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Jobs and engagement

In the past 2 weeks I have had casual conversations with people who are in management and do hiring. Both times in the conversation, it came up that someone who was engaged had applied for a position, and both times the person wasn't hired because they would be "too busy planning a wedding." One of the people I was talking to was my boss. I left out of the conversation that I was currently planning a wedding. I know that it isn't right. And the companies could obviously find other reasons to not hire someone, so legally there seems like nothing can be done. That wouldn't happen to a man. Very frustrating.
~~December 3, 2011~~

Re: Jobs and engagement

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    Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I know that this is more common in some fields than others, but yea the gender-inequality thing kills me here.  I'm still pretending that if/when I'm engaged, the boyfriend/future FI will help.  Maybe.  But for now, we'll work on fun woodworking projects.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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    edited December 2011
    I hate to say it, but I think it happens more often than we might think. Weddings, pregnancies, medical conditions etc. Although I don't agree with it, I think companies are trying to get the most out of their employees. Thank goodness I work somewhere that still cares about PEOPLE, and not just earnings.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My bosses have tried to convince me to get married/have kids already, so that's not a problem here.  They also know that my BF is in the Marines, and that we'll have to move when he graduates.  I'm very grateful that I have such a wonderful, understanding place to work, because there are a lot of military significant others who face the same problem you mentioned - they won't get hired or aren't given opportunities to advance because their bosses know that they'll move on when the military orders come in.

    That said, it's easy enough to hide that you're engaged when you apply.  It would be silly to bring it up in an interview, and I'd even remove my engagement ring to be honest.  They're not legally allowed to ask directly about that, and a smart applicant will dance around questions like that.  Similarly, a pregnant woman isn't required and shouldn't tell a potential employer that she's expecting.  It's a sad reality, but true that those things count against you.  It's the same thing for applicants who mention that they intend to go back to school - a company doesn't want to hire someone just to train them up to leave.

    image

    Anniversary

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    edited December 2011

    Not to distract form the original post (Gender discrimination blows) but...

     

    Blue and White:
    What kind of woodworking do you and BF do? I just got BF a woodcraft giftcard for Christmas and he really seems to be getting into it. He bought this book full of plans for what my BSC eyes saw as favors and reception décor.

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    Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it goes both ways, there are great people that get shafted by the marriage and pregnancy issues during hiring and there are others who totally abuse it and give managers a reason to act that way. Yes, I totally acknowledge there are jerks in management too who don't want any life issues affecting their business.

    I have a friend who is in HR and it drives her nuts when they go through a job posting and hiring process for months on end and then the woman gets KU within a month of getting hired or gets past the first trimester and announces she's pregnant. By the time she goes on maternity leave she can't even train her replacement depending on the job because she doesn't know her own job enough yet.
     
    Her worst example of this was a co-worker who was hired and after he passed his probation period he tells them that he needed to go on paternity leave within the month. He hadn't told anyone that his wife was even pregnant!

    I have sympathy for both sides.
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I think it's ridiculous that people would make that assumption.  It really doesn't take 24/7 for a year to plan a wedding and for them to assume that that will interfere with their job is just an excuse not to hire a woman IMO.  It's illegal, but how many people have the resources to pursue something like that?

    I was on vacation when we got engaged and my boss was going to be OOT when I got back, but he called to ask me a computer question (he's worse with the computer than my grandma) so I told him we got engaged.  On my 'list' of things to do/check on when I got back he had written "congrats on your engagement" like 5 times and told everyone in the office.  His wife even gave my FI and I an engagement card with a $100 gift certificate to Flemmings.  I guess that's one of the perks to working in a very small company, people are actually excited for you, not concerned about the time you'll need off.
    Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    This is something that upsets me as well...not just in hiring, but in promotion.

    Example:  One of the schools I teach at is a small, fairly conservative, Christian college.  Because it's academia, and we still like nepotism in this profession, we have a lot of husband/wife teams that teach, whether in the same department or in different departments.  A good friend of mine teaches Spanish, and her husband teaches German.  She's been teaching here since I was in college, and he's been here about 4 years.  They're both up for promotion and tenure this year, but she's going to wait.  They have 2 young children, and she thinks (with pretty good reasoning) that she'll be more likely to get tenure if he already has it.  But she can't stand first because of the conflict between her motherhood role and her role as a scholar.  It's ridiculous.

    At the same time, I know that I'll have no problem when BF and I get married...they much prefer their faculty to be married.  It's really an unwinnable situation.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    This made me a little sick to my stomach. I've been unemployed for so long and I've been going on interviews and I wear my engagement ring like nothing's wrong, and yet I can't get a job. Should I stop wearing my ring to interviews? Maybe I should....

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

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    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That's really awful. My wedding means I'll take two weeks vacation in September, but it isn't keeping me from doing my job.

    Once upon a time, finance asked me if I thought any of the women in my department would go on maternity leave during the next financial year. I was kind of insulted. I know they're just trying to budget for costs, but how should I know? I certainly wasn't going to ask the ladies in the department.
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    Beads921Beads921 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had never really thought about the engagement thing, but it makes sense, unfortunately. 

    Despite the whole 'equal opportunity employment' thing, employers continue to discriminate in various ways while doing hiring. It's just how business works. Employers want the best employees they can get.

    Bella, I'd say, taking off your e-ring while going on interviews can't hurt. One of the tips my Mom gave me was to avoid wearing much jewelry on interviews, because you don't want to look like you don't need the job.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Life is good today.
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