Open vs. Cash vs. Dry

TwinsRib

I really do not see what the huge deal is... I was just in the Etiquette forum and learned that having a cash bar is a MAJOR faux paux.. and having a dry reception is the worst!!!

LOL... this amuses me because out of allllllllllllllll the weddings I have attended in my life.... I don't recall alcohol being served at any of them. Not an open or cash bar.... No bar at all!!!

Maybe it's a cultural thing... I dunno. I just find it slightly amusing how important serving alcohol is to some people.

That is all...

laurenclaire1386

It's not about whether or not you serve alcohol. It's perfectly acceptable to not serve alcohol, but if you do, a lot of people think it's rude to make your guests fork over their money for it. My opinion is, if you can't afford to pay for the alcohol you serve your guests, then don't serve it. Not having alcohol isn't rude; making people pay for stuff at a party you're throwing is rude.

Narwhal

It depends on your guests.  For example, no one in my BF's family drinks.  At all.  Not even wine with dinner.  My family will have some alcohol, but not a lot.  And my family is very small compared to his.  Having an open/cash bar would be a waste of money, in my opinion.

But if you have a lot of guests that drink and expect it at weddings, it would be nice to have that available for them.

hetshup

Oh Lauren, I like your new picture.

Ribs, it's b\c if you are inviting people to dinner you wouldn't expect them to fork over money for your labor. I don't think that there is ANYTHING wrong with a dry reception, but if you are having alcohol, you should only have what you can afford. Much like the rest of the wedding. That being said, I don't know why people are getting all butthurt over no alcohol. It happens, you'll be fine.

paintgirl

From babies to booze...

I can't imagine a wedding without liquor. It truly must be a cultural thing! I don't even drink much. What annoys the H out of me is having to pay for a SODA at a wedding. Are you kidding me???

Agree with the previous posters - no booze is better than cash bar. Also agree with OP - not sure why people are so wrapped up about it.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:d7246c94-7662-4555-baf9-3500a146af02">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Lauren, I like your new picture.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]
Thanks buddy!

loopy82

I think how the alcohol is served and if it is hosted or not varies by region. I've seen the arguements/ discussions over on the other boards. I say go with what is comfortable/ norm for your guests.

Pretty much all of the weddings I go to have hosted beer or beer and wine and mixed drinks are cash. I have also been to weddings that have open bar for 1 hour then its a cash bar the rest of the night, cash bar all night and no hosted beverages, and hosted bar all night long.

I have never heard anyone complain about having to pay for their drinks. Actually I have only ever been to 1 wedding that had a full open bar all night long.

I did go to 1 dry wedding. It was pretty dead come 8:00 - 830.

BlueBoxBride

I believe that if you can't do an open bar/ few selected cocktails then one should have a Saturday afternoon or Sunday brunch reception. 

Weddings are really expensive for guests. The last wedding we went to cost us over $1,000 and I didn't even buy a new dress for the event! So yeah, I would have been annoyed if the hosts wouldn't pay for a drink or two. 

bajediva

I definitely agree that the whole alcohol issue is cultural. I went to a pre-wedding "reception" yesterday, and it was totally dry. The groom jokingly apologised to me for that, but it really wasn't a problem, because I know the majority of the people there do not drink at all.

At mine, I imagine I'd definitely offer at least beer & wine, and probably signature cocktails. We might think about letting guests pay for their own if they want anything beyond that. Figuring out what we'll do is definitely a ways out, but I don't think anyone would mind it that way.

**Mutley**

For me, it depends on the type of wedding. 

I would never have anyone over to my house for dinner and not offer then a drink of some sort (be it wine, beer or hard alcohol.)  Therefore, I could not fathom hosting an entire reception as a thank you to our friends and family and not host a bar. 
We did not have a 'full' open bar but we also had an afternoon reception.  We had 6 different types of beer, 3 types of wine, and two mixed drink options (vodka and whiskey.) 

The biggest thing is knowing YOUR guests.  The only time I was pissed about having to pay for a drink was at my cousin's wedding.  The invites requested that quests where semi-formal attire.  Part of having a semi-formal wedding is having an open bar.  Plus there were NO signs as to it changing from an open bar during cocktail hour to a not open bar once dinner hit. 

If you cannot afford to at least host wine and/or beer, I would err towards not having any alcohol.  If you do not have a host bar, make sure that guests are aware prior to ordering.  It sucks to order a drink and then have to scrounge for cash or go get $ from someone else.  I do not regularly carry cash on me and I usually leave my cards elsewhere when using an evening bag. 

TwinsRib

We will be having a dry reception and an after party for the younger crowd, (with bottle service)... Honestly, I wouldn't feel right getting all twisted in front of my parents, grand parents, aunts and uncles and stuff... One drink... ok, but everybody knows you don't just have one drink when celebrating lol...

katanne9

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. It strikes me as rude to make your guests pay for their drinks.

It depends on the crowds. I've been to many dry receptions and have had a blast, but I'm also from a crowd that doesn't drink very much.

We were going to have a dry reception, but discovered our venue charges $5pp to exclude alcohol. Now we are going to have beer/wine reception with non-alcoholic signature drinks. Cash bar was never an option.

zaneopal

I've been to both, and had equal amount of fun. I'm personally not a drinker, so I'm not fussed either way.

A wedding I will be going to next year (that BF may or may not be in--he's very close to the groom, but the wedding party isn't set yet) is already decided to be dry. This is because there are several family members on both sides that are recovering alcoholics, and neither the bride nor groom want to upset these members, who are all trying very hard to get past alcoholism.

The rest of their families don't care if there's booze or not, and all their friends know what's going on. I think it'll still be an awesome throwdown regardless.

noelle24

I dislike cash bars, and would much prefer a dry wedding (with soda/water/juice available, of course).  After buying a gift, paying for travel/lodging, maybe a dress if I didn't have anything nice to wear, I'd be miffed if I had to pull out cash to pay for a drink. It looks horribly rude to come out wearing a 2k dress, have fancy favors, expensive venue, etc., and then ask guests to pay for a drink.

And ditto PP's.  I almost never carry cash on me and tend to leave cards at home when I can't take my usual purse. Getting surprised by a cash bar is the absolute worst.

alianne87

I'm glad I'm not the only one confused about this issue. My personal opinion was that moderation is the best option, but that doesn't really apply here. My BF and I have been talking about this issue too, and since neither side of our families really drink, we are probably going to have a dry reception, if we have one at all. The only thing I really want is a champagne toast, but that's all I really care about as far as alcohol goes. I doubt that either side of the family would object to that one, as long as we serve punch, soda, tea, etc. as well. What do you all think about that idea?

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:ef3afa3f-f496-410a-ab91-d1771f6ef356">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

This is why I think open vs. cash bars are a regional thing. I have been to quite a few weddings ranging through all spectrums and like I said I have only been to one wedding where there was a full open bar.  A lot of them have at least hosted beer at minimum, but all of them have had some form of a cash bar. I have never been to a wedding outside of MN/SD so I think it would be interesting to go to a wedding in different regions.

jeanacorina

Lauren, that is a kickass necklace in your pic!

Back on topic, though-- FI and I wanted a dry reception (why does it seem every sentence starts with "FI and I wanted..."?), but my dad wouldn't hear of it. FI and I don't drink, neither do FILs. We weren't too keen on the idea of my aunt dancing on the tables and my underage cousins chugging champagne out of the bottles (it's happened, I promise).

Dad wanted to "compromise" with me and have open bar up to a certain dollar amount (say, $500) and then cash bar after that. Ugh. I caved and said "just do open bar."

The COMPROMISE (like, a GOOD one) was we're only serving beer and wine.

I hear that dry receptions are far more common in the midwest. A lot of my mom's family is in the midwest and they've ALL had dry receptions. However, where I grew up (West Virginia) it's totally UNHEARD of not to at LEAST have beer! Kegs are a go, and Uncle JimBob might bring moonshine to really get the party going. And then the groom takes off to ride around in the mud on a 4-wheeler before the cake is cut... and of course the bride changes into cammo after dinner.

*dies*

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:c85dd9dc-e60b-498f-8823-2c4dc17a52b7">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear that dry receptions are far more common in the midwest. A lot of my mom's family is in the midwest and they've ALL had dry receptions. Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Interesting. I have been to and honestly only known of 1 dry reception. This is the first that I've heard I live in an area common for dry receptions. I picture my friends/most of my family fainting if I told them I was having a dry reception. Then again they know my FI, so they never in a million years would believe it.

jeanacorina

Weird, Loopy!

I've been to weddings in Arkansas and Colorado, and they've all been dry! They have "dry counties" out there where you can't even BUY alcohol.

zaneopal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:a4371568-77ea-428a-9668-67140f2cc2ee">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]They have "dry counties" out there where you can't even BUY alcohol.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

That's the irony of Bourbon County in Kentucky...only place in the world real bourbon is made, but you can't buy it there.

StephB1185

I'm a little late.. but I'll put in my two cents..
FI's mom's side of the family doesn't drink - never had wine in their lives, because of their faith, never drank.  So, I'm not worried about them.  FI's dad on the other hand, likes his beer and I think his side of the family is that way mostly.  My family likes beer, wine, whatever you offer them really - and most of our friends either don't drink at all or are beer drinkers.  I'm probably the pickiest drinker because I hate beer.
The reception venue we are looking at includes in its rental price: 5 beers, 4 wines and all pop and ICEES!!. There is an option for $5/person to add mixed wells onto the list, but really, I think the beer, wine, pop and ICEEs will satisfy most people...

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:c85dd9dc-e60b-498f-8823-2c4dc17a52b7">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]Lauren, that is a kickass necklace in your pic!
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
Thanks! Frock Candy on Corporate. I spent way too much on a costume necklace, but I fell in love with it.

Goldlie11

We're hosting beer and wine.  There will be no cash bar at my wedding.  There are plenty of things that I would like at the reception that I can't afford (like a chocolate fountain and a seafood bar).  Still, I'm not about to offer those things to my guests for a fee.  I really don't understand why people think a cash bar is okay.  I would be really pissed to attend a wedding with one and probably would remember it forever.  

tafft1

We won't be doing a cash bar but have decided to have 2 or 3 types of beers , wine and champagne. We will also be serving a signature cocktail during the cocktail hour as a way of saying "thank you" to our guests. At least 65-70% of the guest list drinks at least beer or wine hence why we decided that is an important part of our budget.

We also felt doing anything more would be counterproductive to our budget and are sticking to what we are comftorable doing as well as what we can provide all our guests coming. As far as the signature cocktail goes we will be doing an alcoholic and non alcoholic version so no one feels "left out".

bre_talley

This really seems like a cultural thing. I am having a cash bar, but I am also only 20 and its a pretty small wedding. We talked to alot of our family and friends about the bar topic and none of them seemed to mind paying a little for drinks, so since we don't have a ton to spend we thought this was the best option for us. The restaurant our reception is at even suggest cash bc they prefer it also so that guest don't get to out of control and there wont be any problems. Our sodas and tea come with the meal so only alcohol will be cash.

jeanacorina

I really disagree that "cash bar" is a cultural thing. Alcohol or no alcohol maybe, but not having guests pay for something at your wedding.

I wouldn't even ask people about how they felt paying for drinks, because sure, they may say it's fine. But it's still rude of me to ask them to pay for something. I am having a reception FOR my guests. It's not for me. Really, it's not. I couldn't care less. But my family is coming from all over the place to see me get married and celebrate with me. So, between my dad and myself we're going to make sure everyone has a good time and we are gracious hosts.

Asking people to pay for anything is NOT being a gracious hostess. That's why when you have the little photo booth thing, people don't pay for their pictures. You pay for that. That's why people don't pay for their own dinner, even if your reception is 20 people in a restaurant. YOU pay for dinner.

Same thing with alcohol. If you can't afford the photo booth, you don't have it. If you can't afford to pay for dinner, you don't have it (cake and punch reception). If you can't afford anything at all, you go to the courthouse.

If you can't afford alcohol.... you just don't have it. It's not NECESSARY (some may disagree), your reception may be a bit quieter and people might mosey home at 8pm, but you don't need anything you can't afford yourself.

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_open-vs-cash-vs-dry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7df6d4a3-2b5b-4486-80b2-8a6ef4867decPost:d4505faf-6c01-4b6a-8747-e83a0b3aa8a3">Re: Open vs. Cash vs. Dry</a>:
[QUOTE]This really seems like a cultural thing. I am having a cash bar, but I am also only 20 and its a pretty small wedding. We talked to alot of our family and friends about the bar topic and none of them seemed to mind paying a little for drinks, so since we don't have a ton to spend we thought this was the best option for us. The restaurant our reception is at even suggest cash bc they prefer it also so that guest don't get to out of control and there wont be any problems. Our sodas and tea come with the meal so only alcohol will be cash.
Posted by bre_talley[/QUOTE]


<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/11/7a69a705-cf24-42f7-bb8b-47a29f00fa4d.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '7a69a705-cf24-42f7-bb8b-47a29f00fa4d', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/11/7a69a705-cf24-42f7-bb8b-47a29f00fa4d.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

Or what Jeana said. 

jeanacorina

Mutley, you're so much more concise than I am. lol

Why doesn't your ticker say "Mr. Monkey Baby"?

**Mutley**

It should say "Mr. Man is on his way."  

We've taken to calling him Mr. Man. 

desertsun

Seriously -- a wedding with no booze???

I don't come from a family of drinkers, and neither does FI.

But it never crossed our minds to have a dry reception. 

We also have some addicts in our families.

Again, never even considered not having booze.

It's supposed to be about your guests.

So if you're really convinced that 98% of them are fine with no alcohol, I guess a dry reception is okay.

But I'd personally rather shell out an extra $200 to have at least some beer, wine, and champagne, and be absolutely sure that I'm doing everything possible to ensure my guests enjoy themselves. Frankly, you can easily save that much on shoes, make up, jewelry, mani/pedi.

Frankly, if I went to a dry reception -- I'd think the hosts were cheap.

Just sayin.' 

jeanacorina

Desert it's costing me $700+ ($7 pp) for just beer and wine. That's a lot of money considering our WHOLE budget is about $10,000 for EVERYTHING under the sun.

If the price is really a huge debilitating thing, then I'd rather go with a dry wedding than charge my guests. However, in my case my dad forked over the money because HE wanted alcohol. I would not have been able to spend that much, honestly. We just don't have $700 to spend like that.

FYI, my dress was $500, it's not like I'm spending extravagantly on other things.