How long for an engagement?

melissadavis0226

How long do you anticipate your engagement will be before tying the knot? I've personally always had a theory of if you dated for awhile then you might have a short engagement, and if only together for just a short while have a longer engagement. SO and I will have been together 3 years in November and I don't know how long he personally would like to wait when the time comes. What's a good amount of time or does it truely depend on the person? I'm not trying to start planning but I was just curious what others are doing or plan to do?

thejucheidea

Maybe before you start posting questions like this and starting a bunch of threads, you should do an introduction post...

leia1979

It all depends on what works for your and your SO. I told H (then BF) that I wanted a year, and we already knew that we wanted to get married in September. We got married exactly one year after we got engaged. We certainly didn't need a year, but we actually took a few months off in the middle of planning.

I don't see how engagement length has anything to do with how long you've been together. It all depends on the particular couple and their plans.

thejucheidea

We're not engaged, so we're not talking length of engagement yet. When we get engaged, we will decide how long our engagement will be. I would prefer a shorter engagement, but it's a joint decision, so we'll discuss it when the time comes.

There's not a right or wrong answer when it comes to engagement length.

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:6eb108f6-cc63-4d40-84c5-b5022da3b4a0">How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]How long do you anticipate your engagement will be before tying the knot? I've personally always had a theory of if you dated for awhile then you might have a short engagement, and if only together for just a short while have a longer engagement. SO and I will have been together 3 years in November and I don't know how long he personally would like to wait when the time comes. What's a good amount of time or does it truely depend on the person? I'm not trying to start planning but I was just curious what others are doing or plan to do?
Posted by melissadavis0226[/QUOTE]
It totally depends on the couple. There is no set amount of time or formula. 

Swazzle

I agree with PP especially Leia. We dated for over 4 years before we got engaged and our engagement is 1 year & 8 months long. I wanted a spring wedding but this spring didn't leave us with enough time for saving.

melissadavis0226

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:22765a9e-d198-4183-bd3e-4cb5583dee95">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PP especially Leia. We dated for over 4 years before we got engaged and our engagement is 1 year & 8 months long. I wanted a spring wedding but this spring didn't leave us with enough time for saving.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I too would most likely like to get married in late spring, but I suppose it will ultimately depend on when SO decides to pop the question. If he doesn't till later in the year it may make it a bit more challenging to find a venue depending on what we decide.</div>

Elle1036

Our engagement will be almost exactly 17 months. We were together for over four years before we got engaged. There's no magic formula. Any more questions for tonight?

melissadavis0226

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:73e657f1-489f-4a6a-9004-ee06acb8da60">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]We talked about having a long engagement before getting engaged.  I'm graduating from my master's program in May 2013, and we figured a few months after that would be a good time for a wedding.  Our engagement will be 2 years and 4 days long.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>What are you studying?</div>

melissadavis0226

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:621ca365-79cd-499b-8847-10003dfc2a81">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting a Master's in Public Health, with a concentration in Epidemiology.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>What's your ultimate goal career wise?</div>

SKP82

Our engagement will be a little more than 10 months.

Which we decided AFTER we got engaged.

Translation: Wait until you're engaged to think about/decide on this.

tdwpg1984

For my BF and I it will all depend on when we get engaged, what I have going on school wise, and when we decide to get married. If BF and I get engaged any time in the next 6 months, we'll probably have a long engagement (over 1 year) because school is crazy for me for the rest of the year, and I won't really have time to do any wedding planning until that's all over. But if it's longer than 6 months, the engagement would probably be less than a year. The earliest I could see us getting married would be next spring. But it will probably end up being next fall or next winter (I refuse to have a summer wedding).

polkadot111

We didn't PLAN for a 3.5 year engagement, but that's what happened due to school, becoming less stupid (wanted to just drop out and get married. Poor decision...), and financial reasons.

tdwpg1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:ff1fcfe1-8f4c-4eec-9e38-0c4ba143657d">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long for an engagement? : I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about the length of an engagement before getting engaged.  We discussed our timeline for the future, and the earliest we wanted to get married was after my graduation.  If neither of us was okay with having a long engagement, we would have waited to get engaged or talked about how to fit in a wedding between semesters and my summer class.   In fact, we were both on the same page with a long engagement long before we actually talked about when we'd like to get married.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
I agree. BF and I have discussed timelines a few times (how long we want to date before we live together, how long we want to live together before getting engaged, how long we want to be engaged before we get married, how long we want to be married before we have kids). The timelines aren't set in stone. We've changed them around. Like we had planned on dating for at least a year before moving in together, but some shite happened with my landlord and we had to move that up a bit. We were planning on getting engaged after we lived together for a year, but then we've had a few little problems in our relationship over the last month or so that we have to work through before we get engaged. And I've always hated attending summer weddings, so I flat out refuse to have one. I know what my schedule is like for the next little while and know that I won't have time to do much, if any wedding planning this year, so starting to plan an early spring 2013 wedding in January 2013 ain't happening, unless we decide to have a little wedding. Based on discussions though of what my BF and I both feel a wedding and marriage should be, I don't think either of us want that though. (And I see nothing wrong with talking about what your wedding should be in broad terms, as in "It's important for me to have my family there" and I DEFINITELY think it's a good idea to talk about what you want your marriage to be like before you get married!). 

melissadavis0226

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:2f6e9aa6-577e-47da-a8db-61e3fc49a0b0">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long for an engagement? : I agree. BF and I have discussed timelines a few times (how long we want to date before we live together, how long we want to live together before getting engaged, how long we want to be engaged before we get married, how long we want to be married before we have kids). The timelines aren't set in stone. We've changed them around. Like we had planned on dating for at least a year before moving in together, but some shite happened with my landlord and we had to move that up a bit. We were planning on getting engaged after we lived together for a year, but then we've had a few little problems in our relationship over the last month or so that we have to work through before we get engaged. And I've always hated attending summer weddings, so I flat out refuse to have one. I know what my schedule is like for the next little while and know that I won't have time to do much, if any wedding planning this year, so starting to plan an early spring 2013 wedding in January 2013 ain't happening, unless we decide to have a little wedding. Based on discussions though of what my BF and I both feel a wedding and marriage should be, I don't think either of us want that though. (And I see nothing wrong with talking about what your wedding should be in broad terms, as in "It's important for me to have my family there" and I DEFINITELY think it's a good idea to talk about what you want your marriage to be like before you get married!). 
Posted by tdwpg1984[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree that you should have a general idea of what you might want at your wedding, and what you want out of your marriage. My SO and I have talked about our short term goals and long term goals in terms of the next five years. Beyond that we hope to be settled and happy. This will be my first marriage and hopefully last, this will be his second. It really seems that open communication about anything is really what is important. The SO doesn't seem to care too much on a timeline going from engaged to married, but he wants me to have what I want. Whether that's a wedding or not.

</div>

deburnin

We've been together seven years. We'll be having a two year engagement. This is mostly due to finances. Realistically there's no way we could save for the wedding (and honeymoon) we want in a year. We could have waited until closer to the date we had in mind, but FI really wanted to make my dream proposal happen and we only go to Disney every two years. And if we already had a date in mind we might as well be engaged and not look like BSC pre-planners.

As PP have stated there's no magical formula. People have to figure out what works best for them.

bethsmiles

BF and I both would like for our engagement to be a year at the most. For us being engaged is just about planning the wedding and we don't think we need than a year to do that. But it's different for every couple.

jemmini6

H and I talked about timelines before we got engaged.  We knew we wanted a longer engagement because neither of us were really looking forward to planning a wedding, so we wanted to give ourselves time to do it without having our entire lives consumed by it.  We also discussed that we wanted to get married in either March or November because those are the best weather months here.  So when he proposed in September, we automatically decided that we would get shoot for November the following year since the coming spring was too close for the length of engagement we wanted.

But like PP's said, it really depends on the couple.  Some people want longer or shorter engagements, some people want one thing, but realistically have to do another, etc.  There's no right or wrong, just what's right for you.

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:6eb108f6-cc63-4d40-84c5-b5022da3b4a0">How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]How long do you anticipate your engagement will be before tying the knot? I've personally always had a theory of if you dated for awhile then you might have a short engagement, and if only together for just a short while have a longer engagement. SO and I will have been together 3 years in November and I don't know how long he personally would like to wait when the time comes. What's a good amount of time or does it truely depend on the person? I'm not trying to start planning but I was just curious what others are doing or plan to do?
Posted by melissadavis0226[/QUOTE]

Don't get too wrapped up in details now. Wedding planning is only 15% fun, the rest is pretty stressful. You don't know what life will throw at you when you do get engaged. Your "ideas" could make you feel totally crushed if something happens that is out of your control and you don't get to do what you had planned on. In other words... enjoy not being engaged, and put it out of your mind until you are engaged.... and ready to plan a wedding.

loves2shop4shoes

I don't really think there are rules.  You get married when you're ready to and on a date that you're both comfortable with.  FI and I are having a 2 year engagement.

melissadavis0226

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-engagement-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:46288076-b0f4-4ae8-9e2a-7e3241188de9Post:fe8aa639-b001-492d-aa77-f40573b1ad45">Re: How long for an engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How long for an engagement? : Don't get too wrapped up in details now. Wedding planning is only 15% fun, the rest is pretty stressful. You don't know what life will throw at you when you do get engaged. Your "ideas" could make you feel totally crushed if something happens that is out of your control and you don't get to do what you had planned on. In other words... enjoy not being engaged, and put it out of your mind until you are engaged.... and ready to plan a wedding.
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I'm not planning I was just asking a question.</div>