New/Introduction (Kind of Long)

claireb85

     

monsoon737

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_newintroduction-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:42c2acea-0eca-43fe-9383-819133395b29Post:ee4d1176-eb9c-405b-90ec-96c465ff0e9f">New/Introduction (Kind of Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]We have talked a lot about getting married and we are going to wait until he is completely finished with school (May 2010).[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm also a lurker.  Maybe he's waiting until May, when he finishes up grad school?  I definitely understand the frustration, I've been dating Boyfriend for 6.5 years.  But the last 4 years have passed pretty fast for you, right?  I try to concentrate on how fast time has pasted in the past to remind myself how fast the next however long until the engagement will pass.

</div>

noelle24

You've talked about marriage, you've talked about a timeline for the wedding, and you know he's done his research.  Just chill.  Really.

You have plenty of time to plan a wedding before he's out of school.  Seriously, enjoy this almost-engaged time.  Once you have to start dealing with the stress of budgets, guest lists, IL drama, etc., wedding planning doesn't seem so great anymore. 

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_newintroduction-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:42c2acea-0eca-43fe-9383-819133395b29Post:ee4d1176-eb9c-405b-90ec-96c465ff0e9f">New/Introduction (Kind of Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! I have been lurking around these boards for awhile and I finally decided to post something.  I have been with my bf for 4 1/2 years and we've been living together for almost 3.  He is in grad school and finishing up his classwork now before he heads into a year of clinicals.  <strong>We have talked a lot about getting married and we are going to wait until he is completely finished with school (May 2010).</strong>  A long engagement is fine for us because that will give us time to save for the wedding, which we will be financing ourselves.  <strong>He says he is 100% sure he wants to marry me</strong> and I know he has the money for a ring, so I'm just not sure why he hasn't proposed.  We went ring shopping a few weeks ago and he seemed to be pretty knowledgeable about diamonds, so I know he has been doing some research online.  It just doesn't seem like he is anywhere near making an actual purchase, which frustrates me because I'm wondering <strong>how much longer he's going to make me wait.</strong>  Like so many of you have posted before me, it is so irritating to watch all of my friends meet their bf/get engaged/get married before we are even engaged.  I know it's not a race and I don't want him to feel pressure from me, but it is incredibly frustrating. <strong> I just don't understand what he's waiting for.</strong>  After 4 1/2 years, I would think he'd start making plans for a proposal.  It seems like it's "time" to me.  What do you think?     
Posted by claireb85[/QUOTE]

Okay, so you've agreed you want to get married after he is done with school, but have you talked about how soon after that?

Sometimes when a guy takes what the girl considers "too long," it can start to feel like a power game, which it sounds like to me might be kinda happening with you (he's making you wait). You should let him propose how he wants at a moment of his choice, but you're a part of the relationship, so you do get a say in the general timeframe! It's not all about him.

Also, he may just not see any reason to rush. He may feel like you both know where you're headed, so what does it matter if you get engaged later or sooner? Plenty of girls on this board waited a long time after they knew their guy already HAD THE RING!

I think it will help you if you just focus on your relationship and how happy it makes you. Focus on why and how much you love your BF.

As you may have heard before on this board, THE PROPOSAL ONLY HAPPENS ONCE!!! You never get to look forward to it again. Once it's over, it's over.

So enjoy this time! It should be filled with joy in your relationship and excitement about your future, not anxiety or stress. I'm even sensing a bit of resentment in your OP. Let go of all that. It doesn't do you any good, and it just kinda taints what should be a really happy time in your life.

You know where you're headed; now sit back and enjoy the journey!

claireb85

Monsoon,

Maybe he is waiting until May, I don't know.  I thought it was understood between us that we could get MARRIED in May, not engaged.  I think he knows I'm not going to be a very happy camper if I have to wait that long.  The last 4 years have definitely gone by fast.  I think the reason I am so impatient is because I have been out of collge and working for a couple years now, basically just waiting for him to finish school so we can start the rest of our life together.  I am SO ready to move on, while he seems to still be stuck in college mode.  For me, it's like, I have done my best to be patient and stick with him through his schooling, so it would be nice if he would give me what I want because I think I deserve it for being such a good gf.    (Just kidding about that, but seriously....Haha)  

monsoon737

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_newintroduction-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:42c2acea-0eca-43fe-9383-819133395b29Post:cfd3df26-9fa2-4d7e-a1be-460c3e50875b">Re: New/Introduction (Kind of Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought it was understood between us that we could get MARRIED in May, not engaged.  Posted by claireb85[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ah, your OP was confusing because you said that you were okay with a long engagement to save up money.  April 2010 to May 2010 would not be a very long engagement at all, to me.</div><div>
</div><div>I know exactly how you feel about waiting for your boy to finish school.  Boyfriend is working on a graduate degree as well, so we've been doing the long-distance thing while he's been at school for the past 3.5 years.</div><div>
</div><div>I would just try to chill out for the time-being.  And if you can't, have a more specific talk about the proposal time frame.  Communication is the be-all, end-all here. </div><div>
</div>

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_newintroduction-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:42c2acea-0eca-43fe-9383-819133395b29Post:ee4d1176-eb9c-405b-90ec-96c465ff0e9f">New/Introduction (Kind of Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! I have been lurking around these boards for awhile and I finally decided to post something.  I have been with my bf for 4 1/2 years and we've been living together for almost 3.  He is in grad school and finishing up his classwork now before he heads into a year of clinicals.  <strong>We have talked a lot about getting married and we are going to wait until he is completely finished with school (May 2010).  A long engagement is fine for us because that will give us time to save for the wedding,</strong> which we will be financing ourselves.  He says he is 100% sure he wants to marry me and I know he has the money for a ring, so I'm just not sure why he hasn't proposed.  We went ring shopping a few weeks ago and he seemed to be pretty knowledgeable about diamonds, so I know he has been doing some research online.  It just doesn't seem like he is anywhere near making an actual purchase, which frustrates me because I'm wondering how much longer he's going to make me wait.  Like so many of you have posted before me, it is so irritating to watch all of my friends meet their bf/get engaged/get married before we are even engaged.  I know it's not a race and I don't want him to feel pressure from me, but it is incredibly frustrating.  I just don't understand what he's waiting for.  After 4 1/2 years, I would think he'd start making plans for a proposal.  It seems like it's "time" to me.  What do you think?     
Posted by claireb85


<strong>Maybe he is waiting until May, I don't know.  I thought it was understood between us that we could get MARRIED in May, not engaged.  I think he knows I'm not going to be a very happy camper if I have to wait that long.</strong>  The last 4 years have definitely gone by fast.  I think the reason I am so impatient is because I have been out of collge and working for a couple years now, basically just waiting for him to finish school so we can start the rest of our life together.  I am SO ready to move on, while he seems to still be stuck in college mode.  For me, it's like, I have done my best to be patient and stick with him through his schooling, so it would be nice if he would give me what I want because I think I deserve it for being such a good gf.  :)  (Just kidding about that, but seriously....Haha)   [/QUOTE]

OP, please explain. Unless this is a major oversight on my part, these 2 statements appear to be directly contradicting each other.

I was "waiting" for my ring AFTER we'd talk about marriage/ring/kids/everything for over a year, and many girls on this board have been waiting longer than that. It didn't have anything to do with him being sure, or the $$, it was just about the right timing.

It sounds like you just need to relax and wait it out.

sapphirebaby926

Maybe it's because I'm sick but if I'm understanding this right you're okay with a long engagement but you're all upset that you're not going to be married next month?

desertsun

Sapphire and Kat, I took it to mean his clinicals start next month, and he's done a year after that, so she wants to get married May 2011.

She doesn't want to wait another year to get engaged. She wants to get engaged soon here so she can plan the wedding for May 2011.

Do I have that right, Claire?

katanne9

Hmm desert that is a possibility.

In case that OP, same advice. Cool your heels and enjoy this time. I remember when I was waiting all the girls told me you could easily plan a wedding in 4-5 months. And I'm doing mine in 8.

sapphirebaby926

Ah okay - that makes sense. In any case I agree with the others. Just calm down and enjoy your relationship with him now because it's a whole different ballgame once you start wedding planning.

FWIW DH and I picked out a ring together and I had no idea that he was even thinking about buying it yet when he proposed

Brighteyes425

Girl I totally understand my bf and I have been together 41/2 years and lived together for 3.5 as of now. We have pretty much set a date of 09/10/11 but he has not officially propsed which hopeflly I am going to get that ring by Septmeber so I have time to plan. I know exactly how you feel all my friends and such are getting married, engaged, preggo etc in the fraction of the time that we have been together. If you ever need someone to talk to sounds like we are in the same position. When is your anniversary? Ours in 9/1/05

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_newintroduction-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:42c2acea-0eca-43fe-9383-819133395b29Post:0f134cf6-fed2-4a45-88ec-27f2a00303af">Re: New/Introduction (Kind of Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New/Introduction (Kind of Long) : As you may have heard before on this board, THE PROPOSAL ONLY HAPPENS ONCE!!! You never get to look forward to it again. Once it's over, it's over. So enjoy this time!


That is the advice that everyone gave me and it was the BEST advice ever!  I was so anxious about the proposal and now that it's already happened I keep thinking I want to go back to THAT exact moment.  So yes, enjoy the anticipation and enjoy you're relationship because once it happens, it seems like everything is full steam ahead.  After the proposal, you have to start thinking When? Where? What kind of dress do I want? What kind of flowers? Do I want a big wedding or small wedding?  And the big one....What on earth is our budget going to be?!