Compliments...

Hazel_B

Do you have a hard time accepting them?

Cause I do and apparently it really bothers FI. Any suggestions on how to change this thought process?

elannis

I am no help there. I'm the same way. I usually find some way of dismissing it, unfortunately. 

I have noticed my FI doesn't like either, so I've gotten used to just saying thank you, and keep my dismissive comments about it to myself. 

bethsmiles

I used to but someone pointed out to me that its kind of rude to not accept a compliment so I started making sure I said thank you in response to any compliments I got. For awhile I had to actively think "thats a compliment, just say thanks, don't argue" Now its pretty much just second nature.

Elle1036

Like Beth, I make an effort just to say "thank you" and move on.  It is hard for me, though.  My first instinct is always to tell the complimenter that they're wrong.

Swazzle

This is something I'm bad at also.  Sometimes, and I know this is ridiculous, but I take offense to compliments?  For example, my coworker will say "Rachel, you look nice today, you must be out tonight."  And my first thought is "So I don't look nice any other day?" Or "No, I'm not out I just felt like wearing my wedge boots today why's that gotta mean I'm going out."  

Like I usually get annoyed.  I know that's silly & dumb. 

Anyways, yea, I'm no help.

audrewuh

I'm the same way. I've been trying to say Thank You every time, but sometimes it feels awkward. Like Elle, my first instinct is to correct them or make some stupid, not-as-funny-as-I-thought comment about it. 

meamolly

I just say thank you and try to return the thought. It is hard sometimes just to stop at thank you.

lunarsongbird

 

caitlin.cave

I was the same way, and it bothered FI too.  It really helped me to think of it this way: even if you don't agree with the compliment, your FI really does think you're beautiful or funny or whatever it is he's saying.  You don't have to agree, but at least appreciate that he thinks you are.  You're not thanking him for you being beautiful, you're thanking him for thinking you are.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_compliments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a245654-1e27-4c38-99d9-952e03be2117Post:99c8c075-467e-4896-a074-0d3c1081f1e2">Re: Compliments...</a>:
[QUOTE]It took me a long time to get good at this. Now I just say thank you.<strong> Sometimes if they compliment an item of clothing I end up telling them where I got it, which is sort of annoying, so I try to stop that (I don't know why I have that compulsion).</strong> I typically try to return a compliment if there is one readily available. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div>Ahhh same here.  I don't intend to do it, but it always comes out and then I feel stupid.</div>

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_compliments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a245654-1e27-4c38-99d9-952e03be2117Post:9d0c84d1-d083-4395-a6f0-79cce6c773c4">Re: Compliments...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Compliments... : Ahhh same here.  I don't intend to do it, but it always comes out and then I feel stupid.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Me three!

I hate compliments.  I always feel super awkward about them, but if it's someone I don't really know, I try to remember to say thank you.  So, awkwardly enough, the more I know you, the more likely I am to deflect them.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_compliments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a245654-1e27-4c38-99d9-952e03be2117Post:99c8c075-467e-4896-a074-0d3c1081f1e2">Re: Compliments...</a>:
[QUOTE]It took me a long time to get good at this. Now I just say thank you. <strong>Sometimes if they compliment an item of clothing I end up telling them where I got it,</strong> which is sort of annoying, so I try to stop that (I don't know why I have that compulsion). I typically try to return a compliment if there is one readily available. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div>This. And usually I'll tell them what a great deal I got on it, which I'm sure is SUPER annoying. I have to remind myself that saying 'that sweater looks nice on you' does not mean 'where did you get that sweater, I NEED TO BUY ONE RIGHT NOW!'</div>

Hazel_B

I always say thank you to others, but I guess FI gets more what I really think. Which is what rdr suggested about taking offense to them. For example, last night FI commented on how well I cooked the pasta which my sarcastic response was "and, i mess it up every other day?" I'm wondering if this comes from him saying "it's fine" when I seek reassurance about something I cook, which I guess I take as "it's tolerable".  

BookButterfly

[QUOTE]Do you have a hard time accepting them?

Cause I do and apparently it really bothers FI. Any suggestions on how to change this thought process?[/QUOTE]

I'm with everyone on the "Say 'thank you' and move on" approach. I, however, have a slightly different reaction to compliments, sometimes.. ever since I saw the movie <em>Mean Girls</em>, if I agree with a compliment, I have to bite back the words, "I know, right?" NO IDEA WHY. Arghghghgh! It's such an asinine thing to say!

If, however, I don't agree with a compliment, I make a point to think about it at a later time--do I actually look nice? Hey, that's pretty awesome.. ^_^; That stuff tends to make my day better later, if it's not going so well.

duckymonkey

Like many of you, I have trouble accepting compliments... I just don't know how to respond. If it's from anyone else, I've learned to just say "thank you" (and shyly look away ). If it's from my BF, I tend to take the funny/sarcastic route.... I'll agree with him and say something like "oh i know!" or "aren't I?".... it's more out of nervousness than anything else.... I don't know why, but his compliments always make me blush, no matter how trivial they might be.

tdwpg1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_compliments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a245654-1e27-4c38-99d9-952e03be2117Post:99c8c075-467e-4896-a074-0d3c1081f1e2">Re: Compliments...</a>:
[QUOTE]It took me a long time to get good at this. Now I just say thank you. Sometimes if they compliment an item of clothing I end up telling them where I got it, which is sort of annoying, so I try to stop that (I don't know why I have that compulsion). I typically try to return a compliment if there is one readily available. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
 I do this too! And tell them if I got an awesome deal on it!<div>
</div><div>I try to always make sure to say thank you and then try to compliment the other person as well.</div>

HULU

I used to be the same way until I tried putting myself in their shoes. To me, if I compliment someone, and they immediately respond with something negative, it's almost like an insult. Tons of girls I know always complain about how they don't think they're pretty or that their boyfriend never tells them they're beautiful, and I think to myself "Why would he/they bother? It's not like you're going to agree with them anyway."

If I genuinely compliment someone and they laugh (very loudly, I might add) and make a big scene like "Oh honey, I'm not <whatever compliment I gave them>!!", or they turn to a friend/whoever that's standing beside them and say (in a rather snarky tone) "She thinks I'm such-and-such" THAT is the BIGGEST annoyance I have. It makes me feel embarassed for one, and secondly, it lets me know that you have poor character, and it's no wonder you don't receive compliments often. (Sorry for the tangent rant, but BOTH of those have happened before and it boils my blood).

dwest2201

I used to be horrible at it this, but over time and with the help of BF and a good friend that I used to work with and still keep in contact with I have improved significantly.