How do you start planning a wedding?

lunarsongbird

Andrew and I haven't really talked about wedding planning at all yet, because we are more focused on the house.

However- I did tell him, "Andrew- I can barely pay the bills. How am I supposed to save up for a wedding? Even if we wait for 2 years?" I asked him if he would consider eloping or having a very small wedding (20 people). And he said that we should talk to his parents about it. Apparently his mother has some ideas of who needs to be in attendance.

Can I save about $100 a week for 2ish years to have the weddings of our (my) dreams?

But honestly...IS IT the wedding of my dreams?

What do I need out of a wedding? Who do I need to be there?

I think more then anything I want to feel like a bride. I want to wear a white dress- and part of feeling like a bride is for at least a handful of people to see me in that dress, which takes out the idea of an elopement.

Hrm. A lot to think about, I suppose.

What do you think you need for your wedding? What questions should I be asking myself/Andrew?

orangehills

I think you both just really need to ask yourselves what you want and when you look back on it what you would possibly regret, like would you regret waiting a long time for a bigger wedding and spending a lot of money, or would you regret getting married sooner but with a smaller wedding. I went to a friend's wedding last year and she had a small ceremony- about 30 people, and then took us all out to dinner at a nice resturaunt. They had good food and wine, and speeches and a little candy bar. I think the only thing she missed was a wedding cake. But other than that, for 2grand, it was the best wedding I've been to! I think if the in laws want a say in it guest wise, they should be prepared to help out, and if they can't, and you want a small wedding, they will just have to accept it!

NurseyK

1. Start planning your wedding by deciding who HAS to be there (parents, siblings, life long best friends.)

2. Then set a budget.

3. THEN determine your max # of guests (for what makes you comfortable speaking, being with, what you envision).

4. Then determine the style, according to your budget and estimated guest number.

5. Then double your budget and guest list, because that's what seems to happen all.the.time. (No seriously, this is really what happened to us)

6. THEN tell your FMIL that she can have say in the guest list, but not until you and Andrew have decided the above.

polkadot111

I need...
Me. Jeff. Pastor (or someone to officiate). Marriage License. 2 Witnesses.

That's all  you NEED. Everything else is just extras.

Whenever I'm stressed I just repeat that to myself. Then I don't feel so stressed about my wedding, because I'll be just as married (whether my boquet has carnations instead of roses or whether my dress was $1,000 or only $99.

lunarsongbird

Yes- I definitely wouldn't let Andrew's mom have a say in who is coming if they aren't going to be contributing...because it is just physically impossible. ::shrugs:: I need to pick Andrew's brain again- maybe at breakfast tomorrow.

So I guess I should rephrase my question...

At minimum- what do you WANT for your wedding?

polkadot111

Honestly, our wedding is pretty much extreme budget. I guess I really wanted some type of music- NOT ipod. And I really wanted a nice-ish looking reception hall. I also really wanted a certain pastor at our church to marry us.  I also wanted good food. So the three most important things for us: Music, reception hall, food.

Pick the 3 most important things to you, and budget the most for those. Then price check to see what your areas regular pricing is. It's different in every area, obviously.  Try to make a budget before you start saving up. You should have a budget and a guestimate for a number of people who are going to be there. Then start looking for things to fit into your budget. It's WAY too easy to spend tons of money and not even realize it with a wedding. There are so many random things you need that you just forget about. That's what happened to us. We were totally in budget for our first wedding date, then realized we forgot a million little things. Those add up too.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_start-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e3a4605-8f6c-4e70-86c7-a64eb58b5fb1Post:9cc9b027-ef46-46c7-ab54-b58fe379038b">Re: How do you start planning a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I know what you're trying to say, Polka, but I think that Lunar gets that. Yes, anything beyond what you listed is "extra," but most people (I'd venture to say) want a bit above and beyond that to make it what they feel is representitive of their relationship and make it feel like the occasion that they've been waiting for. </strong> My answer still stands...that is what I want for my someday wedding. I think those wants are different for every person, but those are mine!
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Of course she knows that. haha. It just seemed from the original post that lunar was getting stressed about everything that a wedding includes. I know that when I'm stressed, reminding myself of that obvious fact calms me down.

NurseyK

I want everyone to enjoy our covenant day without feeling the societal pressures of looking a certain way and giving an expensive gift. All I want is that the people who attend are those who can or have set an example of a successful and happy relationship for our future.

I could care less about flowers, style of BM dress, and serving chicken.

For that reason I've been so indecisive I think I've been hard to work with, haha.

But in perspective, it's just one day. And the future of our relationship starts the day of our marriage. So the wedding day is important, but its not the end all be all for us.

[Deleted User]

What I want is my husband, mom, grandparents, sis, and my closest family and friends.  I want my princess dress.  I want a tiered cake.  I don't care about dancing, alcohol, food, or location.  My mom had a cake and punch reception.  My aunt and uncle had a courthouse wedding and they are the only couple in the family who hasn't gone through a divorce.  It varies from person to person.

You need to be happy with your wedding.  You have time to think about it, do not feel like you have to rush into planning.  Enjoy being engaged, and ENJOY YOUR NEW HOUSE! No reason to rush, just take life one step at a time.

leia1979

I agree with Liv on making a list of what you must have, what's nice to have, and what you do.not.want. We did this when we started planning to make sure we were on the same page. It will also make you think about what is important to you.

Then we put together an initial guest list and figured out about what we wanted to pay. I then started splitting out that budget by category to see what that gave us. I really liked Wedding Wire's budget tool...and their seating chart tool.

ElleB87

All you need for a wedding are a bride, a groom, an officiant and at least one witness.  Everything else is gravy.

SKP82

The food and having an open bar are the most important things to me.  I want my guests to really enjoy my wedding and have a great time. 

I agree that you should figure out what you wouldn't want to compromise on.  Because my most important is food, I had to reconfigure our budget after finding out how much catering would be for 75 people. 

Definitely talk to Andrew and see what he would be comfortable spending on a wedding.  We could afford a higher budget, but I wouldn't feel comfortable spending more than we've already planned. 

There are a LOT of options when planning a wedding.  Just figure out a budget you're comfortable with and can afford and go from there. 

csousa1

You invite all of the NEY ladies over to your new house and we chat in your lovely living room

bsidebella

To be honest, the daunting task of planning a wedding is freaking me out so much I want to cry. If I had money to blow, I would hire someone to do it for me, that's how terrified I am.

Luckily enough, FI has connections for certain vendors - printing company, florist, a deejay and a venue, even a limo service - so a lot of that is pretty much decided. However, we are in need a photographer and I have no. Freaking. Clue. Where to begin. We were going to use a friend of his parents', because she shot his sister's wedding. However, she is currently pregnant and having complications, so the last thing we want to do is bother her with this kind of stuff. So, now I'm at square one. Also, the dress thing. I HATE shopping! This is one of the most important pieces of clothing a girl wears and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.

This wedding thing is going to give me a panic attack, I can feel it coming on already. I swear I break out into hives whenever I think about it.

Ugh now I have a stomachache.

Hazel_B

I agree definitely make a list of the things that are important to you before you really get into planning. it is easy to get carried away and that list will help you stay grounded.

lennonkdc

A lot of ladies had really good advice, and since I'm NEY I'll just say that I'm sorry your feeling stressed/worried/whatever over the money aspect. The good news now is that you have the new house to focus on. If I were in your shoes, I would focus on the house till after the holidays, then sit down and worry about wedding planning. Just enjoy being engaged for a few months. We are telling girls all the time that you don't need years to plan, that you can have a wonderful wedding planned in a few months. 

True story- BF and I went to an uber elegant wedding last month- it was hosted in the Brides Mother's back yard. There were about 80 people there,  it was a catered buffet, the flowers were lovely, and the bar was open(Red/white wine, beers, sig drink). When I talked to the bride about it later, she said the beautiful hyrdganas (sp?) had been donated from their neighbors back yard, the groom brewed all the beer, the caters we're a newer company eager to impress, the invites were vista print bought with a groupon, ect ect ect. All in all they paid half what most people in this area do. The bride's moral to the story- don't stress about having everything be 'perfect', just focus on you and your FI and what feels natural for you.

Hope this helps.

**hugs**