Clever ways to get ppl to clean

eraver01

Does anyone have any good ideas for getting my bf and his roommates to clean their apartment? BF had been trying to keep it under control but has given up because his roommates are so helpless!!

I'm getting tired of having to tread over week old dirty plates, cups, mail, tennis rackets, lax gear, dirty laundry, dog hair, dust, general junk, and garbage when I drive 4 hours to visit. As it's not my place, and asking nicely doesn't seem to have any lasting effect, I'm looking for something creative.

So far, all I have is bribing them with some form of baked good and leading the charge this weekend when I go down.

PaigeMcC

Tell your boyfriend that you're uncomfortable with the mess.  They're his room mates so it's his job to get things with them straightened out.  Other than that I'd say wear some protective gear and steer clear of the unclean rooms.

Elle1036

Eh...  since you don't live there I would recommend that you just stay out of it.  Boys are messy.  It's a fact of life.  He won't be living with them forever.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:c3f77633-f734-4846-9616-71f188adafbd">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell your boyfriend that you're uncomfortable with the mess.  They're his room mates so it's his job to get things with them straightened out.  Other than that I'd say wear some protective gear and steer clear of the unclean rooms.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Yepp, this. Honestly, (when I lived with roommates) if one of the girls I lived with had her boyfriend come down and he started telling us that we needed to clean, I'd feel annoyed just because he isn't one of the roommates.

You could offer to help your BF out with cleaning when you go to visit him, but ultimately it's up to them. If it bugs your BF so much then they should all have a talk together to work something out.

MLekathLEEN

Find dead cat (we've have a few around here with the unofficially engaged folks)
Place cat under clothes/plates/ whatever
Wait.
 t may take awhile but once they see it, the place will be spotless.

Honestly, I don't know. You can ask, ask, ask and it'll just go in one ear and out the other with boys. I'd say clean it but who honestly wants to clean a mess that you didn't make? Plus, you're not their mother and you shouldn't have to act like it.

eraver01

Hahaha the dead cat is definatly clever, but I doubt even this would work. They had an infestation of these weird flies last summer and it didn't even faze them. They would die in the fridge and in the sink and STINK but even that wasn't enough to get them cleaning.

I'm not a neat person, by ANY means, but when living conditions are unsanitary it’s a different issue entirely. I might see if I started staying with one of my friends rather than with my BF he might have a new found motivation to get his roommates cleaning. However, he is notoriously bad at handling ultimatums so this could easily backfire

calindi

Don't threaten your BF to get him to push his roommates to clean.  That's not fair, and ultimatums are never a healthy way to operate in a relationship.

Either clean it yourself, or deal with how they have it (or don't stay there).  They'll likely (and rightfull) get pissed off at someone who doesn't pay rent telling them how to keep their house.  It's between your BF and his roommates, and you should stay out of it.

Wrkn925

Give 'em Adderall and lock the doors. 

They'll have to find something to do with the pent up energy.

eraver01

I think what i'm going to do is just clean it on Saturday. If they want to help, fine. If not, it will be an early v-day gift for BF (and perhaps b-day gift as well). Then, if it gets this bad again, I'll peace out and start staying with friends or family. I won't pose it as an ultimatum, I'll just do it. BF knows how I feel about it, and he will understand.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:1eae5366-18d7-444f-bafc-98e521a23120">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]I think what i'm going to do is just clean it on Saturday. If they want to help, fine. If not, it will be an early v-day gift for BF (and perhaps b-day gift as well). Then, if it gets this bad again, I'll peace out and start staying with friends or family. I won't pose it as an ultimatum, I'll just do it. BF knows how I feel about it, and he will understand.
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

You never answered me.

<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_let-introduce-myself-1_.1">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_let-introduce-myself-1_.1</a>

eraver01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:e0b02524-db15-4407-bb43-a7dc95150924">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean : You never answered me.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

Oops! Sorry, I did now <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

trebmal

BF is kind of like this.  Not terribly bad though.  i.e. He'll leave his plate on the tv tray for a little while after dinner whereas I take it straight to the sink to rinse and then to the dishwasher.  I feel like Kate Holbrook from "Baby Mama" "I'm sorry, I'm a little overly thorough. Some people would say that I am bossy and controlling."  So it's really my issue not his and I figure if it bugs me, then I can pick it up or just leave it there and let him do it on his own time.  I am sure that's not much help but I was just thinking about  this last night. 

AudgiePodge

I just move when my house gets messy.

jeanacorina

Welcome to life in a bachelor pad. Invest in some hand sanitizer and immune booster.

If it ain't your house, then keep your nose out of their housekeeping business. Cleaning it for them is awkward and makes you seem like you're their mommy. Or their maid. Both are bad. They'll only get used to you doing that.

Leave them alone. It's their space. When I lived with DH (then BF) and his roommates, I didn't have any space. I wasn't on the lease and it wasn't really my apartment. I kept to our bedroom and cleaned up after myself.

desertsun

DON'T CLEAN IT FOR THEM.

Seriously.

It's not your stuff. It's not your place. You have no right and no business doing anything with their stuff or their home.

Seriously. Why the HELL would you think that was okay?

I would be SO PISSED if anyone invaded my space like that.

True, your BF's roomates might be okay with it. But you should at the very least discuss it with them first, in case any of them is a personal space freak like me.

MissOwl

if your bf is also frustrated, perhaps he could suggest this...

mr. owl and i switch chores every other week (it's on a whiteboard in the kitchen). you have the whole week to do your chores and they must be done by sunday night. if you don't do yours, you have to do the other person's next week too.

for example, we either do kitchen/vaccuum or bathroom/dusting. if i don't dust then i have to do all four chores the next week. this lights a fire under both of our butts to get it done by sunday night.

just a thought...

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:a52781e5-f01e-4009-93bf-b606ff0db987">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]DON'T CLEAN IT FOR THEM. Seriously. It's not your stuff. It's not your place. You have no right and no business doing anything with their stuff or their home. Seriously. Why the HELL would you think that was okay? I would be SO PISSED if anyone invaded my space like that. True, your BF's roomates might be okay with it. But you should at the very least discuss it with them first, <strong>in case any of them is a personal space freak like me.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Yay, I'm not the only one!

Once, FI's dad popped my hood and checked the oil in my car without my permission or knowledge.  I was so pissed.  Is that an overreaction?

leia1979

Make him visit you.

I don't think much else is gonna work. And I ditto Desert's don't clean for them, but for a different reason: don't set a precedent. Then they'll just be lazy because they figure you'll clean it for them!

eraver01

<p class="MsoNormal">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:a52781e5-f01e-4009-93bf-b606ff0db987">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]DON'T CLEAN IT FOR THEM. Seriously. It's not your stuff. It's not your place. You have no right and no business doing anything with their stuff or their home. Seriously. Why the HELL would you think that was okay? I would be SO PISSED if anyone invaded my space like that. True, your BF's roomates might be okay with it. But you should at the very least discuss it with them first, in case any of them is a personal space freak like me.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Oh my! I wasn't aware this question would bring about all caps <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />. It's been discussed. Everyone is in agreement that it should be cleaned and they will help. But, I know that, except for BF, they will not. It is most definitely NOT an invasion on their personal space. I'm not touching bed rooms, that's their own prerogative. It just needs to be done once. Most of the stuff that needs to be thrown out or given away isn't theirs anyway. One of the previous roommates left it and then left the country and has made it known he has no intention of taking it back. The current residents are just too lazy to do anything with it. Also, as the dog is technically my fur baby, too, the messes she causes are kind of mine to clean.  BF is frustrated having to deal with the roommates and tired of cleaning by himself. This is another reason why I am helping him. I don't have high expectations of the other two. Usually when I help with dishes or picking up, they are glued to the TV and as soon as I'm wrapping up I get, "oh, sorry, i didn't know you were doing that. Let me help you"

Perhaps I should mention another reason this whole thing started. My BF and I had the idea to have a party this Sat night with some of our friends and invite them over. Well.... It's hard enough for three people to navigate through the crap everywhere let alone guests! Unfortunately, boys generally lack the etiquette to realize that it is terribly rude to invite people over and then have them stand around in filth. As they are my friends, too, and I played a role in conceiving of this party idea, I am going to clean. This is another reason I'm not too terribly concerned if the other two guys help or not. Even if it is their place (and garbage), it is BF and my friends, so.... yeah.</p>

eraver01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:668e3041-5943-4fcc-aa04-a692496a05a0">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]Make him visit you. I don't think much else is gonna work. And I ditto Desert's don't clean for them, but for a different reason: don't set a precedent. Then they'll just be lazy because they figure you'll clean it for them!
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]
I wish he could visit me <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif" border="0" alt="Cry" title="Cry" />. Alas, he works as a bartender and a HS lax coach so he doesn't have the luxury of weekends off like I do and when season starts, the first week of Feb, he won't be able to come up for surprise visits during the week any more. Also, because my parents don't like the dog sheds, she's not allowed to stay in our condo and BF's brother (who is one of the roommates) won't take care of her.
<p class="MsoNormal">
As for setting a precedent, it has already been set by the third RM's gf. Get this: she lives in Ireland and came to visit for a month. RM did not lift a finger to neaten up the place for her even though she was spending 1000s of dollars and traveling all of that way to see him. In fact, it was so bad, that she ended up cleaning everything while he sat on the couch and played video games.</p>

heyimbren

So it seems like you didn't really want advice, just validation.

I'd be ticked off if someone did this, but I've said that already. Even if it was in the common areas.

eraver01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:1e59684e-50a4-4d39-9217-afb28a442de4">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]So it seems like you didn't really want advice, just validation. I'd be ticked off if someone did this, but I've said that already. Even if it was in the common areas.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Well, the title says "Clever ways to get ppl to clean" I was hoping people would know of ways to make cleaning fun so when I do clean the house, I could make it less daunting.

I wasn't asking if it was a good idea or not to clean their place. I'm sorry if that came off that way.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:5d479119-7e05-4d3a-bb7c-7e8009dab3e6">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean : Well, the title says "Clever ways to get ppl to clean" I was hoping people would know of ways to make cleaning fun so when I do clean the house, I could make it less daunting. I wasn't asking if it was a good idea or not to clean their place. I'm sorry if that came off that way.
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

It didn't come off that way, it's just a pet peeve of mine when people get lots of advice and then don't listen to any of it anyways. Regardless of what you post, you're going to get various suggestions even if you didn't ask for them.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:5d479119-7e05-4d3a-bb7c-7e8009dab3e6">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean : Well, the title says "Clever ways to get ppl to clean" I was hoping people would know of ways to make cleaning fun so when I do clean the house, I could make it less daunting. I wasn't asking if it was a good idea or not to clean their place. I'm sorry if that came off that way.
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

<div>If you want fun ways to clean, and everyone has agreed you are all going to be cleaning, then I'd suggest fun music.  Also, make a game out of something "Who ever find the most X (beer caps, loose candy wrappers, hair elastics) on their cleaning journey wins X (beer, chocolate, etc)." It makes it into a fun game.  

One time we had a clean-off and our room mate and I cleaned top to bottom...we found over 30 hair elastics.  If she won I bought her lunch, if I won she bought me lunch.  It was just a silly game but it was a nice way...and then you can trash talk too.</div>

calindi

If everyone has agreed to clean, then perhaps you can make it into a competition of sorts?  Divide up the space into sections (kitchen vs. living room is a simple one), then split into teams, and see who can get the space clean fastest.  You shouldn't be on either team - you can be the swing player and judge.  You'll help each team on a rotating basis, and be the judge as to when it's clean enough.  Winner gets bragging rights, and some sort of prize (may I suggest a mini keg?).

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:f4d07de5-6cb5-48b6-9217-17ad1965be86">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean : Oh my! I wasn't aware this question would bring about all caps . It's been discussed. Everyone is in agreement that it should be cleaned and they will help. But, I know that, except for BF, they will not. It is most definitely NOT an invasion on their personal space. I'm not touching bed rooms, that's their own prerogative. It just needs to be done once. Most of the stuff that needs to be thrown out or given away isn't theirs anyway. One of the previous roommates left it and then left the country and has made it known he has no intention of taking it back. The <strong>current residents are just too lazy</strong> to do anything with it. Also, as the dog is technically my fur baby, too, the messes she causes are kind of mine to clean.  BF is frustrated having to deal with the roommates and tired of cleaning by himself. This is another reason why I am helping him. <strong>I don't have high expectations</strong> of the other two. Usually when I help with dishes or picking up,<strong> they are glued to the TV</strong> and as soon as I'm wrapping up I get, "oh, sorry, i didn't know you were doing that. Let me help you" Perhaps I should mention another reason this whole thing started. My BF and I had the idea to have a party this Sat night with some of our friends and invite them over. Well.... It's hard enough for three people to navigate through the crap everywhere let alone guests! Unfortunately, boys generally lack the etiquette to realize that it is terribly rude to invite people over and then have them <strong>stand around in filth</strong>. As they are my friends, too, and I played a role in conceiving of this party idea, I am going to clean. This is another reason I'm not too terribly concerned if the other two guys help or not. Even if it is their place (and garbage), it is BF and my friends, so.... yeah.
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean : I wish he could visit me  . Alas, he works as a bartender and a HS lax coach so he doesn't have the luxury of weekends off like I do and when season starts, the first week of Feb, he won't be able to come up for surprise visits during the week any more. Also, because my parents don't like the dog sheds, she's not allowed to stay in our condo and BF's brother (who is one of the roommates) won't take care of her. <strong>As for setting a precedent, it has already been set by the third RM's gf. Get this: she lives in Ireland and came to visit for a month. RM did not lift a finger to neaten up the place for her even though she was spending 1000s of dollars and traveling all of that way to see him. In fact, it was so bad, that she ended up cleaning everything while he sat on the couch and played video games.</strong>
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

Raver...I'm sorry, but you sound like you're being kind of judgemental here. Bottom line is, it's their place, not yours. If you want to step up and do some cleaning for yourself, that's cool, but you have to ask them first.

I would ask them if they want to do it together and perhaps suggest a game like Paige described (awesome idea, Paige!). If they don't come through, then let them know you'd like to go ahead and do some cleaning in the common areas on your own. Maybe call it your Valentine's Day present to your boys or something. Then it's less like you're being "mommy" or the annoying neat-freak-stickler (which I'm not saying you are, but you can come off that way when you're telling others how to keep their space).

I truly understand your feeling the way you do, since you do spend a lot of time there, and it does sound gross, but again...it's just not your place to say how clean they keep things.

I feel compelled to add that, especially since BF doesn't come stay at your place in exchange, it's pretty darn nice of his roomies to let you stay over regularly. They have an extra roommate when you're there, and I'm guessing you don't contribute to rent, right? Honestly, if you wanted to clean up, I'd view that as a nice gesture in return for all the times you stay there.

I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I've lived in various roommate situations for many years. Each roommate had a different level of cleanliness. I've also both been the "significant other guest" and had the roommate whose SO is always over. So I do feel like my experience here is relevant. HTH.

Edited for clarity.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:47d22be3-9c30-4203-8c40-31c88cb20234">Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]Does anyone have any good ideas for getting my bf and his roommates to clean their apartment? BF had been trying to keep it under control but has given up because his roommates are so helpless!! I'm getting tired of having to tread over week old dirty plates, cups, mail, tennis rackets, lax gear, dirty laundry, dog hair, dust, general junk, and garbage when I drive 4 hours to visit. As it's not my place, and asking nicely doesn't seem to have any lasting effect, I'm looking for something creative. So far, all I have is bribing them with some form of baked good and leading the charge this weekend when I go down.
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

Based on your OP, asking for suggestions on how to get them to help, my best suggestion is to echo Paige. Sorry if I'm repeating myself.

jeanacorina

Clean up, clean up- everybody, everywhere! Clean up, clean up- everybody do your share!

Anyone?

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_clever-ways-ppl-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7099f747-3f1d-4515-a1da-f03e3966a386Post:e362da99-9473-49fc-9185-675803f935cc">Re: Clever ways to get ppl to clean</a>:
[QUOTE]Clean up, clean up- everybody, everywhere! Clean up, clean up- everybody do your share! Anyone?
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Who made this big mess?!


The big red couch?


ETA: It's the big COMFY couch.

eraver01

haha these are great ideas. Due to the MidWest being terribly unprepared for any form of precipitation, I am going to have to postpone my visit to BF a day

However, it turns out, he thought of a fun way to get rid of some of the old roommates junk that had been filling up the dinning room!! Last night, his buddy and he got the idea to make a bobsled using only this stuff and then throw it in the dumpster once they were done.

He is nothing if  not creative

[Deleted User]

I find that throwing everything in their bed usually works... dirty dishes, clothes, shoes, etc.... put the garbage pail in front of their bedroom door so when they walk out they trip over it and fall!...  when they find pots and pans on their pillow they usually take that to mean it's time to clean up!  and if that doesn't work... just throw everything out... (yes, my father used to do this...)

BUT since this isn't your house...  I would go with mind your business and stay in a hotel when you visit until your BF gets his roommates to stop acting like slobs... although baked goods never hurt anyone!