my boyfriend is so anxious to start planning

prodigalgirl

We're not engaged yet, but we know we're either getting married right before he deploys next summer or right after he gets back. We've looked at rings and we are planning to be engaged at the start of the new year. Last night, he hinted that it could possibly be sooner. He keeps wanting to talk about wedding planning stuff and I'm trying so hard to wait until I have the ring. I know you can be engaged without a ring, but we both feel that a ring is important before we consider ourselves engaged. On one hand, it's hard to stay away from wedding planning when he wants to talk about plans, but on the other hand, I love that he's excited about it and I don't want to stifle it. So, I'll just keep going the way I'm going. I told him that once we're engaged, there will be no stopping me because I'm so excited about planning our wedding. He laughed and said that's exactly what the engagement period is for Anyone else in this stage with the eager boyfriend?

catemeg

Yes!  We talk about everything under the sun, and he goes through phases - one week he'll talk all about our wedding, but more often it's about our future marriage or hypothetical kids.  He talks all about what vacations we'll go on and where he wants to take our kids and how he wants to raise them.  It always makes me smile, because you know he's thinking about the details of a future with you and is so excited about it!

That said, I personally don't see anything wrong with talking about things.  It sounds like you've both decided you're going to get married, so keeping things general and talking about how you see the wedding (religious or not?  Big wedding or small?) is fun and exciting.  But keeping it to hypotheticals and not contacting vendors is smart until you both decide that you're engaged (which doesn't necessarily have to involve a ring unless you both want it to).

Also, what branch of the military is your man in?  That can really affect how long he'd be deployed - the Army deployments are typically over a year.  My suggestion would be to wait until after the deployment (several months after, since return dates are always flexible) to get married as it's no fun to spend your first year of marriage alone, and it can put a lot of stress on a relationship.  Also, always have your vendors put a military clause in the contracts so you don't get screwed out of a deposit if the military changes his orders and you have to change the date.

dwest2201

What Cate said!

Talking about the future is great, especially when it's the entire future (marriage and family, etc vs. just one day/party the wedding day).  My advice would be not to do anything beyond talk about what you would like for your wedding until you are engaged (with or without a ring)... a lot of things can change between now and then.  Also, I woudl like to second the waiting until you're BF/FI returns from his deployment to get married.  Wait to actually plan your wedding until you are engaged though no matter what!

jilly2121

YES! I know the bf bought the ring so that makes it even harder to avoid the wedding planning talk. But bc of this board and the advice I recieved I've really pulled back on all that talk, its also helped me stay sane during the waiting period and just focusing on us. My bf still has to ask my dad and all that stuff too so once he does that I know it will be soon. But it's exciting place to be in with your relationship! Congrats

Elle1036

We talk about wedding stuff all the time, but in a really casual sense.  Like, one of us will see something in a movie/magazine/tv show etc and say "we should do this for OUR wedding".  We're planning on a long engagement, though, so neither of us feels the need to do any real planning before the engagement is official or for a while afterward.  The only things we've discussed with any seriousness are the location and the cake.

KatiePaul2011

My boyfriend really only wants to talk about the cake, he is a chef so he is all excited for the cake, and other than that we talk a bit about music and such but not anything to deep.  But just like prodigalgirl once the ring is on my finger I will be a planning machine..

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-anxious-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:409465f6-716f-444d-ab88-eb086aa6425aPost:a55758f9-6b48-4585-ad3c-55d0cd269490">Re: my boyfriend is so anxious to start planning</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend really only wants to talk about the cake.
Posted by KatiePaul2011[/QUOTE]

Sounds like your BF and I should be friends.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />