Beebee overload

loves2shop4shoes

The sticky is driving me bananas.  There are so many beebees, it's positively cringeworthy.  If you can't legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you should not be getting married.  No, there are no exceptions to this rule IMO.

If you're my age (note, I'm 22) and you've been with your SO for a few MONTHS, you should not be planning your wedding.  Jesus Christ, SLOW YOUR ROLL PEOPLE!

I'm only 22 myself.  FI and I have been together for 3 years and JUST got engaged.  He's 25 & I'm 22 and we're having a 2 year engagement...and I still feel like we're crazy young to get married.  There will be premarital counseling.  We have had fights and weathered all storms together.  We've been to weddings & funerals together.  We live together and pay ALL of our bills ON OUR OWN. 

If you cannot say these things about your relationship, you should NOT be planning a wedding!  Period.  A wedding is to begin a MARRIAGE, not one pretty princess day.  And marriages take work...every.single.day.until.forever.

Sheesh.  *And I'm off my soapbox...*

MLekathLEEN

I like the new pic. (When I click on it, it gives some chick from the USVI.)

I agree. There needs to be a universal law that say your age plus however many years you've been dating should equal X. Anything less will induce the side eye.

but...these girls are young and in lurve, VERY mature for their age, and fart rainbows and sunshine. Marriage will be SOO EASY and they're going to make it no matter what us uppity old haggy engaged biitches say.

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:f230389f-f982-4b21-bba7-e6f3a272c841">Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]The sticky is driving me bananas.  There are so many beebees, it's positively cringeworthy.  If you can't legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you should not be getting married.  No, there are no exceptions to this rule IMO. If you're my age (note, I'm 22) and you've been with your SO for a few MONTHS, you should not be planning your wedding.  Jesus Christ, SLOW YOUR ROLL PEOPLE! I'm only 22 myself.  FI and I have been together for 3 years and JUST got engaged.  He's 25 & I'm 22 and we're having a 2 year engagement...and I still feel like we're crazy young to get married.  There will be premarital counseling.  We have had fights and weathered all storms together.  We've been to weddings & funerals together.  We live together and pay ALL of our bills ON OUR OWN.  <strong>If you cannot say these things about your relationship, you should NOT be planning a wedding!</strong>  Period.  A wedding is to begin a MARRIAGE, not one pretty princess day.  And marriages take work...every.single.day.until.forever. Sheesh.  *And I'm off my soapbox...*
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Call off the wedding.  No one has died yet.

I get what you are saying, but I don't agree with how you are saying it.  I don't like advice/guidelines that are based off one person's experienced.  To say if someone has not done exactly what I've done, you should not get married is just silly.  There is no one way you and I have had the same experiences.  That doesn't  mean you shouldn't get married.

Someone who is only three years older than you could probably say the same things to you about how you have no idea what adult life is really like, so much will change, you're not fully mature yet, blah blah blah.  IMO, there are a few things most people can agree on like finishing school or starting a career, whichever you choose, or being financially independent.  But some of your requirements are just to subjective/relative to apply to everyone.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:824fdf1a-8818-4a95-bcb9-bfd723b4fd10">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Beebee overload : Call off the wedding.  No one has died yet. I get what you are saying, but I don't agree with how you are saying it.  I don't like advice/guidelines that are based off one person's experienced.  To say if someone has not done exactly what I've done, you should not get married is just silly.  There is no one way you and I have had the same experiences.  That doesn't  mean you shouldn't get married. Someone who is only three years older than you could probably say the same things to you about how you have no idea what adult life is really like, so much will change, you're not fully mature yet, blah blah blah.  IMO, there are a few things most people can agree on like finishing school or starting a career, whichever you choose, or being financially independent.  But some of your requirements are just to subjective/relative to apply to everyone.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

Someone dying was my example for having weathered all sorts of storms, which I do think a couple should do prior to getting engaged.  I'm not saying they need to have my relationship exactly; no one will.  I'm saying basic guidelines.  I was already prepared for the "but, but, you're only 22" rebuttal, which is why I gave examples.

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:103aa851-40fc-490b-a989-8da581574073">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beebee overload : Someone dying was my example for having weathered all sorts of storms, which I do think a couple should do prior to getting engaged.  I'm not saying they need to have my relationship exactly; no one will.  I'm saying basic guidelines.  I was already prepared for the "but, but, you're only 22" rebuttal, which is why I gave examples.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Right, and all I was saying was that I don't agree with your version of the basic guidelines.

Edit:  I guess what I'm saying is that you know people might give you are hard time because they think 22 is still young, but you feel like you've experienced enough to make you feel ready for marriage and adulthood.  So there are probably lots of people of different ages who feel the same way.  Which is why I think it's more reasonable to have less subjective "guidelines".

bakes218

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:824fdf1a-8818-4a95-bcb9-bfd723b4fd10">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Beebee overload : Call off the wedding.  No one has died yet. I get what you are saying, but I don't agree with how you are saying it.  I don't like advice/guidelines that are based off one person's experienced.  To say if someone has not done exactly what I've done, you should not get married is just silly.  There is no one way you and I have had the same experiences.  That doesn't  mean you shouldn't get married. <strong>Someone who is only three years older than you could probably say the same things to you about how you have no idea what adult life is really like, so much will change, you're not fully mature yet, blah blah blah.  IMO, there are a few things most people can agree on like finishing school or starting a career, whichever you choose, or being financially independent.  But some of your requirements are just to subjective/relative to apply to everyone.</strong>
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

I totally agree. I am 28 and FI is 25. We don't live together and we won't till we are married. Does that mean we aren't ready to be married because we don't live together? We have been together for 7 years and have waited to grow and mature, finish school, start our careers before making the commitment of marriage.

I think being "ready for marriage" is different for everyone.

Blue & White

What I've learned from my sister: you can't tell people who they think they're in love with.  Fortunately, they tend to figure it out on their own eventually, but sometimes it kills them in the process.  (this said mainly in a "if my sis gets engaged before the boy leaves for boot camp, I will smack him in the face" tone...)

I've noticed that age/experience when you get married also varies locally too though.  NY/NJ/BOSTON really get married much later than...all of the south (VA is slightly excepted, it looks like, except the military population) 

I have Jersey blood, so I kinda give the side-eye to 90% of people getting married.  I will probably give myself the side-eye if I'm married before 27 too.

PaigeMcC

Ana for president!

sapphirebaby926

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:f230389f-f982-4b21-bba7-e6f3a272c841">Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]The sticky is driving me bananas.  There are so many beebees, it's positively cringeworthy.  <strong>If you can't legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you should not be getting married.</strong>  No, there are no exceptions to this rule IMO. If you're my age (note, I'm 22) and you've been with your SO for a few MONTHS, you should not be planning your wedding.  Jesus Christ, SLOW YOUR ROLL PEOPLE! I'm only 22 myself.  FI and I have been together for 3 years and JUST got engaged.  He's 25 & I'm 22 and we're having a 2 year engagement...and I still feel like we're crazy young to get married.  There will be premarital counseling.  We have had fights and weathered all storms together.  <strong>We've been to weddings & funerals together.</strong>  We live together and pay ALL of our bills ON OUR OWN. <strong> If you cannot say these things about your relationship, you should NOT be planning a wedding!</strong>  Period.  A wedding is to begin a MARRIAGE, not one pretty princess day.  And marriages take work...every.single.day.until.forever. Sheesh.  *And I'm off my soapbox...*
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

I have to disagree with several of your requirements here

1.) While I may agree that it's too young for most people to get married I think this is a stupid reason to say 'you're too young to get married'. My sister was 19 when she got married and she was much more mature at that age than some of the 30+ women I know. So to say that she couldn't get married because she can't legally drink is dumb.

2.)The whole being able to say you've been to weddings and funerals together bothers me. Why does someone have to die to make your relationship valid? This may be nitpicking a bit on what you said but since you wrote that<em> everyone </em>should be able to say <em>all </em>these things about their relationship I'm pointing this one out.

I have more I'd like to write but it's too early and I have class to get to.

dwest2201

Honestly, in theory the idea behind what you are saying sounds like a good one.  I will say from my past though, the EXACT OPPOSITE was true. 

My exH and I were together for a year and a half when we got engaged and we had been through some ups and downs.  His grandpa was dying, my mom(and my best friend) was battling cancer nearly the entire time we were together and had just undergone brain surgery to remove a tumor that spread to her brain.  ExH and I went through A LOT during the time that we were together and dealt with a lot of things from our past as well... our parents being divorced, my only sibling dying of cancer and now watching my mom fight for her life.  We were there for each other in that aspect... but not in anything else.  Looking back we never focused on anything other than damage control for everything around us... we didn't have a strong relationship.  We should have never gotten married probably. 

That being said, no one rule can apply to all people or all relationships.

loves2shop4shoes

That's ok people.  You're allowed to disagree.  I stand by what I said in my posts.

CWill16

Yeah, I know all these arguments against people getting married/engaged young (I am 20 but I don't plan on getting married until I am 22 and he will be 23) but I think the right "time" is different for everyone. We will have been together seven years by the time we get married and I don't plan on holding off for the simple fact of my age.

As for risk factors of divorce, being young is one of them but so is living together before marriage. I took a marriage and family relations course at my college and our text book gives a list of risk factor, and believe it or not living together before marriage increasing the risk on divorce by a third.

bethsmiles

I know a lot of people who got married young and have very happy marriages. My BF's parents got married when she was 18 and he was 20. It was hard but it can be done. Also one of my best friends parents got married after knowing each other for three months. They are one of the happiest couples I know. I also know people who had arranged marriages who are extremely happy. I don't think there are any rules when it comes to relationships. Every relationship is different and moves at its own pace. What works for you may not work for someone else.

LadyMadrid08

I'm a beebee and yeah, I'm in love.  I won't pretend I'm so mature though.  I knew it was right and my family and friends supported me and that's that.

On the note of legal drinking though...my wedding was in Spain and I legally toasted, but I couldn't have in the US.  So do you think that "rule" would work here? 

Oh also, there was premarital counseling, we'd weathered a lot together, and we paid our bills all by ourselves before the wedding...but are those really the basis of whether or not you're ready to marry?  I'm not so sure (although of course I think all couples can benefit from pre-marital counseling).

noelle24

I'm going to have to agree that if you

1) are under the age of 21

and/or

2) have been dating less than a year

that you should not be getting married yet. 

Anecdotal evidence (i.e. my sister was 19 and she's fine!  BF's parent's are happy, and they got married after 9 months!) is never convincing.  Are there exceptions to the norm? Yes.  Is your particular anecdote a good reason to encourage OTHER girls to behave the same way? No.

MLekathLEEN

I dont think anything listed by all PP's above would be considered a make it or break it "rule". Just because FI and I have only gone through one "big" death and very few drastic situations to test our relationship, does that mean we shouldn't get married? The same goes for people who have had hardship after hardship. If they've have such situations and they've made it through but are worse off than before (relationship wise), does that mean their relationship is better approved for marriage than mine? It's not what has happened in the past X months/years but how you've dealt with issues as a couple.

I know I jokes earlier about age+relationship legnth = X for appropriate marriage but I just wanted to say that everyone knows someone who got married at 18 or only dated 3 weeks and have had great relationships and vice versa. We've also known people who have dated 10 years or married at 30 that have since divorced. No situation will be the same so to me, it's silly to have a generalization on when a couple is ready to get married based on age and legnth of dating alone.

That still doesn't mean that I won't give you the side eye or scream BAD IDEA when your getting married at 16.

Beads921

I'm not lovin' the tone of this post, simply because you're lumping everyone together. You make perfectly valid points, but could have stated them differently.

BF and I are young, but can legally drink. I would insist on pre-marital counselling, if we were engaged, but we're not so that's moot. We have been to hell and back together, a couple of times. We've been to weddings together. We've been to funerals together (and boy, was THAT hard). We live together and pay our own bills. By your definition, we're ready to get married. Except that we're not. We aren't quite ready for that level of commitment at this age.

Overall, I do think many of these things you're talking about are important before getting married, but may not be required in all cases. And on the flip side, there is a lot more to being ready for marriage than just those few points.

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:d7b6d363-78c1-48bb-b715-056e1654c40f">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to have to agree that if you <strong>1) are under the age of 21 and/or 2) have been dating less than a year that you should not be getting married yet.</strong>  Anecdotal evidence (i.e. my sister was 19 and she's fine!  BF's parent's are happy, and they got married after 9 months!) is never convincing.  Are there exceptions to the norm? Yes.  Is your particular anecdote a good reason to encourage OTHER girls to behave the same way? No.
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

These are guidelines that (I'm sure) most people can agree on.  I'm 20 (21 this Nov.) and I know better, but BF and I have been dating for 1 year and 5 months. At one point in my life I wanted to get married ASAP, but as my brain has further developed I know that would be a terrible decision.  I can wait a few more years. I know I'll probably be married younger than most, but at least I'll be that much older and had that many more life experiences. There are some things I'd like to do before I get married (nothing crazy, just life experiences).

bakes218

Question: How can you say you are not ready to get married and have that level of commitment but you are ready to live together, share your life, share your money, and basically everything else.

I don't understand that...

Bec20

The issue about legally drinking at your wedding is that the US has such a high legal drinking age compared to most other places.  In a lot of Europe it's 16.  In Canada it's 18 or 19, depending on the province.  So what about somebody who is 18 and can legally drink where they are?  Do they still meet your requirements, or do they have to be able to legally drink in a place that has nothing to do with their wedding?

noelle24

I personally have used the "legally drink" line because it corresponds with an age that I find more acceptable for marriage. I don't think teenagers have any business getting married, drinking age or no drinking age.  Most of the times I've seen others use it on here, it's a similar deal.  

HeartOverMind

Who cares about the drinking age? Isn't the age when the brain is fully developed a more important age?

The brain isn't fully developed until 25 (or around that age) and that is when you are cognitively able to make critical decisions at the highest level without all the stupid hormone and young people crap. lol. These are just the facts. Yes, everyone is different...but 25 seems to be the golden number for most of the research. 

I'll probably be married before 25, so I'm not being a hypocrite or anything. I just brought it up because the drinking age argument is really annoying!  Everyone's life experience is different...so live and let live!

LadyMadrid08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:af240669-f29b-498c-8d87-528664cca946">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]The issue about legally drinking at your wedding is that the US has such a high legal drinking age compared to most other places.  In a lot of Europe it's 16.  In Canada it's 18 or 19, depending on the province.  So what about somebody who is 18 and can legally drink where they are?  Do they still meet your requirements, or do they have to be able to legally drink in a place that has nothing to do with their wedding?
Posted by Bec20[/QUOTE]

<div>In most of Europe it's actually 18 now...it changed in some countries (Spain for certain) a few years ago.  But I'm with you on this point, although I am kind of just snarking...I know most people are specifically talking about the US.  :)</div>

noelle24

Honestly, I'm not liking the overall tone of the responses to l2s4s. 

Was her OP worded a little harshly? Yes.

Is the basic advice she's giving different from what we tell beebees All.The.Time? NO.

If you haven't weathered good times and bad with your BF/FI, grown up, lived a little, and spent a significant amount of time dating each other, you have no business getting married.  Those lines are different for everyone, but I think l2s4s was just giving examples of her own definitions of what "weathering storms" was.  

The nitpicking is just unnecessary.

megandken

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:f9b12423-fab1-4912-962d-7e3548997cb4">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]... As for risk factors of divorce, being young is one of them but so is living together before marriage. I took a marriage and family relations course at my college and our text book gives a list of risk factor, and believe it or not living together before marriage increasing the risk on divorce by a third.
Posted by CWill16[/QUOTE]
Just FYI- living together or not has no effect on likelihood of divorce.
Source: CDC National Center For Health Statistics, 2010  <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_028.pdf" rel="nofollow">http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_028.pdf</a>

Thank you,
Your local fact checker

calindi

But...but... but... Noelle, what would NEY be without nitpicking?  I mean, half the conversations would just... stop!  Seriously, it seems to be way more popular to hop on the "oooh, yay, let's criticize someone to death!" bandwagon than actually make a valid, original point or consider the validity of an opposing view.

And that old statistic about living together before married is significantly outdated - it came from when our parents and grandparents were getting married, and at that point living together before marriage was a completely different thing and not nearly as acceptable as it is today.  It skews the results, because families not supporting the couple is a big risk factor in a relationship simply because of the pressure it puts on the couple.

Also, I don't judge a marriage's success simply by divorce statistics - clearly there are people very miserably married who just don't believe in divorce so they stay together.  People who live together before marriage are typically not the most religious (as most religions seem to frown on pre-marital cohabitation), and thus they don't have the religious objections to divorce, so I'd believe that religion might play a role in divorce statistics more than co-habitation.  I dare say that divorce is more common among people who aren't strongly religious, but that doesn't mean that there aren't equal numbers of people who are unhappily married but won't divorce.

purplepeopleeater11

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:810055b8-ae22-4a2a-8ed4-37e0ad41cd33">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, I don't judge a marriage's success simply by divorce statistics - clearly there are people very miserably married who just don't believe in divorce so they stay together.  Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

This.  Based on those statistics, I should never marry anyone.  I should be alone forever with hundreds of cats. 

I believe each relationship is different, the people in every relationship are different.  There is no specific time, and no specific guidelines that should dictate when a couple is ready or not.  

That being said, if some people don't agree with the speed or age at which a couple gets married, that's their prerogative.</div>

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:b305ede2-9b16-4948-b841-aae394ed483e">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'm not liking the overall tone of the responses to l2s4s.  Was her OP worded a little harshly? Yes. Is the basic advice she's giving different from what we tell beebees All.The.Time? NO. If you haven't weathered good times and bad with your BF/FI, grown up, lived a little, and spent a significant amount of time dating each other, you have no business getting married.  Those lines are different for everyone, but I think l2s4s was just giving examples of her own definitions of what "weathering storms" was.   The nitpicking is just unnecessary.
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

My problem with the OP is  the generalization.  Sure, if an 18 year old girl who's still in school, lives with her parents, and doesn't have a job asks me if she should get married I will say no.  For all of the reasons we've all talked about before.

I don't think it's fair to say NO ONE should get married based on their age alone.  I also think it's hypocritical to say 'I'm more experienced and mature than other 22 year olds but there's no way 18 year olds can be experienced and mature too'.  I don't care for double standards.

What if you are fortunate and lead an easy, relatively trouble-free life?  Should you never get married because you don't know how your relationship will hold up if you ever experience difficulties?

Maybe the OP is just poorly worded.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:810055b8-ae22-4a2a-8ed4-37e0ad41cd33">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE] And that old statistic about living together before married is significantly outdated - it came from when our parents and grandparents were getting married, and at that point living together before marriage was a completely different thing and not nearly as acceptable as it is today.  It skews the results, because families not supporting the couple is a big risk factor in a relationship simply because of the pressure it puts on the couple. Also, I don't judge a marriage's success simply by divorce statistics - clearly there are people very miserably married who just don't believe in divorce so they stay together.  People who live together before marriage are typically not the most religious (as most religions seem to frown on pre-marital cohabitation), and thus they don't have the religious objections to divorce, so I'd believe that religion might play a role in divorce statistics more than co-habitation.  I dare say that divorce is more common among people who aren't strongly religious, but that doesn't mean that there aren't equal numbers of people who are unhappily married but won't divorce.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Exactly this.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:39ea31e1-d1e2-4d76-9121-99fd7bfa1e77">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, in theory the idea behind what you are saying sounds like a good one.  I will say from my past though, the EXACT OPPOSITE was true.  My exH and I were together for a year and a half when we got engaged and we had been through some ups and downs.  His grandpa was dying, my mom(and my best friend) was battling cancer nearly the entire time we were together and had just undergone brain surgery to remove a tumor that spread to her brain.  ExH and I went through A LOT during the time that we were together and dealt with a lot of things from our past as well... our parents being divorced, my only sibling dying of cancer and now watching my mom fight for her life.  We were there for each other in that aspect... but not in anything else. <strong> Looking back we never focused on anything other than damage control for everything around us... we didn't have a strong relationship.  </strong>We should have never gotten married probably.  That being said, no one rule can apply to all people or all relationships.
Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

This is a really good point.  We can argue all day long that a couple needs to experience hard times together, but if that's <em>all</em> they've experienced, that's a disaster, too.  It's equally, or perhaps even more, important for a couple to experience just regular life together.  The psychological and endoncrine effects of challenges cause people to bond with anyone who shared the experience, but those things will wear off in time.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beebee-overload?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49745378-af3b-4d77-9a61-0617d48ced00Post:b305ede2-9b16-4948-b841-aae394ed483e">Re: Beebee overload</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'm not liking the overall tone of the responses to l2s4s.  Was her OP worded a little harshly? Yes. Is the basic advice she's giving different from what we tell beebees All.The.Time? NO. If you haven't weathered good times and bad with your BF/FI, grown up, lived a little, and spent a significant amount of time dating each other, you have no business getting married.  Those lines are different for everyone, but I think l2s4s was just giving examples of her own definitions of what "weathering storms" was.   The nitpicking is just unnecessary.
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

<div>Bear hug to Noelle.  </div>