Facebook Etiquette

lennonkdc

So, I have a family member who has two kids (2 and NB), she just had the "family" BD party for the 2 yr old. I know this b/c in the days leading up to the party there were FB posts about the party, including a message on another family members  (god parents) wall about their e-vite, (BF and I were not invited.) Then a post today about how excited she was about the party, then a post after the party about how fun it was and how  "they'll make a point to invite all of (son's) friends next year" with all the pics from the party. The last line (a/b next year) really irked me, like 'this year, megh, you're not worth it, but next year, you will be- but look at these photo's from a party you weren't invited to...' 

I have no issue with the small party/no invite, but it got me thinking about when and how much is acceptable to share about events like this on FB. I try not to talk about events that the bulk of my FB friends are not invited to (B-day, grad parties, ect) on FB and I share very few photos on FB ( I prefer Picsa- more control over privacy.) I have posted pics of BF and I at friend's weddings, but try not to include pics of the Bride or Groom (its their chose to share those).

What do you ladies think- are there rules to FB? Am I just an old lady? Is this level of sharing common? 

tuarceatha

I'm not so sure fb etiquette exists. 

I like to think I am fairly private about such things as events I attend/host that do not include my entire friend list, but like I would totally post pics afterwards, well unless I felt I left someone out on purpose. 

I  do HATE when people post that status about a. planning on cleaning their friends list up by removing some people or b. having already cleaned the list and if you can read this post, you made the cut. Really? That is when I silently defriend them. No announcement needed.

I've also seen people post wedding invitations or other specific details. uhhh way to set yourself up for unexpected guests.

jaycee7389

I agree that there doesn't really seem to be an etiquette when it comes to facebook. I think people are used to posting whatever they want without thinking about how it might hurt someone's feelings or something. Not saying that is ok, but just something I've noticed. I also think there is a difference between posting pictures of your son's bday party and someone who wasn't invited seeing them...and someone posting pictures and filling up the walls of uninvited people who may feel left out.

[Deleted User]

You definitely aren't being an old lady about this. I agree with you about the level of events that are not private on FB, it is kind of bizarre.  I have been in a FB situation like that, a friend created a wedding event and even though I was not invited to the wedding, there were a couple of mutual friends who posted on my wall asking if I was going to be there. I like to keep my personal events on the DL, I won't even announce my wedding date on FB.  I will post pictures though because there is family on there who won't be able to make the wedding and would love to see pictures.  My FB friends are mostly my family though.

I agree with Jaycee about posting pictures on your own account and not flaunting them to other FB members that weren't invited.

gananoque

Even if this kind of FB behaviour is common, it sure doesn't make it right! You have every right to be irked by this behaviour. What she is doing is downright rude and insensitive. No question about it! I think sometimes social networking sites like FB just give people permission to be rude and thoughtless. It's not cool. There's little you can do about it, other than look to it as an example of how NOT to live your own life!

Simply Fated

I don't think there is any facebook etiquette, but the same general etiquette rules should still apply. Such as talking about how great parties were in front of people who you didn't invite. I mean, this particular party sounds like it was a small family gathering, but that isn't always the case.

I see a lot of, "I had a great time at -Where ever- with a bunch of friends last night!" sort of posts.
Why are you telling me this? You didn't invite me, but thanks for telling me you had a great time....?

I also think it's weird that people announce they're clearing out their Friends list and only people who reply will be kept. I never reply and I haven't been tossed out yet.

Blue & White

You're an old lady BUT that's the best type of person to be in this situation.

Your family member broke all sorts of etiquette rules by basically announcing "haha, you're not invited" (and this is fairly obvious broken etiquette rules - it's not like not hand addressing wedding invitations or something.)

I also follow most of the same posting guidelines as you, so I am an old lady as well.  I also have my privacy set so that I don't even come up in facebook searches.  Why?  Because then my students/potential employers can't find me. 

I also get very irrationally irritated when people post pictures of other people's kids.  I know I'm going to be the mom that chews out my kids' friends' moms someday - you do not have the right to post a picture of my kid.  Ever.  The end.  Overprotective much?  Probably

csousa1

If it were an event that anyone would think they should have been invited to and feel left out that they weren't, then I don't say anything about it on FB.

However, if it's a birthday thing or a family thing and people that I am friends with on FB but haven't seen in years are not invited, I have no qualms talking about it. My way of thinking is, there's no way those people would think they are invited anyway, so there is no issue.

Lennon, in your situation, I think she should have had more discretion. I agree, it is one thing for her to have a smaller birthdya thing for her kids, but that last line would have bugged me as well. It's like when someone says something that could be considered mildly offensive, but you don't take offense to it until they say, "No offense" - and point it out.

My biggest FB pet peeve is when people post passive aggressive statuses like middle schoolers. For example, this weekend I went to my BFF's house for her to try her wedding dress on with her wedding shoes, and another of her BM's wrote the status - "feeling left out in more ways than one". BFF was pissed that the girl didn't just come out and tell her how she felt directly. I actually ended a friendship (that was nearing the end anyway) over the girl posting that she was tired of being such a great friend when others could not make time for her (talking about me). I confronted her immediately and she told me it was not just about me. So I told her that if all of her friends were avoiding her, that should tell her something. I have to see this girl at my BFF's upcoming shower/bachelorette/wedding

lennonkdc

Thanks ladies- sometime I wonder if etiquette has gone the way of the dodo. This person has never been known for being very etiquette savvy, so her actions we not a big surprise (she's not rude or anything, just self focused to the point that she doesn't see how her actions have consequences, but for the most part her hearts in  the right place.)

I think that a few b-day pics of the kid are ok- esp the cake all over the face shot but a 45 pic album of what was a 'small'  family event where she then tagged everyone is a bit much esp when coupled with that comment. I don't care that there are events I'm not invited to- I do care when you go out of your way to point out you had a party that I was not invited.