Really Shaken Up

bsidebella

I just found out that a girl I was friendly with from my internship was murdered on Sunday. Her boyfriend beat her to death under the influence of drugs.

I'm really shaken up by this news. I talked to her on a near-daily basis for five months. She was so nice. She was 2 years younger than me and had just been accepted to grad school.

I knew her through another girl ("Jane"), my co-intern from the department I worked, and today is her birthday. When I logged onto Facebook to wish Jane a happy birthday, I saw she'd posted a funeral notice on her wall. I followed the clues and found a news article about her best friend's death.

I'm covering for my mom at her paralegal job right now and I just spent the last 5 minutes crying in the corner of the lawyer's office so the other paralegals wouldn't see me break down.

I don't know why this is affecting me so hard. I knew her for less than half a year but the news of her death hit me like a Mack truck. I'm sorry to dump all this on the boards but I need someone to talk to and I didn't want to talk about it on Facebook where Jane would be able to see it.

marleylikeair

Oh, bside, I'm so sorry. That is horrible. BIG HUGS to you and good vibes to the girl's friends and family.

motoLyn

I'm sorry to hear that B-side, your shocked right now and so you must be feeling really knocked off balanced.  It such a senseless tragedy.  If you need it take some time to get yourself centered, you can always tell your boss that you had tragic news and just needed some time.  It is such a scary feeling to find out someone you knew was murdered. 

calindi

Oh, I'm so sorry!  I'm sure it's devastating.  Take some time for yourself and don't judge yourself - it doesn't matter how long or how well you knew her, this is of course upsetting.

LizzyTish88

Bside I am so sorry. What a terrible thing to have to deal with. I am really sorry to hear this news and you know I am here or FB if you need to chat.

bethsmiles

I'm so sorry bside! Unexpected deaths are hard enough to deal with but the whole situation must only make it worse. You and Jane will be in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

bourgehm

Oh, b-side, I can imagine that would be really tough. I'll be praying for her family and for everyone who knew her. Hugs.

[Deleted User]

Bside - it's totally understandable... It's upsetting for so many reasons... *hugs*

AudgiePodge

I'm sorry, B.  Don't be ashamed that you're sad. Hugs.

Hazel_B

Bside - I'm so sorry to hear this. I think your reaction is completely appropriate considering the circumstances.

tmacwin

Wow, bside, I would definitely be upset too.  It gave me chills just reading your post.  I have a hard time controlling my emotions at times, so don't feel bad needing to take time for yourself.

T&P to you and the family involved.

bsidebella

Thank you guys for the kind words and prayers. I think I'm devastated because I knew her and she was close to my age and she died so senselessly at the hands of someone she thought she could trust. I'm shaking so badly and my eyes keep tearing up. I'm angry. I'm really angry. I'm angry at her "boyfriend", who was supposed to enter rehab on Monday, according to the news articles. I'm angry that she didn't get to live her life. I'm angry that he didn't get himself to rehab sooner because then she might still be here. I'm angry that her parents have one less child. I'm really, really angry.

Oh God I'm crying again. Sorry.

leia1979

Of course you're upset. What an awful thing to happen.  Big hugs to you, honey.  Take some time to be sad or angry or whatever you want to be.

loves2shop4shoes

I'm so sorry Bside.  It's perfectly normal to be shaken up, emotional, and in shock after someone you know died suddenly, especially in such an unexpected and traumatic way.  I'll be thinking of you and sending you my love, hugs, and prayers.

Remember, the truly strong people are those who aren't ashamed to show their feelings to others.  It's perfectly acceptable, normal, and appropriate to cry in these circumstances.  Maybe you should take the day off...

GreenPepperBurger

That is terrible. I'm so sorry. I will pray for everyone who knew her. I hope the bastard rots in hell.

hannahnola

Very sorry to hear about that, sad story all around.

It is completely normal to feel upset, it's not like you saw this person one time on a street, you knew her and talked to her frequently. It could be affecting you so badly too because of the intentsity of the death, that is horrible.

Just try to stay strong and definately remember her and the good times/ talks yall had. You definately have the right to be in mourning.

peekaboo2011

bside I'm so sorry.  i can't imagine how hard it is for you, I got chills reading that as well.  Thoughts, prayers and love for you, Jane and the girl's family.  Take some time to yourself, you should have a chance to process it and grieve.  *hugs*

tuarceatha

omgosh. That is so awful to hear. And while you are at work.

More !

Blue & White

Bside, I think you're reacting entirely rationally.  Only a few more hours until you can get away from prying eyes and let it all go.  I think whenever someone dies that is similar in age/lifestyle as ourselves, it affects us a bit more.  I sometimes watch Criminal Minds (which isn't even real) and get freaked out when someone murders an actress that KINDA looks like me.  It's not even close to the same, I know, but I want you to know you're not alone in this.  I would definitely reach out to Jane to let her know you care, because she may need someone to release her feelings to as well.

I wouldn't do this publicly on facebook, obviously

bsidebella

Thank you all for the words and hugs and prayers. Thank you, really.  

Shoes - I would take off but the lawyer I'm working for really needs someone by the phones while he's in court. It's almost 3:30 here, so I'll try to hold it out a few more hours.

GPB - her boyfriend's mother spoke to the press and is practically disowning him for what he did. He was apparently on many medications to begin with andthe drug he was doing recreationally (mephedrone) mimics LSD, PCP and meth all at once. He's in his own kind of hell right now.

Blue - I did reach out to Jane. I felt terrible because I'd left her such a happy message for her birthday and said, "Can you believe it's been a year since our internship?!" Then I found out about the murder and sent her a PM. She wrote me back so at least she is talking to people.

I'm starting to calm down. Believe it or not, writing about it on here made me feel a lot better, and I wrote a little journal entry and I spoke on the phone with FI. The more I talk about it and the less I think, the better I feel.

[Deleted User]

Bella - I'm so sorry to hear your story. It sort of drudges up some old feelings for me. I dated a guy in high school (briefly thank god) who ended up murdering a girl he met on facebook 3 years later in college. I had only seen him once since HS...but it still really got to me. Since I was the one who ended the relationship, I was extremely freaked out...the whole "that could have been me" thinking. Such a sad story, very brutal and she was the mom of a 6-year-old no less. I can't imagine what her family and friends went through.

I'm so glad talking with some of the girls on here is helping. Don't keep it bottled up. It is completely normal to have these sorts of things set off emotional triggers. Honestly, we wouldn't be human if they didn't. It will get easier with time. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me and I will give you my email!

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_really-shaken-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3c5420f1-88ba-4fbd-be6c-a37bec5e15baPost:0e3f00b9-e546-4407-acbc-63e4582e5e4e">Re: Really Shaken Up</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for the words and hugs and prayers. Thank you, really.   Shoes - I would take off but the lawyer I'm working for really needs someone by the phones while he's in court. It's almost 3:30 here, so I'll try to hold it out a few more hours. GPB - her boyfriend's mother spoke to the press and is practically disowning him for what he did. He was apparently on many medications to begin with and the drug he was doing recreationally (mephedrone) mimics LSD, PCP and meth all at once. He's in his own kind of hell right now. Blue - I did reach out to Jane. I felt terrible because I'd left her such a happy message for her birthday and said, "Can you believe it's been a year since our internship?!" Then I found out about the murder and sent her a PM. <strong>She wrote me back so at least she is talking to people. I'm starting to calm down. Believe it or not, writing about it on here made me feel a lot better, and I wrote a little journal entry and I spoke on the phone with FI. The more I talk about it and the less I think, the better I feel.</strong>
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

This always helps me, too.  It's completely normal to be upset and shaken up.  Hugs.

SKP82

Oh, Bside, I am so sorry to hear this.  *Hugs*

I agree with other PP that it is completely normal to be very upset about this.

I think finding something like this out via Facebook doesn't help the situation.  I found out that one of BF's best friends had been killed in Afghanistan on FB.  I had to tell BF.  It was awful.

You'll be in my thoughts.  Hang in there, hun.

jemmini6

Wow, that is so scary.  T&P to her friends and family. 

Last year, a guy at our office murdered his wife and dumped her body in the desert while he was driving to a job site a few hours away.  He stopped in the office in the morning to give me his time sheet, I talked to him for about 15 minutes...come to find out her body was in his trunk parked outside the whole time I was talking to him.  Our whole office was completely shocked and some of the guys he was really close to took it really hard.  We had a meeting and talked about it which really helped us get over the shock of everything.  I can imagine it's that much more important when you know the victim, not the criminal so I'm really glad we are here to help you get it all out.

SopChick

Oh bside, I'm so sorry! As PPs have said, you are completely normal for being shaken up and upset.

BIG HUGS! I hope you are able to give yourself some time to deal with this. 

PaigeMcC

Oh Bside! *hugs*

cu97tiger

Bside - I'm way late on this, but I'm thinking of you right now and hoping that getting out of work and having some time to yourself has helped. As so many PPs have said, you have every right to feel what you are feeling. This was a human being that you knew and interacted with. Being angry knowing that her life was cut so short is a totally normal reaction. I'll be hugging my BF a little tighter tonight and thinking of your friend and her family.

alanna91

I've been hesitating to post on this just because I don't think I have anything to say to make you feel better.
But it's okay that you're sad. Don't be confused about that! I'm sad about it, and I never even met her. That's a horrible, tragic story and you are completely justified in being sad. Completely justified.

When we were 16, the guy my best friend was with was stabbed to death. I didn't know him well, but it was still pretty hard on me. I bawled my eyes out at work when she called me. He was so young...and his life was taken away by someone under the influence of who knows what. I still get choked up, and it's been a few years. He was just such a nice guy...
 In a way, I know how you're feeling. It's normal to be upset about the death of someone, even if you hadn't spoken to her in a while.

deburnin

Lots of hugs to you. It's completely understandable that you're hurting. This is someone you interacted with on a regular basis. I was shaken when someone much more distant from myself was murdered (I'd never even met her, I had just helped hang missing flyers). More hugs. I'm very sorry you're dealing with this.

PolkaDotBella

Oh Bside! I'm so sorry! Thoughts and prayers for you all! Don't worry about what you are feeling. It's completely normal to feel like that after a tragedy, especially when it was senseless and she was so young!!  Hang in there!! Again, I'm so sorry!! **Hugs!**