Heirloom Ring

Carrie0930

So my BF and I consider ourselves for all intents and purposes engaged we just haven't gotten the ring yet.  Today I was at a bridal shower and the question of why we aren't married yet came up (been together almost 9 years and BF wasn't there).  My mom mentioned offhand that if I wanted we could have my grandmother's ring so we wouldn't have to spend any money. 

When I brought this up with my bf I don't think he was over the moon about the idea because I had already picked out the ring I wanted ages ago from Brilliant Earth.  http://www.brilliantearth.com/Sapphire-Petite-Three-Stone-Trellis-Ring-White-Gold-BE503TD2R30-SB65RD/

He has said he thinks diamonds are boring and loves that it is based around a sapphire (which happens to be my birthstone).  However, I know that he said it would be my choice.  He thinks the engagement ring is much more important than the wedding since we'll have the ring forever.  On the other hand, my grandmother's ring is a beautiful but modest engagement ring and it would allow us to save up more quickly for the wedding.  Also, my mother clearly thought about it ahead of time because she mentioned that she told my sister she was going to offer it to me.  Also, I'm very into genealogy and that sort of thing so it kind of fits with that.

Would you go with the free heirloom ring or a ring you had picked out?  It's beautiful, but just very different from the ring that I had chosen for myself.

marleylikeair

Hi!

Is it an option to take the diamond from the heirloom ring and have it put in a new setting, perhaps one with sapphires? Would your family be okay with this? Does Brilliant Earth do custom orders like that? Those are the first things that come to my mind...

Elle1036

This is a personal decision and we can't make it for you.  Which ring makes your finger tingle when you look at it?  I love the sapphire ring (I love sapphires in general) but the heirloom ring is obviously really special.

Random thought:  Have you considered using a lab-created sapphire?  You could get the sapphire you want for a price that won't kill your bank accounts, and it's completely molecularly identical to a mined stone.

http://betterthandiamond.com/products/Kashmir-Blue-Lab-Sapphire%3A-Concave-Round-Cut.html

hannahnola

If you can not do the custom idea that Marley said maybe for now you could use your Grandmother's ring and on your 5 yr or whatever anniversary get the one you always wanted. I like the idea of blending the two rings though that way you have something of your Grandmother's.  I always think of a ring as never settling, if it's something you want to wait out for then do it. To my the sentimental value of your Grandmother's ring would be why I think you would want to wear it.

thejessy

I would personally love an heirloom. But like PPs mentioned, why not alter the ring a few years from now when you have the money to do it? Maybe you can add sapphires to the heirloom ring. I don't thinkt here's any harm at all in altering it.

loves2shop4shoes

If you can't afford the ring, how can you realistically afford the wedding? 

Yes, I'd take the heirloom.  Also, I'd bet you could find a similar e-ring at BlueNile.com for a LOT cheaper.

Carrie0930

I'll have to take a look at the ring and see how I feel then.  I haven't seen it in ages.  It's not that we can't afford a ring, we can.  However, my BF doesn't want to be officially engaged until a year or so beforehand and I guess part of me feels like it's stupid to put a couple of thousand dollars down on a ring when it could go towards something else.

tafft1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_heirloom-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5a92290a-3799-4d71-8ef9-e01a3e8cc98dPost:adf54f15-bc59-4b50-a56d-8cf750ef1e69">Re: Heirloom Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll have to take a look at the ring and see how I feel then.  I haven't seen it in ages. <strong> It's not that we can't afford a ring, we can.  However, my BF doesn't want to be officially engaged until a year or so beforehand and I guess part of me feels like it's stupid to put a couple of thousand dollars down on a ring when it could go towards something else.</strong>
Posted by Carrie0930[/QUOTE]

I don't understand this..if you both know you want to be married and have been together quite awhile - I give you credit , it's longer than I could stay with someone without a deeper commitment - then what is really holding him back from being engaged - with or without a ring ? It just seems counter productive to me. If money isn't the issue for the ring or if you think it's too much there are other options like getting something custom made with lab created sapphire stones for example. There is no "officially engaged" - it's when you both decide it is what you are regardless of what is or isn't on your hand. Sometimes it's best to take a step back and try to figure out what is important in regards to the ring itself. It's not something that should be rushed either way,

[Deleted User]

I have an heirloom ring.  I was going to reset it (it's on a yellow gold band) and make it look a little more modern.  FI had a ring picked out, and I was worried about hurting his feelings when I told him I really would like to have my great-great-aunt's ring...  but it turns out I was worried about nothing!  he proposed with the ring as it was, and when I took it in to get it reset and sized, I ended up keeping it just the way it was.  I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't change it.  And now I love it, even with the yellow gold!  I never thought I would like a yellow gold band, but it really grew on me.

FI wants to get a wedding band for me at a later point in time... maybe an anniversary or something.  the diamonds on this ring are very large, and I'd like something a little less "fancy" for everyday.

I guess that's a really long way to say that I am going to do both.  the heirloom ring is my engagement ring (there will be no wedding band to go with it) and eventually we are going to get a plainer ring for me to wear as well.  the ring had a lot of sentimental value to me and I'm very glad that it was the one FI and I decided to use!

if you're only going to use it because it's free, you might want to rethink it.  would someone else in the family just love to have it for sentimental purposes?  do you really love it?  does it have any special meaning to you?

good luck! 

SKP82

This is very similar to the setting you posted, but for a fraction of the price:

http://www.moissaniteco.com/13ct-6535mm-round-moissanite-trellis-3-stone-ring-14kpall-p-6294.html

You could exchange the center stone with the lab created sapphire that Elle mentioned and come in under $1K. 

If you're going to Brilliant Earth because you are worried about where the diamond came from, there are other stones you can look into for the side stones.

Good luck!