won't do IVF and might be open to SOME fertility treatments. He isn't big on the idea of adoption (he's afraid he won't love the child enough...) but I've convinced him to consider adoption if this is a problem. This is our one big issue we haven't really resolved.

zaneopal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:8dc1a736-c015-40e4-90b2-f2c37910b8c9">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE] (Apparently, they will pay more for eggs that come from women attending private schools than they will for public.  To the tune of almost triple!)
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

That is horrifyingly elitist. There are brilliant women at every school, regardless of where the funding comes from. There are some broken crayons at every school as well.

At the same point though, I know that say, my sister would get more money for it than I would, as she's got blonde hair and blue eyes, is naturally thin (but with huge tatas...go figure), as well as being very intelligent. I mean, the girl got a fellowship to study French and business in Grenoble this summer. Not too shabby for a girl at a state school, I would think.

I wouldn't fetch the same money, and it would be based entirely on how I look. WTF people. Take your baby and love him/her no matter how he/she looks. A child is a child.

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:2442afae-6bfc-4577-94b3-355c5187cdd0">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE] He isn't big on the idea of adoption (he's afraid he won't love the child enough...)
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

I have that fear as well.

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:ec13eba8-b8c2-49f1-b50d-ddd262045868">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you ever be an egg donor? : That is horrifyingly elitist. There are brilliant women at every school, regardless of where the funding comes from. There are some broken crayons at every school as well. At the same point though, I know that say, my sister would get more money for it than I would, as she's got blonde hair and blue eyes, is naturally thin (but with huge tatas...go figure), as well as being very intelligent. I mean, the girl got a fellowship to study French and business in Grenoble this summer. I wouldn't fetch the same money, and it would be based entirely on how I look. WTF people. Take your baby and love him/her no matter how he/she looks. A child is a child.
Posted by zaneopal[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I have a feeling that they were alumni.  One school was also infinitely harder to get into than the other.  While I do think that there are brilliant people who go to every school, if I were in the position to pay for the best genes out there, I would pick a Harvard student over a CC one. 

I also think that some people are looking for a donor who looks like them or has their same interests/life path.  Some of the ads had very specific traits that they were looking for and only some of them were physical.

notquiteblushing

I looked into it (as in read the website) during law school when I was feeling broke and desperate but reading all the details freaked me out.  It's very invasive!  Then there's the whole "it's your kid" thing.  So no I would never do it for profit.  Maybe for someone close to me but I don't know.

tafft1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-ever-egg-donor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3b7aba36-f693-4e4c-8f1b-06766bf8648dPost:ea7eda13-ab5d-4bae-836e-51c702c23fe3">Re: Would you ever be an egg donor?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you ever be an egg donor? : I have that fear as well.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

I actually can totally understand and respect those fears and think that is why we should have options available to us , so we can choose whats best for us as individuals not as one lump solution. Adoption isn't for everyone , neither is IVF , etc , it really is a very personal , individual/couple choice and descison. None of them are more "right" than another , it really all comes down to personal choice and I am for one grateful there are options out there even if I have no idea at this stage which ones if any we will follow through on.

As for some people getting paid more for donations - it's sad but true. Society puts a much higher value on looks and money( private schooling, background , etc) more than we would like to admit sadly. It isn't right but it's how things still are..

Button5807

BF and I are really on the fence about having children. Thankfully we're on the same page though. If I had to make a prediction I think we'll eventually end up in the "if it happens it happens, if not that's cool" camp.

bethsmiles

I think that if I knew the people doing it then I would be more open to it. But my biggest fear is that I would allow someone who would be abusive or just not a good parent to raise a child that is really mine. But then if I knew the people I wouldn't want to be paid for helping them that would just feel wrong.

I've always wanted to adopt. Its one of the first big conversations BF and I had about our future together. Some guys I dated before when I told them that they said well I want my kid to look like me and if they are adopted they aren't really mine and I suppose its ok to have that view point but I completly disagree with it. BF is ok with having our own or adopting. But adoption is so expensive. If I couldn't get pregnent I know I wouldn't do any feterlization treatments but I think its different for everyone.

Goldlie11

I thought about it for extra cash.  I don't think I'm going to have children of my own, so I'm not too worried about my offspring marrying someone they are related to.  I doubt I'll actually do it though.  I hate surgery and going under anesthesia.  

Interesting facts, Mutley.  I didn't know going to private school helped.  I went to private school for undergrad and public for graduate school.  So, where do I fall?  I'm also mixture of a few ethnicities.