waiting on the ring, mom says start planning...

smith2be2010

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years we have a son together, he has two other sons that we have custody of and i have a daughter that i have custody of.  We are quite the family.  My parents want to help pay for it, my mom said to come up with my dream wedding and then we'd talk budget....what is a decent budget? I'm so lost here.  We are living on just my boyfriends income I'm a stay at home mom.  We live in Lafayette and I think I want to get married in Lafayette even though my family would have to drive an hour north. Any advice??? please ladies help me out here!!

JenniferB27

I guess your budget will all depend on how many guests you will have. I'd say to start with that. Then you will know which venues you can look at and get an idea on prices. Your wedding can be as simple or elaborate as you want to make it, so that will really be a factor, too. Don't worry about having people drive an hour. The ones who really want to come will be willing to drive. Have you tried The Knot's Budgeter yet? It's really helpful, too. Good luck!

Acrosthec

Don't start planning anything until you have the ring, then do budget; your mind will change a zillion times between now and when you get married, even after you're engaged.  But at least if you wait until you get the ring, you'll be less likely to be so annoyed that you planned a lot of stuff and you're changing your mind about it.  That's just my view anyway.

Once you get engaged, the appropriate budget is what you can afford, which is obviously different for every person.  If your parents are offering to pay, you need to sit down with them and get them to tell you exactly what they are comfortable spending and that is your budget.  Do not go over it, and thank them graciously, because as I'm sure you realize, they don't have to help pay for it at all.  The biggest thing with the budget and paying for a wedding is to have the wedding you (and your family) can afford, so that you don't start your marriage off in debt.

Also, if you live in Lafayette it'll be a ton easier to plan things there, especially since you have to work around 4 kids' schedules, your schedule, and your BF's schedule.  I would say get married wherever you want to unless it's absolutely impossible for a crucial family member to get there.  FI and I wanted to get married in a destination location overseas with just our family, but neither my dad nor his mom will fly, so that got canned.  That sort of restriction is something worth buckling for in my opinion.  If they can make the 1 hour drive, then 1 hour isn't that big of a deal for one weekend.  If they can't be in a car that long due to medical or other reasons, and it's imperative they be there, then you may want to look into places closer to them.

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_waiting-ring-mom-says-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4ebe348b-ffc0-4be2-b591-31eabfe65704Post:09c30871-e8d8-4443-9f1c-d1ef8eac9148">waiting on the ring, mom says start planning...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years we have a son together, he has two other sons that we have custody of and i have a daughter that i have custody of.  We are quite the family.  My parents want to help pay for it, my mom said to come up with my dream wedding and then we'd talk budget....what is a decent budget? I'm so lost here.  We are living on just my boyfriends income I'm a stay at home mom.  We live in Lafayette and I think I want to get married in Lafayette even though my family would have to drive an hour north. Any advice??? please ladies help me out here!!
Posted by smith2be2010[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be planning my "dream wedding" until I knew the guy actually wanted to marry me. Or what input he might have because it's his day too...

pinkpinot

Plan the wedding you can afford, it's that simple.  Nobody here can tell you what would comfortable for you & your FI to spend or save in the amount of time you are engaged. 

babybchbum

i agree with PPs. I would slow down and enjoy the dating process. Even if you know he has the ring it makes for an emotional roller coaster if you try to plan things when you aren't engaged. ( I'm talking from experience)

jeanacorina

Planning before you're engaged is way stressful. Just say no, kids.

That said, I agree with PPs. When you're engaged and your BF is in on the planning, sit down with your parents and see how much they are comfortable spending. It was really hard to get a number out of my dad, because he had no idea how much weddings cost. But I finally figured out that $8,000 was his comfort zone. FI and I are adding in another $2,000, and FI's parents are taking care of the rehearsal dinner.

The #1 most controllable cost is your guest list. Your total bill can skyrocket if you don't keep that under control. And it's harder than it sounds.

You just have to coordinate everyone and stay within those budget limits. And be VERY thankful your parents are helping you! Make sure they know it!

Sometimes moms get really excited. I know mine did. She was ready to talk weddings before FI was. You just have to remind her that when you're ready to start planning, she'll be the first to know.

desertsun

You don't mention if you and your BF have talked about marriage?

Discussing your future with your partner is vastly more important than discussing a single day with your mother or on an internet message board. The fact that you make no mention of talking about the future with your BF makes me wonder a little. Either you think it's so obvious that you've done so that it's not worth mentioning, or you've skipped that part.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you and your BF have thoroughly discussed every aspect of not only the wedding but the marriage.

In this case, yes, as PPs have mentioned, setting the guest list is the first step in determining a budget. Once you have a head count, you can research venues and caterers online to see how much a location and food will set you back -- this will be the biggest expense, so it's best to look at it first. You can also research photographers, florists, and dresses online to get an idea of costs on those things as well.

I think it's perfectly fine to do price research before you're engaged, but, again as PPs have mentioned, I would advise against making any decisions until you're closer to your actual wedding date.

**Mutley**

RaiKai

Okay, while you certainly do NOT need a ring to be engaged, I have to ask if you and your BF actually decided to get married as it is NOT clear in your post....

If not, then it does not matter what mom thinks. Slow down, and relax, and wait until you actually have decided to get married.

If you have, and consider yourselves engaged, then you can go ahead and start planning along with your BF. It should not be all about YOUR dream wedding, it is his wedding too.  Plan the wedding that fits your budget and the wishes of your BF and yourself, and don't count on the cash until it is in your bank account.