Now that I have had a chance to think, and talk to BFF, I decided I never should have put a timeline on engagement based on when a lease is up, because it's an ultimatum, and it was based on fear. I regret doing that. My fear stemmed from a past relationship that ended while we were living together. I apologized to him for this putting this pressured timeline on him, explained where my fear came from, and he was so understanding. Hugs were given. He reassured me that I have nothing to fear, that our love is real, and our future is together.
He has reassured me several times since then that getting engaged will be happening and that he still wants to get married about a year from now. He told me upfront that he has looked around Tucson and is still looking for something "in particular" in regards to the e-ring, and that he will propose when he has found it. I have no idea what this is... and or course I don't want to know!
He wanted me to make the final decision to move in based on my needs, and never encouraged one way or another, although he made it clear that I was wanted in his life. I never felt pressure from him to make one decision or another. I have always said that I wanted to move in when the right time comes. Well it has come. I love him and I don't want to put strain on the relationship by backpedaling on our emotion and second guessing our relationship. Past experiences aside, I'm dealing with my fears. I know there is no reason to second guess anything because we both have been incredibly sincere about wanting to move the relationship forward since last summer. Neither of us "need" a roommate for financial reasons, that's not what this is about. I'm doing this. Life is happening. I have to look forward and not base my fears on past experiences because he is not the past. I'm moving in in April.
