I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...

lennonkdc

So, remember ex-best friend? The one who has lied, cheated and stole a bunch of money, and yet will get off scott free? The one who talked trash about me behind my back for years, even to my BF? The one who tried to turn my own sister against me? She's at it again...

She's totally pulling a SWF. She is now friends with even more of my family on  FB, hangs out with cousins that I never even get to see, and has gotten invites to family parties (ones that I never hear about till after the fact BTW). WTF? NONE of them know how twofaced or fake she is, and if I told any of them the truth about her, then I would be the bad guy. As it stands I'm the bad guy for cutting her out of my life, in their eyes. They simply don't get 'what my problem is with her.' 

I just don't know what to do. I feel like she is trying to turn my family against me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I guess this is more of a vent, unless you ladies have any advice....

Blue & White

...why does she want to BE you?  It's a very bizarre situation.

I would just let it be and tell family members the truth if they ask "what your problem with her" is.  I mean, it'll get them to show their true colors, cause they SHOULD side with you (as you are family, in theory.)

I dunno...it's a tough situation to be in and I hope she gets a life so she stops pretending to have yours.

BuckeyeAtHeart

I have been through something like this, although not to the extreme you are right now.  All I can say is there really isn't a whole lot you can do because, like you said, you will look like the bad guy.  I'd just let it go, if people want to believe what she is telling them then you are probably better off.  She will show her true colors eventually and then they will understand. 

As for you not being invited to family things, that's a bit weird.  I'm not sure how to confront them either.  I know I'm not much help but I just wanted to tell you that situations like this usually work themselves out.  People see more than we think and I'm sure they will be able to see what's going on soon enough. 

lennonkdc

B&W- I mean I am super sweet, so I totally get why she's want to be me...I mean being an unmarried, underemployed, hostess/wanna be lawyer must seem awesome compared to being a married mother of one, with a great house and nearly 6 figure salary...

Buckeye- Thanks, I know that it will work itself out in the end, but it took me so long to cut her loose that I'm worried that I'm losing valuable time with my family. There was a lot of drama with my family when I was growing up, so some of what is going on relates to that. The other stuff is that alot of the events are parties for kids b-days. B/c BF and I are kid free, we seem to be 'forgoten' when invite time comes around. FTR I have always extended family invites to parties and BBQ and such that BF and I host. 

becunning2

My advice includes a baseball bat. And since you're all lawyerified, I'd suggest not taking it.

Vent away. I don't know what to do--if you think you're family would listen to you explaining "what happened," then do it. If you think you won't get a fair shake... then it's probably better to wait for her to show her true colors. 

GoldenPenguin

Lennon - I have a similar situation, except the crazypants is my cousin. After never being good enough, always having something wrong with me, being cut down &  disrespected time after time after time, I finally cut her out of my life. But she has become really close with one of my closest work friends (they were even roommates for a short time) and I feel like she is always trying to get work friend on her "side." And, work friend has been increasingly distant - especially since I made the final decision to cut cousin out of my life, so it may actually be working. :-/

It's definitely hard. I have been struggling with it for a while - but I feel like I have enough good friends that I don't need to keep the sh!tty ones around. Keep your head up - it'll get better. Your family will see her true colors eventually - they always shine through.

lennonkdc

I just haven't figured out how to say to my family  "well you know, X stole $45,000 from her last employer, has been cheating on her H for the past 4.5 years of their five year marriage, she's talked trash about me to BF, lied to everyone about getting divorced and only calls me when she needs legal advice which she knows I can't currently give." But i haven't fiqured out how to make it not sound catty. 

I've thought about randomly suggesting people search for her on our county court docket web site....Hey, its public record.

becunning2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-like-im-taking-crazy-pills?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6be23ee6-3d66-4a9f-b8a7-fb7bb2b5650fPost:8c7f7c68-3c66-413d-9852-4003f4494fa6">Re: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just haven't figured out how to say to my family  "well you know, X stole $45,000 from her last employer, has been cheating on her H for the past 4.5 years of their five year marriage, she's talked trash about me to BF, lied to everyone about getting divorced and only calls me when she needs legal advice which she knows I can't currently give." But i haven't fiqured out how to make it not sound catty. 
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

<div>I think if you just say it neutrally. You could, for example, the next time someone asks what happened... pause and ask (meaningfully), "Do you really want to know?"</div><div>
</div><div>"Yes!"</div><div>
</div><div>Then you explain it calmly like you're explaining a to-do list, not a grievance--so you'd have to be particular about your phrasing.</div>