Rant enclosed, feel free to ignore.

flightynightie

Note: Any questions I ask are rhetorical, this is just driving me insane.

The Details:

BF and I are 20 and 21 respectively.  We are living together and paying our bills without financial assistance from our parents or the government or anyone, and have no plans to get married for at least a few years.  Yesterday we visited his family, and his older brother (who eloped at 20 and is currently 22) attempted to tell us that we should hurry up and get married because we're getting old.

I was completely taken aback that he thought it was remotely acceptable for him to comment on our relationship.  I've heard people on here talk about how their relatives have asked things like "So when are you getting married?" and etc. but I honestly never could have expected the kind of interrogation we got from BF's brother.  I especially didn't expect it when we are this young.

I don't know why anyone would try to push other people (practically strangers really since BF's relationship with his brother is strained at best) to rush off and get hitched.  How arrogant do you have to be to think that everyone in the world should do things exactly the same way you did?  Why should it matter if we're not married as long as we're happy? BF's brother didn't appear to have moral objections to us living in sin, but seemed to take great pleasure in making BF "nervous" (see: pissed off).

I could go on much more (and in much greater detail) but I'll spare you the rest, the whole thing was ridiculous.

slowdancin2rock

Point blank, a lot of people suck. Take it in stride and you guys do what's best FOR YOU. Good luck!

KD+BC

Sorry bf's brother is being a jerk! Unfortunately some people see these kind of comments as funny. The girls here have come up with a lot of smarta$$ remarks you can come back with if they start to become too frequent. Such as: "when are you getting married?" "After bf asks me." There are some awesome ones but I can't seem to remember them right now!

flightynightie

Haha, thanks so much for the support! He kept asking us what we are waiting for and I have no idea what kind of response he was expecting.  We don't see him all that often so hopefully this won't be a frequent occurrence.

Narwhal

Next time he asks what you're waiting for tell him "for my divorce to finalize."

jeanacorina

That seriously sucks. If I were you, I'd have told him to mind his own business.

You're "waiting" to be ready to get married. You can love someone completely but not be READY to marry them. It makes perfect sense to me, and I think you guys sound like you have your heads on straight.

Next time his brother butts in, you should stand up for yourself and ask him why your relationship status matters SO MUCH to him. And tell him to get a life.

katanne9

I would prepare a general reply. It seems he has found his brother's buttons and may continue to act in such a way purely to get a reaction. I agree with Jeana, nip it in the bud or prepare to deal with his antics for a few years. 

Ugh, I'm sorry he is so annoying.

frenchy730

Just forget about it.  Get married when the time is right for you.  If he felt it was in his best interest to be married at 20, great.  That doesn't give him any amount of specialization in the area of when other people should get married.  Enjoy your relationship and relax!

sapphirebaby926

Ditto PP's - I probably would have told him to keep his nose in his own business by now. Sorry he's being a jerk about it

SassyBrass

He said you were getting old? Last time I checked 20 and 21 is still pretty young.
Good for you guys to have your plan established to wait until you are both ready. It'll be a much happier time for the both of you if you aren't nagging him to propose and you can brush those "when is it gonna happen?" comments off.
My FI's family always have this saying when people ask them when they will do something: "Around the first" "First of the month?" "No, the first chance I get!".
Honestly, he did what was good for him and that's fine, but it doesn't mean he knows anything about where you both stand.  I'm sure you have both talked about it, and honestly, that's who needs to be part of the equation
Sorry he pushed your buttons, that's gotta be annoying.

ekathleen684

He is probably doing it purely to see BF's reactions and I'd try to ignore him or make up a snide remark (See- Narwhal). You'll get married when YOU AND BF are ready and that's all that matters.

PaigeMcC

I agree with PPs - get a standard answer (possibly with some snark) ready and whip it out next time.  It's really none of his business when, and if, you two decide to get married.  I'm just a bitter old woman so I'd tell him to eff off...you might want to find more delicate wording since you have to maintain some sort of realtionship with him;)

flightynightie

Haha, Narwhal that's great, I'll have to keep that one in my back pocket.

I wish I could replay the whole scene because it's all jumbled in my memory but I definitely told him that we're waiting for gay marriage to be legalized (something I feel very strongly about), and thought that would shut him up due to his wife's extremely conservative values (e.g. she refers to herself as an anti-feminist), but sadly it didn't.

I suspect PPs may be right about him intentionally pushing BF's buttons; it's sad how childish that kind of behavior is, but I think it's easy for people to fall into old roles when they're around their siblings, especially if their relationship isn't allowed to evolve.

Narwhal

Sometimes I consider myself antifeminist but I'm all for gay marriage.

flightynightie

Yeah after I posted that I considered that they're not really relevant to each-other.  I'm assuming that she's against gay marriage though because BF said she got a strange look on her face when I said that we were waiting for it to be legalized (which we're not really, but I hope by the time we do get married the country will have come around on this issue...sadly I think my expectations might be too high).