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Why do you go to weddings?

A friend of mine sent me a blog post from a friend of his about weddings.  Among other things it stated you should have an open bar because your friends had to sit through a boring ceremony and they deserve a drink.  It also said that people go for the party, never the wedding itself.  Personally I like the party, but its not why I go, I was wondering what you thought.
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Re: Why do you go to weddings?

  • Beads921Beads921 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I go for both. I actually like the ceremony part - as long as it's not too long. It's just such a nice thing. And who doesn't love a good celebration (as long as the speeches aren't too long and the DJ is good).
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  • ravenrayravenray member
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    edited December 2011

    I voted both. I like the ceremony.  I think the vows are beautiful and my favorite part is the grooms face when the bride walks down the isle.  Her face is pretty awesome too.  I love the feelings of love, happiness, and bitter-sweetness that run through the family and crowd.  I love the party and dancing afterwards. Visiting with friends and family and the wedding party.  I just love it all :D

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  • edited December 2011
    I love the ceremony... As long as it isn't too cheesy! I am usually against writing your own vows, it can get very awkward for the people at your wedding, but I have heard some self written vows that got me crying. So, that being said I love everything about weddings! :) But, I am an event planner/ PR person by degree, so that may have something to do with it! lol
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  • edited December 2011
    I go for both. I love the cermony and the meaning of it.  I also like being able to have fun and party at the reception.  Also there is cake at the reception!

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  • jorhysjorhys member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I voted both as well. I feel like the celebration is much more meaninful if I have watched the couple exchange vows.

    And some good food/drinks/music sure doesn't hurt!
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  • DanieKADanieKA member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that's a pretty cynical opinion. I think if you are important enough to be invited you should "sit through" the ceremony with a smile. But I do think a couple should treat guests to a good time. Whether that's an awesome backyard BBQ or a fancy black tie affair. Offering your guests a comfortable place to sit, something to nibble on, and refreshments, alcoholic or not, is important. Those invitees are a part of your life, at least enough of a part of it to be invited, so why not. 

    I voted both. I like the ceremony. I'm always happy to see a friend make that commitment and find someone they love. I love the party. It's a chance to celebrate the couple, get gussied up, see friends, and generally have a good time. I do like my vodka tonics, but would be perfectly fine with beer and wine, or punch. No one else should be expected to pay because I'm a lush! 

    ETA: this applies when you know one of the people or both getting married. If you are just the date and you don't really know anyone, I'm fine with you being there just for your date and for the party afterward. You shouldn't expect an open bar, but if you don't know the couple there's no shame in not caring that much about the ceremony, imo. 
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Both! Clearly this person has some pretty cynical views about marriage, or he'd be able to realize that it isn't a 'boring ceremony,' it's a show of love and commitment from two people that THOUGHT he cared about them.
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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm kind of in love with love, so I go for both.

    It helps if I know/love the couple though. Then I also take about 700 years trying to decide the "perfect" gift (which usually ends up being something very them and some cash, not gonna lie, haha)
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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
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    edited December 2011
    Where is the "CAKE!" option?
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    edited December 2011
    I go for both. I'm the type of person who will tear up at the ceremony (I didn't cry at the one I went to Saturday though, I held the tears back!). I love watching people get married, it is such a special moment :)

    I enjoy receptions as well. It's usually a good time so I look forward to them.

    IMHO, if you aren't happy for the bride and groom and aren't there to see the ceremony you shouldn't show up at all.


  • edited December 2011
    Sure, the bride and groom should show hospitality to their guests, but that doesn't necessarily mean an open bar. Sheesh.

    I like the ceremony as well as the reception. Honestly, most of the weddings I've been to haven't had the 'party' type atmosphere at the reception and I've actually probably enjoyed the ceremony more. I love crying, seeing everyone else cry, watching the looks the bride and groom give each other, and just being with the bride and groom and witnessing their special day.
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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I go for both - just going for the party is tres frat-guy. I'll admit, I bore easily, so I don't love the ceremonies that drone on and on (read: I have an enormous Portuguese family and they have a gazillion vows and readings in Portuguese - and then repeated in English). But I love looking at the groom's face when the bride comes down the aisle, and the vows are nice.

    Of course the party is the fun part, but I think anyone that believes they should drink free for an entire evening just for coming to a friend's important event is an alcoholic mooch. Do you ask your friend to buy your drinks all night when you go out for their birthday? No. Don't get me wrong, I think an open bar is a great gesture and I appreciate it greatly, but people aren't made of money. I would rather a bride and groom spend their budget on other things that are important to them and have the guests control themselves with alcohol intake.
  • edeegedeeg member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I go for both! The ceremony means more if I actually know both the bride and groom though... I've attended a wedding where I was the date of a groomsman, and I didn't know ANYONE except him and the photographer. I still teared up at the ceremony and I had a blast dancing at the reception. The other groomsmen called me the wedding crasher because I didn't know the bride or groom at all but was friends with everyone by the end of the night. Tongue out

    With ceremonies I like them short and sweet... but not too short. It stinks to sit there waiting for half an hour and then the processional is longer than the actual ceremony. But looonnnggg ceremonies are boring. I can only handle so many songs/readings!

    However, the party could go all night... with or without alcohol! I've ahd fun at dry weddings and sloshy ones!
  • edited December 2011
    For me it depends on how close I am to the people getting married. I'm mfrom NYC originally and come from a background with very big families and very very very big weddings. I've been invited to weddings where I don't really "know" the people getting married at all (my mom will always tell me they're a cousin and explain that they're my second cousin's cousin or something). For those, I'm really all about the party, the ceremony doesn't really mean anything to me because I don't really know them...

    That said, I've been to the church ceremony for all of my friends, and they are almost NEVER short. Average Greek weddings run 1.5 hrs, though I've seen longer. I enjoy going and I'm happy to watch them because I love thinking about what the ceremony means for them and to see how they look at eachother etc.
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4fde4664-829b-4ca4-8cf6-655834ac2a23Post:492bd945-7108-4922-9ffd-c97328800b92">Re: Why do you go to weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]For me it depends on how close I am to the people getting married. I'm mfrom NYC originally and come from a background with very big families and very very very big weddings. I've been invited to weddings where I don't really "know" the people getting married at all (my mom will always tell me they're a cousin and explain that they're my second cousin's cousin or something). For those, I'm really all about the party, the ceremony doesn't really mean anything to me because I don't really know them... <strong>That said, I've been to the church ceremony for all of my friends, and they are almost NEVER short. Average Greek weddings run 1.5 hrs, though I've seen longer. I enjoy going and I'm happy to watch them because I love thinking about what the ceremony means for them and to see how they look at eachother etc.
    </strong>Posted by kellylove22[/QUOTE]
    The Orthodox like things long.  Lol are you Greek Orthodox? 
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  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I voted both. I am with PP that said she is wary on self-vows. My best friend and DH wrote their own vows...and I'm not one for tearing up...damn bugger made me cry... I love both. I love seeing the look on the groom's face when she walks down the aisle, and with the divorce rate what it is, it is nice to see in that small window of time, two people very much in love and happy.

    I'm a foodie...so the food is more important to me than the booze lol..

    I have to agree with Auggie, where's the CAKE option?!?!? :)
  • Jeter1028Jeter1028 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First of all, I don't go to a wedding unless I feel close to the ones getting married.  That being said, of course I go for the ceremony and well as the reception. It's so great to see someone you love and care about making that committment and getting to be a part of that day.  Do I expect an open bar? Of course not and I think it's completely rude to expect such a thing.  Is it a nice thing to have?  Sure, who doesn't love free drinks.  But if that's what you're worried about then you probably shouldn't be attending the wedding at all.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Definitely both.  I love ceremonies, I like seeing the bride's grand entrance, hearing their vows, seeing if they get choked up, their first kiss, etc.  It's the most meaningful part of the day.

    But everyone also loves a good party too.  I like the toasts sometimes (I'm not big on long, sappy toasts, I'm more of a funny toast kind of person).  I enjoy all the special dances, the food, good music, etc.  Of course booze is always a plus, but in my area, cash bars are the most common, so I'm fine with that (I'd rather have the option to buy a drink then to have a dry wedding).

    Anyone who says they deserve free drinks for sitting through a boring ceremony is an ass....
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4fde4664-829b-4ca4-8cf6-655834ac2a23Post:dcaf08f7-2691-4d73-ab4a-776e3249de3c">Re: Why do you go to weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted both. I wouldn't go to a reception without going to the ceremony. I feel like it's rude to do that. That said, I also have typically declined the invite when I'm invited only to the AHR for a couple that didn't invite me to their ceremony.  I enjoy the vows in the ceremony, but honestly don't connect to it much if it's a full Catholic mass -- because I'm not religious, I guess, it feels like it is more about God and less about the couple. Which is fine because that's what they want, but I do find myself getting a little antsy by the end of an hour +.  For the reception, I enjoy the food (read: cake), drinks, and dancing but<strong> I'm not actually a big fan of the "traditional" things like spotlight dances, toasts, garter/bouquet toss, etc.</strong>
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    I don't think anyone is a huge fan of them because unless it's your wedding day they aren't that interesting to anyone else.


  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I voted both.  I honestly believe that if your sole purpose is to get drunk, you shouldn't be at the wedding.  

    I think that the ceremonies are beautiful, and the party should be a celebration of the couple.  Considering every wedding I've been to before now, I haven't been 21, so I've been sober.  I still think that you should never ask your guests to pay for drinks or deny them the opportunity, but if I were invited to a dry wedding, I would be okay.

    I'm not expressing well right now though...
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  • edited December 2011
    I love both, especially if they are a different culture than me. I went to my first Catholic wedding last spring and got to observe a Catholic Mass for the first time. When my FI and I get married, it will be the first time a lot of our friends (and half of FI's family!) will be at a Jewish wedding.

    And of course, a party is a party is a party, regardless of whether or not it's a wedding! Good music, food, being with friends and loved ones!

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4fde4664-829b-4ca4-8cf6-655834ac2a23Post:dcaf08f7-2691-4d73-ab4a-776e3249de3c">Re: Why do you go to weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted both. I wouldn't go to a reception without going to the ceremony. I feel like it's rude to do that. That said, I also have typically declined the invite when I'm invited only to the AHR for a couple that didn't invite me to their ceremony. <strong> I enjoy the vows in the ceremony, but honestly don't connect to it much if it's a full Catholic mass -- because I'm not religious, I guess, it feels like it is more about God and less about the couple. Which is fine because that's what they want, but I do find myself getting a little antsy by the end of an hour +.</strong>  For the reception, I enjoy the food (read: cake), drinks, and dancing but I'm not actually a big fan of the "traditional" things like spotlight dances, toasts, garter/bouquet toss, etc.
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    Definitely feel ya on that one, Liv! That's what I was going to say too. The last wedding I went to had a full mass for the ceremony and it was pretty much the only wedding where I didn't cry...it was very unemotional for me because I'm not religious. But I do otherwise enjoy most ceremonies.
    I think the reception is the best part though. Spending time with family and friends, good music and food..and drinks! I'm surprised to see so many say they don't expect an open bar because I've heard most people do expecit. Where I'm from it's not the norm. I've never been to a reception with an open bar for more than an hour. I don't expect one- I'd rather buy my own drinks than have no drinks at all!
     




  • edited December 2011
    I go to weddings to steal a bit of the bride's soul.
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I am one of the two miserable souls who said "the party."

    I do enjoy parts of the wedding ceremony itself, but if it's longer than 20 minutes, I start to get bored and restless.  I wouldn't go to a wedding that wasn't followed by a reception.

    I don't go enjoy receptions solely for the food and booze, though.  I like to socialize, dance, and just enjoy myself.  I would go to a dry wedding, just not a reception-less wedding.
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4fde4664-829b-4ca4-8cf6-655834ac2a23Post:2a8d0443-f5ab-48ec-8fb0-2b8c0d96a400">Re: Why do you go to weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am one of the two miserable souls who said "the party." I do enjoy parts of the wedding ceremony itself, but if it's longer than 20 minutes, I start to get bored and restless.  I wouldn't go to a wedding that wasn't followed by a reception. I don't go enjoy receptions solely for the food and booze, though.  I like to socialize, dance, and just enjoy myself.  I would go to a dry wedding, just not a reception-less wedding.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you. Although I voted for both. B/c I do like to see the bride walk down the aisle and I like the vows if they're not cheesy. But you're right, much more than 20 minutes and I start to get a little antsy.

    I would go to a dry wedding, but I would secretly be annoyed that there wasn't some kind of booze. I am really not much of a drinker. But to me, weddings are a special occasion that calls for providing alcohol for your guests. I think particularly b/c I"m a vegetarian and I've had so many mediocre food experiences, I like at least to have an open bar. So yes, I would secretly be a bit annoyed at you for having a dry wedding or a cash bar, but I would never in a million years say a peep about it.
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