I can’t sleep since I have a lot on my mind. I figured typing it out and getting opinions on it would be the best idea. I moved from my hometown a few years ago during a very rough time in my life. I was panicking that I never lived in a different city and felt like I depended on my family way too much. I moved after only thinking about it for a day. I interviewed for a job in my current city and got it. A week later I was putting all my stuff in boxes and starting to move to a new state. I had my sister living in the same area when I came down here. She was there to help a little bit and even included me in weekly dinners with her friends.
I knew after a year I would not be able to continue to live here and even announced that I would be returning to my hometown as soon as the time was right. I even broke it off with the guy I was dating since he made it clear that he had no interest in moving with me. I was set on moving after that and even arranged it so I would have a full week off work to move that following spring. I really had no intention of getting into anything serious when I met the current BF. After a few months of dating him I thought maybe I might stay just to see what happened. I did not tell him about how when I met him I abandoned all plans to move until may rolled around and he wanted to know why I decided to take my vacation that month. I told him about my plans and he expressed some interest in one day moving there if the timing was right and has brought it up a few more times since then.
Well fast forward to now, he and I have almost been together three years; no ring yet, plans on the table to be engaged in the next year or two. He and I have both agreed the next move we want to make is not into another apartment, we both want a house. Recent problems with apartment management will have us moving this summer and we do not have any money for a down payment so it looked like we would have to find another apartment. We both agreed that maybe we should downgrade for a year or two and save money for a down payment.
My sister got a wonderful job promotion last month and will be moving to a different state. It would put her eight hours from me and eight hours from our parents. My parents are not so happy with her needless to say, the world still turns dispite this. This has made me think about moving back to my hometown more and more. My parents would very much enjoy it if I came back. I miss all my family there and a great job opportunity there is recently available.
My parents have offered a room at their house until we have a down payment for a house. (a large room that would be more of a studio apartment really. Kitchen and bath shared with them) We would be saving a large chunk of money, enough to put a large down payment on a home. We would only need to be in this arrangement for about six months to a year depending on when we would be approved for a house.
I am prepared to change jobs at this point and he has done nothing but tell me how un happy his job makes him as of late. He has made it very clear he wants out of it and soon. He is not happy with how little he makes and has discussed with me how he wants to be able to pay down his debt and afford to get married before he sees us getting engaged.
Now I can see how he would hesitate and have worries about moving, He would be leaving his family and friends if he did. He also sees how sad I am here without family or friends. Despite trying over and over I have never clicked with the ladies here and have not made friends in the past four years. I have been friends with his friends but nothing that has me hanging out for a ladies night. I always hang with them when he is also. I had a fight with one of the girls over what I have felt is humorous and she did not. I have since said I was sorry for my choice of words, but she will not speak with me to this day. I feel he and I do not hang with them as much since this has happened and he thinks I am just being silly.
Anyway, all this has put me on edge really; I can see the road opening ahead of us. He keeps asking questions and doing what feels like him dragging his feet. We have been talking about this for the past few days and he asked me to write out the pros and cons of moving back home and in with my parents. I have made comparison spread sheets and showed him job openings. I have made it clear that we would spend time with the family but still have our time.
I know he needs time to think. I just feel sad since he is still leaning towards not moving. I kinda blew up earlier and yelled at him over stupid stuff. It was a short outburst and dropped just as quickly as it happened. He went to be early saying he was done for the night and didn’t want to talk about moving anymore tonight. I admit I have been pretty passionate about moving and it saddens me that he does not see how much I hurt not being closer to family. I have cried each time we drove home from the holiday visits. I want to move back and I don’t know if that would mean moving without him. It kills me to even think about that. I know I need to decide if moving back home is more important than staying with him, since I think he is going to choose not to move.
I have gotten a lot out. Thanks for reading.