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Advise needed (this is super pathetic)

I feel really embarrassed about being conflicted over something so stupid... go easy on me here.

Short backgroud: I moved across the country a few years ago to be with my BF.  I've made a couple friends here now, which is great. One of them hosts and invites me to girls nights every month or so... she and her husband recently had a baby. =]

I was texting a mutual friend, and at one point in the conversation she said that she would see me Wednesday. Me: "What's going on Wednesday?"  Her: "Oh, girls night at [[our friend's]] house." Me: "Oh, this is the first I've heard of it..." Then she texts: "Okay I just talked to her and she said that you would probably be hanging out with [[my BF]] and that the other girls have only met [[her baby]] for a couple minutes." (I had previously met her baby for a couple hours the prior week).

Today I was in a facebook message loop where me and several of her other friends were discussing all going in a group gift (a massage) for our above-referenced friend. When I wrote that I could just meet up with one of them to make my contribution, she just said, "Oh, I'll see ya Wednesday and you can give it to me then." I had to write back that I wasn't going to be there Wednesday to give it to her b/c I never heard about it and I didn't want to just show up uninvited. Clearly, all of the girls in this group were invited but me.

JUST NOW... got a text from friend... "Hey I'm having the girls over Wednesday if you want to come you're more than welcome."

NOW, I'm not having a pitty party over not being invited and I was ready to forget about it until I got her text. My conflict is whether to actually go or not. Because it's completely obvious that, originally, she didn't want me there and she only extended the olive branch because someone said something to her. I mean, would you want to go to something that you know you weren't originally invited to and  invited last minute to save face? To me it seems (on a smaller scale of course) comparable to finding out that you were a B-List wedding guest. So it's my inclination to write back, "Aww, thanks for inviting me... I have plans with [[my BF]]." (Is that snarky?)

I do like this friend. I actually even look up to her. I was just surprised by this gesture because it seemed so out of character for her. (Maybe I don't know her all that well?)

WWYD?

Re: Advise needed (this is super pathetic)

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    edited December 2011
    From an outsider's perspective, if you say that you two have a good relationship, it could be that she simply forgot to invite you. In that case, she probably feels bad but doesn't want to draw attention to her own mistake, so she quickly invited you when she found out and is hoping you won't notice. There could be something else going on, but from what you said, my guess is that it's a simple mistake on her part. So I would go and have fun and don't worry about it. Also - if you go, you can observe her behavior toward you at the party and see if anything seems odd.
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Go. I think you might be taking it too personally.
    I'm not good at feelings.

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    goobersinlovegoobersinlove member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advise-needed-this-super-pathetic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5b2dff22-c120-4d67-a4ef-03fc39618ba2Post:e1883c5d-3005-4036-b195-6d6db23cfec1">Re: Advise needed (this is super pathetic)</a>:
    [QUOTE]From an outsider's perspective, if you say that you two have a good relationship, it could be that she simply forgot to invite you. In that case, she probably feels bad but doesn't want to draw attention to her own mistake, so she quickly invited you when she found out and is hoping you won't notice. There could be something else going on, but from what you said, my guess is that it's a simple mistake on her part. So I would go and have fun and don't worry about it. Also - if you go, you can observe her behavior toward you at the party and see if anything seems odd.
    Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

    The way I <u>know</u> she didn't invite me was when our other friend texted me and said <strong>"I just talked to her and she said that you'd probably be doing something with [[my BF]]..." </strong>
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    becunning2becunning2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd say to go ahead and just go.  You don't KNOW what happened, you just SUSPECT.  And if you don't go, you're less likely to get future invites because they'll more justifiably think that you have plans and aren't interested in getting together.
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    lennonkdclennonkdc member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she honestly thought that you had other plans, I have heard that motherhood makes information fall right out of one's brain so maybe she was mixed up. I would cut her some slack on this one. Go have a nice time. If she is weird or cold, then I would ask her what's up at a later date.  If things are cool, then let it go. Everybody makes mistakes.



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    jorja86jorja86 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'd go. I'd also feel weird and a little bit hurt, because it does sound like she possibly didn't plan on inviting you originally. People can be really weird when they first have babies, like they need to give all of their friends equal access or something. Maybe this was her inviting a one or two people over to meet the baby, and it turned in to something bigger when more people found out it was happening, and she figured you didn't need to be invited since you already met the baby. Who knows?

    I would go anyway (assuming you want to), and chalk this up to post-baby weirdness. If things continue to be awkward in your friendship, deal with it then.

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    goobersinlovegoobersinlove member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advise-needed-this-super-pathetic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5b2dff22-c120-4d67-a4ef-03fc39618ba2Post:3a2431d6-d72b-4e80-b9d9-5394045c39c2">Re: Advise needed (this is super pathetic)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd go. I'd also feel weird and a little bit hurt, because it does sound like she possibly didn't plan on inviting you originally. People can be really weird when they first have babies, like they need to give all of their friends equal access or something. Maybe this was her inviting a one or two people over to meet the baby, and it turned in to something bigger when more people found out it was happening, and she figured you didn't need to be invited since you already met the baby. Who knows? I would go anyway (assuming you want to), and chalk this up to post-baby weirdness. If things continue to be awkward in your friendship, deal with it then.
    Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]

    I think you're right =]

    Thank you everyone!
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    edited December 2011
    think about this does/did she have good reason to think you would be busy? i say go. if it still bothers you after the fact then you two meet up to discuss it try not to throw others under the bus though. if she is a good friend you two will straighten things out and remain that way
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    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advise-needed-this-super-pathetic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5b2dff22-c120-4d67-a4ef-03fc39618ba2Post:731c958e-52b0-41ae-9f1a-8f33fd817c57">Re: Advise needed (this is super pathetic)</a>:
    [QUOTE]What?
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]



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    kellyt89kellyt89 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I take these sorts of things WAY personally. However, I think that even if I was feeling a little hurt I'd still go, try to have a good time and feel things out. 

    Is there any reason she would think you wouldn't come? Have you bailed on plans lately? I know I've been spending a ton of time with my BF because he's leaving Saturday and we'll be LDR for the next 6+ months, and I'm going to have to pay for a it a little bit with my friends here that I've been neglecting a bit.
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