I need your opinion (with poll)

cu97tiger

Here's the situation:

My parents have been friends with (let's say) A&B since they were in high school. A & B had two daughters, C (my age) and D (my sisters age). C and I have stayed in touch, mostly through facebook, but also through occasional visits when we're in the same city. I am 'friends' with D on FB, but haven't spoken directly to her, or seen her, in at least 10 years.

A&B are invited to the wedding

C& her husband are invited to the wedding

D& her husband are NOT invited to the wedding

Everyone in my immediate family thinks D should be invited to the wedding. I say I'm not hosting a family reunion, that I have a relationship with A,B & C, but not D. If D were getting married, and invited my parents and my sister, I would not be hurt AT ALL. 

What do you think? Should I invite D? It turns out our numbers probably won't be as high as we thought, so inviting two more won't break the bank, but to me, it's the principal of the thing.

Elle1036

I voted that you don't have to invite her if you don't want to, but I don't quite think it's that simple.

I'm struggling with something similar.  I'm inviting one of my really good friends and her parents, who were like second parents to me while I was a teenager, but I'm hesistant on whether to invite her older sister.  I know I don't have to, and heaven knows I don't want her there, but I also don't want it to seem like a deliberate slight if I leave her off.

Are you fully against having D attend, or are you more just indifferent to her?

bsidebella

OK, I voted yes. I don't think you're a bitch, though, I really don't!

However, I personally feel that you shouldn't exclude one member of the family, if everyone else is invited. To me, that's bad form - especially if two more people wouldn't break the bank.

elannis

I'd say as the bride and groom, you both can say who is or is not invited to your wedding, unless someone else is paying, then they probably have a say too. I can't think of anyone in my family/friends that I could relate to in this situation, but I'd personally probably decide depending on how much drama it will cause not inviting them vs. how much extra money/inconvenience to invite them and see which is easier to handle.

jemmini6

I guess it comes down to your final numbers, but it'll probably be less stressful to just go ahead and invite her.  Is D local?  Maybe she won't even come since she's not that close to you anyways.  Either way, this probably isn't a hill worth dying on.

FWIW, my mom insisted I invite another couple that my parents are friends with.  I'm not particularly fond of them, but whatever, we invited them to make my mom happy (she didn't really have a lot of requests for our wedding, so we gave her that one).  They ended up not even coming.

[Deleted User]

My original response is in the other thread. I voted for Yes...but like bella, I don't think anything negative about you!

becunning2

I commented in the other forum before you made this one...

I think it's your perogative if you're paying, but if it were me, it's not a battle I would fight if I had the money and space unless I disliked her.  Otherwise, you're just fighting and creating tension for no reason. 

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-opinion-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5142e255-740d-4cc2-bb30-2bdddadce26ePost:e2d63853-58ce-4eb4-b8d4-0fb28a226de0">Re: I need your opinion (with poll)</a>:
[QUOTE]I voted that you don't have to invite her if you don't want to, but I don't quite think it's that simple. I'm struggling with something similar.  I'm inviting one of my really good friends and her parents, who were like second parents to me while I was a teenager, but I'm hesistant on whether to invite her older sister.  I know I don't have to, and heaven knows I don't want her there, but I also don't want it to seem like a deliberate slight if I leave her off. <strong>Are you fully against having D attend, or are you more just indifferent to her?</strong>
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<div>I was never really friends with her, since she was a bit younger than me, though we all played together when we were kids. I just don't really know her, or her husband, so it never crossed my mind to invite them. They live thousands of miles away, so I can see them not coming, but since her sis and parents are coming, they might also choose to use it as a family reunion, who knows.</div><div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">[QUOTE]However, I personally feel that you shouldn't exclude one member of the family, if everyone else is invited. To me, that's bad form - especially if two more people wouldn't break the bank.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">I can understand this when kids are younger, but she's been married for 3 or 4 years, has a child, lives thousands of miles from her parents. She's an adult and her 'family unit' is no longer her parents and sister and brother. At least that's what I was thinking when I was making the guest list decisions...</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;" class="Apple-style-span">No worries ladies, the b!tch option was tongue in cheek :) I definitely don't want to cause dramma in their family, or between our parents, I was just wondering if I was crazy to think that it was ok to oriiginally not invite her! :)</span></div>

lennonkdc

I'm with Bella too! I think you should invite D if its not going to break the bank. It's absolutely up to you and FI who gets an invite, but if its not a big deal money wise, then I say the more the merrier. If you don't have to die on this hill, I wouldn't...

becunning2

It sounds like she might not even come since she lives so far away. I also don't think it would matter if she did come only because her other family members are coming for a family reunion of sorts. Weddings are happy occasions people like to share with people they love--and that includes the families of the friends who come to see yours.  

Hazel_B

Meh, I'm a mean person and said not to invite her. I view it as a spearate family unit as well. Also, if it is just you and your FI paying then go with your gut on it. If your parents are helping then you have to listen more.

Also, where is she? Is there a likelihood she'd come. It maybe easy to just send the invite and have people stop bothering you about it.

wink0erin

I would probably invite her, just to avoid possible drama. She may not even care to come, since she doesn't know you very well and lives far away. It's not worth causing family drama over. 

Peaseblossom55

I would invite her just to make it easier and as others have said to avoid drama of any kind.  She may not even come if she lives so far away.  

HULU

After reading the above, the question I'm wondering is, if you do invite her, what are the chances that she's going to add her husband and children to that invite? (As some people tend to think that they're free to bring along their entire family, or worse, write in their husband/bf/fiance/childrens names on the invite) If the odds are high, would they be easily accomdated without having to bend over backwards?

edit: TK is being "derp" and posted this on el's "Baby Fever" thread, lol.

ravenray

I voted no because she lives so far away.  Honestly I only really want people who care about me and my marriage at my wedding so since she is so sperate don't give in!  Stand firm!

SKP82

I voted you can invite who you want, but if it's something you're questioning and it won't break the bank, I would just invite them to appease the others and put my mind at rest.  Unless there's someone else you'd want to invite instead of them.

desertsun

I think it's legitimate to not invite someone you haven't seen in 10 years in general.

That said, when your families have been friends for many years...I don't see it as a big deal to invite D, either. Even if YOU don't get a huge kick out of having her there, SHE will feel nice that you included her, and the rest of both of your families might enjoy having her there.

Your wedding is not just all about you. It's also about families and friends, and esp if you have room in your budget/guest list, I just don't see this as the issue to take a stand over.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-opinion-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5142e255-740d-4cc2-bb30-2bdddadce26ePost:243f3016-ddf9-40e2-a6ee-8ec70bbdb220">Re: I need your opinion (with poll)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's legitimate to not invite someone you haven't seen in 10 years in general. That said, when your families have been friends for many years...I don't see it as a big deal to invite D, either. Even if YOU don't get a huge kick out of having her there, SHE will feel nice that you included her, and the rest of both of your families might enjoy having her there. <strong>Your wedding is not just all about you. It's also about families and friends, and esp if you have room in your budget/guest list, I just don't see this as the issue to take a stand over.
</strong>Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Desert is so, so very wise.