Where I am now... (long)

JMM4208

I’ve been pretty MIA lately, I really missed you ladies, and I wanted to say thank you again for all your support and advice during my rough end of the year. I feel like I need to update you all with what’s happened since I left school, before I asked you my question. Sorry for the length.

 

I moved back in with my parents (they’re driving me crazy) and after a huge drama situation with the school, I was able to get my personal items out of university housing. My store manager has been extremely helpful, there wasn’t an open position for me during the day once everyone came back from break, so he moved me to the overnight shifts. I start with that this Tuesday, so my apologies in advance for my 3 am posts, I am a vampire now. 

I am so grateful for my BF he said all the right things while I was going through the drama of moving back home and getting my things from school. He had his own problems starting last week though. Some serious budget cuts happened after the bowl game season which included cutting BF’s and other grad assistant positions. Luckily he had planned to start working at a local bank during the off season so he was not entirely unemployed.

 

It’s so hard to see him struggling and he said something the day he got laid off that bothered me.  He was telling me about how it all happened, how he didn’t know what he was going to do, and then he said “but this also means that I won’t be able to put a ring on your finger anytime soon”. I was shocked because that was honestly the LAST thing on my mind at the time. I told him that then but almost every day since when we talk he says something about it. I’m not saying I’m not disappointed but it wasn’t my first thought or reaction when he told me he was fired. I understand the situation and really I’m not worried about it but I am worried about him. I have told him all of this before but here is where I need help, next time he mentions it is there anything more I can say to ease his mind on it? I feel like a broken record. He was there for me when I needed him and I just want to do the same.

 

Blue & White

I wasn't totally around much when you were more regularly, but I just wanted to let you know that even with your vampire hours, we'll still be around if you need to talk/vent/etc.

I know a lot of couples going through tough times with the economy that are delaying their potential engagements - I think the best thing to do is just to make sure your boyfriend knows you're there for him regardless of the status of your finger (ring or no ring.)

As for the parents driving you insane, I barely lasted the week at home for Christmas, so I'm sure you might need to vent on that too (and my parents are some of the coolest parents in the world - they just kept asking me if I'd eaten yet, which was rather annoying!)

Good luck with the job   See you around!

JMM4208

Thank you, I hope that I can be around more regularly now that I have a set schedule again.

SeaTea02

Do you want to ease his mind that you simply don't need to get engaged yet now or that he doesn't need to buy an expensive ring?

[Deleted User]

My BF is having financial problems and I told him that he didn't need to get me anything expensive or fancy to propose to me with, that seemed to ease his feelings about spending a lot of money on a ring.

Telling something similar to your BF may help.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-now-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7b468571-e053-4bec-b4e2-4bcc667bc70aPost:6bb2268d-45e7-43ca-87bc-86fcda0d716c">Re: Where I am now... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you want to ease his mind that you simply don't need to get engaged yet now or that he doesn't need to buy an expensive ring?
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

I need to ease his mind is that we don't need to be engaged right now because its simply not the responsible thing to do. I don't want him to worry about a piece of jewelry when the more important thing is him having a roof over his head and food on the table. I just don't know how to word it to him without him thinking im going somewhere because I am definitely not.

JMM4208

@amsy Thanks for the advice. BF is hella stubborn in the ring department.  He originally had me go with him to pick out rings,I found one that I loved but he said it was too inexpensive (idk hes bsc like that) so he kept looking and found another one like it that was more what he was expecting to spend (which is still relatively reasonable). I just want to ease his mind that thats not what Im expecting from our relationship right now. Id rather us/ him be financially stable.

SeaTea02

I would just remind him that all a ring is just a symbol, and it doesn't change feelings to have one. Honestly, just tell him it isn't important and what is important is your healthy relationship. Remind him a lot that you always want to be with him if he is feeling insecure about that. 

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-now-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7b468571-e053-4bec-b4e2-4bcc667bc70aPost:62c4d8d3-0fa5-4632-9b4a-d676788be619">Re: Where I am now... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just remind him that all a ring is just a symbol, and it doesn't change feelings to have one. Honestly, just tell him it isn't important and what is important is your healthy relationship. <strong>Remind him a lot that you always want to be with him</strong> if he is feeling insecure about that. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

I'll try to let him know that more, maybe thats what he needs extra right now. You're so wise Sea