no ring, but maybe a dress?

nmcarthur

nvm

Beads921

Yes, you are absolutely nuts if you buy it. Even if you were engaged, buying a dress 3 years in advance seems a bit ridiculous. It might be your dream dress now, but maybe not 3 years from now. You're also very likely to change sizes in 3 years.

And also, you're not engaged. Buying a dress before you are engaged no matter what is silly IMHO. Wait until you are engaged and closer to your date to buy your dress. Seriously. 

Elle1036

I think it would be "nuts" to buy it.  In 3 years, your personal preference and style can change dramatically.  In addition, trends change, and the dress may not be "in" 3 years from now.

However, I guess if you have the extra $400 lying around, it's up to you what you do with it.  Just keep in mind that you'll be cheating yourself out of the dress shopping experience once you are actually engaged.

bethsmiles

I wouldn't do it. 3 years is a long time, its possible that your tastes will change and your body will probably change. Also, your relationship could change.

Can I ask why are you planning on having a 3 year engagement?

bethsmiles

If its a classic style then you will be able to find a similar style later.

mzm153

Sorry I am sounding insensitive, but what makes you think you're getting engaged this summer? I don't know if its just me, but I think the best way to be engaged is when your SO surprises you with a proposal. I'm not asking my SO when he's ready to be engaged. He'll propose to me when he is ready. I'd advise you to not  build up expectations to much, otherwise you'll set yourself for disappointment big time.

As for buying the dress, I agree with Beads921. Big mistake. You'll change your mind later and I don't think its that easy to preserve a dress for three years (if it really happens in three years).

As for fantasizing, its okay to do it from time to time since it really motivates you to work on your relationship (which might or might not end up in marriage). However, wedding is just a small part of marriage and lasts only one day. Marriage lasts through life, so don't just think about weddings, think about married life. Whether its for you or not.

Goldlie11

Step away from the dress.  Seriously.  The season and type of wedding you have will affect the dress that you end up buying. You'll most likely end up trying to sell the dress because you've changed your mind.  

Also, I have to say that I truly enjoyed the dress shopping experience with my mom (and we're not even that close).  So, please don't rob yourself of that special time.  

Elle1036

Do you have a picture of the dress to show us?  Or can you at least describe it some?

I still think you'll probably change your mind, but then again I change mine pretty much every day.  Like I said before, if you have the $400 to spare, and you aren't bothered by the idea that you may never actually wear the dress, then go for it.

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-but-maybe-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5cc01ff5-d6b6-4eec-b0aa-72aeb820b2f7Post:97b3f966-7176-49e4-9767-59c9a20ab9af">Re: no ring, but maybe a dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]If its a classic style then you will be able to find a similar style later.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>Ya, this exactly. And also what another PP said about venue and time of year.</div>

bakes218

Don't buy this dress. A lot can happen in 1, 2, or 3 years. Just live your life with BF and don't worry so much about a wedding that isn't even happening for 3 years.

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-but-maybe-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5cc01ff5-d6b6-4eec-b0aa-72aeb820b2f7Post:a4f0d628-9209-47d1-9250-f0e82e433e8f">Re: no ring, but maybe a dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Sorry I am sounding insensitive, but what makes you think you're getting engaged this summer? I don't know if its just me, but I think the best way to be engaged is when your SO surprises you with a proposal. I'm not asking my SO when he's ready to be engaged.</strong> He'll propose to me when he is ready. I'd advise you to not  build up expectations to much, otherwise you'll set yourself for disappointment big time. As for buying the dress, I agree with Beads921. Big mistake. You'll change your mind later and I don't think its that easy to preserve a dress for three years (if it really happens in three years). As for fantasizing, its okay to do it from time to time since it really motivates you to work on your relationship (which might or might not end up in marriage). However, wedding is just a small part of marriage and lasts only one day. Marriage lasts through life, so don't just think about weddings, think about married life. Whether its for you or not.
Posted by mzm153[/QUOTE]

I don't agree with you at all. It is very possible she knows she is getting engaged over the summer. I know I am getting engaged before the new year. It is just stupid to have no time frame with your SO if you are seriously considering marriage. I don't think it should be this big huge shocker when he asks you. Yeah maybe the day is a suprise but the time frame? No. He isn't surprising her with flowers or a dinner date, it is a decision to spend the rest of their lives together. Any relationship where the girl is so shocked that the guy wanted to marry her, IMO is not very solid.

Now to the OP, don't buy it. I know you want to, I know it looks perfect and it is on sale but it is so far away even if you were engaged. Take a picture, keep it somewhere safe and save it. Is there something so unique about this dress? I doubt it. Maybe the price is good, but it is crazy to buy it.

Also, I hope you haven't, but have you tried this dress on? It might look 100% different on. I do that with online shopping all the time.

Just hang on. I know it is a pain to wait. The summer will be here soon enough, I promise.

loves2shop4shoes

Don't buy the dress.  If you want to look for ideas, fine.  But if you're still several months from being engaged, you have NO business buying wedding things or dealing with vendors.  Period.

desertsun

Seriously?!

I call MUD.

deburnin

Don't buy the dress. I found one that I was in love with when my friend was getting married and found out it's being discontinued and will thus be on sale. BF said to go try it on, I told him he's nuts. Does it suck that I'll never even get to try it on? Sure does, but I'm not going to cheat myself out of the experience.

mzm- I think not talking about a general timeline for getting engaged is silly. That's when those awkward no's happen... I personally know that an engagement is this coming next summer when we're in Disney. We've discussed it and It's not that big of a deal to me to know. I still have no idea what BF is planning. That's surprise enough for me. It was more important to know we were on the same page before moving in together.

noelle24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-but-maybe-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5cc01ff5-d6b6-4eec-b0aa-72aeb820b2f7Post:e6fe15e9-610d-4b33-b988-3590e496a3fb">no ring, but maybe a dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]hello all! new on this board. ok, so, i'm not yet engaged. we're getting engaged in the summer. but i've been head over heels obsessed with wedding stuff. i have so many friends getting married, ive been engulfed in planning. its not healthy. particularly because i found my dream dress. and its 75% off at sample sale at a local boutique. $400, my dream dress, but no ring, and no wedding for 3 years. im very particular and the style i am after is very specific and hard to find..... question is - am i nuts if i buy it? the only person whose ok with the idea of me buying it is my future FI --- i think so he can stop hearing about it!! thoughts?? 
Posted by nmcarthur[/QUOTE]

Yes, you are nuts if you do this.  You have no idea when you're really getting married.  So, so, SO much can change between now and then.  The economy could go even further down the tubes so that you need to postpone the wedding.  You might be forced (or just decide) on a completely different style of wedding that won't be appropriate for this dress. 

JUST. SAY. NO.

Also, I think I might be afraid to ask this question, but... have you tried it on yet? (Please, sweet baby Jeeezus say "no").  You can't be sure if you will still love this dress once you've tried it.  If you HAVE tried it on, then you are crazier than I thought.

SeaTea02

To post again:

Just think about what has changed in the LAST three years. That is how much can change in the NEXT three years, if not more. How many pieces of clothing in your closet are over three years old that you still wear all the time?

AudgiePodge

I say go for it. Might as well book the venue too.

PaigeMcC

*facepalm*

Step away from the dress.

rxjen

Dont forget the binder with all the magazine cutouts and quotes from vendors....


MUD!

SeaTea02

Oh dear,

check out some of her old posts.

Thinking about who to invite : http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-mans-gf-ex-friend-eek

actively hunting: http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_inexpensive-dresses-toronto

claiming she is engaged and looking for a venue: http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_newbie-seeks-recommendations-gta-west

there are more but I have a paper to write...

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-but-maybe-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5cc01ff5-d6b6-4eec-b0aa-72aeb820b2f7Post:0f50cd07-fe82-49c2-801d-3660080ca6da">Re: no ring, but maybe a dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh dear, check out some of her old posts. Thinking about who to invite : <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-mans-gf-ex-friend-eek" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-mans-gf-ex-friend-eek</a> actively hunting: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_inexpensive-dresses-toronto" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_inexpensive-dresses-toronto</a> claiming she is engaged and looking for a venue: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_newbie-seeks-recommendations-gta-west" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_newbie-seeks-recommendations-gta-west</a> there are more but I have a paper to write...
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>And...now I'm confused! OP, are you engaged or not? And if you're not, what in the hell are you doing looking for venues, a dress, and trying to determine your guest list? Aiyeyeye.

</div>

bakes218

Ok this is me being supportive...

I change my answer. Buy the dress, GREAT IDEA!

Elle1036

Yeah I'm confused, too.  OP, are you engaged or not?

SeaTea02

Hey now,

I was pretty supportive until I looked at your profile and found your old posts. We are just letting you know that your actions are not healthy. We have all done exactly what you are doing right now to some extent (by this i mean preplanning). Most of us have been talked off the ledge by this very board.

A wedding is a party. You do not need to spend the next three years thinking and planning it. Spend the next three years thinking about your marriage and planning how you will spend your lives together and the roles you will share in your house.

Care to share your age?

jemmini6

Previous posts + this post either make you completely BSC or a troll.  I'm gonna go with:

deburnin

I love when people delete their OP even though someone's quoted them. *shakes head*

Elle1036

I'm going with the crazy option.  She posted on other boards pretending to be engaged so that she could "plan" without getting flamed for it, and now she looks to us to validate her wanting to buy a dress THREE YEARS ahead of time.

I don't think she'll be back.  She's embarassed to be caught lying.  Notice the change in the OP.

noelle24

sadly, all the BSC ones can't be trolls.  So even IF this one is a troll, there are plenty of girls out there who do this kind of stuff for real.  I even know someone in real life who did this *shakes head*.

SeaTea02

another one bites the dust.

Beads921

Ya, I'm doubting troll on this one, but it should be a lesson to others to keep their stories straight around here. 

I'm also guessing her SN is her first initial+last name, which is generally not a great idea (simply from an internet safety standpoint), although I could be totally wrong. I'm not picking on you OP, but if you want to continue posting, I'd suggest creating SN that doesn't have your last name in it.

AudgiePodge

Aw! Come on! Just because you were found out doesn't mean that you should delete the posts and ruin the fun of others!