a serious matter for this late hour

jgcohn

Sorry if this is way TMI since I am relatively new to this board...

My BF's dad passed away a year ago today (April 3rd).  He killed himself and my BF took it reallllllllllllly badly.  They were basically best friends and my guy did not see it coming at all.  We are in different cities until late tonight and I don't know how to help him out until I get home.  He's away at a crew regatta (we met on the crew team at our school) and I hope the race distracts him a bit, but I really don't think it will =/

Any advice on what y'all might do to help someone out who is grieving?  I've done a lot for him over the past year, but I think today is going to be especially hard for him since it is the one year anniversary.

Thanks in advance!! You guys seem to give some great advice

KD+BC

I am so sorry. That is an awful situation for you and your bf. In my experience the best and only thing you can do is listen. Nothing is going to make him feel better and it's almost definitely in the back of his mind all day. The only thing that helps is to just be there for him. Let him cry to you, let him vent to you, and just listen. Hope that helps.

Button5807

BF's brother killed himself two years and once the dust had settled a little be from it BF told that all the times I would just stay quiet and hold him while he talked or not was the only thing that got him though it. Everyone else was always trying to force him to share what he was feeling or just asking how are you doing over and over and it made it so much worse for him.
Just being there when they need you is the absolute best way to help someone out who is grieving. Don't for yourself on them, just make yourself available.

bsidebella

My father died almost two years ago (4/15), and really, the only thing I want on that day is for nobody who knows to mention it. Don't say "I'm sorry", don't say "I know how you're feeling", etc. And if he doesn't want you to come over or to hang out with anyone, please don't get offended. Sometimes you just want to live in your own head.

The first anniversary is hard. On my father's first, my mom and I stayed home from work and school and entertained each other and watched movies, just to keep our minds off of it. We didn't talk about it, but having one another there wasa big help. But I didn't want my boyfriend there and he understood. It was a day for me to be with my family.

hetshup

What PP said, let him take the lead. If he needs you he will let you know, but he may not want you around. Remember that everyone grieves differently, and that their way isn't wrong. This is a time for him to be selfish. 

Also, this sounds pretty traumatic, is he seeing a therapist or anything?

jgcohn

He is seeing a therapist....not on a regular basis anymore (he was right after) but just on an as needed basis.

Since he is still in school, I'm the closest thing he has to family in the area (he is from Buffalo NY and we live in NC) so he's already told me that he would like to stay at my place tonight.  We are both out of town until this evening, so he is pretty distracted from everything all day...he asked me to pick him up on my way back from the airport...so we will just have a low key evening (it's nice since my roommate is out of town for the weekend...so it will be just us). 

Thank you all for the advice....it all helps!!!

And to those of you that have unfortunately been in similar situations, I am sorry that you had to go through something like this