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I have an update: I made a BIG decision.

A few months ago, I started to bring up some of the problems BF and I were having at that point in time and how things were going (which wasn't very well).

We broke up impulsively, and then got back together.

And you know what changed?

Absolutely nothing. Things only got worse. About a month ago, something else changed. He was charged with drunk driving and ended up pleading guilty fairly recently. And when he first told me about the charge, I started to question everything.

So this weekend, after thinking it over, and talking to familiy about it, I broke up with him. I knew I wanted more out of a relationship than I was getting and I knew that I deserved more.

The drunk driving conviction means he lost his licence. Which means no coming to see me- since he moved in May, he's come down to see me twice (and once was for a wedding). Even though he's only 2 hours ish away. I've gone down numerous times on the train. He doesn't have a phone, and won't get one so we couldn't talk on the phone. All we had was a few facebook messages every few days.

And then I realized that I didn't really miss him. I was happy doing my own thing- but it was my grandpa who actually pointed out that it just wasn't fair how little effort he'd put in. I mean, how many times does a guy forget to pick you up for a date night because he slept in... at 7pm at night?

So I hope you don't mind that I'm around a bit here now even though I'm single ;) It's actually part of the reason I guess I stopped posting since I felt so weird about the relationship and knew that you ladies would tell me to just move on already.

And that is my big change. A good one.
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Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.

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    edited December 2011
    Don't feel awkward posting just because you're not in a relationship. People here are at all  stages in their life. You are most definitely welcome =)

    I'm glad that you did something good for yourself and your life. The fact that you know it had to happen and are at peace with it is fantastic. I hope you start getting to do more things that you may not have being with your ex. It's an exciting new chapter in your life!
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Good for you. You deserve better. I'm glad you're staying. You better stay.
    I'm not good at feelings.

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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:75669f05-10b1-4e0d-8d56-96cf02ecdd61">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you. You deserve better. <strong>I'm glad you're staying. You better stay.
    </strong>Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    Well if the mod says so.... ;)
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    elanniselannis member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think I read about the issues you guys were having, but it sounds like you've made a very smart decision and it sounds like you're very level-headed and are going to do just fine moving on. You don't need that kind of drama and your grandpa is right, you deserve so much more than that! *hugs*.

    ETA: I forgot to add that you should definitely stay and keep posting and checking in. : )
    -Ely

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    cu97tigercu97tiger member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:75669f05-10b1-4e0d-8d56-96cf02ecdd61">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you. You deserve better. I'm glad you're staying. You better stay.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    <div>Perfectly said by Audgie. I'm glad you'll be around here more often. I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm glad you're feeling good about your decision.</div>
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    csousa1csousa1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    While I am not glad that anything sad happened to you, I could never be unhappy that you are around more now :) It sounds like you made the right decision and I am so proud of you for that! It is a difficult thing to do, but you were brave and mature enough to do it. You deserve ever so much more than all that. Just remember, if the going gets tough through this phase, we're all here for you :)
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad you made the change too.  I know how it feels, and I'd like to give you a gigantic hug.  :)

    Please stay.  You're amazing, and you deserve so much better than what he was giving you.  I'm with Audgie.  You better stay.
    I french with my man
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:75669f05-10b1-4e0d-8d56-96cf02ecdd61">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you. You deserve better. I'm glad you're staying. You better stay.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    Yup, this sums it up nicely.

    <3 you!
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    Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think Audgie summed it up perfectly.

    Good for you doing something so huge for yourself. You deserve to be happy. And peek is still around, and she's single and we still love her! So you should definitely stay.


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    doubleSS07doubleSS07 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hadn't read about your previous concerns but I know its hard to make that kind of decision and it takes guts to make a hard choice.  In the end it sounds like bigger and better things are coming for you!  Most importantly someone who like grandpa said puts forth all the effort in the world to be by your side. 


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    MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE US AGAIN!!

    I'm glad you made the right decision. You're an amazing person and you do deserve better. We'll always be here, regardless of your current relationship status...and technically, single= not engaged so I don't see any reason why it would be awkward for you to stay. :)
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I know it couldn't have been an easy decision, but it definitely seems like the right one!  You definitely deserve someone who will put in as much effort as you do!

    And of course, I'm glad you'll be sticking around to hang out!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:ee26310f-2c6a-4f69-b44f-e2d5190e3a18">I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]A few months ago, I started to bring up some of the problems BF and I were having at that point in time and how things were going (which wasn't very well). We broke up impulsively, and then got back together. And you know what changed? Absolutely nothing. Things only got worse. About a month ago, something else changed. He was charged with drunk driving and ended up pleading guilty fairly recently. And when he first told me about the charge, I started to question everything. So this weekend, after thinking it over, and talking to familiy about it, I broke up with him. I knew I wanted more out of a relationship than I was getting and I knew that I deserved more. The drunk driving conviction means he lost his licence. Which means no coming to see me- since he moved in May, <strong>he's come down to see me twice (and once was for a wedding). Even though he's only 2 hours ish away. I've gone down numerous times on the train. He doesn't have a phone, and won't get one so we couldn't talk on the phone. All we had was a few facebook messages every few days. </strong>And then I realized that I didn't really miss him. I was happy doing my own thing- but it was my grandpa who actually pointed out that <strong>it just wasn't fair how little effort he'd put in. I mean, how many times does a guy forget to pick you up for a date night because he slept in... at 7pm at night?</strong> So I hope you don't mind that I'm around a bit here now even though I'm single ;) It's actually part of the reason I guess I stopped posting since I felt so weird about the relationship and knew that you ladies would tell me to just move on already. And that is my big change. A good one.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    I dated a guy like this.  I'm so sorry you had to put up with that!  you deserve someone who wants to put in the effort...  :)  it sounds like you made the right decision!
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    edited December 2011
    Congrats on dumping the loser...it definitely sounds like you did what is best for you!  Stay around!
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:6739d01f-c1a4-4ad7-804e-5a9425e53504">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Congrats on dumping the loser...</strong>it definitely sounds like you did what is best for you!  Stay around!
    Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

    Bahahaha, this made me smile! <3 I'm glad that YOU'RE back, dwest :)

    Thanks for the very kind words and encouragement :)

    I'm VERY happy with my decision... so happy almost feel badly for not feeling crappy. Ironic, right? I feel terrible about this but the thing that makes me saddest is that I never got my Hunger Games audiobook back from him. (I'm awful, but it's true. THAT'S how much I'd already distanced myself from this relationship)
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

     

    I'm glad your back, Bren!!

    ETA: Oooh...How are the HG Audiobooks?
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    polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Way to go Bren! Now don't leave us again- we love you!!!
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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    SwazzleSwazzle member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Aww Bren I'm glad you did what's best for you & I'm glad you're back!!!



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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hugs, Bren. I know this is hard, even when you know it's right. I'm proud of you. Do stick around.
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    edited December 2011
    Aw Bren - I'm so glad you've made a decision that you're happy with. I am also excited that you're planning to stick around, too! I've missed you around here lady!!!
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    Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Aw, I'm glad you made the decision you thought was right, Bren!

    And I agree with the mods, you should stick around.  You're one awesome single chick!

    Plus, now you can make your law school decision with no strings attached, which is probably good for that sort of life-changing decision :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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    SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    Hey Bren!  I'm glad you were able to make the decision that was best for you and you did it in a way that you feel GOOD about!  That is so important.

    Please do stay around.  You are, after all, not engaged yet.  So what if you're not in a relationship?  ;)  It makes our board even MORE diverse now with you and Peek as the resident single ladies. 

    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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    Beads921Beads921 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was thinking about you guys last week. I'm sorry to hear things never really got better, but I'm super proud of you for being strong enough to recognise that and do something about it.

    I do hope you still stick around though!
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:11b6aff4-0ad2-48eb-a071-334e9b1985d5">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I'm glad your back, Bren!! ETA: <strong>Oooh...How are the HG Audiobooks?
    </strong>Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    There are definitely better audiobooks out there, BUT they're pretty good. I just like that it's another way to "read" one of my favourite stories. And (ex) BF listened to the first one and totally fell in love, so I'd highly recommend them for people who aren't into reading actual books yet.

    Blue- that's another good point about law school decisions! There is definitely something to be said for that :)

    ETA: I think Peek and I need to learn the dance for Single Ladies.
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Um, I think that's a brilliant idea.  Can we travel around performing at our NEY weddings?
    I french with my man
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:78fea867-cb31-4758-9594-37502e3cd866">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision. : There are definitely better audiobooks out there, BUT they're pretty good. I just like that it's another way to "read" one of my favourite stories. And (ex) BF listened to the first one and totally fell in love, so I'd highly recommend them for people who aren't into reading actual books yet. Blue- that's another good point about law school decisions! There is definitely something to be said for that :) ETA: <strong>I think Peek and I need to learn the dance for Single Ladies.
    </strong>Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Whoah, uh, oh...oh, oh, oh, uh oh...oh, oh, oh
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    edited December 2011
    CONGRATULATIONS! on making the decision that is best for you.  The hardest decisions are often the best ones. 

    Enjoy your new adventure. 
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:1bac1f95-8202-4084-8897-baa3ae92db2b">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um, I think that's a brilliant idea.  Can we travel around performing at our NEY weddings?
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Ooh, even better plan. We'll be such a hit!
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    Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-made-big-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:531bb3c2-2714-4035-8556-73c656c5a525Post:1bac1f95-8202-4084-8897-baa3ae92db2b">Re: I have an update: I made a BIG decision.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um, I think that's a brilliant idea.  Can we travel around performing at our NEY weddings?
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    I'd totally book the two of you!

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    meamollymeamolly member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the club. It sounds like the right choice for you. I learned the hard way that the girls here are pretty right when they tell you to move on. Also I think I could be the third in the traveling single ladies dance troop Wink
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