I feel kinda bad

NurseyK

We sent out our save the dates last night, via email... and one of my close friends asked me if it kids were invited or if it was an adults only event. I had to tell her it was for adults only... this is how I worded it... what do you think?

"Hi L!
How are ya? How is Gabriel? We are getting excited about our wedding... probably because the planning frenzy is finally slowing down. A lot of the big decisions have been made. We just have to find a DJ and a bakery for cake/dessert. Regarding the guest list, except for the children in the wedding, this is an adult only event. Thank you for understanding. When we have a block of rooms booked, at a discounted rate, I will email you that information.  Love, K"

AudgiePodge

Why do you feel bad?

Beads921

Sounds fine to me. You made the decision to have an adults only wedding, and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

Ollie08

Coming from another mom, it's honestly no big deal. It'd be one thing if she showed up at the wedding with her kids and you had someone kick them out, but that's not what happened. She asked because she wanted to plan in advance. FI's neice is getting married and she's not having kids either. We asked so we could have plenty of time to figure out what to do with them. Don't feel bad. She'll probably appreciate the short escape from them anyway :-)

Hazel_B

Don't feel bad, a lot of weddings don't include children.

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-kinda-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5597134f-567e-43fd-bcf2-cc340432c41fPost:48b13ca2-6594-4f13-b97d-061fe1d1c985">Re: I feel kinda bad</a>:
[QUOTE]Coming from another mom, it's honestly no big deal. It'd be one thing if she showed up at the wedding with her kids and you had someone kick them out, but that's not what happened. She asked because she wanted to plan in advance. FI's neice is getting married and she's not having kids either. We asked so we could have plenty of time to figure out what to do with them. Don't feel bad. She'll probably appreciate the short escape from them anyway :-)
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

This made me feel a lot better... thanks momma! Her response was something like "oh good, I need a vacation away from him anyways!"

Thanks!

Rejufsovelem

Looks fine to me.  Dont feel bad, its YOUR wedding.

MLekathLEEN

No need to feel bad. I think your response was fine. There's no need to feel bad for having your wedding how you want it.

SilverLining1

Just so you know, you're probably going to get a few people who are going to be douchey about it (check out the thread on E). I think that you handled it well and that there's no reason for you to feel bad. Just stick to your guns and remember that if someone does make it into a problem, they're the ones being rude. Sounds like this woman was very understanding

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-kinda-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5597134f-567e-43fd-bcf2-cc340432c41fPost:b1bc4966-65fb-4541-a441-f8286389750d">Re: I feel kinda bad</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I feel kinda bad : This made me feel a lot better... thanks momma! Her response was something like "oh good, I need a vacation away from him anyways!" Thanks!
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
Glad I could help! And most moms will be ok with it. You probably know which ones won't because they're like that in every day life, not just about their kids :-)

cu97tiger

I feel your pain. One of my aunts is my age (my uncle is only 7 yrs older than me) and she was asking about the date, etc. She's due about a month before the wedding, so I figured now was a good time to let her know that while her oldest son is invited (he's 15), her younger two and the new baby aren't. I'm pretty sure that will mean they won't come, but I definitely wanted to give her a heads up.

All that to say, Nursey, that I feel bad, too, but I'm glad we made that decision and our wedding day will be much more stress free for EVERYONE because of it!

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-kinda-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5597134f-567e-43fd-bcf2-cc340432c41fPost:6bb222d2-0f31-42d5-a96e-0ab019ab01e4">Re: I feel kinda bad</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I feel kinda bad : So, just to get a feel for what people think here...etiquette-wise, a) you shouldn't break up families and<strong> b) newborns/breastfeeding babies are typically the exception to the "no child" rule.</strong> I personally don't care about either of those points, and when I do get married plan on having a child-free wedding, but I'd be interested to hear about what others think about this. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

This one I definitely agree with. It's rude and insensitive to expect mothers who are breastfeeding to keep the baby at home. A baby is not going to ruin your wedding, you aren't going to notice the baby is there. I see no reason to break that  rule.

Lunar - don't feel bad it sounds like she was just checking since whether or not her children are invited could affect their plans, and your response was very nice.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-kinda-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5597134f-567e-43fd-bcf2-cc340432c41fPost:03b0d07a-730f-4eef-85d3-b58f83275ad7">Re: I feel kinda bad</a>:
[QUOTE]OK so I should clarify my "I don't care about either" point above: my friend has been breastfeeding her child for 2+ years and refuses to go anywhere without her. I know that at this point I guess I'm judging my friend for her parenting choices, but I really would prefer not to have to invite her 2.5 year old breastfeeding child to an adults-only wedding because of ettiquette. I totally get a 6 month old breastfeeding child needing not to be separated from his/her mom. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Oooh. That makes more sense. Yeah in that case the kid can stay at home.

MissTheFrog84

It's your wedding I wouldn't feel too bad about not wanting children there.  I'm sure your friend understands.  She is probably a busy parent who wants a small vacation away from her children.  

kaitlynmichelle

Don't feel bad, if you want an adults-only wedding that's totally fine.  You let her know very politely too.  There was a post on E about this exact same situation but the guest was a biitch about it.  I think its the same thread SilverLining1 is talking about.

tafft1

I think you very respectfully answered the question while still remaning true to what you had already wanted and decided upon.

leia1979

I think you were very nice about it Nursey.

I understand about feeling bad. I felt bad about telling people they couldn't bring their children to my bachelorette party (now that made for an interesting thread on E)!