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[Deleted User]

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Blue & White

Stephanie,

Both of these questions should be dealt with between you and your boyfriend.  For me?  I'm done with both my MS and my BS degrees.  I'm not engaged yet.  The world isn't going to end, and frankly, I'm sure both our families are a bit happier that we're both settling into our careers before marrying.  That being said, I know plenty of people that were married just out of undergrad without any problems.  At least, for now.  None of their marriages have lasted more than 5 years or so, since they've all recently graduated

I'd sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him about where he sees the future.  And just enjoy the now.  Engaged or not, it seems as though you're in it for the long haul. 

PaigeMcC

IMHO if you are financially and emotionally ready to get engaged then I think you're good to go.  That is to say if you pay your own bills, have a solid job,have the finances (jebus weddings are expensive!) to pay for a wedding AND you've discussed it with your partner and come to a mutual conclusion on where to go from here then I don't think waiting until you have your masters is a big deal.  How do you feel?  Do you feel stable enough to move forward? How does he feel?  When do you two see yourself getting married?  Sit down and chat with him about it - hash out how you both feel and how stable your finances are/will be.  Start with the conversation and go from there:)

loves2shop4shoes

Ultimately, I think answer to this question lies within you.  You need to ask yourself what you're comfortable with.  Are you comfortable being engaged/planning a wedding while in school or would you like to be completely done and have begun your career first?

I'm your age (will be 23 soon) and I got engaged the summer after I finished undergrad.  I'm currently in my first year of law school.  If all goes as planned, I will get married summer after my second year of law school.  I've heard a lot of people be very preachy about how I should have waited to get engaged "at least until I was completely out of school".  Frankly, I don't think it's up to anyone else besides you and your FI (especially if you are paying for the wedding yourselves.)

I hope this was at least somewhat helpful.  Good luck!

bourgehm

I think the 'when should I get engaged' question depends completely on when you'd like to get married. If you want to get married after MA and BA, then it's like a 3ish year engagement. I'll have been engaged for 3.5ish years when we get married, and that was just WAY too long for me, and I for sure do not recommend it. If you decide to get married after BA, then getting engaged shortly makes sense.  Remember though, a wedding takes some time to plan and can get a little stressful, so getting married after any level of schooling will cause stress just planning the wedding.  Anyway, the answer is all up to you and your BF. Personally, I think if you have steady jobs after a BA, then I think you are probably financially ready to get married. Here's what FI and I are doing. We're getting married after I finish my BA. Jeff already graduated last spring, and I still have a year and a half left of school, so we'll get marreid sometime next summer. This way he already has a steady income for a few years and I'll have my degree so we can survive. Also, keep in mind it's not really easy to find a job right now. Don't plan your wedding for a month after you graduate college, because you might still not have a job and then need to push it back, like happend to FI and I. Give yourself enough time for the job hunt too.

jeanacorina

I got engaged and married while in college. That said, I'm also 27 years old and met my husband more than 6 years ago... so it's not like we rushed or anything. However, I just want to point out what these other ladies are saying: it depends on the two of you.

Financial stability is important, and so is finishing school. However, it really comes down to what is best for you both as a couple. Different decisions work best for different people. Getting married during my sophomore year of college was an okay decision for me (stressful because I was crazy-busy, but I'm still glad we didn't wait), but it may be a terrible choice for someone else.

I suggest you sit down with your boyfriend and talk about the pros and cons of long vs short engagements, and getting married sooner vs later. I can tell you that planning a wedding will keep you busy and can easily get out of hand if you let it. So keep that in mind- it's a big job! Will he help you with the planning? What other kind of support will you have? My mom made a lot of phone calls to vendors for me since I was in class and at work a lot. You can get engaged and have a long engagement without planning until about a year (or even less) before your date.

Just try to hash some things out based on your specific situation and goals. Of course it's nice to get some advice from other ladies who are or were in a similar position, but this is one question I think is difficult for anyone else to advise you on.

SenoritaCupcake

IMO, I would wait until after you have that degree in your hand to get engaged. It might just be my paranoid mother talking, but I can tell you it does feel good to know that I’ve really accomplished things for myself before I embark on any goals as part of a couple.

 

 I don’t know about waiting until you’ve “completely finished school”. I’m heading to med school next year and want to complete a fellowship, so I’ll be about 33 before I finish all of my training. I don’t see why you can’t get married during graduate school as long as you have a lot of support/help from FI and family.

 

In the end, nobody knows better than you. Good Luck!

leia1979

Only you and your BF know best. I personally think it's a good idea to start your career before getting married. However, in my own circle, no one got married earlier than age 27, and my fiance and I will both be 31. We all waited to be completely done with school before getting engaged.

bethsmiles

Those are 2 things that you and your BF have to decide. My BF and I have decided that we don't want to wait until he has his masters to get married but we don't want to get married until both of us have our bachelors degree. I'm not a fan of long engagements because I personally think that they are pointless.

You really just have to decide when is going to be the best time for you and how long you are willing to wait. My suggestion is that you sit down with your BF and together you can figure out a timeline that works well for both of you.

[Deleted User]

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heyimbren

Don't get married because you're impatient. There are lots of good reasons to get married, but if that's the only thing rushing you then definitely wait. Take the time to develop patience and grow in your relationship with how it is right now which will only provide you with greater strength down the road.

KD+BC

I can't tell you when to get engaged but I can tell you what it was like for me when I was working on my masters, teaching, and when I was engaged. You may or may not have a hard time finding a job this year. Spanish is one of the areas where you may be okay but if you are in Upstate like I am, the job market is not good. All of the districts are cutting positions, though I'm not sure about language. Just a heads up for you.

If you do get a job, you first year will be very time consuming. I spent an average of 55-60 hours a week at school and home planning and prepping. There is a TON of paper work and prep. I definitely could not have taken grad classes while teaching my first year. You may be able to handle it but your first year is very stressful.

I didn't find my grad program to be overly difficult but it was time consuming. I was subbing while doing my program and was so thankful that after I left work for the day, I could focus on class and homework.

When I was engaged and planning the wedding, I had finished my program but was in my first year of teaching. The two weren't too hard to handle together but I did have to stay extremely organized to make sure everything was accomplished.

I guess what I'm saying is, as a teacher in NYS you are required to get your master's degree within 5 years, as you know. I went full time and it took just under 2 years. If I was teaching, I don't think I could have handled more than a class per semester and maybe 2 in the summer.  At that pace, it would take 3 years to finish, assuming nothing came up. If I was teaching, I wouldn't take a class my first year so thatt would put me at 4 years. It's doable but I don't know if it would be worth the stress to add in a wedding, and wedding planning was not super difficult for me but definitley time consuming.

Sorry this post is a little all over the place. I hope you can take some information from it and use it toward making you decision!

jeanacorina

When in doubt, always WAIT when it comes to marriage. No matter what the doubt is. Just wait.