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Older people weddings

Wedding party or no wedding party?

I think large bridal parties are for kids right out of college, as in "Oh no! How am I going to choose only 3 of my 25 closest, bestest friends? I know! I'll ask ALL of my sorority sisters!"  (This one works if the groom was in a frat - otherwise he only knows 4 dudes. And only 1 can afford a tux.)

But BF seems to think it's strange that I don't want any bridesmaids at all. And it's not like he has a bunch of friends he can't wait to ask and he isn't very close to his family. Weird. We're old. Keep it movin'. That's my thought.

Re: Older people weddings

  • edited December 2011
    I don't think it's necessarily odd that you're having none.

    I don't think age should necessarily dictate a number either - I had a friend get married at 23 and all she had was her MOH. I'll be 27 and I have six girls (two of them juniors) in my party, but four of them are very close family members.

    Personally, I think anything over 7-8 is bordering on ridiculous, but whatever.

    In the end, I think it should be whatever floats your boat.

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  • edited December 2011
    Well, I'm not old (not quite a kid, either) but I am having 3: my cousin (like a big sister to me), my sister, and FI's sister.

    I did not choose any friends because although I like them, I know that friendships come and go. I'm stuck with these girls forever (and I certainly don't mind).

    Even if I didn't have sisters in the WP, I'd still have just my cousin. She and I have been close my entire life. She is an awesome person and so fun to be around. She knows how to listen, she doesn't judge, and she's downright hilarious. I can't imagine getting married without her there. Even if we had eloped, I'd have asked her to come with us and be a witness.

    Since my little sister has really matured in the last couple of years, I feel comfortable having her in my WP, too. And she's so thrilled. Apparently I made her year by asking.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    The point of a wedding party is to have those closest to you stand up next with you/support you while you take a big step in your life. If you do not want anyone to do that then you do not have to have a wedding party. However if you would like to honor those closest to you then do so. You don't have to have a huge bridal party (and I don't see it as something just for people right out of college) you could just have one or two people stand with you.

    Either way its really about what you want.


  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that your wedding should be whatever you want it to be irregardless of age. If you want a wedding party, go for it. If not, then don't.

    I guess if you don't want a wedding party and your FI does, I guess you might have some discussions/ comprimises to make. I know people don't need even sides, but 4 groomsmen and no bridesmaids might look a little off.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree, do whatever you want. I also do not like large bridal parties.

    I would just ask whoever you'd really want to stand up there with you. And if that's no one, that's okay!
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_older-people-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f9aaa9d-7584-4277-9ba2-fae280322657Post:b4c9a487-e4b0-495a-ac8c-6a3dd9e1413f">Re: Older people weddings</a>:
    [QUOTE]I I guess if you don't want a wedding party and your FI does, I guess you might have some discussions/ comprimises to make. I know people don't need even sides, but 4 groomsmen and no bridesmaids might look a little off.
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    He doesn't really like anybody either, so we're cool. :) I am not close to my family (not enough to bother asking any of them) and like Jeana said, friendships kind of come and go. So we'll probably just pass.
  • edited December 2011
    A chick I used to work with was in her late 20's when she married her baby's daddy. I think she had 7 or 8 bridesmaids, and an equal number of groomsmen. She made them all wear this atrocious purple- it looked bad on everyone- and I don't know how she convinced all those people to be in her WP, since she's not a very nice lady.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Also, it doesn't have to be typical. They can wear whatever they want and just show up but stand up there with you.

    THey don't have to be identical and rush around holding your flowers, fixing your veil  etc etc. ; )
  • edited December 2011
    "The origin of the role of bridesmaid goes back several centuries, when friends of the bride would dress the same as she had, in order to confuse any evil spirits lurking in the vicinity, ready to snatch the bride away from her intended."
    http://www.amusingfacts.com/facts/Detail/bridesmaid.html

    But if you don't have BMs, than the evil spirits will come get you!
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I found this picture. They look to probably be in their mid to later 30's and it looks classy.


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  • edited December 2011
    Really, there only are official roles in the wedding for one attendant for each the bride and the groom to act as witnesses.  Those are the two who sign the wedding certificate.  They are the people who stand next to you and say, "Yes, I believe this union is good for this person who I value so highly."  If you absolutely can't choose just one, then by all means invite as many as you need to (within reason - I roll my eyes at 5+ bridesmaids).

    For me, my friends will be there for me no matter what. They're all such Type-A personalities, they'll have no problem helping with wedding planning and the typical chores involved.  No bridesmaids for me!  My closest friends willl all be invited to join me before the wedding to get ready and take pictures, but they can wear whatever they want.

    Also, my boyfriend has 4 sisters.  That could just get complicated and bulky (the 5+ bridesmaids mentioned before).

    My brother and I have had a pact since we were pre-teens - I will be his Best Woman and he will be my Man of Honor.  He has had "veto rights" over my boyfriends for years, so to have him stand up and say he supports my marriage will be a really meaningful thing.  But he's not allowed to plan the bachelorette party! :-)
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  • edited December 2011
    That's so cool with your brother, catemeg. I wonder if my brother would do that for me? Not to steal your idea, of course, but that would be so perfect! Of course, my brother is a little baby senior in high school and I'm not even engaged, but I adore that idea!
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    PhilliesPhan - Well crap. We'll have to pull someone off the street then.
  • edited December 2011
    Depends on where you get married.  Some states do not require a witness signature.

    Our best man and MOH had to sign our marriage certificate.  However, my MOH recently got married in MD and I didn't have to sign anything. 

    Do whatever you want.  You don't plan on having a big wedding, so I definitely don't think it would be weird to not have a bridal party. 

    The only time I judge is when the wedding party is huge.  I have usually seen this for young brides.  They just don't get that they won't be talking to most of their BMs in 5 years. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_older-people-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f9aaa9d-7584-4277-9ba2-fae280322657Post:a529b8a8-68ab-424c-b8bb-4b4b530ad32f">Re: Older people weddings</a>:
    [QUOTE] If you absolutely can't choose just one, then by all means invite as many as you need to (within reason - <strong>I roll my eyes at 5+ bridesmaids</strong>). Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

    Well, crap, then I'm screwed. ;)

    All joking aside, believe me, I've gotten a few side-eyes about having a "larger" bridal party. But, for me, that was what would make me happy. I have three cousins (my MOH and my two junior BMs, ages 12 and 14)...we grew up practically as sisters, so having them by my side was non-negotiable. I have my FSIL, and I have two of my closest girlfriends. Sure, it's bigger than what seems to be average around here, but to be honest, I can't imagine not having one of those girls up there. For me, it wasn't about the number, but rather wanting the most important women in my life by my side. That idea can easily translate into having one bridesmaid or none.  I think it's honestly a matter of what makes you happy. You should do what makes <strong>you </strong>happy and what will matter to <strong>you</strong> in the long run.

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  • edited December 2011
    If you don't have a close friend (or five) that you want to have standing by you on your wedding day, reassuring you etc, then I don't see why you need to have a bridal party.

    I have a large party, but there was no way around it for me!  My little sister (and best friend) is MOH, then I have our cousin who bascially lived with us as kids, FI's sister, a girl who's been a close friend since we were three and lived with us for a bit when we were teens, another gal who I've been close to since we were seven, and a friend from the horse world who lived with FI and I last summer and is still often on our couch doing physics homework :-)   Some friends come and go, but I've been blessed with a handful who will always be here for me and I will always be there for them!
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm having this dilemma too. we're not yet engaged but talking about this, and we're in our FORTIES. He wants to have 4-5 "guys." I'd be fine with a destination wedding where it's just us and a few friends there to support us but not standing in matching dresses. Seems odd to have these people standing next to you when we're this old? Thoughts?
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Ditto everyone else.  And really, just do what makes you happiest;)

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