Dear Dad,

lunarsongbird

Earlier, I was reminded of a letter that I wrote to my dad less then a month after meeting Andrew. He had asked me how Andrew was different then my other boyfriends- and this is what I had to say:

 “Call me crazy… But I absolutely know that Andrew is different then anyone I’ve ever dated. And I feel much different in the short period of time I have known Andrew- then with any guy before- at any point during our relationships- even in the beginning.  

We won’t rush into anything though- I don’t want you or mom to have any concerns.  This is just a partial list- what I could get down in 15 minutes.   

- I feel as if I’ve known Andrew before.
- We can finish each other’s thoughts- even if only after one word.
- I can already tell that he cares for me unconditionally and supports me in any positive endeavor. My heart, my mind and my soul tell me this is true.
- He will gently guide me away from negative paths.
- He has fulfilled every bullet point on my “pink list.” (This is where I wrote down everything my future husband would hold true)
- He is generous like Grandpa Grady. He is thoughtful and kind like Grandpa Allen. And he is caring and helpful like you, my father.
- Sometimes when I think of him, I’m so happy that tears fill my eyes. (Why do women cry when they are happy?)
- He actively listens to everything I have to say.
- He thinks I’m beautiful and insists that nothing could possibly change that.
- He is not critical. He is encouraging and accommodating.
- Andrew wants children and will no doubt be an amazing father. He is comfortable with the idea of parenthood and looking forward to it.
- We have very similar interests, values, and preferences: we like the same music; we enjoy the same activities- camping, being in nature, walking, watching tv, reading, relaxing, barbecuing, wine and beer, local fairs and events, local activities such as museums and zoos. We want to travel abroad to similar destinations. We both love eating out. We both love the holidays and decorating for Christmas. He enjoys traditions, as I do. He likes Disneyland. We have the same spiritual beliefs. He likes going to tourist attractions like me. We both like trains, boats and planes. He is charitable. He enjoys taking part of the arts, such as film festivals and the opera. He has a cat and is open to getting a English Springer spaniel puppy. He would go to the Scottish games with me. We both like cooking and eating natural foods.
- I know that you wouldn’t have to worry about my future with Andrew. You could be rest assured that I would be happy and taken care of.
- He is preparing for his future and is careful with his finances. He already has a financial planner.
- He is family oriented and wants to spend time with my family.
- He is passionate about his work and knows his “heart fire.”
- He has a good relationship with his parents.
- He is romantic. Is aware of my love language and goes out of his way to make me happy. When we spend time with each other, it’s as if he knows exactly what would make me contented and excited.

- He has my best interest in mind."

I know that I would have been unable to write this letter if I was with someone else.

What would your letter to your dad say? (And P.S. This Monday is going by too slow and I need a new job. LOL)

IrishDreamer

My letter wouldn't be to my dad - it would be to my grandfather,

Dear Pop,

I'm taking a minute to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know i've made a lot of mistakes, and I've fallen short of a lot of expectations, and i know that I haven't always made you proud of me. I think I finally have gotten to the point where i feel worthy of you being proud of me. 

I know you aren't thrilled with the fact that Tom and I live together and we aren't married, but it means so much to me that you don't give me crap about it. 

I know I hurt you by marrying Matt, and not having you involved, and I promise you, I will never hurt you like that again. I know that this time will be different. 

First off, Tom has every intention of asking you before he ever actually asks me to marry him, and I hope you will give your blessing. It means the world to me, and I want you and Grame to approve. 

You have been such an inspiration to me, and a pillar of what I should strive to find in someone, and I truly think I have in Tom. He goes out of his way to make me happy, even when I don't want to be. He takes care of me the way you and Grame always have, when I'm healthy and when I'm sick. He pushes me to be better, and to strive for what I want out of my life, not what anyone else wants. He makes sure I have what I need and spoils me rotten. He forces me to take better care of myself, and makes me insanely happy. Pop, he reminds me of you. The way you've always cared for me, looked out for me, and loved me unconditionally... even when I'm not always so easy to love. He knows my faults and my flaws, and loves me regardless and in spite of those. He is there to pick me up when I fall, and to lift me up all the time. 

I can't imagine my life without you and Grame, and I can't imagine my life without Tom. He brings out the best in me, the same way Grame and you always do. He loves kids and wants a family. He wants to always be close to our families, because family means as much to him as it does to me...even though they drive us nuts. He puts up with the craziness that surrounds our families, and laughs throughout it. 

I love you so much, and am so grateful for all the lessons you've taught me, that gave me the capability to find someone that I truly believe can and will treat me the way you treat Grame.

always

Your little bird

Rylee

lunarsongbird

 was feeling a little AW'ish with this post...but reading your response gives me the warm and fuzzies- and gives me a little insight into you and your relationship.

And it will let me be extra excited when you do get engaged!!

Thanks for sharing!

IrishDreamer

Lunar,

It actually kind of made me tear up while typing it. My grandfather is my best friend, and the man i admire the most in the entire world. For him to approve of Tom...means everything to me. We went down to TN for a few days last summer, and they loved him. They didn't say anything about us sleeping in the same bed, or tell us "you're living in sin" (they are VERY religious).  

It was nice actually typing this out - it gave me a sense of calm - i've been going through so many things in my head about family, babies, weddings, blah blah - it seems like everyone around me is either getting married, or getting knocked up or having a baby....and while I want all that ..... I am quite okay being where we are... Sure, I want all of that before we get too much older, but for once, I am perfectly at peace with my life...and THAT all in itself is a feat. 

Thanks Lunar *hugs*

lunarsongbird

Hooray! I'm not just an attention hoar! LOL! You're right...this is an awesome activity for someone who is just trying to...BE. Be in the moment. Not trying to fast forward to an engagement- but just to love the moment they are in with their SO. ::nods:: Good observation, Irish!

calindi

Mine would be a bit more harsh and not so much about my FI right now.

Dear Dad,

I have spent my entire life trying to gain your approval.  Call it the bain of the oldest child, but it's always been a concern of mine that you're proud of me.  When I picked my major in college, you told me that it wasn't good enough.  When I got my first job, you told me how low-level it was and tried to convince me it was below me, that it was a stepping stone.  When I got another job, you said it was still low-level but was at least on the right track.  When I got my third job, you told me that it wasn't a big enough company, and that I was a glorified party planner.  I have struggled to find a career that will earn your approval.  And I've failed to make you happy and more importantly, I've failed to make me happy. 

And you know what?  With the help of the wonderful, loving, supportive man who I have found and who will be my husband, I have come to realize that your definition of 'successful' is too narrow.  After speaking with FI about my goals and dreams, I've realized they're not at all in line with what you want for me.  And I know now that it's okay.  You may never fully view me as a success, but as long as I'm happy, healthy, and fulfilled, then I think that's successful in this world of miserable people who push papers around 9-5 every day and pop pills to deal with the stress.  Because that would be me if I kept trying to chase your dreams instead of my own.

I'm not sure exactly what path I have ahead of me, but it isn't the one you've dreamt of for me.  I hope you'll still be proud of me when I find my way, though I know you think I'm making a mistake.  Whether you still think I made a mistake in 10, 15, 20 years doesn't matter - what matters is that I finally do something that fulfills me. And I'm really excited about figuring out what that is at last.

Love,
Still your little princess, but blazing my own trail

IrishDreamer

Rock the Hell on, Calindi!! *hugs* it's never easy telling a parent that...I found that out the hard way too. 

Make your own way in this world and enjoy every second of it, girlie  

caitlin.cave

Dear mom and dad,

You have a lot of conflicting plans for my life.  I can't be a child psychologist, a writer, a professor, and an architect at the same time.  If you expect me to wait until I'm 30 to get married, it's not realistic to expect me to stay a virgin until my wedding night.  You get one or the other, but not both.  It could maybe work if I hadn't met the guy I want to spend my life with until I was 28, but sadly I'm only 20.  I personally do not want to spend eight years dating this guy before we have sex.

I realize that getting married at 22 or 23 is probably not your ideal time frame for me even though you're totally supportive of our relationship, but I'm waiting until I don't depend on you for anything, so if it's a little later than that, so be it.  Please, just trust me when I say I know what I need in a husband, and I know what I definitely don't want, and he's as close to perfect for me as humanly possible.  He's committed, and he loves me more than I ever dreamed I would be loved.  I am sure about this one.

Love,
Cait

loves2shop4shoes

Dear Dad,

I'm very glad to say that I feel like our relationship is improving.  It meant a lot to me when you stayed on the phone with me for half an hour last week, while I cried, right after my PCOS diagnosis.  I know you're an Aries, and thus really uncomfortable with emotion, but you were very supportive and comforting.  And thank you for checking up on me repeatedly these last few days.

I'm sorry my mother is such a loon and has dragged you through the mud with this whole alimony from 1991 bit.  You don't deserve that.  I'm so mad at her for starting another fight with you when you two had finally found peace.

Thank you for offering to put the deposit down on our wedding venue.  I'm trying not to get too excited until the money clears in my bank account, but $5000 off the cost of our wedding is a HUGE help!  I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

On another note, I'm really glad you've found someone who makes you happy.  Please, for the love of God, take it slow with this one.  You've been married and divorced 3 times.  You don't need to marry them all.  Get to know her.  Don't rush into anything.  And if it's ok with you, I'd prefer not to meet her until you've been together for at least a year.  I'm just not ready for it.  

I worry about you.  It seems like you always need a relationship to keep you happy.  Know that you're a smart, funny, goofy, hard working man.  And I love you.  And I appreciate you.  And I always will.  I'll always be your little Cinderella.

Love,

Shoes

alanna91

Interesting idea!
- Sometimes when I think of him, I’m so happy that tears fill my eyes.
(and that was really cute)

Dear Dad,

In a diary entry dated January 19, 2007 I wrote how you said BF was "very polite and well mannered" after you met him at the house when he picked me up for our first date. He's not a scrawny seventeen year old driving his mother's car anymore, and I know you're happy with the man he's turned into, in fact you've told me I'm lucky a few times because there aren't many out there like him.

I tell ya dad, it's good that BF's around here. He's helped mom and I with a lot of stuff (moving heavy objects, fixing cars, rewiring the internet...) that you weren't around to help with because you have an erm..."penchant" for the bar. I wish you  hung out at the house more because BF and I really like talking with you. Next to your father, (my grandfather), you're the most intelligent person I know and I love getting your opinion on stuff.Mom and BF tell me I'm a lot like you. It's probably because I can be incredibly stubborn, argumentative at times, and outspoken; or it's because we both are tall, thin, and nearsighted with green eyes.. who knows!

I know that you're happy with the relationship BF and I have. Of course I'll always be your little girl and you were a little uncomfortable when I started sleeping at BFs dorm, but you and I both know he's a great guy. I love when you hear about BF's many accomplishments (study abroad, GPA, internships..) because it's almost like you're proud of him. So why don't you spend some more time at the house when BF and I are there and we can talk about it?!

Love,
your daughter

ravenray

This is a great idea.

Dear Dad,

I am kind of annoyed with you right now.  You want me to take more than a full load at college but have time to do everything you want me to do at home.  But if I go above and beyond, taking a buttload of units, suddenly you decide to charge me rent because I am not doing my chores.  Ya I know I am not.  All I do is homework (and TK but you don't know that).  So what do you really want?  Someone who succeeds in college or someone who washed your shirts?  I can do both just not this semester.  I would appreciated it if you would not make my life difficult.

On a happy note, I am so glad that you like Noah.  He really such a wonderful man, I am so glad you a approve.  You have no idea how happy it made me when you told him you would be proud to have him as a son-in-law.  Your approval means a lot to me.  Noah is awesome and motivates me to go above and beyond, which is something I would never do.  He is there for me and cares about me.  How many other bf that you know would give up a weekend of something they have wanted to do for 3 months to go with their gf to visit their sick grandma?  He is awesome.  I know the rest of the family likes him.  I am so glad you approve.  I want to marry him.  Hopefully by next year.  Thanks for being understanding!

Love,

Rachael

NurseyK

Dear Dad,

It's been years coming and you know how much I've wanted to marry. I love that you like Greg and are getting to know him. I also love that we have an adult relationship and are finally building a solid foundation as father and daughter. Thank you for all that you taught me up until this point, and please continue to be my hero!

Greg had a rocky past with the leadership skills his parents did and did not teach him, especially in regards to being a good husband and father. Greg has told me that if he could change anything he would have had a father to teach him how to be a good husband and father. Thank you for being that for me! I challenge you, as Greg and I move forward in our relationship in the next 1-2 years, to show him how you are a good man. I challenge you to be the example that he told me that he wants to be for his family someday. I challenge you to be forward about it with him, when the time is right. I know you have always wanted a son, and Greg has always wanted a real father figure. Please be that for each other because I think you two were made to make each other's lives fulfilled in ways that you have only dreamed.

Dad you only get one life, with the health complications and scares you have gone through I want you to know that I am just as scared, even if I have a funny way of showing it through anxiety and arguments. I may be a nurse, but when it comes to you, I am your daughter and I don't have my nurse hat on. I'll be nothing less than devastated if anything else arises because of this situation, especially if it was preventable. Please follow what your Physicians recommend in regard to protecting your remaining kidney. I hope and pray that we only continue to see positive results. 

Dad, I know Mom can be a difficult personality. But, she will always need you to care for her in her later years, and after 28 years of marriage you can't possibly turn your back on her. You promised me you would never leave her. Hold your promise. She has a quirky way of showing love, but I know she loves you unconditionally. What your marriage has endured and survived has only made my belief in marriage stronger. Thank you for being that for me, and please continue to stay strong.

Dad, one more thing. I love you.

- Nursey

lunarsongbird

These are really insightful, wonderful, heartfelt and touching letters. Have any of you discussed these thoughts with your fathers?

Wrkn925

Dear Dad,

Thanks for mailing me my cell phone that I left at your house this weekend.  You rock. Also, thanks for only making fun of me once.  I've been kicking myself in the ass enough for the two of us.

Love,

Wrkn

PS-Thanks for all that other stuff you've done for the past 25 years, too. 

bethsmiles

This is a neat idea and I have insomnia so I'll play too.

Dear Dad,
No one's opinion matters more to me than yours. We've always been super close and I can always count on you to be there for me. I've always been able to tell that you weren't fond of my past BFs. It makes me so happy that you like BF and that the two of you get along really well. I don't need to tell you why he's the one for me because it's enough for you that you can see how much he loves me. You've been the best dad anyone could ask for and I think it skews my perception of BF's parents. I would never say this out loud but I hope that BF is more like you as a father than his own dad. I appreciate everything you have done and are still doing for me.

Love,
Beth