Long or short engagement?

noelle24

Ditto Mutley.  I'd let it go for now.  Every time you want to talk about it, change the subject, or go do something else. 

And really, getting engaged right.this.second isn't going to speed up your marriage at all.  You KNOW that summer 2012 is the best time for both of you to get married.  Whether you are engaged now or in the fall will not change that fact.  Your relationship now is the same relationship you will have with a pretty piece of jewelry on your hand.  Save both of you the headache, and just focus on all the good things about your relationship as is.

SarahM2012

I think you guys need to do whats right for the both of you.  I'm engaged and not getting married until April of 2012. We picked the date because lent was over and it worked best for everyone. His family is recovering from his sisters 400+ person wedding and we need time to get money together b/c we're paying for it.

I'm not supposed to be engaged right now. He said he was looking at November/December so he could save a little more (this was Jan of this year). I said thats cool, whatever you're comfortable with-- didn't think about it.  He proposed in March; the ring had been sitting in his apt for a month! He bought it while I was in the store. When he proposed I told him that if he was messing with me I would push him over and go upstairs. This he still finds funny.

Even the best laid plans speed up on you.  Just go with it   Nothing has changed between us except now I have very nice hardware. 

oceana919

We're having a 16 month engagement, simply because:
 
a) We wanted a spring wedding (weather most cooperative where we are) and there was no way we'd have a wedding ready to go in three months.

b) We wanted plenty of time to save up the money for the wedding while saving for a house (rather than forsaking our house fund to fund the wedding).

c) I knew it would take us that long to put together a wedding with our work and school schedules the way they are.

If those circumstances weren't there, I probably would have opted for a shorter engagement.

You need to do what's best for you, simple as that.

Acrosthec

Our friends had a 1.5 year engagement and they were arguing and fighting about the wedding constantly.  FI and I knew we wanted something short.  As it turns out, our 5-6 month engagement couldn't happen, so we're having 10 months.  Turns out that 6 probably would've been perfect, as we've been impatient and ready to get married already for about the last 3 months and we still have a month and a few weeks to go.

In other news, did multiple people in this thread, including the OP, THANK Mutley for her advice?  Is this the beginning of an NEY apocalypse?

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-short-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a898be2-d6e7-42b4-b07b-ad7feb8e86abPost:ffbf9544-c7c9-4279-9b5f-1aec36ba5eb4">Re: Long or short engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE] In other news, did multiple people in this thread, including the OP, THANK Mutley for her advice?  Is this the beginning of an NEY apocalypse?
Posted by Acrosthec[/QUOTE]

Actually, I think Mutley is secretly one of the V's and is secretly plotting to take over the world by controlling our brain waves. Next thing you know, her face is going to pop up on the bottom of a spaceship over NYC.

leia1979

Well, at least it's a very friendly apocalypse. Narwhal's situation sounds somewhat similar to mine, so I think I also need to take Mutley's advice and back off. Thank you!

Goldlie11

The length of your engagement is a personal decision.  I kind of do raise my eyebrows at super long engagements.  I'm having a 20 month engagement.  It kind of makes me laugh that I've been engaged for seven months and my ticker hasn't moved yet.

Anyway, I'm happy that we still have plenty of time to save up money.  We're paying for almost everything ourselves and we wouldn't be able to afford to have the wedding any sooner.  Oh, well.  

catemeg

Agree with PP that an appropriate engagement length is unique to each couple... some people would go nuts with a long engagement, and some would stress a lot with a short one!  Also, some people need to save up money so the long engagement helps them accomplish that

That said, if you get engaged so far in advance that you aren't going to start making plans or saving for quite awhile, I just don't understand why you didn't wait a little bit.  Though I'm sure it would be nice to bask in newly-engaged glow for a few weeks to a few months, if you're engaged there should probably be an intent to plan for a wedding at some specific point in the next couple of years.

There's a girl from my high school who has been engaged since senior year of high school, and I don't think they've set a date yet.  That's 6+ years!  That's rather extreme...

bethsmiles

Thanks for all the advice! I'm feeling much more clear headed today. Waiting is totally a better decision for us, I think we would just go crazy being engaged for too long.

desertsun

Keep in mind that you don't have to be engaged to be saving for your wedding.

FI and I both have a portion of our paychecks set aside for savings. We never deplete our savings completely, and we talk about the best use of that money. So you don't even need a "wedding fund" per se.

jemmini6

i get that question a lot too.  all i ever say is 'whenever he asks me"

joiner521

People are nosey as hell. That is between you and your BF. TELL THEM TO BUY SOME BUSINESS.