Not Engaged Yet

NWR: Vent (Kinda Long)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...girl needs to vent.

So, I'm TAing a field course next month, which means I'm basically in charge of keeping the lead professor organized (the man's brilliant, but the most disorganized man on the planet), making sure everyone is where they need to be, and making sure no one drowns. Simple enough.

One of the students going on the trip is a distance student that lives about a 4 hour drive away. She was trying to figure out how to get down here in order to make the flights to Belize. Seeing as our outgoing flight is a red-eye, and the returning flight is a late-night return, I thought I would be nice and offer the student (whom I have never met, btw) our spare room for the night before we leave and the night we return, so she didn't have to blow money on a hotel.

I get an email this morning informing me that she's arranged her flights. She's flying in Thursday morning - not a big deal, FI can pick her up and she can hang at our place for the day. She then informed me that she had booked her return flight for Tuesday - four days after we get back. Given that there was no other info (hotel arrangements, etc.), it appears that she's staying with us for four solid days after we get back. I'm also assuming she has no car, so if she wants to go anywhere, she is reliant upon us to take her where she wants/needs to go.

I'm sorry, but I'm seriously annoyed. First of all, it drives me nuts that she just assumed that it's ok to stay with us for four days when that is no way, shape, or form what we offered to her. We've never met this woman, and we opened up our home to her for overnights so she wouldn't have to spend money on a hotel - to assume that an overnight stay can turn into four days is, well, kinda rude. Second, I'm now supposed to entertain, feed, and transport a complete stranger for four days. Third, FI and I were seriously contemplating going out of town to visit friends for Easter Sunday, and I am in no way, shape or form comfortable with leaving a stranger home alone in our home. Lastly, I understand that maybe she wanted to save money on flights, but there's no way in hell that there were no flights being offered between those two cities for four days, given that they're both popular tourist destinations in FL. Even if, for some reason, there weren't, why can't she drive? It's a four hour drive - I used to live up there, so I did the drive frequently, and it's a easy straight shot on one tank of gas. Certainly less than a plane ticket.

I emailed her back and said that Thursday AM was fine, that FI would pick her up from the airport...I asked her if she was going to need to stay with us the entire post-trip time and would she have a rental car. If she emails back that she was assuming she was staying with us, is it rude of me to tell her that we won't be in town for Easter Sunday and that she needs to find alternate lodging for Sat - Tues?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...so beyond frustrated. Yell

Anyone else feel like venting?

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"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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Re: NWR: Vent (Kinda Long)

  • edited December 2011
    I think that it's absolutely okay for you to say that she needs to find alternate lodging for when you're on the trip. You really don't owe this girl anything, and she's acting like you're immediately family or something.  Heck, even doing that to immediate family is beyond rude.

    I'm sorry people are jerks. ;)
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    It is in no way shape or form rude of you to tell her she can't stay those 4 days with you. I can't even comprehend her rudeness in just assuming that it's alright for her to stay more than the nights you offered.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    E-mail her back and tell her she'll need alternate accomadations for those nights. It is SO rude to just invite yourself for 4 days...one night is fine 4 days is like WTF?  I'd be annoyed even if it was a close friend of mine...so no, it's not rude at all!

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    PS: It was really nice of you to offer the space in the fiirst place.  I'd be like here are some hotel recs.  haha

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No effing way.  Even if wasn't Easter weekend I'd tell her that I'm sorry she misunderstood but you have plans and will be unable to accommodate her that weekend.

    I know I'm shy, but come on, I would never assume that I could spend four days at a complete strangers house nor would I want to.

    Good luck.
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    She is WAY out of bounds if she thinks she's going to stay with you for that long. I would tell her you'll be out of town/unavailable/have friends in town/whatever those days after the trip. Totally inappropriate on her end - totally cool for you to blow her off.
  • bajedivabajediva member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow, she's bold. and you are extremely thoughtful and accomodating to even offer in the first place. i wonder too, why doesn't she just drive instead of flying down? would parking be a problem, with her leaving her car at your place while you're off in belize?

    you shouldn't even need to tell her that you have a trip planned during that time, it would be quite fine if you tell her that apologise for any misleading, but you're unfortunately only able to accomodate her for the night of the return. don't even feel badly about it, she's being a tad ridiculous.
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That girl does have some balls if I must say so myself. Who wants to stay with someone they don't know for 4 days anyway? That would be weird in my opinion. Actually I am kind of uncomfortable anyway around people I don't know, so I would personally just get a hotel room instead of staying in a house with strangers, even if it is for 2 nights.

    Seeing as that she didn't ask if she could stay with you beyond the one night you offered you should definitely tell her you have plans and that your offer was just for the one night that you returned from the trip.

    Good luck!
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  • edited December 2011
    What can I say, I'm a nice person, I guess. My thought was, since we have an empty bedroom to use, I'd offer it up those two nights to cut down on her costs, since she had to swallow the cost of getting from her hometown to Fort Lauderdale (wasn't included in the lab fee for the course). It didn't occur to me that she'd just assume that four days would be ok.

    To be honest, we have no idea if we are actually going to visit friends...we were seriously contemplating it, but we're also realistic in the sense that we may be totally wiped out from the trip and spend the weekend sleeping/playing catchup. Either way, I'm not cool with someone just coming and camping out at our place beyond what they were invited for.

    So far, no response to the email I sent her...I'm definitely going to tell her she needs alternate arrangements beyond what we offered. Just hoping it doesn't come back to bite me in the arse.

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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  • edited December 2011
    You went above and beyond for a stranger, she should be kissing your feet and buying you flowers not extending her stay.

    The thing I can't understand is that for all she knows you and FI could be into some seriously freaky $hit why would she even want to stay all that extra time with strangers?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Beyond Rude.

    This is a professional relationship, not a personal one. I would email her back saying she is welcome to stay the initial night of return, but you are sorry to say that you are planning on going out of town due and are unable to accomodate her for any longer. Attach a few recommendations for local hotels and you're all set.



  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Wow.

    First, I'm amazed you offered to let a stranger stay with you! I don't like strangers. You never know what kind of freak a person is. LOL, I don't know if that's paranoid, cynical, or what...

    But anyway. I think it's COMPLETELY fine to tell her you'll be out of town and can't give her a place to stay. Like katanne said, send some hotel recs and leave it at that.
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  • edited December 2011
    ps. Where is Mutley today? I was kinda half-expecting an awesomely stabby response to this post from her...lol

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

  • edited December 2011
    She's probably trying to work up the nerve to pick DH's nose so she can claim true love.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Whaaaaaat? Holy crap, what awesome newb dropped a gem like that and how did I miss it?

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    woah, I missed that too! Backstory...?"

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • edited December 2011
    Warning: light on details

    i can't remember what thread it was but someone point out a line in someone elses bio where there was line  like this "bf and i always say you're not actually in love until you can pick each others noses"
    Mutley thought that was insane and said she'd never love DH enough to pick his nose.  So I told her her marriage was a sham b/c not only do I pick BFs nose everyday but I wipe his ass too on occasion.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    What the others said, don't let her take advtange of your hospitality. Tell her you said you could provide lodging for one day but you will not be able to for any days after, as you already have plans. If she doesn't like it, tough. It was rude of her to just invite herself.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_nwr-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7d755244-6324-4283-9fd6-707c0334174dPost:4de5d15b-fab6-409c-8c08-040200c6ca63">Re: NWR: Vent (Kinda Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]ps. Where is Mutley today? I was kinda half-expecting an awesomely stabby response to this post from her...lol
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

    I am back.  I slept past 9am.  It was fabulous.  12 hours of sleep.  Apparently, all of our productiveness this weekend wiped me out.

    I am so late that too many people have responed and taken away my wit.  Whoa is me.  Plus my stabby-ness is muddled by the groggy feeling in my head.  I don't even have the energy to read any of the intros or new newbie threads. 
  • edited December 2011
    Mutley why are you feeling groggy?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Too much sleep makes me groggy.  Before I got pregnant, I never slept in.  I could go to bed at 4am and I would be wide awake by 7.  Now I go to bed between 8:30-9 and still wake up around 7. 

    Luckily, I just need to get the laundry and ironing done today.  Besides that, I can bum it on the couch and watch movies.
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah I'm not much for sleeping in myself.
    Wouldn't mind bumming it on the couch today, the sun decided to come out and reflect off all the snow which might be nice if it weren't for this migraine. :-(

    Do you remember what thread the nose picking coversation started in?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Well $hit goggy or not you're still on top of things.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lol I totally missed this...busy weekend, I guess!

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • rickylee244rickylee244 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Good luck with that Oceana, when I started to read this I thought it was the other two nit wits.    I've missed all the fun being across the country for the past week boo!  If you're plans dont work our and are going to stay here, I was going to offer to make dinner on Easter for all you Belieze peeps since you'll all be worn out - it will have to be a Kosher Easter though lol
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I'll let you know doll...I honestly don't know what we're doing yet, it all depends on how dead we are when we get back.

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    * Oceana -I'm replying to your reply in the dress thread because I figured it would get lost over there.

    I thought you were another 2011 girl.  Before we decided to go to Central America, I called venues and they were already booked/booking through June 2011 in S FL!  It's crazy.  So good luck getting the dates you want and post a link when you decide!

    When are you doing your comps?  I'm trying to take mine this fall to get it out of the way before wedding stuff gets out of hand.  Except I haven't met with my advisor.  Once.  Since I started school. 

    And I will post pics as soon as I go shopping.  Probably.  My mom keeps mentioning ruffles so I might have to edit a little ;)
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