Not Engaged Yet

Not engaged, already freaking out about venue

So my BF and I aren't engaged yet, but we've discussed and I know it's probably a matter of months before he pops the question. I'm excited about it and I can't wait to plan a wedding, but I'm already worrying about where we'll get married. You see, my guy is from Baltimore and recently changed jobs and moved to the Cleveland area so we could be together. We'd been dating for about 2.5 years long distance and have finally adjusted to living together and are really enjoying it. However, given that his family is in MD and mine is here in Ohio, it really causes a dilemma in choosing a wedding location. If we choose someplace outside my hometown area, very few people on my side will likely come because of finances and time off work. On his side, probably a few more people would make it to a "destination" wedding, but not many. So what do we do? Have a wedding in Baltimore with only a few of my family members and a second reception in Ohio? Do a destination wedding with just a few people in attendance? Ideas are so very welcome here :) Thanks!
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Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue

  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Why don't you worry about this when you get engaged.  You will figure something out then, but don't try to before hand.



    I was so afraid this was a "I have booked my venue but he hasn't proposed yet!" posts.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My advice?

    You aren't engaged, so this is a non-issue.  Seriously.  Chill the eff out.

    ETA: Ray, I thought the same thing.
    I french with my man
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  • edited December 2011
    You wait until you are engaged to worry about it. Pre-planning does not go over well on this board. Take the time right now to enjoy your relationship as it is and don't worry about the wedding until there is for sure a wedding to worry about. 
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  • edited December 2011
    You're not engaged. Therefore, stop planning. Slow down. Right now this is the least of your worries.

    How old are you? How long have you and your boyfriend been together? How do you know he's going to propose? Does he even have a ring?

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:a47913c0-5fcd-478e-913e-1e898a7c98de">Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my BF and I aren't engaged yet, but we've discussed and I know it's probably a matter of months before he pops the question. I'm excited about it and I can't wait to plan a wedding, but I'm already worrying about where we'll get married. You see, my guy is from Baltimore and recently changed jobs and moved to the Cleveland area so we could be together. We'd been dating for about 2.5 years long distance and have finally adjusted to living together and are really enjoying it. However, given that his family is in MD and mine is here in Ohio, it really causes a dilemma in choosing a wedding location. If we choose someplace outside my hometown area, very few people on my side will likely come because of finances and time off work. On his side, probably a few more people would make it to a "destination" wedding, but not many. So what do we do? Have a wedding in Baltimore with only a few of my family members and a second reception in Ohio? Do a destination wedding with just a few people in attendance? Ideas are so very welcome here :) Thanks!
    Posted by desertplaces12[/QUOTE]

    Don't get ahead of yourself!

    This looking forward to the proposal period only happens ONCE in your relationship. Once that proposal happens, it is over. Forever.

    Savor every second of this exciting time. You can worry about the planning AFTER you are engaged. You will have plenty of time then.

    For now, just enjoy being happy together! Don't be in such a rush to get married that you don't enjoy your life together as it is happening!
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I'd worry about it once you are enagaged. Till then just enjoy dating.   



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  • edited December 2011
    This, and other wedding logistics, should be dealt with AFTER you are engaged.
  • duckymonkeyduckymonkey member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:ab118a9a-43f5-4d20-813e-e89f43e1f59e">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Not engaged, already freaking out about venue : <strong>.... This looking forward to the proposal period only happens ONCE in your relationship. Once that proposal happens, it is over. Forever.</strong>
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    Hadn't thought of it this way.... but that makes perfect sense. Sometimes, as silly as it might sound, we need to be reminded of the obvious... ;) 
  • edited December 2011
    a) You are NOT engaged.

    2) You are the first person to ever marry someone who is not from the same area.  FIRST PERSON EVAH!




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  • becunning2becunning2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:8cc190a0-19fc-4545-a020-29427237a0bd">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE] 2) You are the first person to ever marry someone who is not from the same area.  FIRST PERSON EVAH!
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

    <div>No way!</div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:3967f762-5163-4c16-aa27-0d0b4aa9505d">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]My advice? You aren't engaged, so this is a non-issue.  Seriously.  Chill the eff out. ETA: Ray, I thought the same thing.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    I thought the same exact thing!
  • edited December 2011
    Simple. Get engaged first, then worry.
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you should wait until you're engaged first? This is kind of the cart before the horse don't you think?
    image
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Cleveland to Baltimore = 6 hours.

    Get engaged.

    Put the wedding in the middle.

    I hear Pennsylvania is nice. Three hours each way for everyone. One overnight. H*ll, no overnights if your guests don't drink. Done. But first ...

    Get engaged.
  • edited December 2011
    It can be done. My family is from WV, but we live in Louisiana. We managed. And we figured it out during an 8-month engagement.

    You'll be fine, don't worry so much right now. Enjoy your relationship as it is. Be in love. Weddings get crazy, don't rush into planning before you need to-- and you DON'T need to now. Just savor every minute with the guy you love. Once this time is gone, that's it. It's gone and you never get it back. So relax and love each other. A venue is just a venue. It's one day. You're living your life together NOW.
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  • edited December 2011
    Don't we have a stickie for this type of thing...?

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  • edited December 2011
    You know I was reading on another board where someone was complaining about how mean the NYE board is. I hate to say it ladies but you guys are living up to your reputations.

    I'm not yet engaged, hence why I am on this board. Have I been bookmarking places and ideas? Absolutely. Have I thrown money down on anything yet? No.

    When I get my ring, which will be soon based on my insider knowledge, I want to be able to hit the ground running and have a short engagement. With that knowledge, I am already stressing and overthinking how things are going to work. Please tell me how you don't stress when you are anticipating a six month planning process and want an outdoor June wedding, regardless of whether a ring is on your finger.

    To actually get to desert's question, it is budget based. Since I am planning to self finance my wedding, I picked the general location where the fewest people will show up (that is non-destination) and I went where I was living because it is easier. It will be something you will need to discuss with your SO, because he might have feelings on it too.

    As a disclaimer, I'm not trying to pick a fight, but you girls are a little too harsh. I get that pre-planning is discouraged, but does someone deserve to be penalized for actually thinking something through? If any one of you girls can say you did not give serious thought to major details before you got a ring on your finger, then I will stand corrected. But I think desert and I are not alone in trying to figure things out ahead of time, within reason of course. If girls who are not yet engaged want to stress about not being engaged yet cannot post here, then please point me to the board where we can.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:cbcf58ce-1563-4491-9785-495834561b29">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know I was reading on another board where someone was complaining about how mean the NYE board is. I hate to say it ladies but you guys are living up to your reputations. I'm not yet engaged, hence why I am on this board. Have I been bookmarking places and ideas? Absolutely. Have I thrown money down on anything yet? No. When I get my ring, which will be soon based on my insider knowledge, I want to be able to hit the ground running and have a short engagement. With that knowledge, I am already stressing and overthinking how things are going to work. Please tell me how you don't stress when you are anticipating a six month planning process and want an outdoor June wedding, regardless of whether a ring is on your finger. To actually get to desert's question, it is budget based. Since I am planning to self finance my wedding, I picked the general location where the fewest people will show up (that is non-destination) and I went where I was living because it is easier. It will be something you will need to discuss with your SO, because he might have feelings on it too. As a disclaimer, I'm not trying to pick a fight, but you girls are a little too harsh. I get that pre-planning is discouraged, but does someone deserve to be penalized for actually thinking something through? <strong>If any one of you girls can say you did not give serious thought to major details before you got a ring on your finger, then I will stand corrected</strong> But I think desert and I are not alone in trying to figure things out ahead of time, within reason of course. If girls who are not yet engaged want to stress about not being engaged yet cannot post here, then please point me to the board where we can.
    Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    Get ready to stand then.  I didn't think about the wedding at all before I got engaged.  I cared more about figuring big relationship/life things.

    Let me explain... no, there is too much... let me sum up: 

    If these things are starting to stress you out before you're engaged, then you've got problems.  PLENTY of women have planned weddings in under six months.  Yes, even in June. Plus, there are plenty of people's opinons that you need to take into account when considering location (like your FI's, your family's, etc.). Even if you're the only one paying, I can guarantee your family will still have an opinion that you need to consider.
    image
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:f32c1332-3cd5-4fb3-81ad-b7fca5d49478">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue : Get ready to stand then.  I didn't think about the wedding at all before I got engaged.  I cared more about figuring big relationship/life things.<strong> Let me explain... no, there is too much... let me sum up</strong>:  If these things are starting to stress you out before you're engaged, then you've got problems.  PLENTY of women have planned weddings in under six months.  Yes, even in June. Plus, there are plenty of people's opinons that you need to take into account when considering location (like your FI's, your family's, etc.). Even if you're the only one paying, I can guarantee your family will still have an opinion that you need to consider.
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]
    Princess Bride reference FTW!

    Ya You are crazy, I didn't think about weddings before I got engaged.  Sure at one time I was a little BSC, yes but I came here and realized I was scaring my BF at the time.  That was over 1 year ago.  There is no reason to plan your wedding before you are engaged.  None at all.  No matter what time of year it is.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_become-engaged-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:fd16a87a-3d94-4969-a111-05ef0a8a757ePost:c07ff7dd-e598-4e6b-8435-098cb8116e89">Re: About to become engaged - So excited!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in the same boat as many of you. I've long since picked out the ring (with him present) and am waiting. I don't even have assurance that he has bought it yet. It is such a frustrating process waiting and having no control over the situation. <strong>As much as I hate admitting this, but I've turned the pressure up really high. We have been together for 7 1/2 years, living together for 4 years. Can anyone blame me for being impatient?</strong> I just want to marry this guy. It is almost to the point of enough is enough. <strong>How long do you wait?
    </strong>Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    So you're basically planning your wedding to get a head start AND putting the pressure on him?

    BAAAAAAAD idea, honey!

    Yes, I can blame you.  My FI and I were together just as long before we got engaged.  Leave the guy alone.  Pressuring him will just make him hold off longer to make sure he's doing it because he wants to and not because you're pressuring him.

    If you love him and want to be with him, you wait forever.  Unless you just want to be married and would rather have that piece of paper than have him in your life...
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    OP - do not stress over wedding plans when you're not engaged yet.  That's what the engagement period is for - planning!  If you start now, you will be soooo burned out by the time you are actually planning. 

    Plus, this is a decision that your BF would need to be in on as well.  After you are engaged, you can have this conversation with him and THE TWO OF YOU can decide what is best.

    FWIW, we live in FL and 90% of our guest list will be traveling from out of state.  We decided to do it where we live because it's just easier for us and those who are invited are important to us and would travel to our wedding no matter where it was.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_become-engaged-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:fd16a87a-3d94-4969-a111-05ef0a8a757ePost:c07ff7dd-e598-4e6b-8435-098cb8116e89">Re: About to become engaged - So excited!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in the same boat as many of you. I've long since picked out the ring (with him present) and am waiting. I don't even have assurance that he has bought it yet. It is such a frustrating process waiting and having no control over the situation.
    <strong>
    As much as I hate admitting this, but I've turned the pressure up really high. </strong>We have been together for 7 1/2 years, living together for 4 years. Can anyone blame me for being impatient? I just want to marry this guy. <strong>It is almost to the point of enough is enough. How long do you wait?</strong>
    Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

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    And is 10-08-2001 a TK glitch?   I sure hope so. 

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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:c1118f40-d2e1-4101-ae31-a3a1dd6e61d8">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue : True story.
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    I'm like Radio Shack. You got questions, I've got answers.
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think I read this a bit more positively than most PP's. Correct me if I am wrong OP but its seems to be more about feeling pressure to make eveyrone happy, and keeping things fair for both sides than it is about actually planning your wedding before the engagement. Since you know the engagement is coming it is only natural to daydream or think about the wedding.TO A DEGREE. It is normal to wonder about where it will be held when your families are in two different locations. I can see why this would stress you out. However the PP's do have some good points. Where it will be held will be determined by you and your FI together and  your budget. You clearly have your guests best interests in mind so I am sure when it comes time to plan you and your fiance will come up with the best venue that is fair to both sides and fits your budget. Hopefully your families will understand where you are coming from and be supportive whichever way you go. In the mean time enjoy your relationship and stop worrying! It will all work out in the end. Good luck
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:cbcf58ce-1563-4491-9785-495834561b29">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know I was reading on another board where someone was complaining about how mean the NYE board is. Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    You read too much about us on other boards and not enough about NEY on NEY, or you'd know this whole post is going to be trashed.

    You can plan a wedding in less than 6 months. No problem. But don't plan a wedding until you're engaged. PERIOD.

    Do we blame you for pressuring your bf? Yes.

    If a June wedding is so important and you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY CAN'T plan it in fewer than 6 months, guess what? There's a June EVERY YEAR! You could do it in 2013. 2014. And so on. Further, if you're planning for a DW, who cares what month it's in? It's always summer somewhere.
  • edited December 2011
    Fine. All of you engaged/married women can have your NYE board back. I think something had to be said about jumping down the poor posters throat. I'm it made me fully aware of what the tone of this community is.

    I came here because I was hoping to find people like me. What I've found is a judgmental clique. I, plain and simple, do not have the patience for this.

    Thanks for turning me off from forum boards for good.
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:a1e8982a-df6e-4195-9ae2-926e5231b44f">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]Fine. All of you engaged/married women can have your NYE board back. <strong>I think something had to be said about jumping down the poor posters throat. </strong>I'm it made me fully aware of what the tone of this community is. I came here because I was hoping to find people like me. What I've found is a judgmental clique. I, plain and simple, do not have the patience for this. Thanks for turning me off from forum boards for good.
    Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    We're actually pretty cool. It just helps to read the stickies that say "read these" before you post.

    Thank you for your observation.

    Seriously - one post can turn you off of forum boards for good? I like your stick-to-it-ive-ness. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:a1e8982a-df6e-4195-9ae2-926e5231b44f">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]Fine. All of you engaged/married women can have your NYE board back. Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    Oh - and at least half of us aren't engaged yet. You'd know that if you checked out the board for awhile before posting.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-already-freaking-out-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:53da6af2-a8eb-4519-bc73-e495294ff898Post:a1e8982a-df6e-4195-9ae2-926e5231b44f">Re: Not engaged, already freaking out about venue</a>:
    [QUOTE]Fine. All of you engaged/married women can have your<strong> NYE</strong> board back.<strong> I think something had to be said about jumping down the poor posters throat.</strong> I'm it made me fully aware of what the tone of this community is.

    I came here because<strong> I was hoping to find people like me. </strong>What I've found is a judgmental clique. I, plain and simple, do not have the patience for this.

    <strong>Thanks for turning me off from forum boards for good.</strong>
    Posted by swigdor[/QUOTE]

    I don't need a New Year's Eve board.  I'm pregnant. 

    The poor poster's boyfriend will probably thank us. 

    You were hoping to find people who are pressuring their boyfriends to propose?  Or you were hoping to find people who have been on TK for TEN YEARS? 

    It's better that you not interact with the internet.  There are scary people out there.  Scary, scary, people.  People that tell the truth. 
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  • edited December 2011

    Now, pre-planning of cake I could get behind.  Anyone?  I call dibs on the top pumpkin.

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