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Is This Illegal/Sexist?

My cousin recently moved from Florida to Seattle and has been struggling to find a job in her field (social work). She goes on a couple interviews a month, and she is also getting married next month. I just saw this post on her Facebook (edited for grammar): 

"So I got the job.....kinda? Basically they are like, you're hired...but you are getting married so we will talk to you in month....so yay....hopefully they still want me in a month....."

A friend of hers commented that it was weird they were making her wait, and she replied: "Well they want to start training but they just want to make sure the information they are giving me is fresh because I am dealing with families....I really want this job to work out."

I don't know what one has to do with the other. It seems like they are reluctant to hire her because she's getting married next month and they might think she might be distracted. I don't know if it's me, or if I'm overreacting because I love my cousin, but isn't that kind of illegal and/or sexist? They wouldn't ever say that to a man, would they?

Anyone want to weigh in on this? 

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Re: Is This Illegal/Sexist?

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    Well, if they were to say, "We won't hire you until after your wedding because you'll be too distracted," yeah...that's kinda borderline illegal.  But if they say, "You're hired.  We're going to train you after your wedding so that everything stays fresh in your mind," that's fair game.
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    Did she perhaps say she would need to take time off for her wedding? I wouldn't want to hire someone who would miss a week in the first month. I'd instead have them start after they've taken the time off.

    I don't even think "we won't hire you until after your wedding because you'll be too distracted" is necessarily problematic. It certainly isn't illegal, but I don't know why she'd even mention the wedding unless it was for time off. It's just not something a potential employer needs to know.

    Asking about someone's marital status or whether they plan to get married in an interview would be an equal employment violation as it could be seen as a means to discriminate.
    http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/inquiries_marital_status.cfm
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    I honestly don't know the whole story, just what she'd posted on Facebook, but it left me wondering why she'd even bother mentioning her wedding in the interview in the first place. When I was interviewing, I didn't even wear my engagement ring. But it seems like her potential employers are using this as an excuse to find someone else to do the job. 

    This whole situation doesn't sit right with me, but I don't want to belittle or embarrass her. 

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

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    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
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    polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Maybe could it just be social work? I've heard from a few fellow social work majors and also a professor to not wear your engagement ring on interviews and don't mention marriage. I wonder if it is partly because of the distraction of the wedding.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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    Yeah, it would be illegal for them to ask her about her marital status in an interview, but it sounds like she volunteered this information. If I were her employer, I wouldn't hire someone and train them if they were going to need to take time off for a wedding/honeymoon in a month
    image
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    edited March 2012
    Good points all around. Leia, thank you for that link. I'm thinking about PMing my cousin and letting her know I'm concerned about what her future/potential employer said to her, because that just sounds so wrong. 

    EDIT to respond to jorja: You also bring up a good point that she may have very well offered this information. I just don't understand why she would - I guess she was just trying to be nice and let them know that it was coming up soon. I just feel terrible that it might effect her employment. 

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_is-this-illegalsexist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7501a117-69ed-429e-89dd-db7d5ae98aa1Post:b3be0a49-cdbf-49f6-aa45-46e69765829a">Re: Is This Illegal/Sexist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe could it just be social work? I've heard from a few fellow social work majors and also a professor to not wear your engagement ring on interviews and don't mention marriage. I wonder if it is partly because of the distraction of the wedding.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's definitely not just social work. I've heard that all over.</div><div>
    </div><div>Bside - My biggest question is why this prospective employer even knows she's getting married. That's really not something to bring up in an interview.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_is-this-illegalsexist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7501a117-69ed-429e-89dd-db7d5ae98aa1Post:321a4003-16af-4cb0-a1c1-29f7ff0afe47">Re: Is This Illegal/Sexist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is This Illegal/Sexist? :  My biggest question is why this prospective employer even knows she's getting married. That's really not something to bring up in an interview.
    Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm confused by this as well, trust me. I don't know why it would even come up; I feel like she should know better than to bring that up in an interview. </div>

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
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    Ditto Yaga, if I have a scheduled vacation coming up, I would always tell a potential employer because I don't want to get the job and then have them tell me I can't go on vacation, it's not fair to me and it's not fair to the employer.  I'm assuming she's taking time off for the wedding, so as far as the employer is concerned, I don't think it has a single thing to do with the wedding at all, just the time off. 

    It seems kind of pointless to spend time training someone just to have them take a week or more off right afterwards to go on vacation and then have them forget everything you trained them for.  With her wedding being so close, it makes more sense to just wait to start until she gets back, especially if they aren't in a dire need to fill the position right away.
    Anniversary
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    Yaga & Jem - those are very good points as well, I guess I have been so conditioned to keep everything guarded in a job interview that the fact that the wedding was even mentioned was a bit of a shock. I wouldn't ever mention the words fiance, boyfriend, wedding or engagement in an interview. She just could have said she was going on vacation and left it at that.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
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    Another reason could be for last name purposes. Would you really want to hire, train someone, have all their forms filled out with a last name that could potentally not be that person's name again in a month? You would have to waste time switching everything to her new name (business cards, letter heads, emails).

    I agree with Yaga. They probably asked her about any upcoming time off and she was honest like she should have been.

    I wouldn't look into this too hard if I were you. Employers, esp in that field know the laws esp with regards to the interview process.

     

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