A little Disappointed

ravenray

I know this is a rather silly thing to be disappointed about but I can’t help being a little sad.  So BF and I were talking timeline last night.  It just started off as talking vaguely about marriage, then I realized with us possibly living in another country in the summer that I wanted to get married could shape how I choose a place to live.  So I said baby do you think that we will be getting married next summer.  And he said no, he was really sorry, but money just wasn’t going to work out.  It is totally ok but just disappointing.  I guess I was really hoping we would be getting married next summer.  It makes me sad but it isn’t his fault.  Money is tight for us right now, as it is possibly living in another country means saving till we go.  I acknowledge the “there is no rush” argument, but it still doesn’t make me a little sad.  I know we will get married some day.  I am not sure what I am looking for, I guess I just wanted to tell you girls, because you are my friends.  Thanks for listening.

I have no idea what is up with my font

Ollie08

Oh ray, I'm sorry. That totally sucks. I know you know that you're ok with it, but hearing the words still sting a little bit. :::hugs::: it'll all work out for the best.

Elle1036

Sorry you're disappointed, Ray.  I'll trade with you!  I'm starting to freak a little about getting married next summer.  It's funny, because I was so impatient for this, but now I wouldn't mind another year or two...

Anyway, just enjoy looking forward to it.  Once it's done, it's done.

becunning2

I'm sorry you're bummed out.  But it's just a little delay, you'll still get married one day, and you'll be on better financial footing when you do.  Hugs though! It sucks to be disappointed.

Which countries are you considering?

ravenray

Thanks girls!

Ah Elle, what's up?  Why do you want to wait longer? Have you talked to FI about this?
EDIT: Sorry Becumming I didn't see you.  Oh I am only concidering one country, Germany.  My focus Language is German (plus I love it there) so this will be a great way for me to become more fluent. 

csousa1

I'm sorry you are feeling low, Ray   You have a great head on your shoulders and you are good at seeing the positive, but I know how it still hurts to hear something like that. Everything will happen as it is supposed to, and you will enjoy everything as it happens, in the moment. Keep your head up!

lunarsongbird

I was right there with you before we moved to Colorado. Before discussing timelines- I thought summer 2012 was quite reasonable, but Andrew said the same thing....financially we just won't be ready.

I was bummed.

And then I took solace in the fact that if I had to wait longer- I would just save up for a dress I really wanted to wear (of course...I don't know what that is yet...but I will someday).

ravenray

Thanks girls!  See I knew you would make me feel better!
Liv- OH I know!  See we wouldn't be paying for the wedding.  My parents are paying (I happen to be Daddies little girl and the only daughter to my mother who wants to make my wedding dress) But we don't even have the money for rings.  He wants to get me something that I would wear for the rest of my life (which I think he is thinking more expensive, which to me doesn't matter)  Sadly I have kind of expensive taste. 

But thanks for making me feel a bit better.  I Know it will all workout, I just needed to hear it from someone else. 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:00e427c7-97f4-4252-b819-9813e5b2e978">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks girls! <strong>Ah Elle, what's up?  Why do you want to wait longer? Have you talked to FI about this?</strong> EDIT: Sorry Becumming I didn't see you.  Oh I am only concidering one country, Germany.  My focus Language is German (plus I love it there) so this will be a great way for me to become more fluent. 
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]<div>
<div>I don't really know what's up.  I just know that everytime I think about the wedding, and how it's less than 10 months away, I get a surge of panic.  I don't know if it's just that we have accomplished so little in terms of wedding planning, or if it's that I can't figure out the rest of my life and that stress just carries over to the rest of it.  Ughhhh but yeah.</div></div><div>
</div><div>I haven't said anything to FI yet.  He's stressed enough right now and I don't want to add my own crap to it.  I might have to, though, if I don't snap out of it soon.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, didn't mean to unload in your thread.  Sorry, Ray!</div>

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:1b53d826-8097-46f1-8b34-82a8063daebe">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A little Disappointed : I don't really know what's up.  I just know that everytime I think about the wedding, and how it's less than 10 months away, I get a surge of panic.  I don't know if it's just that we have accomplished so little in terms of wedding planning, or if it's that I can't figure out the rest of my life and that stress just carries over to the rest of it.  Ughhhh but yeah. I haven't said anything to FI yet.  He's stressed enough right now and I don't want to add my own crap to it.  I might have to, though, if I don't snap out of it soon. Anyway, didn't mean to unload in your thread.  Sorry, Ray!
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

No!  Feel free :)  I don't like feeling like an attention hog.  :)  I am sorry.  Do you think it carries over from not having a job and being in a new place? 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:1b1a0f38-a34a-4bb8-aa51-eaaf5d4fd18f">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A little Disappointed : No!  Feel free :)  I don't like feeling like an attention hog.  :)  I am sorry.  <strong>Do you think it carries over from not having a job and being in a new place? </strong>
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, definitely.  I'm sure when/if I start making money again, I'll feel a lot better.  Still, it's the whole "not sure what to do with my life" thing that's causing me the most stress.  I wish somebody would just tell me what to do.</div><div>
</div><div>Yaga - thanks.  Booking the venue was a big check mark, and that definitely helps.  Once we get the photographer and DJ, we'll be pretty much home free.</div>

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:5cda8603-16f3-429b-a95a-779db3c6181b">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A little Disappointed : Yeah, definitely.  I'm sure when/if I start making money again, I'll feel a lot better.  Still, it's the whole "not sure what to do with my life" thing that's causing me the most stress.  I wish somebody would just tell me what to do. Yaga - thanks.  Booking the venue was a big check mark, and that definitely helps.  Once we get the photographer and DJ, we'll be pretty much home free.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
Then you will be right as rain :)  Once you get a job everything will be good!  Don't stress about it too much :) Plus I am always here if you need too :)

CCO2012

I'm so sorry Raven!!! I know what it feels like for the, probably date" to be a no

Try focusing on Germany! That sounds like it will be amazing

bawidget

Sorry Raven that is disappointing. But I think when the time does come you'll have so much more fun with the planning aspect since you'll be on a good financial footing. I think budgeting and affordability is what drives most people crazy. You and BF seem really smart and it'll all happen in time

SeaTea02

Alright, going at this a different angle.

Paying for the wedding isn't stopping you. Paying for you two to live together isn't what is stopping you. It is a ring. I think that is so silly. Get something smaller and upgrade later or a moissanite, precious stone, whatever it is you like and can afford. I would not let the inability to afford a ring keep me and my FI from getting married. However, if this is indicative of other financial problems that would cause difficulty for you being a married couple then wait. But you are just talking about a ring. Talk to your BF if this is something you don't care about having, but honestly, it seems kind of silly. The lack of ability to pay for a ring or even a wedding would not keep me from marrying my FI. It is just a piece of jewelry. 

ravenray

Thanks girls.  I know Germany will be awesome!  I really can't wait!!!

SeaTea I hear what you are saying but I think this is really important to him. He may also be seeing other financial things that I am not seeing.  There is a question of student loans (getting those separate vs getting them as a married couple might be harder.  We don't know, we have never gotten them before.  I think he thinks it will be harder.)  So for me the ring isn't stopping me, but I do have to be respectful of his wishes as he is the one proposing.   All good things will come with time, so waiting it is for me.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:6d967c08-4682-4e98-a280-90aa6a836c13">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]All good things will come with time, so waiting it is for me.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

And Elle- I think you will feel SOOO much better after finding a job. You might have been moving when I was in my funk....but boy...I got into a total funk when I knew my job was coming to and end.

You'll be feeling better in no time. You should bake some cookies from scratch. :) Feeling as though you have accomplished something- and having a reward (cookies) to show for it...it's divine.

Now where are the pictures of all the trees and green, lady?

:)

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_little-disappointed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6a75d904-4452-43c4-80fc-428a141a0649Post:8feb2ba5-1606-4151-a40f-7e6d00625a77">Re: A little Disappointed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A little Disappointed : Agreed. And Elle- I think you will feel SOOO much better after finding a job. You might have been moving when I was in my funk....but boy...I got into a total funk when I knew my job was coming to and end. You'll be feeling better in no time. You should bake some cookies from scratch. :) Feeling as though you have accomplished something- and having a reward (cookies) to show for it...it's divine.<strong> Now where are the pictures of all the trees and green, lady? :)</strong>
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

<div>Aaah, I know!  I'm sorry.  I just want to get our house in a little bit better condition before I show it off.</div>

Peaseblossom55

I'm so sorry to hear.  I can understand your disappointment.  The time will come soon enough. hugs

susieq87

I am sorry that you didnt get the answer you were looking for. I know this is what everyone says, but just enjoy this stage while it lasts. I wanted the same things you want right now, and here I am 2 weeks away from my wedding, and I wish I could go back to the dating stage and enjoy it. I rushed everything when we were dating. I am happy now, but I wish I didnt rush it. Enjoy what you have right now, and someday soon you will be saying the same thing I am to another girl in your situation. Good luck with the move to another country! Thats a big step for you both!