Not Engaged Yet

not engaged yet, but booking the venue?

booked and happy, thanks to all the replies :)
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Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?

  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:1c379101-5a13-47b7-82f3-a7ac56b3aea4">not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>my bf and i are getting married in a few months in a courthouse to make it legal so we can be in the army together, but are having <em>our real wedding ceremony </em>next summer after we graduate we won't get "officially" engaged until a few months</strong> because we want to finish army camp (LDAC) this summer before relaxing and celebrating. i want to get married at this gorgeous venue, but it's extremely popular and i'm worried that if i wait, it will be booked for june next year. we could be sent to training as early as june 1, so we don't have a lot of flexibility with dates. has anyone been in a situation where they've booked the venue before they got officially engaged? my parents totally know it's coming, but i don't want to rob my dad of that special moment when my bf asks for my hand! i don't want it to feel like planning the wedding before we're even engaged, but i dont know what else to do! my mom is totally for it, but i dont know how to approach my dad, who is footing the bill (bless him!) help?
    Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Once you're married, you're married. <div>
    </div><div>If you have another ceremony later, that would technically be a vow renewal, NOT your "real wedding." </div><div>
    </div><div>By using the term "real wedding" in reference to your vow renewal, you're implying that simple, legal, courthouse weddings are not as valid as the traditional more formal affair.</div><div>
    </div><div>Please be aware that your post may be offensive to those who have had or are planning courthouse ceremonies.</div>
    </div>
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand why you can't get engaged sooner - also you don't need a ring to be engaged.

    I agree with the pp. Your courthouse wedding will be your "real" wedding. Anything after that is a vow renewal. And you can't be engaged after you are already married...your timeline of events is confusing to me :S


  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:340d4efa-8117-4499-af41-520bfbe51477">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why you can't get engaged sooner - also you don't need a ring to be engaged. I agree with the pp. Your courthouse wedding will be your "real" wedding. Anything after that is a vow renewal. And you can't be engaged after you are already married...your timeline of events is confusing to me :S
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    I agree... I'm a bit confused. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

    [ETA] Ok, let me make sure I understand--I can be a bit sluggish with comprehending things! Woo... Anyways, so you want to book the venue by this June 1st as you could get shipped out? And the wedding will be next June?

    I know venues book up quickly--we booked our venue nearly 16 months out... The place is now booked for ALL of May 2011... Talk about crazy! I really don't see any problem in booking a venue early--but, if you aren't engaged, I think it's a bit premature. With that being said, I understand your situation, so if you and your FI are CONFIDENT that you want to get married and want it for next June--then go for it. Gaurenteed, some people might turn heads at this... I know I would.

    What's wrong with getting engaged now? If it's because you aren't ready, then, I would certainly wait to book the venue.
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  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Courthouse marriages are real marriages. Your boyfriend can still ask for your father's blessing (sorry, I take issue with the whole "hand in marriage" thing--you are a woman, not someone's property) for a courthouse wedding.

    Frankly, I don't think you should make any plans until you receive your orders.
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    The military leads to screwy timelines. If you really want that location, book it. Forget about whether you have a ring this second or not. You'll have one soon. Or you'll lose a deposit. What's the worst that happens - you lose a few bucks?

    Consider asking the venue what their policy is for changes to date because of military orders. If you and your (by then) DH have your schedule changed by Uncle Sam, will the venue let you change your date or give you a full refund? It's the least they can do for a military couple!
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Jumping off what paint said, make sure anything you get with regards to a military policy in writing.
  • BlueBoxBrideBlueBoxBride member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If you are willing to lose your deposit if the timing doesn't work out, go for it! 


    "I liked it, so I put a ring on it" - future Mr. Box
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:1c379101-5a13-47b7-82f3-a7ac56b3aea4">not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>my bf and i are getting married in a few months in a courthouse to make it legal</strong> so we can be in the army together, but are having our <strong>real wedding ceremony next summer </strong>after we graduate <strong>we won't get "officially" engaged until a few months</strong> because we want to finish army camp (LDAC) this summer before relaxing and celebrating. i want to get married at this gorgeous venue, but it's extremely popular and i'm worried that if i wait, it will be booked for june next year. we could be sent to training as early as june 1, so we don't have a lot of flexibility with dates. has anyone been in a situation where they've booked the venue before they got officially engaged? my parents totally know it's coming, but i don't want to rob my dad of that special moment when my bf asks for my hand! i don't want it to feel like planning the wedding before we're even engaged, but i dont know what else to do! my mom is totally for it, but i dont know how to approach my dad, who is footing the bill (bless him!) help?
    Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, you can't get married, then get engaged, then have your wedding.

    Be engaged and get married. Don't act like you're hushing it up. Get married in a courthouse if you need to.

    But by doing this you ARE giving up your wedding. If you do anything else fancy it would be called a vow renewal.
  • edited December 2011
    You'll already be married, your courthouse wedding is your "real wedding." You're having a vow renewal. Sure, it's still a wedding. But the courthouse one isn't fake.

    Also, your BF can ask for your dad's blessing now, ask you to marry him, you guys can go get married at the JOP, do your military thing, then have a wedding when you're back in June (if the timing works out).

    Why does your timeline seem so complicated?

    You don't need a ring to be engaged. You can get one later if you like. I am so confused. Can you put your plan into bullet points with footnotes and a reference page at the end so I can try to understand where it's getting all knotted up in my brain?

    kthx.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    So did you actually buy your dress this past September?

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_will-able-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:10359779Post:10359779">Will I be able to find my dress???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've found a dress that I absolutely love. Seriously. It's "The Dress"The problem is, I'm not engaged...yet. My boyfriend and I are getting engaged at the end of next summer, then married the following summer.So basically, it's too soon to buy the dress, obviously, and I don't want to go try it on and ruin that special "dress trying" moment.It's the Martina Liana 203 dress, from the 2009 collection, and still on the website. But I'm afraid by the time I am actually ready to try on dresses, it won't be available for me to buy, let alone try on!I realize that there are a million dresses out there, and I'll never know until I start to try them on, but it's just everything I think I want by looks alone. I'd be devestated if I didn't even have the chance to put it on to see!!So, anyone, advice? Do you think I'd be able to find the dress by the end of next summer?Thanks all!!
    Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]

    On Just Engaged...
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_nervous-booking-venue-pre-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c779932b-b1b4-4229-a876-12ebdb672b17Post:b709ec4a-e16d-4d17-941b-88189b0fa1bb">nervous about booking the venue pre-engagement!</a>:
    [QUOTE]my boyfriend and i are going into the army after we graduate college next year, and know that we are getting married right after. we consider ourselves practically married, the commitment is there, but we just haven't gotten "officially" engaged with the ring and such because we want to finish our rotc camp this summer before we really celebrate with our family, etc. everyone knows it's coming, and we're all very excited, but i'm nervous because we need to get married in june before we go to training. i want to get married at this gorgeous place, but it's very very popular and i'm afraid it will be booked solid unless we act fast. the bf doesn't mind booking the venue before we get "official" but i dont know how to really propose this to my father, the bearer of the wedding financial burdens. i don't want to jump the gun and ruin the whole engagement process and memories, but we don't have the flexibility to just get married "whenever". we could leave for training as early as june 1!!! has anyone out there been in a situation like this or could anyone offer some good advice?
    Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]

    I am confused. 
    Are you getting engaged before or after going to the courthouse? 
    Are you telling family and friends that you are, in fact, married?

    I think that military or not, you are missing a couple of key factors.

    You say that your dad is the "bearer of the wedding financial burdens." 
    Is this venue within your budget?  Do you even have a budget yet? 

    The military factor does come into play when trying to book a date for next summer.  Do you have a solid date that your training will start?  If not, what happens if your training interferes with your 'wedding' date? 
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm offended that you think going to the courthouse and getting legally married is superfluous.
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:93c1d55f-810c-4596-a95e-582209d38bfd">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm offended that you think going to the courthouse and getting legally married is superfluous.
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    As am I, especially as this is one of my potential plans.

    I guess since I don't want a wedding, I'll never be officially married. I'm crying into my goldfish crackers.
  • meamollymeamolly member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1. If you want your fh to ask your dad he should do it now. 2. Book it, after all you said you were getting married soon at the courthouse. keep in mind you do have to put down money that is likely not refundable. (My sister did something similar where her and her husband married two years before their catholic ceremony.)
  • edited December 2011
    Oh get a grip everyone....I understand what you're saying  forrma7 and I think there is absolutely NO problem with booking a venue before you're engaged. Venues book up quickly and if you want your first choice and you have no doubts that you are going to get engaged soon and get married next June then why not......I say go for it...you'll be the one having your reception on the date you want it AT the place you want it while all of these snarky brides will be settling for second  best......I don't know about you..but I'm not a "second best" kind of gal....
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This also goes for "FH" aka future husband...better known as your fiance.

  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    JKins, I sincerely believe none of here are settling for "second best" as you put it. Every engaged lady is planning the best wedding they can dream for, and the wedding they want. The married ladies had the best weddings for them. Some of us want courthouse weddings. Some of us want loft weddings. Some want hotel ballroom with all the bells and whistles. It is what's best for each of us; the bride and groom are the ones who are getting married. Their venue has to be best for them, not for any outside party.

    But since I doubt you care:


  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:e6924e30-cf5b-42ef-baca-3e3d05be4942">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh get a grip everyone....I understand what you're saying  forrma7 and I think there is absolutely NO problem with booking a venue before you're engaged. Venues book up quickly and if you want your first choice and you have no doubts that you are going to get engaged soon and get married next June then why not......I say go for it...you'll be the one having your reception on the date you want it AT the place you want it while all of these snarky brides will be settling for second  best......I don't know about you..but I'm not a "second best" kind of gal....
    Posted by JKins10169[/QUOTE]

    OH PLEASE.

    The problem isn't her booking a venue before she's engaged, the problem is that she's ignoring the enormity of getting MARRIED.

    I'd rather get married at a courthouse any day and actually realize I'm getting married than ignore the fact and pretend to get married a year later.

    What is wrong with people?
  • edited December 2011
    This whole thread just makes me head hurt

    You get married once and that is your wedding - anything afterwards is a vow renewal.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    What part of the legal courthouse ceremony isn't real?
    And if you'll be married, then how can you be waiting to be engaged?
    image
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I offended someone with a courthouse wedding by mistake when I was a teenager. My brother eloped. I asked my new SIL if they planned to have a ceremony and reception later with the family and friends. Her response was priceless, "Why? Would I be any more married then?"

    But I don't think OP was putting down a courthouse marriage, necessarily. I think she was saying it just isn't for her. If they have to do it out of necessity, they will, but she would prefer another ceremony later with family and friends.
  • BlueBoxBrideBlueBoxBride member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:3371ef98-10be-4a26-a6d9-8cb8255f8ec6">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I offended someone with a courthouse wedding by mistake when I was a teenager. My brother eloped. I asked my new SIL if they planned to have a ceremony and reception later with the family and friends. Her response was priceless, "Why? Would I be any more married then?" But I don't think OP was putting down a courthouse marriage, necessarily. I think she was saying it just isn't for her. If they have to do it out of necessity, they will, but she would prefer another ceremony later with family and friends.
    Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly. She was simply asking if she should reserve where she wants the ceremony before eloping before a JP. </div><div>
    </div><div>She obviously wants to have a ceremony with family and friends, but just wants to legally get married for military reasons. A good friend of mine from college did the exact same thing, she wanted to have the beautiful Napa Valley all-bells-and-whistles wedding, but her FI was in the military. By eloping, she legally could be on base. She didn't change her name and all that until after her "vow renewal." They are still married, quite happy and now have a cute little son they both adore more than anything. </div><div>
    </div><div>Live and let live. </div>
    "I liked it, so I put a ring on it" - future Mr. Box
  • edited December 2011
    What does your BF think about this venue? Nowhere in your post do you mention HIS opinion on this topic.

    Also, if you're going to get married in a few months in the courthouse and don't want to "rob your BF of asking your dad for your hand", then he better get a move on.  Because please please tell me that you're planning on telling your family when you actually get married (and yes, a courthouse marriage is a REAL marriage, a REAL wedding, and all that jazz).

    Personally, I think this is nuts.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:93c1d55f-810c-4596-a95e-582209d38bfd">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm offended that you think going to the courthouse and getting legally married is superfluous.
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.

    It sounds to me (based on the info you presented) you plan on essentially eloping at a courthouse, and then later getting "engaged" and having a wedding without disclosing the fact that you're already married to your family and friends. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly decietful to me. I'd be furious if I found out after the fact that a family member or friend was already married and essentially lied to me about it prior to the wedding.

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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:acc214ca-ec5f-4019-b391-e686d1d7c51a">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue? : Ditto. <strong>It sounds to me (based on the info you presented) you plan on essentially eloping at a courthouse, and then later getting "engaged" and having a wedding without disclosing the fact that you're already married to your family and friends. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly decietful to me. I'd be furious if I found out after the fact </strong>that a family member or friend was already married and essentially lied to me about it prior to the wedding.
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]


    DITTO


    OP - are you planning on telling everyone you are legally married? Or are you pretending that you are getting married?
  • edited December 2011
    I have 10 bucks on pretending she's not married so she can have her pretty princess day.
    image
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    NOELLLLLLLLLE, it's her SPEEECIALLLLLLL DAYYYYYYYYYY
  • edited December 2011
    *footstomp*
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Whatever.  I got married last October.  Nobody else is allowed to get married for the next 10 years because MY day was that SPESHUL!!!!!!! 
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:acc214ca-ec5f-4019-b391-e686d1d7c51a">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'd be furious if I found out after the fact that a family member or friend was already married and essentially lied to me about it prior to the wedding.
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

    Ooo ooo pick me! My sister did this. No kidding. Can't make this crap up. And let my mother pay for the "wedding"! And then told everyone at the ceremony! It was like freakin' Maury Povich. I about laughed my *ss off.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-yet-but-booking-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:71a982ec-38e6-4669-b24e-35fe4c06ecfcPost:bbfaef8b-c791-488b-99d5-d615603946ab">Re: not engaged yet, but booking the venue?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 10 bucks on pretending she's not married so she can have her pretty princess day.
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

    20 on not telling because she wants a bridal shower.

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