How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!

hetshup

Let's talk about tri-care prime and extra. What is your plan there? Are you planning on taking family SGLI? Have you looked at the TSGLI pay outs. Have you talked to anyone regarding how they really deploy AF? 

I do this everyday as my job. If you are really planning on doing this, you deserve as much info as possible. 

GreenPepperBurger

ROFL Mutley. Awesome.

PaigeMcC

I tried to give you advice and you didn't even take it. 

WHY ARE YOU HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN?!

noelle24

KayleighJ312

Everyone is telling me how immature I am. So y'all little pictures are that much more mature? Good to know, thanks for showing me what not to be when I get older. I did listen btw, I just didn't get any valid reasons to do anything your way. Thanks for your concern, but I don't really need all the negativity I'm getting here. Sorry I don't have a picure of a cat to get my point across.

GreenPepperBurger

Okay. Can you just go away now, then? Make your new husband a meal on this while you're at it:

hetshup

I foresee issues with your BFs CO. I tried to help, I'm going to go ahead and say it:

Is there a chance that because you lost your parents you want to get married to create your own family?

PaigeMcC

I can't play along anymore. 

If you are too young to have a drink at your wedding you shouldn't be getting married. 

There! I said it!!

That's my opinion.  I have a right to it.  You asked for it when you posted on here.  If you don't like it then please leave.  I'm done with you and your bull.  Grow a backbone and tell your parents you're getting married.  If you can't figure that one out then I'm not sure how you'll be able to sign a marriage license.

Good luck, kid.

sunkisssed006

Hi Kayleigh

Let me share my absolute favorite quote with you.

We are not the same persons this year as last;
Nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

I have been with my boyfriend for over six years now. We were high school sweethearts too. We started dating right before I turned 16. Now we are 22 and 24 and starting to talk about getting engaged. When I was 18 we lived together for a while and I was so ready to get engaged and married. I thought I had it all figured out. A lot has changed since then and I can't believe I thought I was ready. And things have only gotten better. Now we have bother matured more, and trust me boys take a lot longer to mature. He has a full time job and a house. I am finishing my teaching degree. Things have only gotten better.
The fact is that we change from year to year. Not just from 17 to 22. Every year we change and it just happens that from 17 to mid 20 we change A LOT! It may not seem like it when it's happening but when you look back you can tell. I can tell I changed a lot since last year. It doesn't even have to be in the sense of maturity. Everyone changes from year to year. That's why I like that quote. You will change, he will change, and hopefully you will still be together year by year. But you never know. No one gets married thinking it isn't gonna work out. Everyone says they are going to last forever. And hopefully you do.
My cousin married her boyfriend who was a marine when she was 17 and 6 years later they are still together and very happy. That however is the exception to the rule. I know A LOT more that are already divorced and even re-married.
Anyway I guess what I'm trying to tell you is I hope it works out. And try to keep in mind that you will change and grow in some way or another and so will he. I know it's hard in the military because if you want to be with them you have to be married.
Talk to your parents and see what they think. If they want you to wait and are really upset you might want to take that into consideration. You don't want your wedding to cause misery when in a few years it could be amazing! Maybe they will compromise and you can move wherever he is going and live nearby and be engaged. Well I hope it all works out. Sorry about the long post

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:b3794b0d-4ed5-44b5-a6c5-056604128077">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]What am I going to lose by waiting? Nothing, but I'm also not going to gain anything. We hate being apart, we're both heartbroken by it. So why not? <strong>I haven't heard a legit reason yet, you don't know me, so telling me I"m not mature enough is funny</strong>. I'm not your typical 17yr old, not that I have to prove that to you. Why the hell should I wait til we've been together for a decade? Btw, I'm not ready to start a family with kids. We wanna be able to travel and see the world together first, we're planning on getting a dog, that's as far as the family is going for right now. I am going to be the same me, no matter how old I am. My basic beliefs, and views are set. My personality isn't going to change, a child's personality is basically set by the time they are 5. And for the smartass that said "you tell them with words" thanks, I needed to be reminded that there are still people with a sense of humor out there.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

I know two women who married their military sweethearts at 18. One is a divorcee, and the other is a widow with a three year old. Is thata legitimate enough of a reason for you?

Based on your reaction to the many well-thought and well-intentioned pieces of advice presented to you, you aren't mature. All I got out your replies is, "Whatever. You don't know me. Whatever. I do what I wan." ::footstomp:: Yes, epitome of maturity.

If you truly feel that who you are as a person is 100% set at this very moment, you are honestly not giving yourself any credit.

If you honestly believe that someone's personality and way of life does not change from the age of five, you're a complete lost cause.

KayleighJ312

Dani, thank you. I'm glad someone could be civil with me. You made your point, and I respect your opinion and I'm glad you said something.

I'm gonna pray for the rest of you though, and I'm gonna get off this awful site. I'm sorry some of you are so unhappy and took it out on me. Daniel and I wish you all the best though, even though after I first read a lot of that I wanted to be angry and hateful. Btw, I want to get married b/c I love Daniel with all my heart, and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We don't complete each other, but we compliment each other so well, it can only be designed by God. I have every confidence that we will make it, no matter how hard it is. Not because I lost my parents, they didn't have a healthy relationship at all. My Dad killed my Mom, if I wasn't 1000% positive Daniel was the one I wouldn't even entertain the idea of marriage.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:d8f24e44-183b-4b1a-bd2a-d7096a8dc47c">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, Noelle. You sound like an awesome person, I am unique. There will never be another Kayleigh out there like me. I don't need your support, and I sure as hell dont need you to agree with me.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

Awww, cupcake. ::pat on head::

We're all unique. That doesn't make you better than anyone else, or suddenly exempt from what are quite obviously glaring statistics.

There will never be another Oceana out there like me. Someone hand me an f*ing tiara.

KayleighJ312

Seriously, why are you so bitter? What did someone do to you that was so awful? Whatever it was I'm sorry, I recommend chocolate chip cookie dough and a good book.

desertsun

It is a simple fact that when you move away from all of your family, friends, and familiar locations, you have an experience that you cannot get any other way.

Please at least consider taking 6 months, and moving somewhere where you don't know a single soul.

Don't have your BF or anyone else visit you. Set up a rule that no one is allowed to help you in any way during this time, and you only get 2 hours of phone time per week.

Be completely and utterly self reliant for at least 6 months. Please note that what I'm suggesting is not at all the same as moving away to college with your BF nearby and your family/friends there should you need anything. Being married and studying abroad is not the same as what I'm suggesting. You need absolutely no support network and no commitments or ties to back home to truly have the kind of life-changing experience I'm describing.

It will change your life and your relationship (if it's a good, strong relationship) in only good ways, I promise.

What is 6 months out of a lifetime? Yes, you will miss people, and you might even be really miserable for the entire time. But it will give you a strength and a confidence in yourself that you cannot get any other way.

So please at least give this idea consideration as a good compromise between what you want and what everyone here is telling you is good for you.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:7fd09f63-97c2-4769-bdfe-65675f9931c1">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, why are you so bitter? What did someone do to you that was so awful? Whatever it was I'm sorry, I recommend chocolate chip cookie dough and a good book.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

a) I'm not bitter. I'm quite happy with life, thank you very much. Sure, things could be better, but I've got a man who loves me, a dog I adore, a house over my head, a Ph.D. in the making, and two reasonably functioning ovaries. Life is good.

I am, however, thoroughly annoyed by young kids like you that come on here asking for "advice", then throw temper tantrums when they don't get the "advice" (aka puppies, rainbows, lollipops and head pats) they want. That, my dear, truly does make you a dime a dozen around here. Join the club, they apparently have jackets and a secret handshake.

b) I'm more of a cupcake girl myself. Apparently, my cupcakes are <em>legendary.</em>

loves2shop4shoes

You've gotten good advice from many intelligent, experienced women.  We aren't all a bunch of old, bitter hags who are mean online to compensate for something in real life.  We're giving you advice for purely altruistic purposes.  Sure, we take jabs at each other sometimes, but we are not on here to be malicious to people.  

Here's some more good advice (which you will probably ignore).  Go to college, grow in college, and hopefully grow more in love with your BF.  THEN consider marriage.  I'm not that much older than you (I'm 22), but I can tell you that I've changed immensely as a person from the time I was your age and it DOES NOT HURT to wait.  I realize a LDR would suck, but it would only make your relationship stronger.  Why would you NOT want to make your relationship stronger??

Stop stomping your foot and LISTEN to us.  You want to know how we can all "tell" that you're NOT as mature as you think you are?  Because your responses are SO close-minded.  A mature adult does not come onto a message board asking for advice and then bitch because she's not getting the advice she wanted to hear.  A mature adult listens and really considers the other perspectives.  This skill is something you will learn in college when you're exposed to MANY different opinions and lifestyles, which is why we are ALL recommending you finish college before getting married.

KayleighJ312

I am in a long-distance relationship already. Have been for the past 5months, I talk to him once day at either 1am or 3:30am during the week, b/c of the odd hours he has class. I'm only bitchin' at the women who are bitchin' me out, cause I was raised to not let people walk all over me.

I'm irritated with this Oceana chick. Congratulations on all that. I too have a man that adores me and would do anything for me. (even though I know I don't deserve that kinda love) I've been blessed, and I can't conplain much. I will call you out though. What kind of enjoyment do you get out of bitchin at me? You may not think I'm mature enough, that's fine evidently no one does. I obviously came to the wrong place to get advice. I asked HOW to tell my parents, b/c in 5 weeks we're going to. Instead I get told WHY I'm immature, and WHEN I should get married.

Ana_2985

Maybe I missed it - but why do you expect there to be hostility when you tell your parents that you plan to get married?

Edit:  Nevermind.  Here is my advice anyway.

It sounds like you love your parents and I imagine they only want what is best for you.  I do not think you should tell them that you are getting married.  I think you should tell them that you are considering getting married and ask them how they feel about that.  If they say they think it's wonderful - great.  I'm sure they know you better than we do.  But if you expect hostility, then I'm guessing they won't think it's the best idea.  Listen to their opinion.  Listen to why they think it is a bad idea.  Keep in mind that they want you to be happy and try to look at things from their side before you make any decisions now.

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:55e3f389-923a-4817-95a4-1a1089fdeb4b">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a long-distance relationship already. Have been for the past 5months, I talk to him once day at either 1am or 3:30am during the week, b/c of the odd hours he has class. I'm only bitchin' at the women who are bitchin' me out, cause I was raised to not let people walk all over me. I'm irritated with this Oceana chick. Congratulations on all that. I too have a man that adores me and would do anything for me. (even though I know I don't deserve that kinda love) I've been blessed, and I can't conplain much. I will call you out though. What kind of enjoyment do you get out of bitchin at me? You may not think I'm mature enough, that's fine evidently no one does. I obviously came to the wrong place to get advice. I asked HOW to tell my parents, b/c in 5 weeks we're going to. Instead I get told WHY I'm immature, and WHEN I should get married.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

Just GBCK already.  Please. 

Nobody gets enjoyment from watching a trainwreck.  It is actually somewhat frustrating to try to stop a trainwreck when the driver just wants to keep on going because she thinks that she is uneek. 

Once again, people gave you advice.  You did not want to hear that advice.  Stop saying it wasn't advice because you didn't like it.

KayleighJ312

I just don't want him to be disppointed and then get angry. If he is I will probably cry, which he hates even more. I'm praying that even if he doesn't support the decision he'll be there for us regardless. I know he'll always love me, just like I was his, but I hate to disppoint him. He and Daniel are the most important men in my life.

KayleighJ312

GBCK?

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:13a5acd4-1155-49f2-b161-b5c4b2f14f6a">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't want him to be disppointed and then get angry. If he is I will probably cry, which he hates even more. I'm praying that even if he doesn't support the decision he'll be there for us regardless. I know he'll always love me, just like I was his, but I hate to disppoint him. He and Daniel are the most important men in my life.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

<strong>Why</strong> do you think that he will be disappointed?

GBCK - Good Bye Cruel Knot
You keep saying that people are mean and that this is not why you came here.  Then you say that you do not want to continue the conversation.  BUT you keep responding. 

katanne9

Kayleigh, I've been avoiding this thread like the plague. I do hope you listen to some of the girls on here. It's obvious you love your BF, but being a military wife is one of the hardest jobs there is. I don't understand why you can't wait a few years to get married and just continue being together. I know you hate being separated, but... he's in the military - it comes with the territory.

From someone who hasn't said a single thing against you yet, please please wait. It doesn't mean you guys won't get married, but please give yourself time to grow up. I'm sorry about your parents, and I'm sorry about your aunt and uncle not supporting you, but none of that changes the fact that you are just simply too young, no matter how mature you are.


And if you hate that advice - if you want to tell your parents you just need to sit them down and tell them. They will probably get really angry and really disappointed. But that's the consequences of making grown up decisions. If you really think you are ready to get married you should be able to tell them and weather the storm.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:55e3f389-923a-4817-95a4-1a1089fdeb4b">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a long-distance relationship already. Have been for the past 5months, I talk to him once day at either 1am or 3:30am during the week, b/c of the odd hours he has class. I'm only bitchin' at the women who are bitchin' me out, cause I was raised to not let people walk all over me. I'm irritated with this Oceana chick. Congratulations on all that. I too have a man that adores me and would do anything for me. (even though I know I don't deserve that kinda love) I've been blessed, and I can't conplain much. I will call you out though. What kind of enjoyment do you get out of bitchin at me? You may not think I'm mature enough, that's fine evidently no one does. I obviously came to the wrong place to get advice. I asked HOW to tell my parents, b/c in 5 weeks we're going to. Instead I get told WHY I'm immature, and WHEN I should get married.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

Not that you'll even listen to this, but I don't get enjoyment about having to try to snap some reality into girls like you. Frankly, it's a big fat waste of my time, but given that I have two young nieces that are getting up into their teens, I feel some degree of sympathy for people. Call me a softie - I don't want to see anyone, even someone I feel is immature, make a bad decision that they'll likely regret. It makes me sad for the girls who genuinely feel they have no other choice, and annoyed with the girls who come on here for validation and throw temper tantrums when they don't get it.

Several people have told you how to approach your parents with the news. You are ignoring that, just as you're ignoring the other well-thought and well-intentioned advice presented here. Surprise, surprise.

You're obviously going to do whatever the hell you want. You obviously are annoyed/pissed off/irritated at the reception you're getting here. And yet you keep coming back? Why even bother, if we're so mean and unreceptive and unhelpful? Why not cut your losses already? Quit "wasting your time" with us bitter hags.

desertsun

Your LDR is still not the situation I'm suggesting to you, unless you're living at least a 4 hour drive from anyone you know? I believe you said you're living at home with your parents. Are you supporting yourself financially completely independently?

Clearly, you haven't had it easy, and some of the things you've been through probably do make you a bit wiser than some other people your age.

You know what's truly wise and mature, though? Listening to others.

Try talking to your parents to see how they feel about you getting married in a year, and listen to WHY they feel that way. It's very simple to say: "BF and I have been discussing a marriage at X date. Can we talk about that?"

Have a conversation about it. Allow them to talk, and grant them the respect to carefully listen and keep an open mind. Truly consider what they have to say. 

It doesn't have to be one conversation. It can be several. Showing them that you respect their views, and thoughtfully considering them will go a long way toward convincing them that you have the maturity and wisdom to take that step.

Having thoughtful responses or ways to address their concerns is even better.

Along the same lines, when you post something in a public forum, people are free to comment however they please. 

Just as in life, you can't control what people do with what you put out there. You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. 

You claim to be mature, but I find your defensiveness and attacks on other posters immature. You can say you're mature all day, but when your actions demonstrate otherwise, don't expect people to believe the words over the actions.

You should be using this thread constructively to help you prepare for your parents' concerns.

Insisting on your own way instead of thoughtfully addressing the concerns here is precisely what you should NOT do when addressing your parents' concerns.

KayleighJ312

Take your own advice dumbass and quit responding. I'm not going to sit here and let you say something without giving you a response, especially if it's negative. If you hate reading this that much quit reading it.

rickylee244

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:0b10a4c5-b27b-4f6f-8415-367b239cba9b">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP! :  b) I'm more of a cupcake girl myself. Apparently, my cupcakes are legendary.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

Its true they are pretty amazing. 

Oh and dear OP I think you forgot that all of us bitter hags suck in bed.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:81d76a6e-d48d-4545-9bbb-84440e33014e">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Take your own advice dumbass and quit responding. I'm not going to sit here and let you say something without giving you a response, especially if it's negative. If you hate reading this that much quit reading it.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

I grew out of name calling back in middle school. That was 15 years ago.

Hot damn, I'm getting old. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

If that's really what this is devolving into, it's honestly not worth wasting the oxygen on a rebuttal.

Best of luck, sweetie - I have a feeling you're going to need it.

KayleighJ312

I don't even get how that is supposed to be offensive.

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:81d76a6e-d48d-4545-9bbb-84440e33014e">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Take your own advice dumbass and quit responding. I'm not going to sit here and let you say something without giving you a response, especially if it's negative. If you hate reading this that much quit reading it.
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

Another stupid, immature picture for you.
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '04894f0e-faed-4239-9435-ccdbce98b9e0', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/4/04894f0e-faed-4239-9435-ccdbce98b9e0.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>