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Can I whine for just a second?

I am feeling really sad about the wedding and the bachelorette party.  People that I really want to be there either can't come or won't come.  I'm sad.  It's making me feel un-loved which is so silly.  People keep whining to me about how far away my wedding is.  It's 2 and a half hours away (for most people), it's not that far.  Granted it is a bit of a drive but still, I get it you don't want to/can't afford to come but please don't make excuses to me, it just makes me sad.  My friend won't come to my bach party because she doesn't do well in groups of people and bunches of other people are dropping out.  So I am feeling sad.  I know I keep forgetting that there are going to be tons of people at the wedding who love me and Fi and want to be there.  I am just feeling like everyone is really inconvenienced by us and it's frustrating me.  Do I need to be slapped upside the head?  Any advice on how to get my head off the ground?  Anyone else feel this way or am I being ridiculous?

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

Married! May 27th, 2012

Re: Can I whine for just a second?

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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2012
    Awww...I'm sorry Ray. *hugs* I'm sure once it's your wedding day you will be surprised and happy about how many people did make it. It's not very often when someone has 100% of the people they invited show up to the wedding so don't feel bad. It doesn't mean you are unloved.


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    I don't think you're being ridiculous. Of course you want people to be there and are disappointed they can't make it. Allow yourself to be sad for a little bit and then move on. You're absolutely right that tons of people who do love you will be there. Focus on that.
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    I agree with the other PP, be down for a bit & then move forward to your big day. =)
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    motoLynmotoLyn member
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    I big <3 you!  I know you feel sad and I understand that.  But don't let it get you down!  You're getting married in a week and off to an adventure in Germany with your HUSBAND!!!!!  I agree its lame people are dropping out of attending, which makes them LAME.  LAME people don't belong at your joyous occasion. 
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    I'm sorry, hugs are going out to you.  As other posters said I would focus on the people that will be there and really do love and care for you.  I know not very much at all would stop me from getting to a wedding or a party for someone.  Try to be happy and enjoy the company of those who want to be there for you.

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    I agree, focus on the people who are coming.  I would be down too, but don't let it eat away at you.  On your wedding day, you won't be staring at the crowd of people thinking "oh, so and so isn't here."  You will be staring at the man you are about to marry. *hugs*
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    Ray, I'm sorry you feel sad, but I feel like you're being super oversensitive about this.  I'm going to use myself as an example here - I told you I couldn't afford to come, and when I got the invite, I RSVPd no.  It would have cost me at least a grand to come to your wedding.  I'm sorry.  That's not meant to make you sad, it's simply a fact of life.  I felt that it would have been unfair to you to just RSVP no and not tell you why.  I consider you a friend, and I want to be there for my friends when I can.  Unfortunately, it wasn't feasible.  Many other people could be feeling the same way.  They want you to understand that it's not that they don't WANT to be there, it's that they truly cannot.

    It's not a matter of inconvienience, it's a matter of wanting to do what's right by you.  And I'd be willing to bet that most people want you to understand that their way of doing right by you is to tell you the truth as to why they can't be there on your wedding day.
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    *hugs* I'm sorry Ray!



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    motoLynmotoLyn member
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    Peek I think there's a difference between flying across the country and driving 2 hours.  I drove 2 house for a friends wedding and drove home afterwards.  I'm sure Ray understood why you can't come and I can't come but family and friends that live within driving distance are questionable.
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    Lyn, I still think it's  unfair for her to think that those who RSVPd no did so just because they don't like her.  Which is the impression I got from the post.  Two and a half hours could be a huge commitment for some people.  Maybe they're saving for a house, maybe someone just lost a job.  There are a thousand things that play into going to a wedding, even if it's only 2.5 hours away.
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    Ray,

    I had every intention of coming out for your wedding, but like Pee k, it would have cost me a little under a grand. I love love love you. I'm so upset that I couldn't figure it out. However, I realized in that meltdown of me realizing I couldn't swing it - that I need to take some personal time and figure some life sh*t out.

    You and Noah need to come to MI on vacation, or to KY when we move (I'm convinced this is happening FTR). I will take you out and we will celebrate. I don't want you to think you are unloved. You are adored.

    Enjoy your bachelorette and wedding. Know that Pee k and I will be with you in spirit, and sending  you big hugs, love and best wishes.

    Skype this weekend??

    <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

    And yes, those hearts were necessary. :)
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    I think, Ray, after the wedding is over you'll feel so relieved and all of this will not matter so much to you.  I remember the days/weeks right before my wedding, and little things upset me...  but after the wedding was over, I realized how small those things were in the grand scheme of things.

    I think if you could really internalize that people aren't doing things (like miss your party or your wedding) to intentionally hurt you, it would be easier to let go of all of these negative emotions.  you can only control so much.  you're right:  there will be a lot of people there that love you and your FI...  and there will be people who are NOT there that also love you and your FI.

    you've planned your wedding.  it's about to happen.  stop second-guessing yourself and enjoy your last week or so before you begin your marriage.  take a deep breath and try to put things in perspective.  I know that this all seems so BIG right now...  I remember! 

    you are going to have a beautiful day and a beautiful honeymoon with your brand new H.  get excited!  don't dwell on things that drag you down...  think about everything you have to look forward to: a gorgeous wedding, a fun party, time with friends and family, an amazing honeymoon, and a brand new life with the man you love who obviously adores you. 

    you're going to be just fine.  :)  just because people can't come doesn't mean you're unloved.  you ARE loved but sometimes life gets in the way of things we want to do.  one of my best friends got married in SD one month after I had started a brand new job.  I was supposed to be a BM, but I couldn't get off of work OR afford the trip to go plus unpaid leave.  but it didn't mean I didn't love her...  it was just that life got in the way.

    I know you're frustrated that people can't come, when you feel like they should be able to.  just try to remember that you don't know all the circumstances.  and if it's true that they aren't coming just because it's an inconvenience, then poo on them.  don't worry about it.  you can't control that.  at this point, try to only worry about things that you can control.  otherwise you're just wasting energy! 

    you're still going to have a wonderful, beautiful wedding day!
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    motoLynmotoLyn member
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    edited May 2012
    I guess its how we interpret the post. What I got from it, is that Ray is sad that some people can't make it to the wedding, which is rational feeling or that they won't come because they feel the wedding is too far away ([physically).Ray has the right to be sad for a second and then needs to pick herself up and move on.  This issue isn't anything different from previous posters who vented that no one is coming to their wedding, bridal shower or bachelorette party on this board that wasn't called out on being "over sensitive".  I just thought that Ray didn't want ti deal with people making excuses from not attending.  But I could have just interpret the whole post incorrectly. 

    I agree that guests should not stretch themselves to attend a wedding if it will cause them issues.  I also think it depends on the guest some people see 2.5 hour drive as too far.  I think flying half way across the Pacific as making guests travel.  I would have love to attend Ray's wedding it just so happens I committed to another event that weekend.

    ETA: After reading other posters comments, I'm beginning to realize that I totally have the wrong interpretation. 
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    CASK85CASK85 member
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    Try to focus on all the positive stuff and the people who ARE coming. And try to forget the rest. It will be an amazing day. And I love you tons <3 
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    I'll try to answer all the concerns but I might miss some.
    Peeks-  Love, this post was not directed at the NEY girls I invited.  I totally understand why you and all the other girls couldn't come; I knew that you most likely weren't going to come.  It's ok.  Yes I was sad in the beginning but I knew why and I wasn't worried about it at all.  It doesn't bother me and I would never hold it against you. I am taking about local people; this has to do with my horse trainer telling me yesterday they probably weren't coming which really upset me.  She kept telling me how far away it was, and finally I was like, it's not that far away.  However, you are right I am being over sensitive, and I appreciate the slap.  I don't think people aren't coming because they don't like me but I am feeling like specifically my horse trainer doesn't want to put the effort to come.  Which is just silly.  I acknowledge that. 
    Irish-  :)  I love you.  I totally understand.  I am sorry I didn't mean this to come off as an attack on the NEY girls.

    Coco- Thanks.  You have such great advice and you’re totally right. 

    I'll come back and finish this later.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    Ray I'm sorry you are feeling a little unloved right now.  I'm sure I'd probably feel a twinge like that too if some of the people who's shining and happy faces I thought I'd see celebrating with me suddenly said they couldn't make it because it was too far.  I know myself and I know I'd be dissapointed.  It's kind of a lame excuse because 2.5 hours where we live isn't a super big deal but who knows maybe they have other reasons they don't want to discuss and that was what they came up with. 

    Either way it's them who are missing out on your day not you missing out on them.  Smile and say "I'm sorry you'll be missing an awesome party but we understand" and then go and get yourself hitched so you can get your butt to Germany!  


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    Breath deep and relax. Don't focus so hard on the small amount of people who can't make it. If you focus on something really small has it a tendency to grow and over take your whole vision. :)
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