WP question

Elle1036

Hiya ladies!

FI and I can't put off asking our GMs and BMs (*giggle*) much longer, so I come to you with a question.

I have an 18-year-old cousin I'm really close with. She's the one I'm going to WWoHP with this weekend (holy crap this weekend!). I just adore her.

I would really like to ask her to be in my WP, but I'm afraid of excluding her younger sister. I love her sister too, of course, but I just don't have the same bond with her. She's 13, which I know can be a tough age, and I really don't want to hurt her.

My mom thinks it will be fine, but that I should message my aunt and see what she thinks. I'm planning on doing that, but I thought I'd see if any of you ladies have any thoughts first.

leia1979

I think it's okay to include one but not the other. Her feelings might be a little hurt, but she'll get over it. We had the same issue where one of H's nephews was a ringbearer, but the other wasn't. H felt really bad when the other nephew asked why he wasn't included.

bethsmiles

13 is old enough to understand that she doesn't get to do everything her sister does. I wouldn't worry about it.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:d5c77024-5b8e-4cbc-aabb-71b4b3fae701">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]13 is old enough to understand that she doesn't get to do everything her sister does. I wouldn't worry about it.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Though if you wanted to include her, you could have her pass out programs, or let her be involved in all the 'getting ready' festivities.</div>

becunning2

My first reaction when reading this post was, ZOMG you're going to WWoHP?!

My second reaction was to refocus and look at what you were really asking...

Is there something else the younger sister could do so she's involved?  Or are you just really not that close to her? Because you could have her staff the guest book or do a reading or something like that if you wanted.  But it's also true that she's old enough to understand, so I think it would be fine even without another kind of recognition.

LilMama827

is 13 too old for jr bridesmaid i guess ? i'd go for handing out bubbles or guest book attendant / or getting ready festivities if she feels left out...

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:e4239b30-63d4-4943-9c12-862e0a01a704">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't worry about it. Just ask your older cousin.  I disagree with PPs, though.<strong> I think that 13 is old enough to feel like passing out programs or manning a guest book is a crap job</strong>. A reading would be fine, I think, if you actually did want her involved in the ceremony. If not I don't think it's a big deal. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div>I disagree (politely)  :)  I remember going to my aunt's wedding when I was 12. I would have been THRILLED to hand out programs or man the guest book. I remember being jealous of the flower girls.</div><div>
</div><div>With that said, she may very well be disappointed with not being asked to wear a pretty dress and walk down the aisle, but we can't all make our wedding decisions based on what will disappoint someone or not... right?</div>

TheMutleys

I think that it all depends on family dynamics.  I can think of several situations where the younger sister wouldn't give it another thought and several situations where she would be hurt. 

I think that a 5 year difference is HUGE at this point.  They are at completely different places in life, thus they have different relationships with other family members.  I think that it also depends on how it is approached.  If she is constantly told that she is not old enough to do things that her sister does, this is just going to add to that list.  If the two sisters have a good relationship and there isn't a bunch of jealousy, it will be fine. 

At the end of the day, thirteen is old enough to know that you don't get to do everything that your siblings get to do.  I think that giving her the option of giving out programs or some other task would be a good compromise.  I would not feel pressured to have her be a Jr. BM though, mainly because I just don't believe in adding to wedding parties.  

When you talk to your aunt, I would not phrase it in such a way that you are looking for her advice, opinion, etc.  I would approach her to let her know what you are doing and why.  However, I would not want to give her the chance to tell you what you should do.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:e9640cf2-7c4b-43a9-adcc-a31c20ac24db">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP question : Haha, that's fine. I remember being 13 and being asked to hand out programs and I was like, "Seriously? They can't take them out of a basket?" Maybe I was just a cynical asshole even then. :) 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

I started being a cynical asshole way before age 13.  In fact, I wouldn't let my parents in my room when I was 2 because it was MY personal space.  I am effed as far as payback goes.  Mr. Man is already starting to show his 'independence.' 

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:a39c9f11-8484-484f-b27a-f9fc1f622f27">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]Mutley, I feel less bad now haha. I was definitely like that even younger than 13. Like when I sat my mom down at age 4 and told her that I didn't believe in Santa Claus and these were the reasons why. I 'bout near broke her heart. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

I have a very long list of ways that I was an 'independent' child.  DH was overly analytical as a child.  We are just effed. 

I refused to let my parents teach me how to tie my shoes.  At age 4, I took the training wheels off my bike when they weren't looking.  Um... yeah. 

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:3a8a4d94-09eb-43ce-a6d2-8cdb4217a043">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP question : I have a very long list of ways that I was an 'independent' child.  DH was overly analytical as a child.  We are just effed.  I refused to let my parents teach me how to tie my shoes.  At age 4, I took the training wheels off my bike when they weren't looking.  Um... yeah. 
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow.  I refused to let my parents dress me at 1 year.  Mom has pictures from her deployment where dad tried to get me to wear something normal and instead I'm wearing a Christmas dress and Halloween tights because damnit, I was doing it myself.</div>

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79e69493-2938-4777-913f-0b48a992808aPost:e13c7f3c-616a-483f-8a0f-2d7d2781941a">Re: WP question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP question : Wow.  I refused to let my parents dress me at 1 year.  Mom has pictures from her deployment where dad tried to get me to wear something normal and instead<strong> I'm wearing a Christmas dress and Halloween tights because damnit, I was doing it myself.</strong>
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Haha...I was like that as a child too. In all the pictures my parents have of me at a really young age I have some insane outfit on with my hair done some crazy way. Basically I thought I was a model and I wanted to style myself :)