Rant (and maybe advice)

juliennec

I'll give everyone a short background on my relationship.  My boyfriend, almost 30, and I, 28, have been together for 9 1/2 years.  We're not engaged yet because he says he wants to finish school and get a good job.  He's finishing school this month (finally!) and I'm not expecting a proposal right away, but I'm hoping within the next couple of months. 

I've been very supportive while he stretched out getting his BA going on 11 years (may I add that he has been in school this time, no lapses in attendance).  Does it seem to anyone that he's possibly dragging his feet?  I've spoken to him about it and he says that he wants it to be perfect (perfect ring, etc.), but I'm very easy to please and I told him I don't care about rings or anything like that, I just want more than anything to be his wife.  I've even suggested eloping.  Whenever I bring up the topic he says he wants to marry me more than anything.  I have my doubts though because it seems like he's doing everything in his power to delay school and job.

I also have the added stress of partially living with his parents.  That's a whole other story that is pissing me off to no end just thinking about.  So I think I'll refrain right now from that discussion.

What does everyone think?

KatyRoseM

It seems to me that he is delaying life (getting a job, getting out of school) and that may or may not have anything to do with you.  Why did it take 11 years of school to get a BA?  Have you talked to him about why it took so long?  

If things just kept coming up, then thats probably it, if not there may be a fear of getting out of school.  It doesn't sound like the problem is with you and him.  He is scared of getting out of school, that is very scary.  Also, you may be ok with no ring and eloping, but not all guys are.  He might want it to be perfect for him and you, or even just for him.  

Basically, it sounds like he is scared and delaying, but not about you or getting married, just about life.  Give him time and let him adjust to being out of school, then talk with him about it.  

sgervais88

I agree with Katyrose, and just wanted to add that my uncle was in school for thirteen years to get a BA. But he was just really indecisive and kept switching majors and colleges. Anyway, once he graduated, he proposed within two months to his girlfriend of seven years. So you never know, he could really be waiting on school to be over.

juliennec

Thanks for the advice.  I feel a little better.

It's taken him so long to finish school because he didn't do his research.  He took the wrong classes to transfer a couple of times.  And then when he finally transferred he took the bare minimum of classes.  He used to be a stoner, so maybe that's why.  Lol.

I'll try to be a little more patient, although patience after this long almost takes the act of a saint. 

paintgirl

Yeah I don't think it's you. A old friend of mine waited FOREVER for a proposal because he wanted everything to be perfect - good job, great ring, lots of money in savings. And he graduated really late too. And he had been a stoner too.

So really - no worries. Hang in if you're up to it. If not, ask him WTF and consider moving on. But at 28, you've got time. Your ovaries aren't going to shrivel up just yet. (If you even care about having kids - maybe not)

ekathleen684

I don't think it has anything to do with your relationship either. He might just be what my aunt likes to call a "professional student". My BF has mentioned getting married after we finish school and he too is taking his time with school. I know it has nothing to do with our relationship but with the fact that he can work a buttload of hours right now in other stations and he wants to do that while he has the option. If BF wasn't working and only had school as a responsibility I'd give a side eye but it is hard to work and go to school full time so I can relate.