going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!

ericsbabygirl26

I'm excited im going tuesday to  get info and tour one of my 2 potential venues. The aetna building downtown. I cant wait, we are not engaged yet, waiting till my hunny gets through some medical hurdles. i already know they book a yr in advance. Our current tenative date is sept 15th, 2012. I figured it doesnt hurt to at least look in my spare time of not working/going to school/raising my 2 & 1/2 yr old haahaa. I plant to file the info away, and pull it out after he proposes and when we need it. I have heard nothing but good, cant wait.

palmettogirl924

Troll.


EDIT: And just in case you aren't a troll. You should never plan anything before you are engaged.

Setting a tentative date, before you're engaged is nuts. What happens if he doesn't propose until a month before your "tentative" date? Instead of focusing on this "date" be supportive and help your "hunny" through his medical problems.

If you aren't working or in school, you should put your time into finding a job so you will be able to financially afford a wedding and all the things that come with life after a PPD.

Gathering from your post, it doesn't seem like you two are financially ready to get engaged or married yet- so I think you should slow your roll and take some time to get your lives stable and straight before you start planning a wedding that you are unable to afford.

And you're not a year out yet. So I'd hold off on your "tour".

Go back and read the sticky's at the top of this board, those will help you out.


Sorry if this comes off as bitter, but honestly.

luvdncn90

An introduction would be nice to get to know you.

Elle1036

Hi

tafft1

HI troll , have fun with your ice rink wedding with baked engagement chickn.

SeaTea02

*because expressing how dumb that was in words just doesn't work*

CASK85

jemmini6

Gah!  I had the perfect troll picture, but we wiped my computer yesterday

I'm dedicating my morning to find it again....this post seems worthy of it...

PaigeMcC

September is my month.  Back off.

jemmini6

ericsbabygirl26

Wow. Ok didnt realize their were so many rules. I have a bio. What else is their to know? Im not a troll, we are discussing looking into things early and a tenative date is just that tenative. it can change at a moments notice and were ok with it. Sometime this yr he plans to poropse and if he doesnt no biggie. i was just simply excited as he is to look at something and just get the venues info. I am 26 and he is 40. We both work full time jobs and i raise a 2 yr old and go to school, not that its really anyones business. I guess i wont be posting again here since people are so rude.

marleylikeair

IMO, there is no reason to call the poster stupid or assume she's a troll with no evidence. Seriously. We're adults, right?

OP, have you read the thread near the top of the page that says "please read before posting"? It'll give you a good idea of what this board is about.

As I've said to some newbies before, the regular posters on the board do get a little tired of explaining that we generally don't advise planning anything before you're engaged, and that does lead to some snarky responses. I'm not a fan of that, but I hope you won't take it too personally. And anyway, lots of us got flamed the first time we posted here.

ericsbabygirl26

Thank you marleylikeair. I realize it is not recommended to plan ones wedding prior to being engaged and im not. Im just doing some research now. Like getting prices and info to file away when i do start planning.  I simply have tons of ideas, and no i am not stupid and after posting i did go introduce myself in the one posts and i have read the rules. I was just excited and wanted to sharer, didnt realize i'd get so many nasty responses. It's nice to know not everyone here is like this, i mean it is the not engaged yet board!!!

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_going-look-jacksonville-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:488881b0-d05c-4efb-af40-7a49dfe94c76Post:cee7f1dd-e257-4e9d-8cfb-8bdb9507e732">Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you marleylikeair. I realize it is not recommended to plan ones wedding prior to being engaged and im not. Im just doing some research now. Like getting prices and info to file away when i do start planning.   I simply have tons of ideas, and no i am not stupid and after posting i did go introduce myself in the one posts and i have read the rules. I was just excited and wanted to sharer, didnt realize i'd get so many nasty responses. It's nice to know not everyone here is like this, i mean it is the not engaged yet board!!!
Posted by ericsbabygirl26[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is the NEY board, but that doesn't mean the posters on here encourage research. Don't do any reserach now- save that for when you ARE engaged which is the RIGHT time to do that research. You can easily burn yourself out on planning. And on top of that, you mentioned you're in school and have a 2 year old child. Put that extra energy into focusing on those parts of your life (along with friends, family, and your relationship, etc.) instead of planning a wedding when you aren't engaged yet. You don't need specific prices, a general idea of what you can afford (which depends on your income, and not the venues around you) is all you need.

The girls here that recommend you don't pre-plan or research, are saying so out of honest, good advice. It isn't to ruin anyone's fun.

And honestly? I'm so sick of everyone going "troll! troll!" Where is the reason for calling this one a troll? Girls come on here all the time asking about research and planning, and that doesn't make them all trolls. And even if there are trolls, sometimes it is good just to respond with advice that you do have in case there are other lurkers reading it thinking the same thing.

ETA: Also, OP, you've only been together 8 months according to your introduction post. Give it some more time before you start all this research and give your relationship more time to grow.

desertsun

Erics, Bren and Marley gave you some excellent advice. Please listen to them and also check out this thread:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet

I'm going to add something, and it really is NOT meant to offend.

You will find people will take you more seriously and not immediately assume you're a troll if you take more care with your grammar, spelling, and punctuation. 

Of course you are free to write however is most comfortable for you.

It's just that on an internet forum, where the only method of communication is writing, you will make a better impression using proper English.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_going-look-jacksonville-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:488881b0-d05c-4efb-af40-7a49dfe94c76Post:cee7f1dd-e257-4e9d-8cfb-8bdb9507e732">Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you marleylikeair. I realize it is not recommended to plan ones wedding prior to being engaged and im not. Im just doing some research now. Like getting prices and info to file away when i do start planning.   I simply have tons of ideas, and no i am not stupid and after posting i did go introduce myself in the one posts and i have read the rules. I was just excited and wanted to sharer, didnt realize i'd get so many nasty responses. It's nice to know not everyone here is like this, i mean it is the not engaged yet board!!!
Posted by ericsbabygirl26[/QUOTE]

Hey, you're welcome. I think it's perfectly natural to be excited!

May I ask if you and your BF on the same page with all of this? Is he ready for you to be researching, and are you talking about it together comfortably? If yes, great. If not, you might want to remember...

-You'll have <em>plenty</em> of time to research once you're engaged.

-Prices for venues and vendors are probably going to change by the time you're engaged, and new things will come out by then, as well, like new dress designs and fun new reception ideas.

-Your BF is going to want input on things.

-Looking at wedding stuff before you're engaged or have a firm date set can kind of be like shopping for a bikini in the dead of winter. It puts you a little far ahead of things and heck, you might not even like that bikini anymore when summer comes. It's just frustrating in the end.

-If you're devoting a lot of your thought processes to wedding stuff and your BF isn't a part of that, you may not be totally present in the relationship, and that isn't fair to him. If you're happy with him (and you must be, to be thinking about the wedding, yes?), make sure you're showing him that. Show him that you're happy with him and want him to be happy, too. Enjoy things day-to-day. Honestly, I think that's what men need to see in order to be ready to propose: that you're happy with yourself, even happier with him, and want to make him happy, too. He needs to see, for an extended period of time, how the rest of his life with you is going to look--before he's ready to make the huge commitment of saying, "YES, I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with this person."

If I'm saying a bunch of things you already know, I apologize. I do think it's good for us to remind each other of this stuff once in awhile, though. I went through a little phase of getting wayyy excited for a wedding a few months back, and my BF was fantastic at expressing these things (the things in that last paragraph) to me. He calmed me down and told me that while he was indeed thinking about these things, too, it was too early to talk about them.

Anyway, this post has gotten much too long. I hope some of this helps! Welcome to the board!

leia1979

OP, I advise against even researching now. Prices, selections, and even vendors may change. Also, if you do so much researching now, you'll be burned out on it by the time you are engaged.

calindi

Marley, have I properly expressed my love for you recently?

And I totally agree with Bren - seriously guys, don't call 'troll' just because you don't like what she says.  There's a lot of people who are overeager and could actually benefit from good advice, and most of us have been there ourselves - though we might now come here for companionship, let's be honest - you have to be a little overeager to end up on a wedding chat board before you're engaged.  We've managed to be a helpful resource to each other - talking each other off the crazy ledge, and being an outlet to vent when needed.

I mean, I think BF might have bought my ring last week, and I didn't tell anyone except you ladies in that post.  It's great to have a place to come and get it all out and be reminded to take a deep breath and not rush things.  I hate to see girls who might otherwise be just overeager get chased out or called trolls.

********************************

ericsbabygirl, just enjoy the stage your relationship is now.  It's very exciting, but doing anything more than browsing is really not worth it. 

For one, you're stealing the experience from yourselves to look at this stuff together once you're engaged.  It's something you can't take back and do again. 

Secondly, a lot of things can change.  You can't get your heart set on a venue or a dress - you'll need to first sit down and figure out a real budget that you can afford, you'll have to wait until family members volunteer to help pay (it's rude to ask, and it's not likely anyone will offer before you're even engaged).  And until you have the money in your hand, you can't count on it - there are girls here who know that all too well.  So even if your parents once upon a time said they'd help, you really can't count on that yet.

Once you have a budget, you'll have to figure out a guest list.  Families will want input on this likely, especially if they help pay at all.  Once you have a guest list and a budget, only THEN will you be able to know what sort of budget you have for a venue.  And only once you have a venue will you know what type of dress to look for - you'll likely want to match the formality of the venue with the dress.

So thus, in summary - don't go looking at a venue when you have no idea if you'll be able to afford it or if you'll have too many or too few guests for a certain venue.  Ever seen the "Say Yes to the Dress" episodes where the girl tries on dresses that are out of her budget?  It always ends in heartbreak.  Just take your time, enjoy your relationship, maybe skim through some stuff and save the pictures away somewhere for inspiration, but don't do any more than that.  It's a waste of your time and potentially will lead to disappointment

ericsbabygirl26

 To marleylike air, yes my bf is on board with all of this.  It's my 1st wedding, his second. I devote tons of time to school my son and probobly more with the bf bc of his medical issues. While im at work i lurk and read peoples postes etc.From what me and my bf have discussed i think sometime this year he will propose, but i don't know and am patiently waiting.  My bf's great  he really  doesn't care what i do and anything i want as long as its in the budget is fine with him.

ericsbabygirl26

my bf and i are  paying for the wedding ourselves and already have a budget saved. Since i was previously engaged twice i have alot that i want to use since it didn't get used before. I do enjoy where we are most days but am ready to be a wife since i am already a mom.  I have planned 2 previous weddings and all were within budget and none of my vendors changed their prices in the process, it can happen and thats fine too. But thanks for the advice guys.

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_going-look-jacksonville-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:488881b0-d05c-4efb-af40-7a49dfe94c76Post:5fe8f6b8-e3c1-4266-96b7-7d7b9dd352d2">Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]my bf and i are  paying for the wedding ourselves and already have a budget saved. Since i was previously engaged twice i have alot that i want to use since it didn't get used before. I do enjoy where we are most days but am ready to be a wife since i am already a mom.  I have planned 2 previous weddings and all were within budget and none of my vendors changed their prices in the process, it can happen and thats fine too. But thanks for the advice guys.
Posted by ericsbabygirl26[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">You have been engaged twice before, planned two weddings, and have never been married... </div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Did you plan those wedding too before you were really engaged? </div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">I'm sorry, but it is just one day of your life. I don't get why women decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives with a man and then think they should plan a wedding with out being engaged. Like really? Why is that the most important thing to do next?</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">You have already thought twice that you found Mr.Right and didn't. I suggest focusing on your relationship right now and getting to know your BF better. He obviously isn't ready to propose to you, so it isn't time to plan a wedding. </div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">And don't forget to tell the venue you aren't engaged. They won't take you very seriously either. </div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Edited for typos. </div></span>
</div>

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_going-look-jacksonville-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:488881b0-d05c-4efb-af40-7a49dfe94c76Post:86ccf011-70a7-4f11-945b-6071f8b82206">Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!! : You have been engaged twice before, planned two weddings, and have never been married...  Did you plan those wedding too before you were really engaged?  I'm sorry, but it is just one day of your life. I don't get why women decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives with a man and then think they should plan a wedding with out being engaged. Like really? Why is that the most important thing to do next? You have already thought twice that you found Mr.Right and didn't. I suggest focusing on your relationship right now and getting to know your BF better. He obviously isn't ready to propose to you,<strong> so it isn't time to plan a wedding</strong>.  And don't forget to tell the venue you aren't engaged. They won't take you very seriously either.  Edited for typos. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]
She has experience planning weddings that don't happen, Sea. Just let her do it and stop being such a meanie head!

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_going-look-jacksonville-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:488881b0-d05c-4efb-af40-7a49dfe94c76Post:d0b0743f-f882-41f5-afc6-647db5479559">Re: going to look @ jacksonville venue!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Marley, have I properly expressed my love for you recently?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Why, no, Cate, I don't believe you have! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> I'm a fan of your posts, too!

misskrysbaby

How can you have two potential venues for a wedding that, thus far, is not going to take place? You are not engaged, and may never be engaged, you never know what can happen. Obviously there is something that is not computing with you and your BF if you are "researching" a venue, budget, etc and he hasn't proposed yet. There's a communication error or three if your boyfriend is allowing you to get your hopes up and yet still cannot propose. The engagement is the time you "research" and store stuff away, which includes a budget, potential venues, a date, a season, whatever. The time when you are NOT engaged is the time you ready your relationship for any potential future, whatever that may be.